I know oneitis posts are frequent on here and some will probably be bored of them..

However, I'm entering my 3rd year of having oneitis for a girl and I really need help as its holding me back

Basically we were friends since around 2010 and always got on extremely well. I had strong feelings for her and we ended up sleeping with each other in 2012 - I then messed it up, after an argument she said it wasn't going to work and I did the afc of becoming needy and hold up my hands probably obsessive (not in the open creepy way but she was on my mind ALL the time). Long story short mid 2013 she had enough of me and cut contact completely. I realised I was in the wrong and walked away, it was awful, thinking about her everyday but I managed to find the strength to not get in touch.


She went traveling and met a guy, I found out and it broke me but I used it as fuel. I improvedy lifestyle, got in shape and got a great job. Even though she was on my mind I was nowhere near as pathetic. Then in mid 2014 almost a year after we stopped contact, she got in touch. She still was with her man but we got on great ahain, texting every day and it was nice to have my friend back. She ended up splitting with her guy after 3 months of us talking again, she got finished by him. She was heartbroken and I was there for her. I guess I was just happy to be part of her life again, I'd say we were closer than ever but then she decided she was to travel again for a year to help her happiness, this was December 2014.

She give me the old "I'll miss you and I'll keep in touch" and she did frequently for the first month. Then she stopped and I kinda took offence given all the help I'd given her and we had a massive argument where she made out I was back to my old self and she couldn't stand me. Back to square one now.

I just want this to end guys but I can't find a solution at the moment, it's Feb 2015 and to say I slept with her December 2012 it's crazy I'm not over it. I'm taking all the correct steps, back at the gym and I'm even dating a gorgeous girl - it's just not working.

Can someone please give me some advice/guidance as I've really had enough, I care for her but it's evident that she doesn't on the same level, it seems to be more of a convenience thing for her, I'm not blaming her don't get me wrong.

I just want to this to be over now, even finding out she blocked me on Instagram tonight killed me - I feel pathetic

What makes her so special ? You already know the answer to your own question. You need to learn to let things go and realize that nothing is that big of a deal.

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I understand the logic - I just can't drill it into myself

Perhaps being so close and friends and knowing how desirable she is perceived by others, that and I've never clicked with anyone like I have with her before

I'm assuming you've been with other women during this time. Honestly, with that not working, I don't think there's much for us to advise.
There are other women who you will click with just as well. It's just a matter of meeting enough of them.

About the only thing I can suggest is going out of your way to not think about her. If your mind starts to go there, deliberately think of something else and get yourself off the topic. Do not indulge in it at all.

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RSDTyler

I have been with 4 or 5, but I've not given them chance really, either been a one night fling or I've just not been interested

When I am with the current girl I'm dating however I don't even think about her at all - the problem is she's away a lot as she's an air hostess

I think this time if there's any reinitiation of contact I need to ensure I don't let hope and old feelings get in the way and not reconnect.. After a long thought this could be one of my major problems

You can't get over someone that you are still keeping contact with.

You have to value your own happiness and drop her completely no matter what. Even if she comes back crying you will have to find the inner strength to just say no and move on bro.

Trust.

As long as you put her happiness before your own she'll never respect you and if she can't respect you there is no way she could ever take you serious as a man.

I used to date my next door neighbor. Started off with me just banging her and sending her home right after. And then I magically fell for her. Once I did it was payback time for her and she began doing the same thing to me. I was crushed, and you know what I had to do? Move. I packed my shit and left; it was the only way. I've been in New York City every since and it was the best decision i ever made. She eventually came back.. the way they always do, but I went back to see her to only be crushed again. The only thing to do was the completely drop her and when she would send text messages appealing to my emotions. I just had to be stronger than that.

So long as you mentally give her an opportunity to be with you'll always be driving behind her on a one way street attempting to get ahead. You have to reverse and pick a new street bro.

Change your phone number, delete hers, and remove her from any social media. Eliminate any forum in which you can potentially have contact with her if you so desired. Close all doors. And all the doors of your heart will close to her.

Trust and believe.

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unfortunately for the op this is gonna be some tough home truths.......

whilst you are online learning either to get her back or how to forget her, what is she doing???? do you think whilst your sitting at home moping shes moping wherever she is?
the chances are the answer is no shes out enjoying her life she maybe is partying. maybe she is making out with some guy, maybe she has a dick in her mouth, who knows maybe shes sleeping with some guy right now possibly without a condom and giving some guy the ass which you never got. so whilst shes getting fucked youre sitting in moping into your pc.
the simple thing to do is this go find another girl,, a better girl. or even better several girls. at this point whilst your sitting home alone jacking off to some girl who doesnt want you, your gonna sink lower and lower. use this as an experience brush yourself up hold your head up and get on with your life

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Eddie - thanks that was a great insight and I'll take all onboard, I'll be taking the necessary steps.


Crazyone - very ruthless insight there lol. But true nonetheless, I'm dating currently and will be continuing to do so with others

Sometimes I think it's more of a pride thing, but I'm bettering myself at the moment, mentally and physically and won't be looking back. I've felt strong this week so its a good start

sadly the truth can be a kick to the gonads. but experiences can be learned from

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life sucks and then you die! deal with it