It is really quite easy.
You are trying to do a certain thing, but you must try to be a certain thing. Stop trying to "do" stuff in order to "get" somewhere.
If you have this many dates that easily, it doesn't matter much if you "ruin" a few right?
Take the chance of coming across as a loser and just talk about what upsets you.
With the girls themselves. Not ever with guys lol. Not in that way.
Like, I'm not saying I am any good. I am like terrible. I am a terrible person, but I love it :p. Haha.
The other day I was so wanting to have a girl next to me to talk about stuff that interested me which was my work, and it is even... computer progamming. Girls will most usually say (or women, whatever) that they "know nothing about it" (and hence would be useless to you in listening to you). They actually don't say it that way, but every girl (woman) wants to be useful to a man. And when they give these rejections "Oh, I'm really not into computer games" or "Oh, I'm real bad at that stuff" those are not rejections of you, but she feels insecure about being of service to you.
So tell them they're wrong and it doesn't matter, you just need a girl to listen to you and you are damn sure that she will be amazing at it, in fact she already is. And you came to her for a reason, right? The girls will be so insecure that you just must toy with it and insist and enjoy teasing them about it too "I know you're so stupid right, but you know that's a plus, right?" "Hey!" "Okay you're not that stupid but I like it when you listen real well, okay." "It makes me feel I'm with someone special." "Oh, okay
".
Well, whatever, it doesn't matter.
I just go sit in trains next to girls with my laptop at times and just talk about what I am doing and keep a mystery because it is really a secret but I can tell her a few things and etc. bla bla bla. Not hard okay. Not in the sense of just enjoying what you are already doing anyway, now you are just doing it with another person next to you who likes being used for that.
Anyway I just out loud started expressing that I wanted a girl to help me. I just said to some woman "You know how really helpful it is to a guy if a woman actually helps him out, or listens to him?" And I talked some about how men and women need each other in any case. I guess... a bit boring but still. Pretty indirect, using rage instead of anger, etc. But it did work enough for me since I felt this woman had been actually quite convinced about this thing and I just started out loud talking to the wall so to speak but always to her and I noticed her attention was 40% on me all the time. And it worked for me.
It was enough. For that moment.
Most girls I talk to are ALWAYS interested to hear me out, cause I can always show them interesting stuff they've never seen before and thought they were too stupid to be talked to about. More or less.
They are just as insecure as you are okay. So instead of trying to do different things. Talk about your feelings.
Express what you want. Express what upsets you. "I hate how with every girl I meet, she doesn't spread her legs straight away, you know? Doesn't that upset you also?" Then eventually (talking about it like this obviously creates a bit of a shield around you, you stay at a distance, but if you've never been this close emotionally, you must go about it a roundabout way). Obviously for you your feelings are not known to these girls (or even to yourself!!!) because you are not talking about it/them.
Inquire about her insecurity. Okay I just screw up intentionally. I told some cute teenager "Hey, do you ever feel clumsy?" She went "Why..?" and I went "Well I don't know, it's just.... (shrug)" she "DO YOU THINK I'M CLUMSY?" I went "Well euhm... .....MAYBE?!" hahaha. It was a restaurant girl. Had some laughs there, nothing special.
But if you know about her feelings you will know about your own. And just run the risk of losing some chances or whatever. What on earth can happen if you screw up? Talk about what you are afraid to do. "If I had half the guts I would be kissing you right now." "I can hear the thunder cracking in the distance, can you hear it?" "Huh, what?" "Wait, let me come closer we can hear it together"
.
"It would be a real tragedy if we didn't kiss, don't you think?" "Wait, did you hear that? Oh man.."
.
If you can just poke fun of what you are afraid of you will naturally come closer because your fear is out in the open and you are even enjoying it together with her.
If you are afraid of doing something,
DOING IT IS NOT THE FIRST STEP. You have no reason or need to fight your fear. Just express it for all to hear instead (or at least the one most ... deserving of it).
And don't hold back. I know that is easy to say. But having fun is half the thing. If you are not in the mood for having fun, don't do it. Respect your self. You might want to get away, isolate yourself. Tell her. Tell anyone. Sorry, I just need some time on my own. I fancy a change of scenery, and you people just bore me. Hey, see ya
.
By the way, being good looking doesn't mean anything.
Not to a guy at least. You can repeat it over and over and it doesn't change things.
You are like messing about. You are fiddling with other things in life, and then you turn to girls as a crutch. And it works. You are getting what you want. But you must become aware of the fact that you are not really going for them, for any girl, cause you are busy with other stuff, basically. It is the same schism I have I guess.
When it comes down to it I have more fun masturbating and thereby integrating the experiences of the day, then pushing myself or getting something I do not even like.
So why do these girls 'reject' you? Because they see you have other goals, basically. Again, it is not what you do. It is what you are.
On the other hand, make sure that what you do requires girls.
A girl will do anything if you tell her you need it from her for a good reason, and that good reason is there.
She may not want to give her hand to you for you to hold it. But if you have a story about it that doesn't really involve sex or anything. She will happily go along because you have a "project" and she wants to be part of that. If your LIFE is of that substance that you require girls to get ahead with what you DO then they will naturally be drawn to you.
It is because you have developed your own self and your own life. We call this "the accumulation of small things in order to create or become something big". So don't worry about the single girls or even all of them.
But do set goals about what you want to do next with any one of them. And make sure it is about expressing your fear or your sentiment or your desire or your love or your anger or your grief.
Like, a girl/woman may be sitting across from you or in the same venue/room. You can sense her interest in you. You know there is a perfectly simple thing to say such as "You know, I'd really .. I'd really like to sleep with you, you know?" But if this is a thousand steps beyond what you've done before, why not approach it in a roundabout way instead of saying or doing nothing?
You know it wants to be said. So you say "There is something I'd really want to say to you but I need your ear very close to say it. How about I go and sit here, and your ear decides if it wants to get closer?"
"Aah, your ear knows what it wants, but do you?"
She grins or says "Well, maybe I do".
"Well, that is what I was wanting to talk to you about. Do we have a deal?"
"Haha, what do you mean, deal???
".
"Well, I just thought it was a better word than agreement.... or even contract, you know."
"Hey... are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"
"That depends on whether you are thinking what I think YOU are thinking..."
.
"Alright, come closer then." (you say this, not she).
You'll just have to do it like that. Your goal is always to express feelings. Just jump ship. End up in the water. We are afraid of being seen. We are afraid of being understood. We are afraid of making our wishes and desires known.
But we're all fooling each other, because everyone silently knows about you anyway. Do you think the girl doesn't know what you want?
And are you unaware of what the girl wants? Really? But if you do not speak up about it, your awareness will never be verified.
You are afraid she will run away from you the moment she knows you want her? I know I am. For you specifically.
Halfway through the date. Say this thing.
"Alright we can do either of two things now." "Or we move closer, or we move farther apart." "I think moving farther apart is quite fun, but I want to have a rope tied to you, okay?" She'll go "Okay"..
But make it whatever you want. It is a ritual. It is about the symbolism. Understand the symbolism.
1. You are halfway through the date, so there is a turning point. Either you both move closer because you want to have sex or whatever, or both of you decide that it is better to put it off for a next time.
2. If you too eagerly move closer and the girl does as well, you create a disappointment in both of you and this causes the girl to lose interest, she has already had you, but you went too fast.
3. Repeat to yourself that there is nothing you have to do. You don't HAVE to move closer right this instant. Why have a rush about it? The girl is not going away right that instant. And even if she were to go away, do you think she would respect you more or less if you kept your cool about it? "Okay, see ya then." It is not only you who wants her, she wants you too. Don't worry. If a horse that belongs to you walks away, don't go after it because it will only run away farther. If you let it go, it will come back by itself.
4. Another way of saying that is that NOTHING has to happen "Right This Instant". Sure there are big moments and golden opportunities. But if you keep cool instead of going into a panic about them, they'll easily return most of the time. And if they don't, others will. And if those don't, you'll still be having fun. Somewhere. With someone. Anyone. Because you are you and you are still making choices that you like.
So basically, enjoy your self. Enjoy the decisions you naturally make. If you naturally decide to put it off, do so. If you naturally decide to stay in bed, do so. If you naturally decide to masturbate instead of going for that girl, do so. Because when you do, you (a) prepare for the next time (b) feel better about yourself (c) become clearer about your feelings and hers most appropriately as well, (d) have more stuff to say to her that is meaningful and (e) don't come across as needy because you can take care of yourself more rapidly than she could provide at that time :p.
SO the symbolism of the halfway-through is:
A) DECIDE TO MOVE AWAY.
B) TELL HER YOU'LL BE BACK.
C) TELL HER YOU DON'T REALLY WANT TO GO.
D) GO ANYWAY.
E) ask her number, or more details, stuff she didn't give before.
Everything she gives to you about herself (promises, time-reservation, priority, future plans, etc.) is an investment of her in you.
So basically what you should "do" (decide) is to not try to get to that kissclose or fuckclose in the first date.
If you say you are attractive and that is your asset. And you know she is interested. Then don't give it too soon. Don't give IT too soon.
Hold back. String her along with that rope. Make her prove her interest to you. You've been going too fast. I know PUAism is about going fast and we all want to be fast movers.
But do the opposite of what people advise you, because it is not working. Not for you, not for me. Not for anyone. Because... what ARE your goals really? Is it just to fuck? If you do get a second date and you get to vast stright away wagan. You start mistyping. And she'll sleep with you and then what?
The "boss" of this forum always complains in his emails about not wanting to settle with any one girl. There are girls who have ...what did she call it? Like bucket lists or hitlists of 10-15 men she regularly sleeps with.
She can call any one of those guys whenever she wants. She can have all the sex she wants. But as this one girl told me "In the morning I was still alone again." Cause he'd be gone.
She told me she was or had been expert at manipulating men to do her bidding. I think she had a bit of a misconception about her skills as compared to other girls because all girls are basically expert at that. Some just have been taught that they need to do it to retain self respect even if it are ugly or unattractive girls that are not getting any. They'll still be doing the same shit to you.
Anyway, it is quite a ramble again, and I have to go. Tough luck!!
This has got to be the greatest response I have ever read. It's like Matthew McConaughey spreading his wisdom of pickup.
CHAT
