Need advice on talking to girls at work.



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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 4:13 pm 
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Hello,

I don't know what your opinions are on meeting girls at work but I would like to try It
just to boost my social competence If nothing else. I assume all these girls probably
have boyfriends already but I am such an amateur at game (I only just joined this forum today)
that I think even just getting more comfortable around girls without even worrying about sex
at first would be a good first step for me.

I am honestly clueless. After some very basic small talk like asking their names, how long they've
been at their jobs and commenting on how hot the weather is I basically have nothing left to say.
I'm not a complete loser. I work out, take martial arts, have some musical and artistic talents and I'm currently applying for the Royal Marines but I do have social anxiety problems and just do not feel at all comfortable around women and find social situations in general tricky.

I'm a pretty red pill guy so I'm not really pursuing relationships or anything like that. I just want to be able
to sell myself better to people. Women mainly, but guys too so I can make friends more easily. I'm not massiley motivated by pussy but I'm starting to resent that I have to rely on luck to get it.

One thing I want to address Is that I don't have an extreme lack of confidence. I find talking to people quite easy. I find engaging people very difficult. I have approached women and basically just blabbered any shit I can think of off the top of my head and these experiences have been just as unproductive as when I can't keep a conversation going. I think I need advice on my presentation skills more than some kind of confidence counselling.

Thanks everyone.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 5:10 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:20 pm
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Location: San Antonio
Quote:
Hello,

I'm not massiley motivated by pussy.

I'm starting to resent that I have to rely on luck to get it.

I find engaging people very difficult.
Sounds like a lil contradiction here. Resenting relying on luck to get pus kinda means you are at least slightly motivated by the pus, albeit not "massively."

You need a good conversation course. Carlos Xuma did the Alpha Man convo. In that he gives you the basics of interesting topics that will engage most people. Most of us on this forum have come form a place similar to yours. I could barely construct an intelligible sentence a few 5 yrs ago.

You really just got to throw yourself into any conversation you can get into. Start up random conversations with people - doesn't have to be girls. While waiting in a line, make a remark at someone like "Hey where'd you get those shoes" or some BS like that. I used to do that myself... Thankfully my job requires I be really good at conversation and dealing with people and forces me to have uncomfortable conversations (I'm a nurse). Also lots of female exposure. That helped me a lot. Certainly your work must involve other people?

In the book I mentioned, he talks about persuasion and how most interactions are about persuasion. It's really about figuring out what's in it for the other person. Adjust your aim of convo to that and you will find conversations with others engaging and easy. Also, most people love to talk. Listening to what they have to say, and then echoing in some fashion is a basis for a good convo, ie "Boy the weather is nasty" --- "Yea it's supposed to rain all week!" or "The spurs are a awesome!!" --- "Yes they are good but I heard Tony is a dick!"

To reach an advanced level practice practice practice!!! and know a lil about a lot! You do have to appreciate though that certain people will be easier to talk to than and engage than others, simply bc of similar interests. Sounds like you like to work out/karate w/e. Do you find it hard to engage the other folks in those lessons? I would think not since it's a mutual interest!


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 5:45 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:17 pm
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Location: Los Angeles
Quote:
I think even just getting more comfortable around girls without even worrying about sex
at first would be a good first step for me.
Really think about this statement because you're not being honest with yourself. Each girl you look at you know if you do or you don't want to have sex with them. So if you start approaching this in a dishonest way then you're going to develop dishonest habits, such as pretending that you don't want sex from them. If you're pretending that you don't want sex from them, you're going to ensure that you don't get sex from them.

Be comfortable with what you want from women while learning how to make a connection with women.

Secondly, women at work is definitely not the way to go.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 6:28 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
I think even just getting more comfortable around girls without even worrying about sex
at first would be a good first step for me.
Really think about this statement because you're not being honest with yourself. Each girl you look at you know if you do or you don't want to have sex with them. So if you start approaching this in a dishonest way then you're going to develop dishonest habits, such as pretending that you don't want sex from them. If you're pretending that you don't want sex from them, you're going to ensure that you don't get sex from them.

Be comfortable with what you want from women while learning how to make a connection with women.

Secondly, women at work is definitely not the way to go.
You don't think It's ok to flirt with girls at work just to get in some practice? Clubs are very stressful places for some people. I don't think I'm ready for places like that. I wasn't trying to say I didn't want sex. I do. All I was saying Is perhaps the goal for me at first should be to build up my social skills rather than try and get laid off the bat because It's unlikely I would get the kind of girls I want as a rookie new to the game you know? I know everyone says just get laid and get some experience but I'm quite picky. I would rather spend an evening failing with girls I find attractive then succeeding with girls I don't. I definitely want to learn game to have sex. I'm not some feminist asshole or anything like that.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 6:40 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Location: Los Angeles
Quote:
You don't think It's ok to flirt with girls at work just to get in some practice? Clubs are very stressful places for some people. I don't think I'm ready for places like that. I wasn't trying to say I didn't want sex. I do. All I was saying Is perhaps the goal for me at first should be to build up my social skills rather than try and get laid off the bat because It's unlikely I would get the kind of girls I want as a rookie new to the game you know? I know everyone says just get laid and get some experience but I'm quite picky. I would rather spend an evening failing with girls I find attractive then succeeding with girls I don't. I definitely want to learn game to have sex. I'm not some feminist asshole or anything like that
I'll answer the questions by what seems more important, IMO.

Your goal to build up social skills should run parallel to developing your seductive skills. Don't do a, "I'll do this first and then do that". It won't help. It'll lead you to more frustration because you'll end up having to change your social approach to women once you're able to have a normal conversation. You'll end up having to learn how to have a normal conversation and express attraction at the same time...leads to more anxiety. You'll end up writing posts stating how good you are at having conversations with women and they enjoy talking to you but none of them find you attractive.

Secondly, women are in places that aren't work or clubs. They have normal lives and can be approached anywhere. But what happens when you build attraction with one that you work with and then things go south, which they often do? You'll end up working in a place where the environment becomes uncomfortable, people taking sides on the issue, and she may even make complaints to your management about you. It's not worth it.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 6:54 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:18 pm
Posts: 5
Quote:
Quote:
Hello,

I'm not massiley motivated by pussy.

I'm starting to resent that I have to rely on luck to get it.

I find engaging people very difficult.
Sounds like a lil contradiction here. Resenting relying on luck to get pus kinda means you are at least slightly motivated by the pus, albeit not "massively."

You need a good conversation course. Carlos Xuma did the Alpha Man convo. In that he gives you the basics of interesting topics that will engage most people. Most of us on this forum have come form a place similar to yours. I could barely construct an intelligible sentence a few 5 yrs ago.

You really just got to throw yourself into any conversation you can get into. Start up random conversations with people - doesn't have to be girls. While waiting in a line, make a remark at someone like "Hey where'd you get those shoes" or some BS like that. I used to do that myself... Thankfully my job requires I be really good at conversation and dealing with people and forces me to have uncomfortable conversations (I'm a nurse). Also lots of female exposure. That helped me a lot. Certainly your work must involve other people?

In the book I mentioned, he talks about persuasion and how most interactions are about persuasion. It's really about figuring out what's in it for the other person. Adjust your aim of convo to that and you will find conversations with others engaging and easy. Also, most people love to talk. Listening to what they have to say, and then echoing in some fashion is a basis for a good convo, ie "Boy the weather is nasty" --- "Yea it's supposed to rain all week!" or "The spurs are a awesome!!" --- "Yes they are good but I heard Tony is a dick!"

To reach an advanced level practice practice practice!!! and know a lil about a lot! You do have to appreciate though that certain people will be easier to talk to than and engage than others, simply bc of similar interests. Sounds like you like to work out/karate w/e. Do you find it hard to engage the other folks in those lessons? I would think not since it's a mutual interest!
I think I can do most of the things you mentioned in the first paragraph like echoing on comments that girls make but I don't always get a lot of cultural references and It's awful when you don't know what the fuck the other person Is talking about. Some girls are easier to talk to then others. If there's a girl I talk to that's going to give short answers and make me work I just feel I have to quit. I have tried just striking up conversations with random people in public before. I'm not sure how much It helped. It's not so much that I can't do that. I just want to put forward a good vibe to people when I do. People can smell It when your forcing something. I think that's why a lot of girls get turned off by me.

Yes I do find It easy to engage with people in physical based activity. I'm not shy about that at all. I get very into grappling and boxing and things like that. I have trouble talking to the girls at my Jujitsu club though.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:08 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:18 pm
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Quote:
Quote:
You don't think It's ok to flirt with girls at work just to get in some practice? Clubs are very stressful places for some people. I don't think I'm ready for places like that. I wasn't trying to say I didn't want sex. I do. All I was saying Is perhaps the goal for me at first should be to build up my social skills rather than try and get laid off the bat because It's unlikely I would get the kind of girls I want as a rookie new to the game you know? I know everyone says just get laid and get some experience but I'm quite picky. I would rather spend an evening failing with girls I find attractive then succeeding with girls I don't. I definitely want to learn game to have sex. I'm not some feminist asshole or anything like that
I'll answer the questions by what seems more important, IMO.

Your goal to build up social skills should run parallel to developing your seductive skills. Don't do a, "I'll do this first and then do that". It won't help. It'll lead you to more frustration because you'll end up having to change your social approach to women once you're able to have a normal conversation. You'll end up having to learn how to have a normal conversation and express attraction at the same time...leads to more anxiety. You'll end up writing posts stating how good you are at having conversations with women and they enjoy talking to you but none of them find you attractive.

Secondly, women are in places that aren't work or clubs. They have normal lives and can be approached anywhere. But what happens when you build attraction with one that you work with and then things go south, which they often do? You'll end up working in a place where the environment becomes uncomfortable, people taking sides on the issue, and she may even make complaints to your management about you. It's not worth it.
Yeah I get what your saying. I realize that the goal of game Is to get laid and I suppose you would approach a conversation with a girl your trying to fuck differently to a girl your weren't.

I don't think making trouble at the office Is an issue for me. I work in construction as a laborer and I never have a job that lasts longer than a month. So what places do you like to go?


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:18 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:17 pm
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Location: Los Angeles
Quote:
So what places do you like to go?
Anywhere.

I approach women that I find attractive. My approach isn't so much of going out to meet women as much as it being that there are women at the places that I go out to.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 7:51 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2015 3:18 pm
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Quote:
Quote:
So what places do you like to go?
Anywhere.

I approach women that I find attractive. My approach isn't so much of going out to meet women as much as it being that there are women at the places that I go out to.
Ok makes sense. Then for example If you see a girl in a Cafe you like the look of and you want to start a conversation and arouse some interest out of her what are some things you do? I tried this once unprepared hoping that I could make up a conversation on the fly. I found out I couldn't. The interaction lasted a few seconds at best. In my defense she was Asian and didn't speak the best English. People are on their guard In public so I really don't think this is the easiest thing to do. The potential to come across as a creep is very high If you don't behave a certain way I would think.


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2015 8:10 pm 
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The Grand Puba
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Joined: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:17 pm
Posts: 5961
Location: Los Angeles
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
So what places do you like to go?
Anywhere.

I approach women that I find attractive. My approach isn't so much of going out to meet women as much as it being that there are women at the places that I go out to.
Ok makes sense. Then for example If you see a girl in a Cafe you like the look of and you want to start a conversation and arouse some interest out of her what are some things you do? I tried this once unprepared hoping that I could make up a conversation on the fly. I found out I couldn't. The interaction lasted a few seconds at best. In my defense she was Asian and didn't speak the best English. People are on their guard In public so I really don't think this is the easiest thing to do. The potential to come across as a creep is very high If you don't behave a certain way I would think.
Sometimes the best reason for introducing yourself is the actual reason that you're introducing yourself. I get them talking and I listen to what they say because most of the time they will transition into the things that they care about. Once I'm able to do that, that's the point that I know that they're in an emotional state and those are the subjects that we bond over even if we don't agree(understanding is key). The thing that I don't do is hide attraction.

I didn't become good at conversations overnight. I had to practice listening.

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