I think that any guy that has any experience when women knows what I'm talking about. You've went out with a girl you've been hitting it off, you build the tension, and then you kiss her.. but then instead of escalating into a wild make out session and possibly sex in the next closest semi-private place that you can find, she holds back.

She'll kiss you, the conversation will go on and she'll kiss you more but maybe she won't use tongue, or she'll pull out from the kiss to soon each time, or she'll position herself so that trying escalate further is nearly impossible or at least puts you in a super awkward position.

What makes this different than your standard LMR is that she DOESN'T say "we shouldn't do this"

I find that this behavior is often a tell that a girl has a boyfriend that she hasn't told you about. Which of course, drives the male mind mad- We think "either fucking cheat or don't cheat. Don't half cheat, no one wins" But that's not the point of this thread..

The point is once a man has got this far, he wants to get laid. So strategies and methods do other guys have for this situation?

There's a few general approaches that a man can take or combine:

1. Ignore it, keep the convo going, stay cool and keep the same level of intimacy going forward, and then try to escalate again later (my personal experience says that this doesn't work particularly well)

2. Try to escalate hard, kino hard, if you're stuck in an awkward position change it (Has worked but it is hard slogging and it might land you in the "hand-job zone" or "suck-on-tits-and-go-to-sleep-with-blue-balls zone" )

3. Go cold, back off (sounds like it could be good game advice in theory, but it's never worked for me)

4. Call her out about it. (works IF you can get her to be honest, IF you can get her rationalize around whatever is holding her back and IF you can do all that while keeping her wet. It also carries the risk of having her shut you down completely once "the cat is out of the bag" and she can't help but feel like a TOTAL slut if she does *anything* more with you.)

Anyways, what do you guys do, what WORKS for you?

In my experience, the make out zone is a trap. Focus on the close more than the makeout.
These are likely.

The key here is keeping the tension, just as I will get to that in a minute.
No. Be smooth and calibrate.
Don't do this. Calling women out on their behavior is stupid. They are emotional in nature, not logical.

You want to keep the tension. Don't get to a makeout zone. Get to the kiss if you want to and then just do it briefly to make her get a taste and want more of it. End the date earlier and ask her if she wants to come back to your house, this has worked for me. I don't go for a heavy makeout on the date unless we are at my house or in my car ready to close. It is the tension, the feel of the emotions-will this happen? How do I keep this guy? These are the things she wants to feel. If you give her a heavy make out you give it all away too easy.

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Thanks, there's some great advice here. I just want to clarify a couple of things.

Kay sounds like you're in favour of No. 1. For me I've found it not to work. She wants you to calibrate. She sets it up so that when you calibrate the tension disappears. At least in my experience.


I get your point, but I've got to clarify what I mean. As this is the one of the four methods that's given me the most success. I don't mean call out in the "WTF are you doing? That makes no sense kind of way". I mean it more that you've got to get her talking about the reason that she's holding back and then after that you sort of help her to rationalize why she actually wants to hook-up with you. You don't dictate you just sort of suggest: ie:

"Hey, it kind of seems like you're holding back"

"You know it's a bit of an awkward situation when you're kissing someone and they're not quite giving you all of themselves"

Eye contact and non-needy delivery and tone are crucial. And tension, yes, keep the tension. Eye contact, dominant physical position. After they start explaining themselves:

"Yeah, I get that, but we wouldn't be in this situation if there wasn't something here.."

"Sometimes life is messy." or variations.. This one has been very effective a couple of times.
My style is to go for the kiss.. start slow for a tiny bit and then escalate really fast and intensely. The abruptly push her away, grab her hand and start walking almost dragging her along behind me. I generally prefer the first kiss to be outside, somewhere semi-private and while we're standing.

Since it's legal to drink outside where I live my default summer date is to go the park and drink wine. I've been surprised how willing some girls will be to fuck you right there.. or at least get 75% of the way through the foreplay at which point she's the one thinking about where you guys could go next..

Of course this doesn't work if she blocks the escalation right off the bat.
BINGO

That just might be an obvious solution that I didn't think of.

I see what you are saying here. Some woman can be difficult to read even with really good calibration. One you could experience more to understand better what the women are going through at certain times. The learning never ends! Another thing that you might want to try is an NLP reframe. For something like this, I might use simple metaphoric language:

"Once I was went cliff diving and I was scared as hell, but then I just jumped and after ward it was the complete right thing to do and I felt so good!"

Or another NLP pattern:

"And sometimes people in life can experience incredible things...only they can feel good when they allow themselves to go completely after what it is that they want most. That feeling you can feel now can't you?"
This makes sense, glad to have helped!

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A bit of cold reading by metaphor. Yes, that can be very effective.. I suppose now that I think about it I've done similar things very effectively. The second line, while I'm sure that it's deadly effective does require that she's so obviously turned on that you can be pretty sure that you're going to be fucking as long as you keep your frame. It might be a bit too heavy for some of the situations that I was thinking off..

The situation that inspired me to write this post actually turns out to be more interesting than I thought it was. I met this little Estonian girl earlier this week, went out with her and her friend the next night. Her friend fucked off and eventually after giving me a bit of resistance the Estonian chick started making out with me- she initiated, though I had tried before. I couldn't escalate further, then this group of Austrian guys came over and I had to put up with them for like an hour before I could get her to leave with me. I got her to come back to my apartment to "grab some rum", which alas was all we could do there because I live in a studio apartment and I had two Russian couchsurfers on my floor (I regret saying yes to their request). We went out again and I couldn't get any further.

I met her again yesterday and it came out that she just started a relationship 3 DAYS before I met here, that she was insanely suicidal back home and that she's only had sex with one person, ONE TIME. If that was with the same guy that she started dating would mean that she had lost her virginity only !4 days! before I made out with her.

I'm not sure that one was winnable..

haha and yes, nut case. but on the other hand: tiny body, soul piercing green eyes and estonian flag..

Lmao run!

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She's already in another country, don't you worry..

Still.. would have haha

Look back at the times its happened to you... replay the situation in your head. Bring back as much detail as you can.

I bet you weren't taking into consideration what the girls feelings were and what was going through her head at the time.

I've experienced this.

Some girls don't like heavy make outs in public. Calibrate yourself and respect that.

Some girls like to play hard to get and won't make out until you're fucking or in private. It's called flirting.

Some girls like to build tension this way.



I've been fucking a girl for a month now who is like this. Very rarely uses tongue. She has the belief that it's gross. I had to bring it out of her, complimenting her that she is a great kisser, that it really turns me on, that I have a deeper connection with girls when we kiss and use tongue.

She uses tongue when we kiss now, but only in private.

Just because she doesn't use tongue when she kisses you doesn't mean she's not interested, you're still kissing her for fucks sake. Back yourself.

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Stop.

And walk the hell away.

If she follows, you'e in. If she doesn't - you save both you and her some time.

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