I feel like Im a pretty good conversationalist in group environment but I struggle in 1on1s.

When talking this over with a friend he said that not every conversation has to be a party and that Im making a big deal out of something thats not. Is this true? or should you always strive to lead the conversation and make it as qualitatively high as possible?

I would agree with your friend to a point.

When you're with your buddies and there aren't any girls around, do you guys 'struggle' to make the conversation work -- Even when nobody is saying anything? Of course not... Yet you're all content, entertained and having a good time.

I think if you're just being social and you're not out on a date or something, it's fine to just shoot the shit and have a chat with someone.

Now, if you're trying to actually pick the girl up, that's a different story... You'll probably want to bring your A-game... But not be too 'try hard'... Be natural, yet entertaining and fun.

Take a look at this and learn how to build rapport. That can make wonders. If done right you don't have to say much, the other person will do the talking:

https://youtu.be/dENi7K2lX4U

Running out of things to say is quite often due to lack of rapport. But note that you are not alone in the responsibility to build rapport. The person you talk to is equally responsible. So if you make some effort, but don't get anything back, why bother?

If you have a good conversation and a good vibe, a pause does not have to be a bad thing. See it as an opportunity to either take the girl somewhere else and do something fun, or talk to other people and get some inspiration to talk to her again.

Leading conversations that much = not caring about her own thoughts, looking down on her.
In parties this is okay because you're supposed to be having fun, not talking about anything serious.

Your issue is strictly a confidence issue that can easily be corrected if you just begin putting yourself out there more. All of your questions stem from the same problem I believe. You're not out there approaching. It doesn't sound like you made any approaches and thats what this forum is all about.

You're going to have to take more risk.

When you have that confidence you don't have to "think" about leading a conversation, you will naturally lead it. You'll learn to just chill and flow. Not ever conversation has to be a party? I'm not sure what that means, but there are many different facets of conversation. Story changing, hypothetical situations, teasing banter etc. As long as its flowing you're usually golden.

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What you're saying is that his issues come from lack of conditioning, even if he doesn't know what he's supposed to do, what he's supposed to be conditioning himself for. And then you say he doesn't need to think about it as if he was already conditioned to it.

Lol what dude?

Are you going to tell me why blue berry are blue or not?

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I pointed out your contradiction, you told him his issue is confidence and that he'd get it to go out there in order to condition himself, but you didn't say to what, you didn't specify what his behavior would be, only told him what should be obvious. Then, in turn, you tell him what is the opposite, that he should go there and act like he doesn't need to "think", and that if he doesn't think he'll be able to pull it off naturally, even if isn't conditioned for it yet, nor knows what he's supposed to be doing when trying to lead a conversation. Basically, you told him an empty truth and then to pretend that it is the actual truth in lieu of the reality.

LMAO

Does anyone know what this guy is trying to say?

Welcome to the forums man. lol

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Eddie's pretty much spot on. You won't get good at anything unless you do it. Once you start doing it, you'll learn from your successes and mistakes. You do it enough times and push yourself to get better, there is going to be a moment when things click and it results in confidence. Being confident will make it so you don't have to think of how to act and react because things come naturally.

The OP is the only person that can decide what his behavior is going to be and once he knocks down his belief system obstacles, his behavior will be built naturally. If he acts a way that isn't natural to him, he is going to go down a path of failure.

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"Eddie's pretty much spot on. You won't get good at anything unless you do it."
I never implied you would.

"Once you start doing it, you'll learn from your successes and mistakes. You do it enough times and push yourself to get better, there is going to be a moment when things click and it results in confidence. Being confident will make it so you don't have to think of how to act and react because things come naturally."
Which everyone already knows.

"The OP is the only person that can decide what his behavior is going to be and once he knocks down his belief system obstacles, his behavior will be built naturally. If he acts a way that isn't natural to him, he is going to go down a path of failure."
I never questioned that.

So you're basically saying that Eddie was right after saying that he contradicted himself.

FYI...you did say that the problem with Eddie's advice was that "you didn't specify what his behavior would be". So you actually did question that, unless you were outright saying he was wrong for not specifying what his behavior would be.

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Yes, I'm glad you're able to understand. I was saying that Eddie was right on his empty truth, yes. But does it even matter? And yes, I was saying he was wrong because he didn't specify the suggested behavior, because it's something to be expected from the text he decided to write for us, because it serves no real purpose, as in just a wasteful piece of paragraphs, because it actually confuses and annoys the original poster and others who come to read it, even if they don't see it for what it is. Especially if they don't see it for what it is, since then they might believe it or at least be willing to try, and in doing so they would follow the empty conditioning strategy, while always, constantly getting stuck in the same part of the process, stuck in conversation once the 'collection of memorized ways to get a girl to like you' has been depleted. It follows that acting that way, depending on how far you take it, will also give you an incredible amount of stress, of feelings of guilt and other inadequacies over not being able to follow through, even when pointed out what should be done, and just the case of trapped mentality that won't allow them to look at their own problems in a different light, with a different perspective.

The thing is that I believe it because I've done it, just as many people here have done it. So I'm not understanding how it's being categorized as an empty conditioning strategy, especially since the best way to learn how to talk to women is by talking to women.

What I'm realizing is that you are jumping to a conclusion that there has been a recommendation of using memorized ways to get girls to like you, which the majority of posters on the forums would recommend not doing. It hasn't been mentioned anywhere in this post either.

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Yes, the best way to learn how to talk to women is by talking to women, that's a given just as saying the sun is hot. In the end, telling him that isn't helping him in any way, no one said he had difficulties having encounters with women, just the opposite. He said that while he's a pretty good conversationalist he's having trouble with one-on-one's, that he's unsure if he should always strive to lead the conversation and make it as qualitatively high as possible. How does telling him to go out there and approach more women help him in any way? And again, telling him to do that without any "thinking" of his part, while he is still struggling trying to figure out how to deal with the women he's already built rapport with, but can't seem to advance the relation. Would that kind of advice be helpful?