Yesterday on 2/23/08, I was having a shitty day. I was almost done with work, when I had to do a walk out in the parking lot-making sure that everything was done. I wasn't the one closing, so I thought that my buddy would take care of the other carts. However, I receieved no help on my side at all. Which pissed the hell out of me!

I almost ran a lady over because I was such in the hurry to get the hell out of job because I was suppost to leave work 30 minutes ago. So as you can imagine I was pretty damn pissed. However, the good side is that I would get paid for over-time. But that wasn't the end of my shift, I had more shit recieve. The customer complained to the manager. So I went into his office among with my former manager Joyce got a verbal warning. I didn't just get a verbal warning because of that; the other reason was because I didn't get the job done perfect or the lot clear.

The manager was frustrated at me for not performing good. He told me he gave me 30 tries and the next time he sees the parking lot-I'm fired. This isn't great at all because I need the money to pay my bills.

So, I got most of my job done angry as a motherfucker. I went online to vent out some steam with you fellow mates: White_Rose, JSmooth, Kinoescalator, the Doctor. I noticed I was reaching a senstivity threshold which was very high.

I tried to cheer up but stil felt like shit. I was feeling like a failure and that is what crashed my frame. I was feeling that I couldn't do anything right and that for whatever reason I am a loser. In NLP, a thought=feeling=behavior. So as I was thinking that I was a loser, made me feel pissed, which then seek attention or approval to compersate the feeling. I'll get into the sub-linking in the next post. It's a new or maybe not a new theory I just came up with.

Anyways, today I was talking to my buddy which is my land lord. I noticed I was reframing the whole experience for myself. I was changing my viewpoint that they were out to get me, into they're there to help me and see me succeed.

It may seems their a bunch of assholes guys, but they really like my work it's just that I've been fucking up lately. I scratched a car with a cart,which caused the company $600 dollars. I almost ran over a lady with a row of carts. The other previous weeks I didn't get the job done right. So of course-wouldn't you guys be alittle peeved? WOuldn't you guys feel like you're nothing and just can't do anything right? It may just be me, but I know I felt like that.

Do I want to go to work? I don't know. Am I afraid of getting fired? Yes. Do I want to get fired? No. IF I do my job right then they won't complain. My name is Stealth and I should take control of any situation my way.

The reason why I don't know if I wanna go to work compared to a resounding No. Is because I'm feeling not feel so confident. FEAR=ANXIETY+INSECURITY+UNDER ACHIEVEMENT\LACK OF RECONGINATION.

I just right now have to reframe my fear into something positive like, "I tried my hardest or if I didn't I can always try harder. Therefore, I will try harder to keep my job."

Thanks guys for helping me and listening to me! I know Kino that I was talking about Walmart while you guys were having a Meet-Up at Nashville but I just needed to vent. I figured out my own problems though.

You know-fuck it! I'm going to work!

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