I have posted last month a detailed post about this short "relationship": titled "Ditched her last night, will she come back" In summary in the last 10 days of this 2 month relationship, she was becoming distant probably because of lost attraction and / or maybe there was someone else in the picture. During the last night we met things were going quite bad and in a desparation move to see a response from her at the end of the night I told her I should stop seeing her. She replied "you should stop seeing me? OK".. There was no contact from either side and 10 days later she removed me from contacts and facebook.

I have read the Eddie fews article: Going Through A Break Up? Read This Now" and I would love to hear his opinion.

In the past few weeks I have repaired my emotional wounds because I had started falling in love and moved on with my life, but would like to be in touch again without any expectations of anything happening, just friendly. At the same time I am making some new friends but did not start dating with someone again.

My question is whether I should just keep it completely casual by only sending something funny associated with her and asking if she got the promotion at work; or should I also mention something like this "Listen, even for just a little while we had a nice time together. Maybe I had different expectations and so had to let go. Looking back I see we might have not been right for each other but it would be cool to remain friends and keep in touch." This is being honest but what are the positives / negatives of the last statement.

It has been 4 weeks since the last contact. By the way I completely accidentally gave her a missed call on SPAM a couple of days ago, which should have appeared on her notifications.

Ok there will be lots of different replies to this sort of thing.

And honestly there's no real right answer because it really depends on the situation and the feelings that both of you have.

So my question to you is this...why be friends with her? What's the point?

If you were friends before getting together and had good conversations then I can understand or if you just want to be friends now to hang out with someone I guess I can see that.

But IF you still have feelings for her or animosity towards her for losing interest because if she simply said ok and that was the end of it then that's just weird and she really didn't give a shit unless there was more that you just aren't giving details about.

I think it's totally possible to be friends, but both of you would have to not have feelings for each other or resentment (having feelings still leads to being hurt and being territorial) It will be hard and it would take a lot of time apart to move on.

Your problem right now is that you are over-thinking this whole thing, you care too much about what she will think or whatever. This is a bad thing because it sounds like you're still not over her.

But yeah what you said for a quote sounds pretty good as long as it's along those lines and hope that things are going well with her. I've been where you are and I can honestly say 4 weeks is too small amount of time to go back to keeping contact. Your feelings aren't done, maybe 2 or 3 months then yeah.

You also have to go out and talk to other girls and get her off your mind. If you didn't have feelings for her she'd be out of your mind and you'd be spending your time with someone else. It's not a bad thing to want her as a friend, but it's too soon....SO PLEASE take my advice and and give it some more time like 2 or 3 months until you are spending time elsewhere and are satisfied without her.

Take this from someone who has been where you are not too long ago at all. At least it sounds like you didn't leave on bad terms with fighting or whatever? But it didn't seem like you left it on ok terms, seems like neutral which is ok because if you ever ran into each other down the line you don't hate each other.

But please wait for another month...my best advice is wait 2 more FULL MONTHS AT LEAST and then you can give her a message if you decide that says something like you were saying, that you didn't want to leave on bad terms, but it seemed like you both wanted different things and didn't mix. Then ask her if she wanted to keep in touch.

If she doesn't then don't bitch about it and just say that's fine, that you understand and that you just wanted to see then wish her well with her life.

Just remember the negative is you being possibly wounded again by you allowing the wound to be open once more by trying to be friends with someone who didn't view your worth as what it is...being of a high value

The positive is being friends with someone who you possibly can talk to and someone who might be there for you.

I would have to say the negative outweighs the positive in every single imaginable way, there are many other people you can be friends with who didn't hurt you and she wont be there for you as a friend because she had already let you down before. So basically you are just giving her another chance to hurt you again and let you down. It's probably not really worth it huh?

If you have any other questions on this or for any other situations let me know. Good luck. I gave multiple options, but my advice is wait the time that I've said and think about everything and also get over her fully before making any decision.


I can understand leaving something on ok terms, but there are a lot that needs to happen and that you need to be cautious about if you want to be friends, this wont happen over night and it's difficult to happen at all and she doesn't seem worth all this effort


NOTE: If you do become friends make sure to keep in contact, but not contact often or become needy...also the reason behind doing this is to not get feelings for her again and then have the same problem all over again. Focus on you and your life, not her and don't always be at her beck and call. It takes time to move on fully and it sounds like you aren't fully there. You shouldn't need her in your life at all because it seems like she didn't need you and doesn't or she would have contacted you by now. I've been through this...hang in there.

You have to let go dude.

Its not about being friends with an Ex as much as its about preserving your down dignity. And your dignity is what will partially determine how attractive women find you in the coming days of your life. If the relationship ended because you began to become over emotional and because you've clenched on too tight, why would you want to continue these behaviors by continuing to clench on? And continuing to be overly emotionally attached?

I think the reverse is needed. And not just so she can respect you again, but so you can begin to restore, rebuild, and respect yourself which in turn will lead to women respected you more period. You made a post about the tinder girl. How do you think she would view you if she knew you was still chasing up behind your ex trying to be friends with someone you couldn't manage a relationship with?

Let go man. Out of respect for yourself. You either win or your learn. And in this situation you have to walk off the field to learn from the mistakes you made. You're currently still trying to play a game thats already been lost. Games Over man. Pack up, analyze why it was lost, and use that wisdom to further your success with the tinder girl.

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Thanks for your long post and thoughts blackmagician and Eddie Fews. It seems like what happened is that as that as the relationship was progressing I was building up in my mind a potential bright relationship future, making up reasons on why this relationship would be great and evaluating certain characteristics as good potentials for a long term partner. In the last 7-8 days there was warning signs of declining interest which had me worried and raising some alarms. When it all suddenly fell apart I was lost, wondering, how it all went wrong and how I could have prevented it. The thing is that I was not acting needy or went overboard with texting or calling. Calling was quite limited actually. I was trying to keep it casual and light.

What I believe happened is that at later times I did not act very confidently and she sensed that I had her as my first priority, which diminished the attraction. Reading the comments from other forum users when I posted the whole story last month and reflecting on myself the bottom line is that I need to improve and become more attractive by improving social, conversational skills, improving body language, taking no shit from anyone and perhaps growing bigger balls.

I don't see losing my dignity by keeping in touch casually in the future, if this is what I want and when I will clearly have no illusions or secret hopes about it becoming something more. I 'll keep you posted.

Sorry you're feeling his way but you do need a reality check

It was two months man. You didn't know her beforehand and she didn't know you. And guess what? You still don't know each other. Not in any meaningful sense of the word. Sure, you had this rosy glow picture painted for you by mutual friends but everyone's unique and personal little romantic relationship needs, desires and glitches don't manifest in friendships, so your friends who hooked you up based on more obvious characteristics don't really know either of you in this regard.

All this stuff about her sensing that you were "too into her already" is garbage. Sure, some guys are needy gimps and of course it is way off putting but I don't think a hug from behind while she's cooking qualifies you as that. Not by a long shot. It actually sounds like you played it pretty cool. Anyway, analysing the fuck out of it will do you more harm than good. Believe. Because you didn't do anything wrong - here's what really happened - and we've all been here ourselves standing on the OTHER side of the equation, plenty of times:

As you got to know each other over those couple of months, you didn't match up with her personal little romantic relationship needs, desires and glitches. In other words; she wasn't into you. And that doesn't mean anything at all about YOU. It was one woman - and as I've already said: SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU. Because two months is nowhere near enough for that.

This doesn't reduce your SMV. It doesn't make you worth any less. It just means you weren't the right match for ONE WOMAN. One woman who may not have been ready for a relationship ANYWAY - even if she thought she was. And based on the information you've given, she actually sounds relationship-phobic to me - and that is about her issues, not yours. So don't make it about you and give yourself a host of worries that aren't even real.

Despite how you are feeling right now, you will get over this and soon. Because you know what? You didn't know her either. Sure, you liked what you saw and who she was SO FAR, but two months is nothing - and when conditions seem sufficiently right that we're feeling it in that early stage - not yet seeing (nor being shown, as is often the case) the bad, and wearing those early-days all-new loved-up rose colored glasses whilst getting rammed with doses of oxytocin, vasopressin that we're not used to because we haven't been in a LTR ever/recently, well lets just say it can be a hell of a cocktail for inspiring self delusion and one-itis. You didn't know her man. You just think you did. See that for what it is. Get that firmly into your head because doing so will be to your benefit. She's not perfect. No one is. She just didn't stick around long enough for you to get wise to her imperfections - and decide for yourself whether or not you could live with them. And that's no biggy.