this is going to be kind of long but it tells my story.. things were once very good, now there not

i am having issue picking up women, making friends or even trying to hang out with old friends, i just feel socially awkward ( ill get to why later ) at one time i could go up to women like it was nothing, probably 2-3 nights a week I would end up taking a girl home and i did not even have to try. mainly i just walked up to a girl at a bar and said your hot whats your name and if she started talking to me than i usually ended up leaving with her. i am a good looking guy with a muscular build which probably helps, almost every girl i have ever known has told me i was cute or hot. I also had lots of friends that were attractive girls. also i used to be able to walk up to any guy and start up a conversation and make a new friend very easily, peple just liked me, i was full of life, i was fun, i was awesome and than i got lame and boring.

to top it all off random girls used to contact me on social media sites often with the intent to hook up with me ( not any more but i am not sure why that changed) , i even hooked up with a girl once when i got a new phone and received a text from a random number. i just texted back for a little while and finally said I just got this phone, i am not the person you think i am, sorry, she said she liked talking to me and sent me a link to her facebook profile. she was a descent looking girl with a nice body we stated talking on there for a short while and than we hooeked up. the first time i moved i had a cousin in town and we hung out a little, all of her friends were all over me all the time, its like girls were just drawn to me, people i knew would ask me how i did it ( i have no damn idea it just worked out that way ) i cant tell you how many girls i have picked up, too many to count. as of right now i cant seem to pick up any due to not having the guts to go talk to them.

These days i am socially awkward, when i was 27 i moved away because i got a job where i could transfer around and see what some different places where like so i moved a few times. i found that it was hard to meet people that i enjoyed being around, and the few people i did meet that were worth hanging with were very busy and so was I, so I did not see them so much, i got sick of going out just to meet lousy people and be bored, i started staying home and learned to be fine just hanging out with my self allot of the time which was enjoyable but eventually i think it got too used to that.

when i was living in a very hot part of the country i had a heat stroke and now i get sick in the heat, i quit my job, moved back home, I figured i would stay with my parents for a little while when i got back ( i still live there) , got a new job when i got home and shortly after that i hurt my back and had to quit my new job and got depressed. ( always had some depression and anxiety problems ) I could not do much with the bad back, just crouching down and standing back up was enough to lock up my back sometimes so i had to take lousy jobs where i did not really have to do any lifting and were in the air conditioning. ( my back is not good now but its a hell of a lot better than it was) the jobs i took were easy but always had bad hours, for instance i had to get up at 3 or 4 am and was working 7 days a week, or i had to work the grave yard shift so really could not go out much and that got even more depressing and i think i just kind of startd to say screw it and give up.. as of right now i have a descent job but its the over night shift, I sleep all day and and i really only have one free night each week. so i cant do much, that also makes dating hard.

due to being depressed and having lousy working schedules i have lost contact with most of my friends due to the lousy work schedule. i am still very used to being alone and i feel quite socially strange when i do go out or hang with a old friend, it just feels uncomfortable most of the time, i have always had some social anxiety issues and what not but they seem worse than they used to be. now if a girl or someone i do not know comes up and talks to me i have no issue talking their ear off if they seem cool or if its a girl i have no problem picking them up most of the time, but i cant seem to be the one to approach any one, i start thinking it will be a waist of my time to even bother to go and talk to that girl, shell probably be lousy like other girls i have dated, i dont have much interest in picking up girls and going home with them these days, i would rather just meet a nice girl and have a real relation ship but i cant bring my self to talk to them and i really do feel like dating is a waist of time and all girls will just be lousy like the other ones. there is still a small part of me that says keep trying but i just dont have it in me anymore.


all i can say is i went from the awesome guy everyone wanted to be friends with, all the girls wanted to be with, to this and it sucks. i am now 37 and things have really gone down hill over the last 7 years or so.
any advice on what to do at this point to get my confidence back and what not.

I think you're looking for spiritual advice, and Eddie will probably give you some.
But I see your problem as being a practical one, first and foremost.

You hate your job. You work bad hours and it isolates you from people. Your job is ultimately where you spend most of your life. If you hate your job and it keeps you away from the world, your life is usually going to suck.
You need to ask yourself why you're staying there. Is it the money? Why is the money worth it? What are you doing with the money? To me, money is only useful to the extent that it enhances my happiness. I make a pretty decent income, and I love my job. But, there are related jobs that I would detest. I was offered a controller position about a year ago. It paid well over half again what I make now. It's also "prestigious". It would "impress" people. It would also mean, I would no longer travel as a function of my job(which I love), and I'd no longer be meeting a lot of new people. I'd spend a whole lot of time in an office, by myself, looking over crap on a computer. I know how to do the job. I'd probably even be good at it. But it would drag my whole life down. Fuck the money, fuck the prestige. I don't want or need either one. I'd honestly rather go back and work retail for $9 an hour. Retail was a fun job for me. It paid like crap, but I was happy. I'd go back to being poor and happy, over having money and being unhappy. Of course, it's best if you can do both. But to me, I will always put my happiness in front of just about anything else.

My opinion, you should quit your job. If you need to get a job working as a part-time server at Ryan's steakhouse, so be it. You need more money than that? Fuck that. Move, sell your car, eat ramen noodles. Whatever. You do not *need* stuff. Your job is choking the life out of you. It's isolating you from the things you love. Whatever its paying you, it's not worth it. Do not sacrifice your life to a job. Once you've escaped the bad job that isolates you, turn your eye on what you would like to do for a living. If it's something that requires an education and you think you're too old, fine. Find something else you'd like. I'd not saying you need to "find your passion", but I am saying you need to find a job that allows you to be happy. That allows you to have free time, and ability to meet people and have friendships.

This job is an anchor around your neck. There are other jobs that could also be an anchor. Don't take those. Take something that will allow you to have free time and have friends. Whatever it pays. For now. You can look for a better job later. You need to cut that rope, so you can surface. A drowning man doesn't need to work on his mindset. He needs to get to the surface and breathe.

_________________
RSDTyler

Hey buddy, welcome to adulthood right?

While my circumstances are different, the result for me has been the same. I've moved around a lot in the past 5 years for increasingly better pay which has handicapped me quite a lot socially. Previously I was doing a job I loved back home near all my frienda, but was ultimately broke and paying even basic bills was a struggle. As a result, much like you, I ended up being him alone and learned to be mostly content entertaining myself. Now that I have the means to go out and do everything I ever wanted its, ironically, very difficult. I became very complacent in being a loner.

Keep in mind I don't love what I do but it gives me a very comfortable life which, for me, works better than being broke. I don't necessarily agree you have to love what you do, as most people dont, but I do agree that finding work that affords you a more normal schedule would be a huge improvement.

Much like you, I've recently identified that changes need to be made....and those changes are friggin hard. Since you say you're muscular I'm assuming you work out regularly so I'll use the analogy of muscle memory. I'm sure your injuries sidelined you for extended periods of time, but would you not agree that getting yourself back in shape physically was less of a process the second time around since you had developed that muscle memory? You know you have it in you to be a fun, relatable, conversationalist with anyone. All you have to do is force yourself to get out there and flex those muscles again.

My advice would be to find a better job first and foremost. But also, in the meantime, use Meetup.com. This site is an amazing way to meet like minded people that enjoy doing the thinges that you love to do. I've found that having a "fallback" subject to talk about and interact with people over, takes away much of the self induced awkwardness you can feel by trying to get to know new people.

New habits are hard to cutivate, but once you do you'll be amazed how your anxieties will evaporate and you'll start truly enjoying people again.

Good luck man!

I wear my lazy pants today
so I will just go and take a stab at this by reading only the title and the first sentence

How to get back in the game ?
The same way you got into it the first place.

With the difference that you may need to work on different stinking points now, if you dont have high demands in the looks department find some female friend of friend that others dont like... you may date and fuck in order to keep your motivation and confidence while working the numbers by searching for girl thats actually date-able (if others dont want her she wont leave you that easy for cheating on her)

_________________
Dating Tips - http://whitemethod.com/

Thanks guys,

i have been thinking about quitting my job and working at the gas station or some crap job just to get me thew, since i live with my parents not it would not be a big deal but i am having a hard time quitting my job for some reason. its not really the job i hate its the shift..

at my job i have good benefits, i am a state employee, i make OK money, the job is super easy, almost like i get paid to walk around a building all night, its not really hot in there which is good since i get really sick when i am in the heat too long and i don't really have to lift anything often so it does not bother my back. the issue with back problems and getting sick in the heat kind of makes it hard to find descent jobs.

when i took the job i was on a different shift, after a few months ( this i did not know they did this ) they put the shifts up for bid twice a year, and a guy with more seniority that had been working 3rd shift for a long time decided he finally wanted off 3rd shift and i got stuck working over night. now there is one guy on 1st shit, one guy on 2nd shift and 4 of us at night, any other job at the company require some big huge expensive collage degree which i have no interest paying 150k for a piece of paper saying i went to school.

i do kind of have high standards when it comes to women, i wish i did not but i do., i like to look at a girl and think she is really cute or really hot. i cant really deal with over weigh either. i guess i would say girls in the 8-10 rage are what i have always gone after. some times i would go out a few nights in a row and not see one girl that was good looking enough to hit on, i guess i am pretty damn picky. i have dated some lesser looking women but only because i got to know them somehow and they ended up being pretty darn cool, at that point i can make a exception on looks but i would never just go up to a girl at a bar unless she was up to my standards. i think over the last few years i have dropped my standards a little, but i still want a nice looking girl that is not over weight.

i spend about 30 min a day lifting weights, i am kind of naturally muscular and build muscle pretty easy, it was easier to build muscle when i was younger though, not easier this time around, plus my back was so bad for a while i could barley do anything but really light workouts, i started lifting again in hopes to get my back feeling better and over he last 2 years it has got allot better but i still need to be careful..

as far as the heat, i actually get so sick i throw up, have muscle cramps and think am going to pass out and die, the doctor thinks its anxiety attacks, which it might be since that heat stoke i had in AZ freaked me out really bad. after that when i am in the heat i keep thinking about it being hot and what happened and next thing i know bam, i think am dying. so it might be anxiety but i am not 100% convinced it is. if i were 100% convinced it was i could probably stop it from happening..

if i could get my back and the heat issues in check it would be no problem finding different jobs.. but i am scared ill quit my job, get a lousy job and than i wont find another descent job that i can do with the problems.

maybe if i got out more things would change, i tried to get out tonigh with a few friends, we went out to a bar, got some dinner and than after we ate everyone wanted to go home, its not really the type of bar i enjoy hanging out at so i went home too. so that made for a boring night. i dont know.

I didn't get the sense you hate your job, per-se. Mostly the hours. But since working your shift is non-optional... it's not really up for debate. Your job and your hours are locked together.
Things will not improve if you've got the core issue of bad hours.

You say your job consists of walking around, so I presume your back issues don't prevent you from standing while working.

To reask the question, what are you doing with the money you're making at work? And I'm not entirely convinced an "easy" job is always a good thing(especially once you're out of school).

_________________
RSDTyler

I can stand/ walk around just fine and my back is getting better since i started doing lower back exercises that seem to be helping with the issue, I am hoping in another year or two it will be fixed or at least close to it. i used to be very careful with every thing i did, including getting in and out of the car. my 15 min ride to work every night was enough enough to bother the old back before. one of the exercises i tried the fist time with a 10 lb dumbbell, sharp pians all over, though my back was gonna rip out, now i can do with 75 lbs so there is a huge improvement and i think it might heal up if i keep doing what i am doing, i just cant bend and lift very well and picking things up off the floor is a issue. part of me is kind of waiting for my back to get better before i find a new job. most jobs i would want to do require some lifting and what not.


I guess i could really get out Friday and Saturday night if i wanted, i think the main problem is really my lack of motivation and i am being lazy, unless one of the few people i still hang out with calls me up and asks me to do something i stay home and watch net flix. i just cant seem to get my self to call anyone or do anything unless someone else asks me to first. i am just lazy and have little motivation, and i have lost interest in most things. i think this is the main problem, more of a problem than the job. sure my job does not help but i still have 2 night a week i could actually get out, i have been trying to get out and do at least something every Saturday the last few weeks but its really just been gong to a friends house and setting around there.

i have Friday off work and Saturday, usually on Friday I am really tired when i get up for some reason and don't really feel like doing anything, most the time on Saturday i want to do something but don't usually do much . i was staying awake on Friday instead of going to bed when i get off work and than i crashing out early Friday night, crashing early Saturday, getting up early Sunday and than napping that evening before work. my hobby was something that i did early in the day on my days off for a few hours. i was good at it, had offers to be sponsored and everything but i turned them down because i would have to travel around to events for the hobby and no one of the expenses would be paid plus with my issue with heat that would not be a good thing for me i don't think since its a outdoor hobby. most of the people in the hobby around where i live are old guys, lots of young guys in the hobby too but none of them are from around here,

I recently started trying to stay more on the same late night schedule, thinking maybe i would get out more and i have got out slightly more but not allot. so i don't know, i need to stop being a lazy ass and scared of everything and do something about it, i know that much at least.

i have been responsible and irresponsible with my money. my hobby is expensive and i also like buying crap from amazon, i have been taking a break from the hobby for about a year now, and i have recently stopped buyin stuff from amazon. i don't know getting something new is still a thing i enjoy for some reason, i don't enjoy much these days. the last few months I have been doing pretty well with my money,

I have kind of told my self once I have X amount of money saved up ( probably be the end of this year ) i am going to try and get a job at the local grocery store, i know a few people that work there and you can make some good money there if you get in the right position but your gonna start out at some lousy job making 8 bucks a hour or what ever. or i figure i could get a job at a gas station for a filler job till i found something good that i am able to do.

Check your PMs

_________________
RSDTyler