language and cultural issues



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PostPosted: Wed Mar 25, 2015 6:44 pm 
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maybe I am just making excuses. but i think one of my problems has to do with language and cultural issues.

i moved to the United States as a teen but I still don't understand the culture here.

If i see a girl from my country, i will be able to talk to her a lot easier. I will know what's appropriate to say, I will know what's inappropriate. I know what girls from my country value in a man. for example, education is a big deal to them. girls from my country will not fuck some thug with tattoos (sorry guys with tattoos who are not thugs)
your job is also a big deal. when you meet a girl, she will immediately ask you about your education and your job. so I will just pretend I have a masters in engineering and that solves 40% of the equation.

anyway, the point is, I cant pick up American girls or girls from other countries because I just dont know them. I cant relate to them. Like if a korean girl is sitting at the coffee shop, I imagine myself going up to her. Then I ask myself "what the hell am I going to tell her? I have nothing to say to this person."

I get nervous no matter what the girl's nationality, but it's a lot easier when you are speaking in your native language and you understand the culture.

am I right or am I just making excuses?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 2:14 pm 
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Quote:
am I right or am I just making excuses?
Both!!

You cant pick up that shy and conservative Japanese at Starbuck cafe as you would pick up a very liberal French girl (who may be herself a PUA girl) in a night-club... I do think that there are definitely cultural differences that require you to adjust your game... But culture does not explain everything... There are also super shy French girls and super liberal Japanese girls going wild in night-clubs...

Also when said you moved to the US while a teenager, I guess it was long time ago, right?
So you should have adapted long time ago already! I should not take more than a few weeks/months to understand the "local" rules of picking-up... Also, the stronger are your self-confidence and game, the less cultural differences/expectations matter...

So, cultural barriers may explain 10-20% of your difficulties... But the most part is definitely related to your lack of self-confidence/game... But hey, we all here to learn and improve so dont give up! You are in the right place for that! Good luck!

Cheers


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 3:14 pm 
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You're inventing hypothetical problems. The issue is, it is a self full filling prophecy and it will start to come true for you eventually

Knock that shite on it's head and think more optimistic before it is too late.

I've been to countries and been on the dance floor and making out with girls that don't speak any English at all. Even taking them home.

Your whole game ethos seems to be on verbal conversation. The guys that know what they are doing, understand that it is the shit behind the words and actions that translates directly to seduction so language barriers is an excuse.

Religion and culture is a separate issue, in Dubai, you're not allowed to hold hands in public, I combat this by not going there.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 3:52 pm 
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I agree with PEBBLE, this is all in your head. You're just talking to someone so there's nothing to worry about. Don't understand the culture in the US? Make that the topic of your conversation next time you approach, ask for advice and share what you have noticed so far. Calibration will come in time.

The problem is that you feel like you have to say something good or interesting, or say the right things at the right time somehow. "so I will just pretend I have a masters in engineering and that solves 40% of the equation."

You're qualifying yourself and you need to stop. Lower the standards on the things you say: just talk about whatever you want and have fun, that's what people look for ultimately. Of course you should have an admirable life, go after the masters in engineering if that's what you want but make sure you are doing it for yourself and not to impress girls.

Being a foreigner surely makes you stand out, specially for looks and accent. Use that in your favor.

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 5:57 pm 
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ok, thanks guy. so you don't agree that people in the US have a bias against foreigners?

also, I dont understand what you mean by "what you say doesn't matter" I am the kind of guy that thinks saying the right thing at the right time matters. For example when I talk to a girl, hours later it suddenly occurs to me "ohhhhh...I should have said this other thing at that moment, that would have created more attraction"

humans are the only organisms that use language....I thought that's our primary mode of communication. if it doesn't matter what you say, then I dont understand what I am supposed to be doing.

Your answer is going to be something like "it's about HOW you say it." but I dont know what that means. how am I supposed to be saying it?


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 6:46 pm 
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Just read 60 years of challenge

I pull chicks in loud night clubs all the time without saying a single word. Maybe just a quick point to myself and saying: 'PEBBLE'

So how do you think myself and many many of people can do that?

Non verbal seduction.

Get closer
Look at her like you want to fuck her
Physically escalate
Lead
Kiss her

(All those things does not require the use of vocal chords)

You are just guessing, I am just telling you from my experience. People seem to think lines work, but if you have a good energy, looking sexy, feeling confident then any verbal 'line' works.

Having a bad day, dressed like shit and the line will not work. So with this logic you must agree that there is a much deeper communication behind words and sentences?

I am from the UK but I guess I am white and speak English so it still the same thing. I just don't visit Muslim's or any other sex prevention cultures. I don't have problems with the language barrier.
Quote:
also, I dont understand what you mean by "what you say doesn't matter" I am the kind of guy that thinks saying the right thing at the right time matters. For example when I talk to a girl, hours later it suddenly occurs to me "ohhhhh...I should have said this other thing at that moment, that would have created more attraction"
Example: Look at the bold, the sub-communication to the bold words conveys that you're needy, you're trying to entertain the girl so that she will like you, this is wrong frame of mindset. Talk about what you wanna talk about. Embrace the awkward pause if it comes to that. Who ever fill in the silence invests more (so make sure that is not you)

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PostPosted: Thu Mar 26, 2015 7:55 pm 
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I agree with what's been said. If you imagine a negative outcome, it is much more likely to happen. People will sense your nervousness and you will react accordingly. Ideally, you should just assume everything will be fine and it usually is. If you can't do that yet, the next best thing is to go into the situation with a neutral mindset or blank slate, expect nothing. The more you start to get positive reference points from your experiences, the stronger your positive mindset will be.

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 27, 2015 8:18 pm 
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Just a side note bartm, this part of your reply reminded me of a friend.
Quote:
I am the kind of guy that thinks saying the right thing at the right time matters.
He is very beta (not saying that you are, this is just context) and can't ever interact properly with women live so he used to rely a lot on text and dating sites/apps. Needless to say he had zero results with those as well and when he came after me for help I gave him a few ideas on texting, mostly to make his conversations more interesting. I remember saying something about making a fun and engaging first text and he answered "but for me a conversation between two people has to start with 'hi, how are you doing' ". He constantly asked around for help but wasn't even willing to try the advice he got.

Be careful not to end up like him on this "right thing to say" subject, the whole idea behind pick up is putting our beliefs to the test (they are part of what holds us back, right?). Maybe you could read some more about body language and voice tonality, the value you want to convey with words can be shown with behavior. Try it out for a couple weeks, if it doesn't even begin to make sense for you then go back to your verbal-focused game and figure out what american girls want to hear. Maybe you'll be successful and create a method on that, who knows. Just make sure you're not being stubborn with old beliefs and test everything you can.

Either way, good luck man. Let us know how things turn out.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2015 10:19 am 
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Ok guys, I didn't read all the posts here, but I think we are all saying basically the same thing: it's all in your head.

Listen, as you can deduce from my name, I'm partly italian (and the rest german) and right now I'm living in the UK. So, following your reasoning it should be really hard for me to pick up girls where I am. Well, I can tell you that it's FALSE. The cultural differences that you think would not let me integrate with the english people actually make us even closer because I point those out and discuss them. Especially the girls are interested in cultural differences.
Think about it this way. Let's say you come from England and you moved to the US when you were a teen. They'll immediately recognize you are from somewhere else by your accent and they will investigate about it. It's a sort of peacocking, I would say. Plus, discussing about cultural differences gives you an endless stream of information about the girl you are talking to and also an endless topic. I never had the problem of having nothing more to say about cultural differences. This will make you look confident and and interesting, helping you automatically getting the girl.

Being from another country makes game so much easier that I would almost consider it like cheating haha


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