So I arranged a date with a girl I met on a night out last week. She suggested Tonight after work (she finishes at 6). I asked if she wanted picking up or wanted to meet and got this reply in the early hours of this morning...

01:24 - Her: "Shall we meet? I don't know where like "

10:32 - Me: "Batemans mill at 7?"

Now this 40 minutes before in the intended date (yeah I know she didn't fully agree with the time but..)

18:23 - Her: Hey that sounds lovely but I can't now tonight. Sorry to mess you about - really up for a drink just have so much to do before the parents get back and I feel shocking! Finish at 6 too so 7 would have been a bit early. Swear you've met me on my busiest week x

Her again: "Sorry I did mean to send that earlier - just didn't go through while at work. Ended up staying longer anyway!"

Her again: "Sorry Dave did try and send it"

All of the above were sent straight after one-another and now I'm unsure of my reply.

What do you guys think?

Sounded just fine right up until this.... Which is simply confusing the hell out of me.

What is this and how is it relevant?

From the looks of it, she didn't reply when she intended to. She forgot to hit "send" on the text so was apologizing to let him know that she didn't mean to get back to him as late as she did.

Apologized multiple times at that. She's completely apologetic and completely interested in you. Just go back to doing what you did before the flake.

I don't think you need advice at all.

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3 strikes rule.

Give her another chance. Chalk this one up and hit reset.

Yeah you got it Eddie, I'm just wondering what my first reply should be and then I can take it from there. Do I just go for a "No worries" approach or...? It's hard to know whether to show my frustration or to leave it and just be all friendly happy and suggest another day.

If you're frustrated check in with yourself. "Have I allowed myself to get too invested with this person I hardly even know?" "What are my expectations for her? Are they realistic?"

Look into yourself, not her (or externally). Ya, "No worries" is your attitude and plan another date, but DEAL with the frustration yourself. That's your issue, not hers.

I guess it's just the frustration of making plans and putting others off to be stood up, that's all. But yeah you're right.. I think if I get too invested in her, she'll notice.. I definitely need to tone it down and occupy my time with other girls.

As I'd previously stated in another thread, women have good Neediness detectors - MOST can generally tell when a guy's intentions aren't honest (aka running game on her). The guys who successfully managed to run game on her end up blowing themselves out shortly after. Why? Because they're sheep in wolf's clothing - they haven't worked on themselves and all the time they spent gaming her is proof that he's actually 'beta'/coming from a scarcity frame to which she'll rudely be awoken to this reality in time.


Given what I said, the statement I highlighted for you is pretty telling. The concern shouldn't be "she'll notice" if you're too invested. The key is getting back to you, using yourself as a source of strength, getting in touch with your vulnerabilities (and putting them out there), and being, as generic as this may sound, the best version of yourself you can be - when you're working on THAT then good things happen - opportunities seem to come your way, people become drawn in to you (men and women). You function with the mentality that people can take or leave you, women you're attracted to included because hey lets face it there are so many you can be attracted to so if it doesnt pan out with the one it means little to nothing to you as there'll be another opportunity right around the corner.

Thanks man, I'm new to this whole self development thing and sick of getting shat on, then settling for 5/6's when I know somehow I can get what I want. What you've wrote pretty much sums me up and what I need to do to better myself. Thanks for posting!

Give this a read OP. viewtopic.php?f=25&t=190620

Whats been written is pretty much a paraphrased version of what I wrote.

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Seconded

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Funny how when you work on yourself for YOU, not anyone else, how things fall into place and the world becomes a place of abundance. Lot of guys don't want to put in the work and instead want to be told to do xyz and you're good to go - this never leads to any meaningful change and these guys float through life as external validation seeking machines. Usually the same kinda guys who hate women and see them as manipulative game playing conniving little creatures to be disrespected and used for their own ends.

She flaked. What else would you like to know?

Give her one more shot. Otherwise, discard the lead.

Eddie - Great article and I agree with all of it but in my position, this early on... would you say it's advisable for me to do that though, being that every opportunity with a female is surely a shot at something, a practice almost? Obviously not for you guys because you're ahead of the game but me who's just discovered the whole pick up concept and community.

n2thevoid - I hear what you're saying and definitely don't wanna become one of those guys, I guess it's gonna be a case of dedication and persistence. I guess I'm slightly more on that decline because of how hot this girl is, also the fact that she approached me (something that's never happened to me before), that I don't wanna fuck it up haha, ah I'm such a newb at this.

...I don't even know how to quote your posts to reply to them. That's how new I am to this haha

Really? Your 9 might be my 4, and Eddie's 8. Just remember, there are tens of thousands of women out there who are a potential fit for you, of those much fewer who are an actual match. You've already put this girl up on a pedestal. I'm not saying that to shame you at all, RATHER to help make you cognizant of that fact. This is a good thing. Why? Once you catch yourself on your own bullshit (e.g., "She's a hot girl, I probably don't have much of a chance", for example), you can then do something about it (typically means breaking the pattern and doing the opposite/adopting a different mindset).

Think back to how many times you've met 'hot' girls in the past only to realize they bleed, shit, and piss like everyone else. Not to mention they imbued qualities that didn't jibe well with you and actually turned you off of them. Anyhow the short of it is recognize what you're doing, and kick her off the pedestal to which she doesn't want to be on anyway (unless she's a gold digger or FREAK aka major validation whore).