LONG report follows below. Need brotherly support. If anyone wants the last 14 days SPAM chat I ll PM them


Met this girl through tinder in beginning of Feb. We are both working in a foreign country away from our home countries. Both of us are permanently based here but she is flying as a job and frequently is out of the country and generally not available to meet most days because of curfew policy restrictions. She was quite open and friendly. Had 3 dates spaced in 18 days, reached up to making out in my place. Then I left the country 16 days for holidays, kept in touch, came back had some more dates and sex and got to know each other better. There was good rapport. Then she left 11 days holidays at her country and we continued being in touch. She came back 31st march and she asked me to pick her up from the airport. She sent me her monthly schedule on March and also April so that I know which days she has off.

Last few days:
11th April I organized an easter dinner party at home with my friends and she joined us.
12th April: spent the day at the beach. In the evening we came back to my place and she called her mom and family while with me and she was cuddly. We had sex and she was quite affectionate later and she even told me that in the beginning she didn’t like me that much but that changed and then tried qualifying herself saying that she is not like other girls who might talk so much after sex and analyse everything. At the same day I could feel myself acting slightly needy and indecisive but overall I wasn’t too bad.

13th of April she had day off and we weren’t planning to meet and none of us texted each other. I was trying to play cool and make her miss me. When I spoke to her few days later and I asked what she did on that day she said that she was out with a girl colleague of hers.
14th April morning: I missed call her on whatsspp by mistake. Had some funny conversation about how she is going to kill me for calling her so early and I playfully played along calling her a ninja . Before that I explained my self about the missed call which was unnecessary.
17th April: She comes back from her flight and I sent her a message with a pic about missing my irresistible sexiness and sthng along the lines… “ I d like to see you and hear your cute.. accent”. One of the reply messages “ you ‘ re talking strange today”. At the end of the night I sent about a plan for cooking and watching a movie the next day and she replied “ good night. We ‘ll figure it out tomorrow. wink”..
18th april: I text in the afternoon to see what she is up to. She is visiting her best friend and she doesn’t wanna leave so early cause of a guy cause her friend would get offended. I tell ok go ahead do your own thing and text me later. She texted around 22.30 and I replied on the next day morning and didn’t get any reply. I called her late in the evening.
Fast few days forward she was not initiating any conversations but I was only doing it mostly and showing some slight AFC neediness.

21st April: Phone conversation where I was doing 90% of the talking and saying my things and she was replying very shortly without much interest. I told her to get together on Thursday at the end of the call.

22nd April: I send an article of a cute animal story in the afternoon and she replies with an emoticon 3 hours later. I reply with “That’s why I adore dogs they are kind and loving.” “ Btw you won’t believe what I saw earlier today”.. Then got no reply till late next day.

23rd April: After getting no reply and being upset throughout most of the day, she sents a message 4pm next day with a cute “Gr… boy where are you?” I replied and eventually set up a date for drinks later in the night.

23rd April: The date night:

I pick her up she gets in the car, did not initiate any hug or contact and she mentions that she doesn’t remember when was the last time we met (it had been 11 days). I was acting cool throughout the 25 mins ride to go to the bar and talking about my work and events that happened in the past week while she was much more quiet and distant than usual. She mentioned in the conversation that the night before she was out for drinks and then chilling by the beach avenue up to 4am.
We go to the venue, park at the carpark and we get out walking to the entrance of the hotel, no hands holding or anything. Get into the bar, there was live Cuban music playing indoors and an outdoor terrace. As it seemed busy, I walk to the outdoor terrace and there was two available places to sit which were identical but a different sides. She wanted to sit on one direction but I eventually insisted to go to the other side with her making a comment being annoyed what I chose made no difference. I made a remark that it feels hot outside and soon she asked the waiter to look for a place to sit inside. Luckily we find a place and we move there and sit next to each other. The music was quite loud the way she was sitting with the legs crossed away from me and the body language I could sense that she was very cold and distant.

With the conversation being kind of scarce at points she took her mobile phone and started texting quite a bit and also sending a picture of the band to someone on SPAM. And then continuing texting. No doubt I believe there must be also another guy recently in her life, to whom she shows interest, while the two of us are out on a date. otherwise I cannot see her sending all this conversation to a girlfriend of her. At that point I became annoyed because she could text someone while being with me, while she did not bother to be texting me all the recent days or the night before. So I did the same thing and started texting my ex who knew I was out with her. Small sideline: In the past week I have explained the whole situation to my “ex” who lives in another country, with which we still have regular contact and she knows about me dating this girl and the diminishing interest. She is trying to help me, she is in a relationship but still loves me while us two are over.

Back to the night. Her body language was completely off and I started doing few AFC moves which made her annoyed giving me hostile facial expressions. Tried holding her hand and she didn’t resist but didn’t hold me back and let it stiff. I rested my hand on her and also tapped my fingers on her leg with the rhythm of the music. At a certain point I could see that the evening was becoming a disaster and after pulling her hand asking whether she d like to dance, with her declining, I stood up by myself and started dancing with a random cool guy in front of the band. At the end of the night I also had a small talk with the band’s guitarist who was packing his guitar and got to know where he came from and where the other cool dancing guy was from, which demonstrated social value. While I was for few seconds away I saw from far the waiter putting the bill at the centre of the table and she picked it up and placed it closer to my side which disappointed me. Need to say that I have paid so far for almost all evenings apart a couple of times when she volunteered to split the bill. In the country we are working and living it is expected that the guys are paying for the girls.

Went out of the bar, took her hand and she continued being stiff. I could feel that the whole thing was coming into a big recline and that I was losing her. Walked to the car, and she laid on the sit falling asleep in few seconds. I laid back too and I proceeded to hug her and rest her head on me. Few mins later I moved her hair and tried to kiss her and she avoided it, saying it is time to go.

I drive her home while she is being asleep all the way back. She wakes up moments before I park outside her place. She was ready to leave and gave me a very light kiss on the lips. She opened the door and I told her to wait to tell her something, which I believed was my ALL-IN playing hand. It comes from an article and is called Zan’s powerful technique:

I executed it poorly and in the wrong context and said something like “ we have been seeing each other for quite some time, things were going quite well. I think about you a lot, I find you beautiful. I feel helpless with other women and I might do something that will hurt myself and you. I should stop seeing you”
-she said “You should stop seeing me? OK” with decisive and annoyed tone and stepped out of the car walking pissed off.

No other interaction or texting happened so far.

I really like this girl and sex was amazing but I feel like it is a lost case. I ‘ll wait at least 4-5 days and see if she tries to contact me. Don’t feel there is much I can do to fix it. I have put a lot of feelings and some effort into it picking her up and dropping her and she put much less on her behalf.

Btw the technique I found is described below:

“
PUA: I think about you day and night. You are so beautiful and I adore you. But now I must go. You have touched me on a very deep level and it is more than I can bear. I am helpless before other women and I will only hurt you and myself. I can't see you anymore.

Say the first phrase to a girl and she thinks "Ha ha, I have a yappy new lapdog. Buy me dinner!" Zero challenge; she has already won.

Say the second phrase and it throws her into a whirlwind of emotions. Her whole world becomes the cover of a romance novel. Her nurturing instinct kicks into high gear (after all, you are a victim of your desires and she must save you). She knows she is about to lose you. And she senses that you are about to run to the arms of ten other women for comfort.

It is very powerful. But the key is that she has to know that you really mean it. It has to be believable. You are *really* not going to see her anymore. And you should believe it too. After all, it was going cold already anyway and she was probably going to LJBF you.

And this is important - say it and then split. Get the hell out of Dodge. What I have found is that in a lot of cases, she will become obsessed with you. You will be bombarded with emails and phone calls from her. It is almost impossible for her to resist this challenge.”

Having slept on it, I keep wondering if I made the correct choice by incorrectly executing a technique I found online and ending it trying to get her attention without clearly communicating my self.

I am considering whether I should initiate contact after 4-5 days and keep it casual like nothing is happening (which will likely make me needy), or should I ask to meet face to face and have an honest conversation explaining why I got upset, which might not lead to anywhere.

Going through the no contact phase myself, man its tough but breaking it now won't help.

I know its tough but we have to be strong man.

Having it discussed earlier today with an older friend of mine, who is more wise and knows some of the background story and shown him our text messages, his opinion was that if the girl is insecure, it might be likely she would try to initiate contact to win me back temporarily. Only to end up the story repeating 2-3 months along the line. And I should best move on.

If a relationship is meant to work long term, it should take its course naturally. If shit happens in the beginning then it is unlikely that it has long term potential.

A part of is still hoping she will try to get back and things will change, but my logical part is saying it will not..

You come off as very insecure and needy in this thread and I assume she picked up on that vibe. I think you blew it somewhere between the 13th and 20th, particularly here:

18th april: I text in the afternoon to see what she is up to. She is visiting her best friend and she doesn’t wanna leave so early cause of a guy cause her friend would get offended. I tell ok go ahead do your own thing and text me later. She texted around 22.30 and I replied on the next day morning and didn’t get any reply. I called her late in the evening.
Fast few days forward she was not initiating any conversations but I was only doing it mostly and showing some slight AFC neediness.


You should have just no-replied when she said she didn't want to leave early. Made her worry that you would be pissed. Instead you make it easy for her. It's at this point where you start to seem really needy and accommodating. NEVER CONTACT HER TWICE WITHOUT HER RESPONDING. That's a golden rule. Unless she's dying or there's an emergency, you do not contact her again until she responds. If she doesn't respond, her loss.

-you were too predictable
-you were too friendly
-you did not make her chase you enough
-you became needy
-you moved too fast into bf/gf territory and did not game her nearly enough

"PUA: I think about you day and night. You are so beautiful and I adore you. But now I must go. You have touched me on a very deep level and it is more than I can bear. I am helpless before other women and I will only hurt you and myself. I can't see you anymore."

Who the fuck comes up with this bullshit? This is creepy and horrible. If a girl had done what your girl did I'd be completely silent listening to my own music in the car and then when we got to her place I'd tell her that was boring as shit and I'd drive away, no kiss, no plans for later, nothing.

When it got cold at the date and she started texting, you should have gone up and started hitting on a bartender or danced with some other chick. Dancing with another guy and hanging out with the musicians isn't making her jealous if she's already flirting with another dude via text. You shouldn't have paid the bill. Hell, you should have fucking told her she was boring the shit out of you and you were going to drop her off and hang out with another chick. ANYTHING BUT BEING NICE TO HER AND ACCEPTING HER BEING LIKE THAT.

At this point she is completely gone. There is no possible way she will contact you unless you are incredible in bed or rich as fuck and have been buying her shit. You need to learn how to recognize the red flags wayyyy earlier. The second she starts responding slower than usual to texts, you pull way back and quit texting her. You want to give her just enough attention to keep her interested but not a sliver more. The bare minimum.

_________________
You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

There is NO WAY she hasn't slept with someone else.
First of all she started pulling away after she met her best friend. My speculation is that she either slept with that best friend or there was someone else with them and she slept with him.
If it's not that she developed a crush on someone ( a bit unlikely, most likely she slept with someone).
You can tell that that's the case because she is not emotionally reacting to anything you do. She is 100% immune.
Before you start blaming yourself and trying to behave like an a-hole to fix things up or being resentful against women realise that the issue started at the first stages when she didn't emotionally invest so much in you. You didn't create a strong sense of excitement so you had nothing on your hands to play with that's why you were doing the chase.
The only way I can see you moving past this stage is to friendzone her. When you are pursuing her she gets the message that she is the prize and she pulls away even more. You don't have to be an a-hole to her. Just don't pick up the tab when you go out. She'll get the message.
You understood the main idea of what you supposed to do but you went for the canned method and it failed. The mistake was that you went and told her what you did while the right thing would had been to speak with actions and attitude.
Now after what you said to her she took it that you are an idiot. She was coming from a place of strength because she was being the prize and when you told her what you did it made you come across as trying too hard.
At this moment you have a small chance to win her back if you re-start the seduction stage. You need to friendzone her 100%, take her off the pedestal you placed her, let her emotions settle down on that and then create excitement and build up feelings before you seduce her again.
Because of her high ego don't treat her like a gf or a girl you are going out with until she earns that title and she is on the same page with you.
Regarding who pays when you meet up forget what society expects you to. I come too from a country that this supposed to be the norm and women, we take it that if a guy pays for our drink he is interested in us. You can use this norm to your advantage to take her off her pedestal. Only pay for yours and never for her. She will get the message.

Thank you, I needed to hear that, because I seriously needed a slap on the face.
All 100% true. I can see much clearer the whole picture now.

I am still beating myself mentally for this and my lack of judgment. I need seriously to work on my self confidence and inner game.
Realistically she won't be eager to contact me again as she has lost her respect for me. Also realistically I was quite good in bed but destroyed everything with my behavior. I have some suspicion that she might have slept with someone else in the last days from her body language and my experience.

My biggest problem is with myself, the way I communicated through texting, the way I lost her attraction, the way I handled the last night and most importantly the stupid thing I said in the end..

It is likely that she met someone lately and might have started being attracted to this person or slept with him. I like the benefit of doubt but I don't believe that a girl's body language would change so much in a short span of time if something dramatic didn't happen and me just being coming across as needy but not overdramatic about it.
I will never be resentful against women because of any bad experiences I had with specific females at any point in my life. I am more wise to reflect and look at my own errors and shortcomings and acknowledge that not all people are the same.
I am not sure how I can re-initiate the interaction and get even the friendzone followed by seduction stage possibility again after all these happened and how I "ended it". I mean if she cared slightly she would have given some objection to me not seeing her again. I have really put my expectations to zero now and I accept she will not be contacting me, unless I do. And how I do that. Sending a casual message after some time, saying "hey you what's up" like nothing happened?

I also believe that it is best to move on but I cannot come in peace with myself having acted so stupid. re-initiating and getting a rejection from her side will probably bring me into closure better. What do you think?

Don't beat yourself up too much. We're all human's and we make mistakes. I think the general problem with male/female relationships is that we get into the mindset that we should treat someone we're attracted to the same way that we THINK we would want to be treated. While this is a great ideal, this is unfortunately misplaced and somewhat incorrect.

Maria is right. She didn't emotionally invest in the beginning with you. You weren't enough of a prize or challenge and her sexual attraction to you was probably never that high. Ironically, her speech about not liking you in the beginning but liking you now was probably a last ditch effort to convince herself that you were a catch. Deep down, she knew that she wasn't that attracted and her logical brain was trying to stop herself from feeling "slutty" because she knows that she has a provider guy who social convention tells her that she SHOULD be happy with but is not.

I also agree that there is quite likely another guy in the picture. With a good looking woman, there usually is anyway. But this guy was in the picture even BEFORE the events of 12th April. The only difference is, her logical brain simply hadn't admitted it's attraction. After she went out with her friend on the 13/14 April was probably the turning point in her mind. She realised she liked the other guy AND/OR she found your behavior too "needy". By then, you were already done, unfortunately.

No contact this bitch. Ignore, don't respond. Nothing. Not even a peep, until SHE contacts YOU. If/when she does, it may be a good idea to ignore that as well. If she contacts you a second time, you MAY still have a chance as she still may have interest. But don't get your hopes up. Start forming contacts with other women and build an abundance mentality.

No contact for 10 days. There were few times when I wanted to send a message but I didn't do it cause I don't think that a general message is going to lead anywhere at the time being. She seemed to be losing interest and I was the one who ended it suddenly after not behaving very cool on the last night.

I still think of her sometimes but my feelings have settled down, it was not a serious thing and did last too long. Looking back, I let my guard down and became too predictable. Assumed there was attraction and moved into bf/ gf territory and did not work to increase it. For example text conversation:

Me: I m sore everywhere.. but somebody gotta keep this body fit and sexy
Her: Oh la la
Her: I'm ok with your current body
etc etc

Small shit tests were there, I saw them and recognized them. Did my best to seem unphased but in some cases could have tackled them better. The whole thing was kind of a wake up call to improve my self and my life.

I would like to have another shot with her having a different perspective and mentality and not take it seriously with the aim to become FWB and meet other girls at the same time. Will need to reinitiate contact at some point and work again the attraction. Is it better to do something now that is still kind of "fresh" or wait and move on with my life and maybe at the middle of June send a birthday wish message and start chatting. The thing is that there could be another guy in the picture by now.

I see a lot of comments about having to get the girl to invest emotionally or invest more than you do in the first interaction.. Is there any videos/reading materials that really show the fundamentals for getting the girl to invest emotionally and invest more in a conversation than you do?

No girl is going to invest emotionally in the FIRST interaction. They are talking about investing emotionally in the first stages of a relationship. When she does thing for you, you are not always available, keep her wondering then she is getting affected emotionally deeper. That's where I failed..

Ok guys, I just discovered that she has removed me from facebook friends and I am not sure if I am blocked from SPAM.. :/

The feelings have settled down and I have distanced my self from this situation without being negatively affected anymore. But still thinking about her from time to time.

My question is: Why to block and remove someone if you really don't care. What is in your general experience the feeling that people have to cause them to block someone who doesn't contact you and stopped being part of your life. Seems like it is a case of someone who doesn't like losing and has some insecurities. Or just a Bold statement that they do not want you to be part of their life at all.

Who knows and who cares. Everybody is different and you'll never improve yourself if you keep thinking about why such and such a person did this or did that. She made the choice to block you, for whatever reason she had in her head, this no longer affects you as there are other girls out there.