Hi

So, my game has gotten good ... real good ... I'm flirting left right and center with every girl I meet and I get instant IOIs ... I've not yet gotten to the stage where I mastered anything - like picking them up and going home etc. - but compared to how useless I used to be I've advanced a lot.

Last year I met a girl that showed instant interest. We work together and whenever I'd walked into the boardroom for a meeting she'd light up even though I'd never spoken to her once or knew who she was. Then it happened. We had an end year function and she flirted outrageously with me. I flirted back but kept it cool calm and collected by stringing her along - cat string theory. Whenever I pulled her in just close enough I pushed her away only to reel her back in and push her away. She fell HEAD-OVER-HEELS in love with me and a week later we were dating. She's damn gorgeous by the way - I'd say a 9 at the very very least. And she's extremely proud and independent.

But one day things changed. I lost interest in her a bit - I find the chase more fun than anything else. So we were texting and I just decided I didn't want to talk to her any further that night so I replied: "Pffft" to everything she said. This pissed her off so I continued, and I did find it kind of funny how she reacted. BUT - the next day when I went onto my phone she'd changed her profile pic to her and another dude together. I instantly freaked out and thought she'd cheated on me, and I still think she did - I have major trust issues - and I told her she won't get away with this and I dumped her.

The bitch went crazy. She phoned and texted constantly, crying and trying to win me back. She even went so far as to invite me to introduce me to the guy in the picture - saying he's a 15 year old boy who is a family friend and that she'd never date or do anything with him. I wonder???? ... I ignored her for a whole month. Then I came back to work after the holidays, and she still persisted and eventually I gave in and took her back. Things were amazing. The action, secret hand jobs and blow jobs at work etc and eventually we fucked in my office at work lol ...

Then things changed ... After we had fucked she became less and less interested in me, and I in turn became MORE and MORE NEEDY ... I started freaking out thinking she was fucking other guys and that's why she wasn't interested in me anymore. She has a very flirtatious personality and I found it alarming to say the least. I confronted her multiple times and asked her about her past but she'd only avoid and get upset whenever I brought up her past that she refused to tell me about. So I started thinking. What was she hiding from me? Why wouldn't she tell me etc. I'm big on TRUST and I HATE when someone betrays my trust and stabs me in the back. Eventually I lost it and I just accused her of cheating listing all the things I could find that she does and did and how I'd joined the dots. And one day we had a fight, I still to this day don't know what had happened or why I'd gotten angry but I did and I said some nasty things to her: like: she's only being the bosses personal assistant coz she's fucking him, she gives other guys more attention than me - and I really felt this way - I told her that I wonder how many other guys she's fucking while she's with me, I accused her of having an affair with a married man that she never wants to speak about - I think he was her first fuck and she's still in love with him to this day - I told her she's always laughing with other people and then when I'm around she's grumpy and irritated which is how it seemed to me.

So, after I said this all to her I just went up to her when she came to talk things over and told her I'm done with her and I'm done with us and I walked away. Then I went total fucknut crazy. I felt bad for not hearing her out when she tried to show me who she was texting etc. So I messaged her and she told me she's at the bosses house. I instantly thought she was there fucking him, so I called a trillion times lol (I went bats hit crazy and I don't know why) and she eventually answered and it turned out she and another staff member went to visit our boss after his car accident. Yeah, I know, I have HUGE HUMUNGOUS issues. Anyhow. She was hurt, and my apologies went unnoticed and she kept saying: You dumped me, remember? I instantly thought she was saying this coz she was already with another guy. But a few days later I got her to speak to me and I apologized since I did go crazy. She hugged me, but I could see she was worried, and her mind was racing and doubtful. With that said I think we're back together now.

So here's the current issue on top of everything else:

She won't add me on Facebook. I can understand that she's scared of how I will react since I did get fucking jealous - that pic she posted with her and the other guy still haunts me ... I can't let it go ... Anyhow, she used to text the living fuck out of me, non-stop and getting upset if I didn't reply instantly. Now she hardly texts anymore, and we've only been seeing each other for 4 months. When she comes to my office she'd quiet, I have to greet first and she doesn't hug me anymore - she used to get very very upset and hurt if I didn't hug her. She replies with curt one word texts. She hardly touches me anymore. We never kiss. I'll have a look tomorrow and see how she reacts to me touching her. I do get the IOI looks from time to time and her face lights up, but I wonder if it's true or if she's laughing at me coz I acted like a wuss. She used to love my confidence and now I've disappointed her - a deal breaker, I know. Last night, however, one of the fellow employees called her in a drunken haze and told her he loves her ... She woke me with her call to tell me, and she was freaked out - is this a good sign? She's also always telling me to invest money, and she's had a few of those OH NO moments mentioning marriage and children. Now I'm crazy about her - one-itis, definitely. I know this is also not how PUAs are supposed to act, but I really think I've met a person in my life that I can for the first time say I LOVE. HAVE I FUCKED UP AND LOST HER INTEREST AND ATTRACTION? AND IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO REKINDLE WHAT WE HAD? DOES SHE EVEN STILL LOVE ME BACK? WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Please I'm asking real advice here - I'll appreciate honesty and frankness. Sorry this is so long ... Thanks guys, I really appreciate it...

It doesn't sound like you're back together to me. And quite honestly - I can't see why she would date you (or why anyone would) given your massive jealousy and control issues. You need to get those under control.

I say this not to be harsh, but so you can identify what the real problem is here... It's you.

You list a number of things that are wrong at the bottom of your post... Things she doesn't do but used to do. You know why, right? It's you. Your behavior has changed her. You need to work on your possession and control problems... or else find a really, really, really subservient woman who'll tolerate them.

Helping you solve this issue will only buy you another month - or until you freak out again on her and try to control her... You need to treat the root cause and not try and bandage this problem up.
I do not blame her in the least.
You should text her then... Maybe she's sick of making all the effort.
All she can see is a child throwing a jealous fit.
You have not behaved like a PUA would behave at all. Again, jealousy and control issues are your problem. Work on them.

Lastly, I'm moving this to general questions. Jealousy and control are clearly your sticking points, but you're asking how to get her back... and sadly not to get over the actual root cause of your problem.

You're going to be fucked if you don't chill out immediately.

One of the first things you have to know about a woman is that they must feel like you can get another woman of their quality at the drop of a hat if you need to. This is not something you ever say verbally, its just something you imply subconsciously with your mannerisms and natural behavior. So your current way of thinking is DESTROYING your ability to communicate yourself as attractive.

The first thing I teach my clients is " Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character and your character becomes your destiny". This is all a slow process, so this doesn't happen immediately, but this way of thinking is like a seed being planted into your mental soil and with time it is watered and it grows into something that bears toxic fruit. Thats when you have a problem. So this current thought process will be fully grown in about a month and thats when the girl will respond to your current convictions and start fucking someone else if you don't counter this thinking immediately. You have all the power, and it all exist upstairs.

Even this very post is counter productive to the positive direction you want this relationship to go. Expressing it through another medium only provides additional sunlight and water for the toxic seed that need not grow and bring about any further destruction.

You have to cool it man and if you need some tips better managing your reactions and outburst leme know. But as a leader and a man who is suppose to be leading his woman you have to keep that shit in check a lot better than that. Its cute at first, but with each outburst a woman loses a little more respect for you, even if it appears to be working in the moment. Because she'll review analyze and think it over. "is this behavior effective for a man that is suppose to lead my life?" And it isn't.

I know you're too wrapped up to really grasp what I am saying, but read it over a bunch of times if you need to. You're at war with your own mind. Fix it. Theres guys out there that can fuck this girl and never speak to her again and think nothing of it. You're only making her this special within your own reality. This doesn't exist outside of you. And she knows this; which is why it makes it hard for her to respect you. You can't lead a person if you're too caught up in your own fantasy about them. You're "fun" but looked at as a fool.

We all have or have had that one friend who we love being around but we recognize that they probably won't be shit in the future if they keep it up. Hell, we even love to hang around them, but we would never bring them around our family. Hanging with them is enjoyable momentary acts of pleasure. Like hard drugs; people do them, but they know if they keep this shit up for too long their future won't look too bright.

This is what we are dealing with. How long before one realizes they must quick their recreational addiction.

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Eddie.....amazing post brah !

Love ya man.

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Thanks Charles and Eddie.

How do I get these issues under control? I never used to be like this up until she posted that pic of her and another dude... It drove me mentally insane. What can I do to fix myself?

What steps can I take to better myself AND am I too late to fix myself so that I can fix this relationship as well? I didn't behave like a PUA - I know,and I'm disappointed in myself

@ CharlesFinley

"You have not behaved like a PUA would behave at all. Again, jealousy and control issues are your problem. Work on them.

Lastly, I'm moving this to general questions. Jealousy and control are clearly your sticking points, but you're asking how to get her back... and sadly not to get over the actual root cause of your problem."

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. I have to address my sticking points. Are there any tips that you can give me on how to overcome my jealousy and control issues? How can I work on myself so that I no longer get so jealous or controlling? Are there certain steps I can take that will help me now? I don't want to be like this. I've never been like this up until now - or at least I never knew this side of me existed until I brought it out.

Hey man,

I get that you don't want to be like that anymore - and good for you. I wasn't trying to be overly harsh in my post - but needed you to see what the problem was (at least where I thought it was).

First of all I'm not sure correcting your control/jealousy issues are going to help you with this particular girl... She may be a goner, regardless... But there are always more women, and you can always improve yourself.

Secondly, I don't know how you can 'instantly' cure a chronic jealousy issue. You sound as if you got just enraged by a simple Facebook picture... and it just went downhill from there. I would suggest that you've got some trust issues, and that may be at the root of your jealousy... Have you been cheated on before?

Bottom line is that you can't control people. You can either trust them, or don't... Did you trust her? No fucking way did you trust her.... Clearly... You perpetually thought she was cheating on you.

And was she? I don't know, but maybe you do...

If she was - why would you want her back? If she wasn't - you obviously don't trust her anyway, so why would you want her back?

@CharlesFinley

Yo man - no need to apologize, I needed the reality check!

So here's the current situation:

I had a talk with her. She told me how what I did made her feel worthless and unappreciated and that she doesn't know what more to do to prove to me that she loves me. She went all the way back saying how she persisted and proved herself over and over again to me, and that she's now tired and unsure of what else she can do and she said that she no longer knows how long she can go on like this. I let her VENT. I kept quiet and let her say what she needed to. Some more things were said and she asked why she should come back to me. I honestly told her that she shouldn't and that I wouldn't blame her if she didn't - but I also said that if she's still willing that I'd do everything in my power to turn my trust issues (you're correct - I was once used by a girl to get to my friend, and I've been betrayed a few times, but I think the biggest obstacle is that my dad cheated on my mom and it destroyed not only their marriage but our lives). She told me she needed time to work through what I'd said and how I'd made her feel - BUT she added that she'd forgiven me that very day because she loves me.

Today I spent a little time with her and we kissed quite passionately... I'm also not sure what the fuck is going on, but she grabbed onto me passionately digging her nails into me, and she was moaning and groaning with pleasure and she eventually started grinding against me. I'm not sure if this means she's still attracted to me??? I also don't know if we're still together or not??? lol.

She asked me what I'm doing to change my erratic behavior and I told her: Right now whenever I become doubtful and my mind starts creating scenarios I ignore them and choose to believe that she's not being unfaithful. It's a weird and complicated process but I am working on myself and it is working, but it's gonna take a lot of time. I'll update you as to what happens, but fuck it - I never wanna act like I did again.

If you haven't already done it, it may be a good idea to explain why you behaved like you did.

Tell her what you just told me. You've been cheated on. Your dad cheated on your mom and it ruined your family, so you know that you have some trust issues, and that you're working on them.

Being open and transparent while in relationships --- and communicating --- is key.

While I still do not know if this chick is even your girlfriend, it sort of sounds like she is... so you should treat her as such, if you're invested in her and want to stay with her.

Make her believe you're making positive changes in your life, and that you know what the issue is - she just needs to bear with you while you sort it out.

I have to be honest with you/

From my point of view it sounds like you're being greatly manipulated and your natural "trust issues" are simple the channeled being used to conduct the manipulation.

I hate to be the guy to come in instill more doubt, but I've spent time with a great number of women I know the behaviors you are speaking of here. However, i do think it is important that you come to terms with the understanding that this is all your fault. As a man and a leader we are to take complete responsibility for everything that happens to us. A woman will follow the lead of a man, and she will subconsciously make attempt to prey on masculine insecurity so that a man may become stronger about those things. ITs not intention; women are acting on feelings and vibes during moments of love like these.

I'm not saying she knows what she is doing or that she is doing it intentionally, but the clawing and then the implementing of commands are all programming techniques. Thoughts and orders seek a lot deeper into the subconscious when distracted by pain. I had a girl that would always grab my arm and dig her nails into while saying " listen to me". Once I caught on I put an end to it.

You have your issues bro, like we all do, but you clearly aren't taking enough responsobility for whats happening here. If you don't put and end to whats causing her to respond to you in the manner that she is you're not going to be a happy camper very shortly.

Your first post was an outcry; this post revealed the other side. She is definitely playing her part in this, but this is all your fault because YOU'RE allowing her to. Sure you didn't know and you were fully aware of what is going on, but ignorance is not an excuse.

You definitely over react( as men we shouldn't react at all, just make decisions), but you are also reacting to something truthful within you. You have to trust your gut. An I believe your gut was alarming you for good reason. She's manipulating 100%, but you're also producing vibes that are attracting women, people, and situations like this into your life.

Want my advice? I say drop her, recover and get your shit straight independently. It may take some months, but it will be well worth it.

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@CharlesFinley

Haha thanks dude. I'm really unsure of what to do though ... How exactly to react or not react to anything and everything.

@EddieFews

Thanks dude I kind of suspected her of manipulating me ... can you maybe just explain in detail so that I can fully comprehend this? It's my first real relationship so I'm very unclear about everything lol ... my gut has been telling me to dump her and move on ... Looks like I've got some decisions to make ... and right now I TRULY suspect and believe that she IS cheating on me since she's behaving strangely toward me ... maybe I forced her to do so by constantly accusing her of it - I'm not sure ... But can you maybe detail what you meant by fleshing it out a bit more for me?

She probably is cheating. Definitely out behavior; and its not like your behavior (irrational) has pushed her away. She's still back like she never left, but stronger which would clearly suggest that she feels guilty about something.

Don't call her out on it. I say pick up your shit and move on. She will come from you though. She'l come verbally, in text, and phone calls with verbal outcries of emotion. But that is where you must stay strong and stick with the decision you've made. If you go back on a decision a woman will respect you less than she already does even if she is the one suggesting you make the decision. I encourage full responsibility; something I discuss in my ebook and for good reason. It saves men the whiney behavior you displayed in the first post. Had you realize that this was all your fault you wouldn't of whined you would of simply made change.

My suggestion to you is where I stand; more information won't make it any easier to make a decision. You just have to know for yourself.

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@EddieFews:

I have some deep thinking and hard work ahead of me.

Could you perhaps just help out with this:

Are there specific signs to watch out for to KNOW FOR SURE that a girl is cheating on you? LIke are there definite behavioral patterns, little things they do, that is more than enough to go on without you having proof - like without you having to catch her? And if so, if there are clues and behavioral patterns like that, could you list a few here for me please. I think the thing that is driving me crazy is SUSPECTING but NOT KNOWING 100% whether I'm right or wrong.

Just know : when I said she dug her nails into me I meant:

When we first started dating and we kissed she would dig her nails passionately into me, moaning and groaning with pleasure - almost like cats do when you pet them and they dig their claws into you. Yesterday when we kissed she did it again. I'm not sure if maybe you and I misunderstood each other and if this means something different to what you understood, I reread your message and it seems like we have a small misunderstanding with regards to that. If I'm wrong, then please enlighten me. Does this change anything?

As @CharlesFinley has pointed out, I do have deep-seated jealousy and control issues. The more I think about it the more I realize it. For instance: I get very angry if I don't get my way right away. Like last year when I took out my phone on contract the service provider made me wait a day longer than they said it would take and I went there to cancel the contract in a fit of fury only to embarrass myself because the phone was there and they gave it to me. If I ask someone for something I don't care that they're busy with something else and then I loose my temper coz they don't immediately do what I asked of them, but then when they ask me for help or something I loose my temper because they're inconveniencing me.

I think that even if I can work things out with this girl or not, I have a lot of work to do on myself. I've recently realized that I'm not nearly as mature as I used to think I was. And it showed, and still shows. For example: last night I texted her and her phone was off. A couple of hours later her phone only came on and I got the delivery report that the message had sent. I instantly suspected her of going out with other guys and fucking them, especially since she didn't reply to my text: this is what the text said: Babe just saying goodnight ... I'll be creeping a little deeper into your skin so no use trying not to miss me - when we'd first started dating I'd told her that I'm deep under her skin since there wasn't a second of everyday that she wasn't thinking about me. She even made mistakes at work and got warnings because she was daydreaming about me and either forgot to send her daily reports or she made mistakes on them.

She'd woken me in the mornings with texts, telling me she missed me and loved me etc. Now she hardly talks. If I get a text from her it's likely to be one sentence at the most. I did once joke with her and told her she's too obsessed with me, and she took this personally, but I'm not sure if she's just using this as a crutch to justify ignoring me or if I'd hurt her feelings by what I'd said.

Another thing that is bothering me - and I'm not sure whether this is valid or not - we talked on SPAM a couple nights ago and then suddenly my messages didn't go through anymore. We didn't fight or anything, she was just very curt and gave one word replies. She told me the next day that she'd run out of data, but then that night she called me - which means there's still money on her phone and that my SPAM texts are supposed to have gone through? Am I right or am I wrong? Because now I'm suspecting she's blocked me so that she can chat freely to other guys.

But then she does these little things that make me wonder if I can trust her after all: I know her password to her work computer. I once sat at her desk while she was busy and she had her emails and Facebook open and she left me alone without logging out. I know the password to her phone. If she had any reason to hide anything from me would she still have given me the password to her phone and left her emails and Facebook open while I'm there alone? Or did she do it to maybe force me to go through her stuff and see for myself?

And then: is it normal for a girl to ask you to change small little things about yourself? Like lately she asked me to gym some, and she told me to save some money for the end of the month coz she wants us to go shopping for new clothes for me. I dress a certain style and I'm comfortable with it and I never look sloppy, but she said she wants my shirts to be a little tighter and she wants me to wear semi-formal shoes coz it's to her liking. She also presses me to invest my money for a 3 or 5 year period so that at the end of the investment I'll have a steady payout. Is she trying to control me or does she really have my best interests at heart?

When we spoke I told her she's very different and cold toward me and she said she needs time to get over what I'd said. That I'd really hurt her. This is a summary of what I'd said to her, and it gets quite mean:

If you LOVE me like you SAY you do, why is there room for so many other guys in your life? So much that you're afraid to add me as Facebook friend coz you know I'm not gonna like all the guys you're flirting with. The last time I was around you couldn't close it fast enough and I saw the kisses you were sending back and forth and you almost had a heart attack coz you couldn't close it before I saw. and then there's the phone calls you're always on and hanging up when I come into the room and when I leave you're on a call again talking softly and flirty with whoever is on the other end. You always say actions are outer than words and your actions tell me you don't love me. you're always giving other guys attention and laughing and smiling with them but when I'm around you hardly even say a thing to me, hell you don't even look in my direction. everyday you flirt with any man that comes your way and when I tell you these things you laugh thinking I'm an idiot who can't see what you're doing.
Even when we chat on SPAM it's more important to you to chat to the boss and all the other guys then you go offline and come back on and still you don't even look at my messages and then only after a long time do you reply to me and then you're angry or curt.
I believe more than ever you cheated and I was an idiot to let you back in my life. No matter what you say your words are empty and your actions contradict them. Right after I told you my reasons for liking you, you chatted to other guys and then snapped at me when I asked you a stupid question. And then, why are you so close to the boss? (I made some accusations here of her and him fucking etc) The I asked: What am I to you? What was I to you? Then I accused her of having an affair with a married man ... And I told her she still wants to be with that guy and that's why she always avoids talking about her past.

I just wonder if I didn't take every little thing out of perspective and made huge issues out of nothing or if I was right all along and then idiotically rekindled with a girl that is fucking half the town behind my back. Am I irrational?
Am I the obstacle in my own way and in the way of us being a happy couple or what?

Thanks for the replies in advance

I didn't read this entire message. Just this section here. Its a lot.

Bottom line is man.. Whether she is or isn't; guys that behave like the behavior you're showing her do get cheated on.. 9 times out of ten. So its better for you, your pride and your overall self-esteem to leave before the hard evidence comes and its really destroying.

You have to understand that you are currently not fit for a relationship. So leaving whether she's cheating or not doesn't really matter. You're NOT fit to be in this position. And its better to leave from your own understanding than to be fired - risking your energetic reputation. Show some strength and maturity. This is your opportunity to do so.

I sent you a private message with some information that may be of help to you.

Much love bro.

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