Wow this got long, I just realized this was more complicated than I thought, but I felt I had to pound it out here to get a good look at it. Feedback appreciated.
Last month a girl I had a “fling” with (make out, but no sex) a couple years proir and a terrific dancer asked me if I would like to audition with her for a choreography group. I agreed because even though I was attracted to her (I straight up told her) I knew she had a bf of about a year, living together, I knew she would be a solid dance partner (shes is levels above me) and I would definitely be challenged by the group.
The day of the audition, she came over after work and took a nap on my couch until we both went together to the event. When we got there her bf (who took up dancing for her) was there and wanted to try out. Awkward. I muttered my hellos, and we all auditioned.
After when I gave her a ride to her car she told me she was pissed he had come without telling her, and that she was doing this choreo in part to get a little distance from him, I said I would let them figure it out.
The next day I got a text saying that she wanted me to be her partner as long I could keep it platonic and that she wasn't interested in me (Im 6 years older anyway. So 23-29). Oh well, I was on the team!
Flash forward 3 weeks of practice, things are going well, we kept our friendship light and professional, only seeing each other at practice. The morning after one of our practices I got a text from her
Her: bf and I broke up.
Me:
these are crazy times. Are you moving back home then?
Her: No I still want to be on the team and I have a job so Im going to look for a new place.
This last week at practice she was a mess, depressed and mopey, I tried to cheer her up with hugs and jokes but saw quickly they where failing and just told her to focus all this shitty energy on our routine. Thursday she asked me to go out dancing with her so she could stop thinking about things. We met up with some friends and although she was still somewhat upset we danced till 1, when I had to peace out for work in the morning.
Until this point I felt like Forest Gump, smitten, but with our arrangement I was ok just being friends. Then last night she texted she wanted to hang out, just us at my house. OK. When she got to my place she was a breath of fresh air! She had just come from dinner with a guy she had a major crush on, and get this! She let it slip... Ooo. We ended up talking mostly about sex and her fantasies of a three-way and bi-sexuallity, she was happy to finally be single again. We then went up to my room and watched youtube videos, and dirty dancing. I opened some wine and she had a few sips, I matched. I made repeated advances, with innuendos, quips about the movie and some light wrestling. (PS: I want to say a thumb wrestling match is a great kino escalator. ) When I went in for a kiss though, she definitely retaliated and we had a little talk.
Her: “I want you to know I really like this, and I'm comfortable, but I really dont want anything serious.”
Now I thought this meant she wanted to be friends with benefits. Which is ok with me, thats better than friends without benefits, plus I work full time and am in a grad school program, and I dont think she is relationship material anyway.
Me: “I have made it this far without getting attached, I can do that.”
After more chatting and getting comfortable, (I basically gave her a full massage). I tried again for a kiss, with the same result.
Her: “It doesnt seem like youre ok with this.”
I stopped everything, tickled her and went to take a piss. We hungged a few times danced a bit, then I walked her to her car.
Putting this down I dont think I did anything to be ashamed of, it ended on a pleasant note, but I cant help feeling like the aggressor, and that I'm fucking up a good thing. I guess what I want to know is.
Is she just confused/depressed and using my attention as self validation?
I which case I hate to sound like a douche, but am I a tool?
Should I just ignore her in the interest of self-preservation?
CHAT