This chick has been confusing pretty much always, but at least it points out when I don't know how to handle a situation.

Short version, went out a couple times, she kissed me, then couldn't see me for a few weeks, then we went out with a couple of her friends and I didn't present any kind of sexual frame due to friends' presence.

Then two days later we ran into each other at a public party and talked a bit, and ended up dancing. I tried to get into a more sexual frame (I'm very bad at that) and initiated some grinding, and she did some more advanced dancing (spins and shit, with sexy bellydancing moves.) Then after the song, I wanted to be more "in charge" so tried to kiss her. She rejected that for any number of reasons (being in public, her other friend was there, my timing was shit, or of course she just isn't into me.)

Anyway...

Talked to someone on chat here, and we decided on inviting her back to my place for a movie night. I used an opener from an old text messages thread on this site... but the problem is she's taking really long times to reply. So:

Me noonish: Hey can you recommend me a good movie?
Her 11:30pm: Yeah blah blah blah
Me 7:30am: Yeah heard of that, think it's worth watching it twice?

It's a day and a half after that and still no reply...

So, if and when she does reply I'm wondering if I should do something to call her out on the delays?

Thinking maybe like "wow forgot I texted you! Ok sounds like an awesome movie... when and where?"

That's, of course, assuming she actually does reply sometime.

Or should I just ignore it and go ahead with trying to make the plans?

Do not text her again and when/if she texts back just take the same amount of time (+ a little bit more) to respond to her text.

And she just finally replied...

"Too scary to watch twice..."

Thinking "aww that's adorable. Too scary even if I'm there to protect you?" when I reply... which, sounds like tomorrow morning.

Do not say that.. I don't have time to read the thread. I'll come back to it later if I remember, but don;t say that. she's pulling.. why continue to push? Pull.. You're communicating pushy emotions to a girl thats pulling.

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Onoma, I would just get to the point without this movie chat malarky.

Break the ice, some chit chat, get some investment, get some momentum and then ask her out

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Looking forward to hearing from you... to add some info:

I feel like I've mostly failed to keep a sexual frame (because I have issues, which I am starting EMDR therapy next week to hopefully deal with) and have left her feeling unsure as to whether I'm really interested or not. I think I did pretty good with kino the other night, and during our dancing (although not necessarily with the quality of my dancing.)

I may be overcompensating, but I feel like I need to be a little "pushy" to counter the lack of sexual frame. Essentially to make it clear I do want her.


But if you're saying I shouldn't push, should I be pulling instead? Except... how...? Call her a chicken or something?

EDIT: Hmm... went for a walk, alternate idea:

Watch (or pretend to) movie and in a couple days reply "Really? It wasn't that scary... " and go from there



PEBBLE

"Break the ice, some chit chat, get some investment, get some momentum and then ask her out"

That's what I was attempting to use the "movie chat malarkey" to do!

Barely read what you said, sorry if i didnt get sumthin.

But heres my general view on dealing with delayed texts and this apply to probably most scenarios

Ready?

WHO CARES

Get more girls. Girls should be wondering why YOU didnt text back. Flip the switch buddy.

*newsflash* hot girls have alot of options they do whatever they want

Betas wonder... why she didnt text back

Meanwhile shes dieing to text an attractive alpha.

Who gets the girl?

Worry more about what you can do

Uhhh.. have a life... meet more girls? Be awsome? Become more attractive?

My general rule for girls who dont text back - Three times rule

Try leading 3 more times... 2 if im short on patience.

Spread out the times... dont send 3 texts in a row thats stupid.

But give it sum time(as much time as you want because you are a boss right and you do as you wish right?)

Who knows? tomorrow she might change her mind and text back and agree to meet up

But i generally move on after a good attempt.

No point trying to chase and overly invest, thats weak and futile.

But thats just advice

*hodgetwins voice*

DO WHATEVER THE FUCK U WANA DO


oh and i forgot to mention, when this happens and she doesnt text right away... whenever you text her again act like nothing happened... because really... it shouldnt matter to you. Not until it becomes a serious relationship or something... so yea dont be all but hurt ...hope you get the picture

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You're trying to take a back road to the front door. The movie text is you seeking her validation and trying to set her up to ask her out in a "checkers" not "Chess" kind of way. Any woman thats ever dated at least two men can see this coming from a mile away. Hence the reason she didn't even respond.

It wasn't genuine. You could careless about what movie she has for you to watch - what you really care about is seeing her again. So why are you lying and making up this fake story just so you can have an "excuse" to talk to her again..And you can't figure out why she has fell off with you?

The sexual frame thing can be a bit over rated. A woman naturally admires a man, but that admiration begins to go down the moment the man begins to comprise his own happiness just for hers. I've been with girls who i didn't kiss or make any forward move with of 5-6 times hanging out with them. And you know what they thought.. That I was friend zoning them. When I would finally kiss them I'd hear things like " Wow.. I didn't think you were attracted to me." - " I thought you were friend zoning me" etc.

Women aren't in charge of the attraction.. I AM. So I don't have to follow any rules to maintain the attraction for HER. I'm too busy figuring out whether or not she is worth my time. I don't have to kiss her for 100 dates, or do anything sexual.. Because I control the attraction. She has no power to position me in anyway.

Your frame is whats fucking you up. You're seeking for female validation and trying to "win her over". Women aren't stupid, but they think we are, because we don't understand that they see stuff like this coming from a mile away.

As someone else has already said, you have to let go of her. If you keep chasing after girls like this you're going to have to keep doing so until you strength your frame. You'll run into this issue over and over. Its not going to fix itself. Let her go, completely.. Even if she contacts you.. Let her go. Don't even reply. Train yourself today so you can be stronger tomorrow. It won't be comfortable, but position change isn't. Working out is tough, but it gets results.

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Just to clarify, she did respond... she just took forever doing it.
Hmm... I just end up in the friend zone so often. Also it doesn't just come from the PUA stuff, I've been reading "What Women Want," which is a book exploring all the ongoing scientific research into what turns women on. The chapter I'm on is all about how feeling desired turns them on.

So maybe I got too focused on that.

Yeah but that's you.
So here's my follow up, is this "letting go of her completely" just to help me get better later? Or is it also because I've irreparably damaged the "relationship?"

Because if it's the former, I'll think about it but I'm not sure I can go there right now. I'm working at a new, challenging, job as well as trying to start my own company, and trying to get the upper floor of my house ready to rent out. Any time not going to those three things should be going towards things like exercise and therapy, but will likely go to being exhausted and wanting to sleep. I mean, honestly just going out Monday screwed up my entire week...

In other words, I don't see myself doing any gaming or focusing on pickup for a few months at least. I'd really rather try to work things out with this girl so that at least once in a while I can have some companionship.