Hi all,

One thing I have a lot of trouble with is time-bridging. After making a date, I usually don't contact the woman again until the day of, and I think that's hurting my game. On the other hand, it feels strangely needy to message her after we already set a date.

I have a couple of "hot" dates this week and I can already feel the sexual tension fading. What do you guys do during the time between setting a date and the date itself? Especially when you've already built up some sexual tension.

Any suggestions are much appreciated...


Barry

Barry/Late Bloomer

If this is after a cold approach/first meeting. It is good to keep the interaction buzzing through texts. The more time which passes after the cold approach, the less comfortable she will feel going on a date with you.

This is why instant dates are so useful!

I usually try to set up the date as early as possible (within 2-3 days), and I call the day after I've met her to set that up. This is so that I can create more comfort and trust on the phone. You want to become part of her life instantly, rather than being the "stranger I met a few days ago." you want to be "they guy I have been speaking to since Monday/Friday/whatever."

C. Tingham

Ps. Girls aren't like men in the sense that "that's when we are meeting. I'll be there." - They are like constant flowing rivers, the date is like a meeting/point on that river. But the water must still flow.

That's for a great "Bruce Lee nature-like" comment.

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Hey brother,

I used to worry so much about this stuff until I realized that I only worry about it because I have nothing better to do. Same goes for those guys that need to always be texting a girl every 5 minutes to feel important.

Let's start with your feeling that the tension is fading: why don't you start by assuming that it isn't fading at all and is in fact growing. In both cases, it seems like you don't have a very good understanding of what sexual tension is to begin with, but that's for another time I suppose.

Look, simply put; be a busy man. Set a date and then forget about it. A date is an invitation for her to become a part of your life. Your life Barry, not hers. That means that she lives on your terms. A man does not have time to be obsessing over a woman he is not fucking. A quality man is too busy with his passions, goals and dreams that rule his life. If you keep checking your phone hoping she'll text every 5 minutes, chuck your phone out the window.

By worrying about what to do before a date makes this into a really really big deal, when it simply isn't. Dating is normal. Going on dates is what normal people do in their normal lives doing normal things with normal people. Normal Barry. Stop thinking so much, you don't have to do all that much.

Do you see the duality Barry? You're fucking yourself over if you worry that you should do something more before the date, and you're fucking yourself over by worrying that you are doing too much. It's the duality that's the trap - stop worrying!

Sometimes, I don't even confirm the date on the day of. I'm basically daring her to flake on me or do something to screw it up for herself. It's completely okay. Beautiful women are everywhere, and I'm always out on some cool adventure, so why think so much about it?

Chill out Barry! Be a busy man, invite her to something fun and then do your thing. It'll all fall into place.

With love and respect
Mack

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Thanks for the replies. Too bad they give opposing advice.

I prefer Calum's approach because it's more practical. Mack, all the inner game in the world isn't going to maintain sexual tension, which can go up over time, but unfortunately tends to go down. Sure there are plenty of other girls but as you said we're busy men. It takes less time to keep the sexual tension alive during the time bridge than it takes to find a new date. It's also the smart thing to do, and it's fun. So don't worry about me worrying about it.


Thanks again,
Barry

Then you do not understand Sexual tension.

Best of luck to you

Mack

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Um, ok.

Let me propose something. I might get shit for this and that's okay. I also know that this might seem a bit nontraditional on here. What about having a slowly building conversation with the girl via text? I go out and hook up with a lot of pretty girls (read: 6-9's) and I use text nearly every time to slowly escalate tension and build interest. (Truthfully, most of the time I can also get a girl to sext me first so all the awkwardness is off the table by the first date.) The whole bare bones texting is so 2005. It's a decade later. People have small conversations via text. It's a thing. You can tell when people receive your messages. Don't get goofy, though. Be conservative. So if you're getting caught up here maybe you don't know how to escalate and need to brush up on that.

Like most people have said, it's best to have scheduled the date as soon as possible to avoid any distractions or life events that could get in the way. Just keep things light and playful over text and use it to set up logistics for the date.

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Thanks, Will. I think the whole "I'm too alpha to text her" attitude is bullshit. I like to keep the energy going before the date, without being too needy. When I do this they are usually DTF by the time the date comes around.

OH MY GOD it went down exactly as I was afraid it would. If I had time-bridged, I would have fucked her last night.

(BTW this is what I know about sexual tension. )






As if that wasn't bad enough, my date this afternoon canceled too: