So today I finally I got out of my approach-less season and decided to have a hand at a tricky situation. For whatever reason, I just haven’t been in the mood to approach any girl, I guess I’ve been enjoying being around my friends since I have some lost time to make up with.

Ok, but enough with excuses, let’s get into the nitty gritty!

We are on a 3-hour bus to my hometown. She sits on the row in front of me, but on the opposite side. During the trip, she starts looking back, eying me discretely, messing with her hair, you know, the works. So I’m like “Damn, it’s kinda though with people all around me and besides I’ll have to approach without coming off as a creep”.
I obviously didn’t approach early on, as it could potentially lead to a long trip trying to avoid her. That said, we exchanged eyes a couple of times, until like half of the people got off in a bus stop, and I made my move – I reached in:

- “Hey, what’s your name?”
- *says her name kinda mumbling*
- “Sorry, I didn’t get that…”
- *says her name a bit louder this time*
- “Oh hey, I’m XXX”! (shake her hand) You know, I’ve never seen you in this bus before, where you from blabla…”

Ok so we’re both smiling at each other, it’s going nicely, but then I ask her

“hey, would it be cool if I sit there with you for a bit?”

She hesitates for a bit, then says

“Thanks, but maybe not.”


I just replied “Ok” and the conversation ended there. Now, I didn’t get nervous afterwards or anything, just sat there chill as always, but she starts frantically grabbing her phone, sending texts, calling people, etc. She did look back a couple of times more, but really quick – she was nervous, I could tell.

All in all, I feel really good for approaching in a risky situation (still have a bit of a problem with AA) and besides, if I hadn’t tried, I would never know what would come out of it. Still, I’d still like to know what you guys think about it, since I might have made some mistake that just isn’t apparent to me.

Cheers!

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

If you act uncomfortable about moving to sit next to her, then so will she.

Never ask permission. Put on a huge grin, tell her "you know what, I'm sitting next to you" or just say "wait one second" and then move over.

Do this without hesitation or fear. Odds are she will NOT tell you to move, put in a bit of energy, make sure that she is enjoying the interaction, and you're good to go.

Guess I forgot to mention she was sitted on the outer seat - if I were to sit by her, she would have to move aside to make room for me.

But yeah, you have a point.

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

It's a bit more than that though - The fact that she mumbled her name in response shows that she probably wasn't comfortable there. First off you have to make her comfortable - something as simple as smiling and having an infectious energy will pull her into your "zone" and reduce chances of immediate rejection.

I tried my best. It's not like I came at her with a straight face - my smile was there for everyone to see.

I think it might have had something to do with people being so near and being able to hear our conversation (hey, if I was ok with it, doesn't mean she would be).

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

Ok it's funny. Have you ever seen "American Son"? It's a movie about a marine coming home with A nice twist.

Anyway in the begining He's on a bus and sees a girl. She's sitting in front of him with her bag on the other seat. He approaches her and did basically the same thing you did. He askesbto sit next to her and she says "I don't think so". He responds by saying something like "alright but I bet you'll be looking for me when some sweaty stinky homeless guy a comes on" exaggerating. She laughs And let's him sit there

So just think. It's a 3 hour bus ride. Would you rather text someone or have a conversation. you just gotta push a little more. same problem in having

Now I'll definitely have to see it haha

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

Congratulations on making a move. Keep making moves and you will learn as you go. If you're in this exact situation in the future, try having it just be a regular convo i.e. tap her on the shoulder "where u headed to" or whatever is relevant. Get in to a little convo while subcommunicating your intent that you're not interested in being her bff. Have something to show her on your phone as the excuse to sit next to her.
If you were a woman you probably would have responded with the same thing. This is a downlevel from the situation where a girl is asked "would you like to have sex?"; it's just too much information to process. As opposed to "lets go get some food" and taking her to your place. You're there for the food, not sex. If sex happens it happens.

Similarly, the meaning of "can i sit next to you" is that "me man you woman me like you" as opposed to having a baked-in excuse to sit next to her. IF she was into the convo (and you'll get good at sensing whether the girl is into it or not if you keep approaching) she would have possibly welcomed you sitting next to her if you had come up with some reason to beyond just "I like you and want to sit next to you."

Still, don't give up on saying "would it be cool if I sit there with you for a bit?" Test that out some more too. The key is to talk to more women and develop a style and ways of being that work for you individually.

That went through my head afterwards. You're totally right. The only excuse I gave her was "to know each other" since we had never seen each other, even if we have the same hometown.

I also get the feeling that transitioning during conversation is one of my weak points. Definitely need to get on that ASAP.

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

You've used excuse and justifications multiple times in your post, and you tried to justify your sitting next to this girl.

You don't need any justification for making someone's day.

You did good with doing something. You are slowly pushing through your shell and honestly, you'll figure it
out eventually.

As you're learning how to do this, you want to ask yourself 2 questions after every approach.

1) What did I do right?

2) What could I do differently?

So you did awesome with just saying something. You did it at your own pace, but you did it nevertheless.

You kept the conversation going. Good job.

Now as for the things you could have done differently;

The most obvious is you should have teased and create some attraction. Saying something like, "I normally
don't talk with strangers on the bus, but by the way you were looking at me I got a feeling that you'll kick
my ass if I don't say something "

Teasing is what makes the girl feel RELAXED around you.

It's actually a weird mixture of tension that you're creating while you're teasing her, and the relaxation
she feels when she giggles or laughs because of it.

When you said to her, "Hey do you mind if I sit next to you?", you broke one rule.

To her, you didn't ask her to sit next to you - but you ASKED her to APPROVE your ADVANCE.

If she said yes to it, it would mean that she said yes to YOU.

And she wasn't ready for that step yet, because simply you haven't made
her comfortable enough.

If she got relaxed and comfortable around you by you teasing her, you could easily say, "Ok, so it's
awkward for me to sit like this. Move, I'll sit next to you - but I warn you, no touching. "

Make sense?

YOU have to be the man and LEAD the interaction, not wait for her to give you approval.

I hope this helped you, and by the way - if you want to speed up your process of dealing with your AA, I invite
you and anyone reading this to my test group, where I'm testing a new technique. Details in the description.

Wish you best,

_________________
Test out my new Approach Anxiety technique, that eliminates your AA
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I haven't been on in a while but I came across a similar situation before. I forgot how most of it went but this is how I started the approach.
Basically... lie.
I see my target and decide to sit next to her and no conversation was exchanged (it's a public bus and I can sit wherever the hell I want).
After a minute of looking out the window I turn my head to her and I said "sorry to bother you, but this is my first time on this bus; do you know what route it takes?"
I take that bus often so I knew exactly where it was headed. I didn't get the number but the rest of the ride she was more open to conversation.

Conclusion:
1) You went too direct. She isn't walking away from you; the target is static which gives you time for indirect game.
2) How often do you see people asking for permission to sit on a public bus? You see it but it's not too often which gives you the upper hand.
3) If you can't find anything relevant to say in the situation "lie." You are a stranger, essentially you can say whatever you want as long as it's congruent with the situation. If you marry her and she finds out that you took the effort to think of something to say (aka love at first sight) she will think it was just a cute memory (you will be forgiven for lying haha)