I'll try to summarize this the best I can.

About 3 months ago, I met a girl through some friends. Every person I met said the same thing, "She's sweet, beautiful, fun, and I think you 2 would get along great". So I decided to meet her in a group setting and they were right, we really hit it off. We dated for a couple months and she was VERY interested me. She kept asking our mutual friend if I liked her, she texted me everyday from the day we met at least once if nothing else than to say goodnight. First time we slept together, she beat around the bush for 2 hours basically inviting herself over. We had an incredible time every time we were together.

The last time I saw her she came to my house, we cooked, watched a movie, etc. We were supposed to hang out a couple days later but she cancelled on me because she forgot she had plans with friends. I hate when people break commitments but I didn't address it via text and things had been going so well I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill. After that day, she quit texting me except for when I texted her first, but she would respond immediately to my texts. We would talk for 2 hours but then when I'd invite her over or ask her out, she would beat around the bush with bs excuses.

So after about 10 days of this, I confronted her about it basically saying wtf but in a more polite and professional manner. She said said I had been super sweet to her (my first mistake, I know) and that she thought I was looking for something serious and she wasn't ready for that blah blah etc. I have no idea why she thought that because AFAIK I had done nothing to indicate it. A few days went by and our mutual friend called me and said she told them that when she was cooking, I walked up behind her and gave her a hug and she thought it was moving too fast. I guess I'm just batshit for thinking you can hug a girl 3 weeks after you've been sleeping together.

It has been driving me bonkers because she was perfect for what I like. I've had gf's for 2+ years that I missed less than her. So the same mutual friend called me yesterday and said she had been talking about me to them and on one hand trying to make me sound like the bad guy but on the other hand still acting interested in seeing me. 2 of our friends told me they think she started to catch feelings, it freaked her out, so she bailed.

Sorry this was so lengthy, but I haven't slept in 2 weeks and am trying to find the solution. What would you guys recommend? I made the mistake of being very nice and accommodating because I had convinced myself "she was different" and would appreciate it which she acted like she did.

Can I/should I try to salvage this or move on and try to forget about it?

Thanks everyone for the help! I read here a lot but rarely post because I like to figure it out for myself if I can. I'm too attached to the outcome of this one to give myself sound advice.

Hey man -- Few things:

1) This is in the wrong forum (you're not in a relationship with her... please read the forum rules and post in the appropriate place)

2) You're either leaving something out, or she got a whiff or something she didn't like from you... Hugging her while she's cooking isn't a big deal at all, especially after you've slept together. So... what are you leaving out? Did you have an exclusivity talk with her? Were you being needier than you're indicating here (we do not care... we just need the whole story to help you effectively).

3) If this truly is the whole story, she's got some commitment issues apparently. I'm not sure what you two are looking for is the same thing, like she said... The fact that you've lost a lot of sleep over this indicates to me that she's maybe a little more special to you than you were to her... So - that in itself is maybe what she smelt that she didn't like...

4) Want to push forward? Talk to her and explain that nobody's talking about marriage here or even a relationship. If you inadvertently put out a vibe she interpreted wrong, you'd like a chance to explain that to her... It's possible she wants a FB... and I don't know that you've got the mental readiness for something like that (you're a little hung up on a girl you knew for only slept with for a few weeks, afterall!)

1. My mistake, wasn't 100% sure where I should post it. Please feel free to move to the appropriate forum.

2. I wish I was leaving something out, that's the part that is driving me crazy. I'm completely okay with making mistakes and learning from them. I just can't figure out what mistake I made. Maybe I was being needier than I realized although she hasn't indicated that to any of our mutual friends (we have 4 total as it turns out). I was definitely attentive when we were together but at the same time made sure to be slow to respond to texts, occasionally busy when she wanted to hang out, etc.

3. Everyone says she's been acting really strange the past few weeks, pretty much right around the time she started being weird with me. 3 days before our last date, I got a text from her basically talking about how much she liked me and couldn't wait to see me. We had a great time that night, and then a few days later something very distinctly changed.

4. You're 100% correct about the FB. I'm completely okay with having one, but I don't want it to be with this girl. I'd rather that be with someone I don't give a shit whether I see again. I am definitely way too hung up on her to have only went out for a couple months and more than anything, I HATE not knowing what happened. I would feel better if he called and told me my dick was too small. At least I could do some penis exercises and take Enzyte, haha. But with this, I have nothing to go on.

It has been less than 2 weeks since we parted ways, would you contact her soon or you think wait a little longer since she's talking about me to our friends? Thanks again for the help Charles!

If it's been a couple weeks, do it now... Or call her (that might be better). You need to be calm and collected and unreactive... (IE: unemotional). Spell it out for her (you think she has the wrong idea... and you'd like to clarify your position - because nobody mentioned getting serious)... If she responds negatively, drop her. No contact... I'd bet she contacts you eventually (might be a month... but I bet she does).

You gotta stop playing broken telephone with your friends too. It's immature. You need gossip to help hold a relationship together? High school shit.

I like this plan. I appreciate all the help and I'll report back if/when I get something. If nothing else maybe someone else will stumble across it and learn from it.

First things first bro..

Here me once and here my clear.

CLOSURE is for BITCHES and bitches only.

Life ain't fair and you aren't always going to get closure. And the fact that you're struggling to move on without getting it is a reflection of why she isn't around to begin with. Its weak and is a reflection of you not being able to stand on your own two feet(not secure, women want a secure man) without the assistance of information from another.

Second.. Everybody gets GOT bro, its all apart of the game. Like my dad(former super player) told me after I got broken up with and left the first time.. " You ain't a player until you get played son".

Two things can happen when you have such an experience; you can become bitter or you can become better. This shit should only fuel you because of the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding you're going to gain from having this experience.

Also, let me ask. Why on earth would you want to be a relationship because YOU want to be in one? Don't you understand how girly that is? She was already fucking you, she was already crashing and cooking food with you.. Why would you want to hand over your freedom as if you were going to get something in exchange for doing so? Its a bad deal.

Now if she wasn't fucking you or doing all the girlfriend shit and said " I only fuck and cook with guys who decide to be my boyfriend and stop fucking other women" I could understand you wanting to be in a relationship because then AT LEAST there is a REASON. You get to cook and fuck the girl granted you give her your freedom.

The mindset that pushes a guy to want to be in a relationship off of his own decision is an INSTANT oneitis mindset. That would only suggest that oneitis, is but a couple months away. You'll have your 1-4 months of fun, but after that its all set and done.

So if I could give you any advice right now I would tell you to cry your eyes out, play a bunch of sick love drunk love songs " The Script" has a great album called Breakeven I think. I balled my eyes out to that when I lost my first love after being a pimp all my life before then. And once you're spend a couple weeks crying and sulking you build yourself back up into a stronger better man, worthy of attracting a higher quality woman because of the wisdom you gained from this experience.

You'll fall in love again, believe that.. I've been in love 9 times almost; its a choice, you talk yourself into falling in love. You're poison your thoughts day by day little by little until you're on your death bed.

You will be straight man, I promise you that. You may have a couple months of recovery but after that you will not remember this girl existed. Well you may, but she'll be a faint memory. And it won't be a big deal.

I live in NYC and I've lost some of the greatest women by societal standards that this country has to offer. You think you'll never meet another for a while, but you always do. A player will always snap back into position and get back on his shit.

Now what you don't want to do is contact her. Please do not contact her. PLEASE. It will be of no use.

When she contacts you IGNORE HER the first time and respond the second time she reaches out. THIS SHIT NEVER FAILS.. TRUST ME.. There are no unique situations. I don't give two shits what the text or voicemail says, let her contact you at least twice before you respond. The first text is always spontaneous, the second and third will reveal her true feelings.

So just hold out, cry, and rebuild. And when she contacts you IGNORE the first text and then respond to the second or third one.

It make take a couple days for her to send a second text, but she will.. THEY ALWAYS DO. There are no female exceptions to the rule; no matter how great you thought or think she is. We're animals, creatures of habits and NO ONE is above human nature.

You're but a few short months away from being the best version of yourself you've ever been. Sulk for a bit, but find a way to be EXCITED. Its gets better man. It does get better. Weather this storm and then enjoy your new life.

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Thanks for the lengthy response Eddie!

Deep down I know you're correct and I guess the 2 biggest things that are driving me crazy are:

1. I haven't figured out what I've learned just yet. I like having a building block to work off of and a failure knowing where I went wrong so I can improve next time.

2. Before I even agreed to meet her, some people I've known for years and trust their opinion, told me how great of a girl she was and sweet and innocent and whatever. I'm not sure whether we all misread her or whether something changed.

I honestly wasn't looking for a relationship or trying to change anything. I was pleased with how things were and never once mentioned a relationship or being exclusive or any of that. We saw each other a couple times a week for food, sex, fun shit and that's perfect for me. It gives me time to do my own shit while still having a cool chick around on occasion. Even at the time, I didn't realize it would bother me as much as it has if things didn't work out. And like I said, more than anything I just want to know wtf happened.

I've had similar situations in the past and didn't give a damn. I've heard the PUA talk of oneitis for years, but assumed I was too heartless to understand. Overall, I don't much care for it. Hell I can't even say I've ever been in love. Usually when things end, we part ways, it's a chapter to close, and I search for something else. For some damn reason this one has me all messed up in the head.

I've held out this long without contacting her and general consensus is that she will reach out again at some point. Maybe I'll just continue to wait it out and see what happens.

Thanks again, you guys are awesome and I'd probably be lost had I never discovered the pickup industry.

You're not always going to know man. Because you CARE to KNOW is the root of your oneitis. I'm sure you could give two shits about the starting at finishing point of exactly where things went from with some of the women you parted with in the past. It just didn't matter to you. As it doesn't matter to many of us; unless it's a girl we've developed oneitis for.

And women are never listening to the shit we say nor do they care so much for the things we do. What they care about is the place and position our words and actions are coming from. So you don't have to say " I want to be with you for the rest of my life" to give off the " I want to be with you for the rest of my life" energy and vibe. Its implied subtly.

The thing men don't understand about women is that women speak a language that many men don't understand; its a language of hints. They speak it with each other and because it comes so natural to them they assume WE speak it too. But we don't..And this is why women think guys are "dumb".. We only know one language; and don't understand that most obvious words and interpretations of the language they naturally think ALL people speak.

So a woman is reading into the language that you speak that you don't even know that you speak if that makes any sense. So she communicates back to you in that lingo hoping you're paying enough attention to make adjustments when she responds to make adjustments. You cared too much; regardless of what you may think - hence the reason you are here. The fact that you are posting on this forum about her shows you had oneitis for her that she picked up on in language number two. It may not of been blatant to you because of your natural make insensitivity but it was obvious to her, hence the reason she took off.

You just have to accept that. Regardless of what you may think; her telling you this from her own mouth (which she did in chick language already) isn't going to make you feel any better. What you are asking for is for her to be a GUY and tell you clearly and plainly exactly why she behaved the way she did and unfortunately women just don't operate like that. You have to take this one like the champ you are and keep it moving.

You can't except a dog to meow man, even if it'll make you feel better. Dogs just don't meow. And chicks just don't explain in the language that men want them to how and why things took the turn they did.

Accept it and rise man. Everyone takes a loss.

I got GOT at one of the most pimp moments of my life. I was seeing loads of chicks all the time; and one girl got me. So no ones exempt. And never think you're above the BROKEN heart. Because once you think you are; it'll be waiting for you right around the corner to remind you that human nature is still intact.

It'll be tougher now for sure, because you will have built up stronger walls against it; which only means that you will be attracting higher quality women now because of your new found resistance. So don't worry and be happy *Bob Marly voice*

Be open about it to bro. Don't be afraid to wear that shit with a smile. People respect transparency and you'll be surprised how many women want to fuck you out of sympathy because of it. So long as you're not trying to pose like you're some big macho unfeeling man after the break up. Most of the sympathy pussy won't hang around for too long, but they'll still be there to comfort you at moments through this. And you're not going to cry to them of course; you're going to just accept the fact that you're in remodeling mode and you're going to smile through it.

And no problem man. I'm in a good mood and so I'm writing a lot. You caught me at the right time.

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I'll be damned. I came here looking for some advice and words of encouragement and it actually went better than I had hoped for.

For the past couple weeks I've been trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong so I can improve it and move on. Being a guy who hates bullshit, I'd rather have it spelled out as blatantly as possible right in front of my face and take out the guess work. That didn't happen this time. But after talking with you guys and having some time to think, I see the mistakes I made and can learn from them now.

Most of the time, if a 2 month "relationship" ends I don't give a shit and that's why they usually don't end because the girl detects that I wouldn't give a shit and keeps trying to "win me over". Since she came to me so highly reviewed through friends, I let my guard down and caught feelings too soon because I wasn't making her prove she was worthy. While I never said it or directly showed it, she could just tell I guess. Hell I didn't even realize at the time I gave this much of a damn but she did. I definitely fucked a couple things up and now I finally see what they were. Hell I even cancelled another date after I met this girl because things went so well (and I got the flu).

Thanks again for all the help. I'm glad I caught you in a good mood because it may just be what gets me out of this damn funk I've been in.

You have a beautiful spirit bro.

I don't even have the slightest doubt in my mind that you'll get right on through and onto a better woman with ease. Because they DO exist.

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Just wanted to post an update to this and let you know that you were spot on Eddie in multiple regards. Over the past week or so, I've started to cool on it and get over the situation. Been hanging out with another girl (nothing serious though) and I get a text from "oneitis girl". Hadn't talked to or heard from her in over 3 weeks and out of the blue I get a text that just says "getting into anything tonight". My guess is that was meant to be a booty call for the evening. It would be different if she said "we need to talk" or even tried to strike up a normal conversation. But you don't open with that unless you're wanting to fuck. Maybe I'm wrong. I took your advice and ignored her for a few reasons.

1. I think you're correct that if I ignore then it will drive her crazy and wanna know why.

2. My interest has decreased over time as I'm not sure she's the person I thought she was.

3. I already had plans and more importantly, how much of a loser do I look like to her if she can text me on a Friday afternoon and hang out with me that Friday night.

4. She's cute but I liked her as date material, not fuck buddy material. I can find that elsewhere with someone I have zero feelings about.

Just wanted to update you guys so you would know you're advice was correct. Not that I thought otherwise. If she contacts me again, I might respond and see what happens, but we'll see. She doesn't have near the hold on me that she apparently had before so no big deal either way. Thanks again guys!

A woman is never the person you think she is. The person you think she is revolves around the fantasy of what you want her to be that exist only in your own head. When we fall in love its because we think we've found the perfect girl - the one. But all thats actually happened is that we've fallen in love with our own thoughts of what we interpreted their words and actions to be. The last few guys that broke up with her or had a ons with her didn't see that. Just you.

Happy for you man. Really am.

And don't assume you'll respond if she contacts you again; just make the decision when the time comes. Hell, she may say some outlandish shit. This is when you'll find out who she really is. If you go chasing up behind her you'll never know, because you'll only be chasing your own thoughts.

Much love bro,

And feel free to continue to keep us updated.

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Hi! New here and just want to respond to this for the general public.
This story sounds exactly like my story with the exception that I was way more needy (guess I'm not as far as you are). I have yet to receive my booty call so to speak:p But apart from that same shit different story.

The reason I'm posting this is to confirm that all girls (re)act the same, and accepting her as the exception to the 'female rule' is nothing more than your feelings and putting her on a pedestal speaking.
I guess you could say that the longer a girl waits with breaking it off once you get needy only says something about her insecurities/her feelings for you...does that mean anything? Abso-fuckin-lutely not.

Funny thing though, having a broken heart usually means (for me, but you guys can probably relate) you give less of a shit about stuff that isnt related to your oneitis. Not giving a fuck is also, for some reason that the good guys here can probably explain better, a one way ticket to bootycalls from other girls. Maybe it's the craving for attention I dunno...what I'm saying is, use this great gift your oneitis and broken heart gave you. Endorphins are natural pain killers (and make you feel happy) and guess when they are produced A LOT? Jup. Fuck, feel great and forget (or get her back but you dont care by then).

Posting this as a reminder for myself too;)

Good luck and keep us updated!