Let me start by giving my definition of a Flake. It's when a girl agrees to plans with you on a specific day and then backs out or just goes cold and never responds to you. I wouldn't consider a girl giving me her number and not responding as a "flake". But once she consents to a date and then doesn't follow through... now that's a flake.

I get them at an alarming rate, and I assume it isn't just me. Granted, the vast majority of women I meet come from online. I'm sure the flake rate is higher for them, but that's just how I game currently so I want to perfect that craft the best I can. The hardest part is just getting them to meet up with me, I generally can close fairly well after we do meet.

So what are the best practices to cut down on flakes, and the best way to deal when the flake does happen?

I try to always plan dates for the next day if possible, because it gives the girl less time to think of a way out of it or end up falling for another guy. Usually same-day dates are too much too soon, but asking a girl to go out the day after you start talking seems logical. I've had a particularly bad week so far, as I've had a date planned for 3 straight days and each girl ended up flaking.

Monday girl: agreed to date with me around 7 pm. I texted her at 6 to confirm and she said she wasn't home yet. I asked her when she would be home and she said "it will be a while". She then stopped responding to me.

Tuesday girl: Texted me an hour before the date and said "Ahh I have to reschedule, my sister needs the car". I swiftly responded , "no worries i'll pick you up" to which she said "let's just do thursday it's a better night for me anyways".

Wednesday girl: This one really bugs me. She suggested we meet today and she picked the place and the time. Because of my bad luck the last two days, I was paranoid for a flake and I texted her this morning saying, "Try not to die in the next ten hours!" She responded and joked around with me a little.... and then a few hours later says "yeah we have to reschedule my dad just came into town". WTF!

I know I'm supposed to deflect it, keep the abundance mentality, and say "on to the next one!" but it just gets tiring and ridiculous. I plan time out of my day to make these arrangements and these girls just dip out. Texting makes it easier... I'm sure if they were forced to call me to discuss it they wouldn't be so easy for them. But all it takes is a simple text and they can remain in their comfort zone.

I'm well aware that 99% of flakes aren't legit, it's just human nature. Any one of these girls (and the hundreds of flakers before them) could have kept their date with me, but chose not to. Most likely because I didn't stir up enough excitement beforehand. But what am I supposed to do? I've tried going cold, I've tried sending the "retention text" on the morning of, I've tried haggling with them after they flake to get them to change their mind and I've also tried the old "no problem I have other plans anyways" line but nothing really matters.

I always plan lighthearted low pressure evenings of drinks or coffee. It's never some grand dinner/movie BS. The girl should be comfortable meeting... I'm just frustrated and at a loss right now.

Any insight? Tips on retaining these dates? I don't want to fall into the trap of continuing to reschedule and get flaked on with the flakers but the thought of letting go after investing time and energy into these whores without even a chance to get physical makes me so mad.

Flakes are flakes because the investment is low. Don't call em out, just don't reward the flake and at a later time, if you want, ping them - all it may take is a hangout or two for the flakiness to go away. Personally I don't waste time with such women.

Better profile pictures so she's more interested
Better profile so she's more interested
Call her and chat before setting the date.

since I have done a lot of online dating, I know exactly what you're talking about. There are multiple issues created by flakes and you need to handle them step by step. I am describing this in detail below :-

1) Your own emotional issues - let's face it, flakes are cruel ! you make up a plan, you clean your apartment, you work around your schedule and then all you get is a tiny message...you might as well get slapped in the face by someone ! But, the best way to counter this is to first accept that this is going to happen a lot (especially with online girls) and second always have a plan B in case the date gets cancelled...something which excites you...it may be interesting work, a movie, a walk, some sports activity or even another girl...if you don't have a plan B, then actually the only interesting thing happening in your life is going on this date with a random girl you haven't even met and that kinda sucks !

Also, this is why it's very important to not invest too much in a girl online before meeting her! it's just not worth it.


2) Texting - realize the difference between last minute hesitation(LMH) and a flake --- if a girl gives you an opening, you can push harder and try to convince her (though not more than 1-2 texts) ;
example of LMH with opening "i had a really tough night yesterday, not sure if i can do another night" ; reply - "don't worry , it was tough for me too but today is sat night and we will make the best of it" --- worked
"i can't find a taxi" , " i have to put on makeup" ... all these are LMH with openings...the best way to deal with them is downplay them and not show that you are eager. Of course, don't show your eagerness to meet like you did with that "die in 10 hours" comment...just say something casual like "looking forward to meeting you today@7" ... serves as a reminder, gets you a confirmation, you are not asking so she will have to go out of the way to cancel....works like a charm...

LMH without opening - cases such as someone in family or friends arrived...no way she is going to ditch (or pretend to ditch) her family or friends for someone she haven't even met... don't even try...also if she mentioned a friend or made a lame excuse, most likely she is either not interested or you are very low in her list ( unless it's Fri night or sat night; then she might actually have friends)

Call her - I haven't really tried this much...but I don't think it will work well nowadays...especially if you have never met before...and what if she doesn't pick up...then sending a message afterwards you come across as a loser...you can give it a try and see it works but i think if u play the texting game right...it will work really well


And last point, no matter what you do..you will get flakes..it's part of the game...even friends flake on you all the time...you just don't realize it...so be chill...have a life and yeah of course, if a girl flakes > 2 times, she is out !

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The most important 4-letter word I learnt, when it comes to dating ---- "Next" ...

Great post Ricadams, you're pretty much spot on.

I try not to invest too much time building rapport with the girl because in my experience, your chances of having them meet you doesn't really increase significantly after day 2 anyways. So why waste energy trying?

In regards to calling the girl beforehand, I see the logic behind it. Hearing your voice makes the girl feel more connected to you and familiar with you subconsciously and also makes her a little more uncomfortable with flaking because of this fact.

However the age range of girls I go after is 20-26 and these types are NOT used to talking on the phone. So it can be very jarring when you call them and there's not a great chance they will even pick up. Then you just seem like a weirdo for calling them and they're more compelled to flake. It seems like it does more harm than good.