Hello, gentleman.

First of all, I know I'm deep in the friendzone. No need to point out the (painfuly) obvious. I know the chances of ever getting out are very slimm at best. And I know I have a very bad case of oneitis, wich I am trying to overcome. What I want with this thread is more of a general opinion on my person and lifestyle.

I have been friends with the girl in question for two years now. She had a few bad relationships before we met, gave me the LJBF crap, had two more relationships in the meantime and now got a beta BF for some 6 months with a couple break-ups and get-togethers. Now I am getting intersted in a girl from her work so I asked her for some intel and maybe to setup an introduction.

On the conversation that followed we talked about how picky I am. She then said that I have to be like I am with her (funny) around more girls and that the best looking people are usually bastards. She then gave me "her example", saying her BF is far from her ideal, both in terms of look (we're about the same level) and lifestyle (I'm clearly better) and that he is needy and clingy (I was. It was my biggest mistake. That and not escalating properly. Now working on it). But she says she knows he loves her, gives her lots of attention and no one else has done that before. She says most would not put up with her demands and bad temper, that he has erased phone numbers and social network profiles for her and lets her check his phone. She said that sometimes you have to give people a shot, even if they are not perfect.

At this point I just wanted to say "I would have given you that and more, you dumb fuck", instead I went with "since we're in the topic, where did I went wrong with you?" She said she was not attracted to me and that I should change a few things. But on the plus side she says I am funnier than her BF, that we are always in synch, always laughing at each other jokes and always doing cool stuff (I have an active lifestyle, like paintball, motorsports, horse riding, etc. and since she is, for all intents and purposes, my best friend, I usually take her with me) and she wishes he was like me that way.

The things she says I should improve (and this are all valid points) are, in terms of looks, correcting my teeth, wich are a bit crooked, have a more relaxed style, she says I have a elegant style but look older than I am (I like business casual... maybe a bit too much on the business side); shaping up (I have a Dad Bod. What?! The kag is the new six-pack) and having a generally younger apearence, since I look older than I am, using lots of neutral colors and always a bit too formal. Psychologically, improving my confidence. She says I am a bit insecure and that sometimes I display a forced confidence (wich, again, is spot on). She also said I am a bit arrogant and full of myself. Wich, again, is true. I am the kind of guy who worked hard to get where I am now and like to shove that on everyone else's face and look down on others. My bad.

So, to sum it up, on the upside I am fun as fuck and have an intersting lifestyle. On the downside, she does not find me atractive, but she does recognizes I have evolved a lot in these past two years, both phisically and psychologically.

Now, keep in mind I have no ilusions here. I know the chances I ever get this girl are very, very, very slim. I am trying to move on, that is why I asked her to set me up, but I won't lie, I haven't moved on yet. She is the one on the back of my mind. She is the one I call when I want to have fun. She is the one I talk to when I need. And since we have always been there for each other I truly believe we could have something good and long lasting. As I said, all the things she said I should improve are valid points wich I will do anyway. Except hitting the gym. Too damn lazy for that. If I end up getting her, great, if not I get a long delayed and much needed overhaul.

To get to the point of this very long post:

1 - How do I work on my confidence?

2 - How can I have a younger, fresher and lighter look while still looking sharp and elegant?

Bonus question - How do I get rid of that sorry excuse of a BF?

You're not seeing what the problem is. You settle for what you can get. A girl that you want said that she wants to be friends with you and that's not what you want. It's great for her because she gets what she wants. There is no reciprocation.

You need to drop the friendship with her. She'll ask why you don't talk to her anymore. Tell her that you aren't getting what you want out of the friendship and be polite while doing it. Doing this doesn't mean that she'll come running to you, but it will help you with your confidence.

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The guy above said it. You're asking how to develop your confidence, but you're holding onto a girl who wants something different from you - that in itself will lower your perceived value and confidence of course.

First course of action would be to end the friendship as its not an honest one to begin with and undermines your intentions towards her.

If her current boyfriend is what you call a "beta" and he wasn't friend zoned, what does that make you?

If you don't drop the girl and move forward with your life you will never elevate beyond where you currently are. You don't need particular advice, you need to change your life.

Men are always anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves

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You really want this shit? I had an old relationship with an ex , who was like that and going overboard to a point of becoming so controlling that I slowly changed into being passive, miserable and it shuttered my confidence to pieces. I broke up with her a couple of times and she was running behind, only for the same shit to happen again.

Ask your self again. Do you really want to engage in this kind of submissive behaviour to satisfy someone else? We are looking at this with a very neutral point of view interpreting the few things you say without having any emotional attachment. It is more clear to see some things if you are not attached.
That's a really bad mind frame, 2 things in one sentence: "get rid of" & "sorry excuse". You need to change your inner thoughts to become more attractive. She must have seen something on him that she didn't see in you, even if he is the same look wise as you mentioned.

Or maybe she recognised in him some of the things that you would also do for her but since you were already friends and you were fun, entertaining and she was getting in her life what she wanted in terms of friendship, she didn't want to risk it and lose you as a friend. She found this guy to satisfy her other needs without losing you and as I see it both of you are complimenting each other.

My speculation is that she will grow tired of this guy eventually and this will be accelerated when:

1) You slowly start pulling away from her, without making it too obvious and loses all the "entertainment" and good times you were offering. However you should do this for your self and not because you see it as a means for her to split with the guy.

2) She starts seeing that you are becoming more attractive as a person and getting involved with other girls. This will not mean that she will want you to be her boyfriend. She might even find a new guy as soon or before she gets rid of her current boyfriend.

Now there is always the women who will settle for a "nice guy" when they approach marriage age, so that they would be getting what they want and they will be having some side "adventures" for excitement in parallel. You do not want to be in this situation. You don't want to be with a woman that is not fully attracted to you and does not respect you.

Had a reality check from another relationship going stale very recently and the girl losing interest. I take the responsibility for what happened and I am now focusing more to improve this area of my life with women.
Incidentally I had this video open on another tab. Look at the style of Neil Strauss (the nickname is no fluke), who is in his mid forties. Sharp and elegant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKfmptNOSpc

Speaking sharp and elegant comes in mind: jonnny depp, bradley cooper. And a lot of other celebrities.

Wear these colours: Black, blue, grey, sometimes white shirt. Avoid brown / military green colours.
Put on collar t-shirts.
Start working out.
Get your larger sized shirts custom tailored to your size.
Match the colour of your shoes to your shirt.
Put some small accessories if you have. Personally I am wearing a black ear ring, a metallic / leather bracelet, and sometimes a necklace with one piece stone.