Questions about Approach Anxiety



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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 12:48 pm 
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Im very new here and i was curious whether any experienced PUAs feel approach anxiety as intensely as when they first started out as rookies or AFCs.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:00 pm 
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Yes. I can imagine everybody does.

And most people never get over it

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 1:23 pm 
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I heart that no one truly gets rid of an Approach Anxiety. It stays with you until the last of your days. Even the Master PUA feel it, but they can control it.


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:06 pm 
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Yeah i think everybody does until you just take the attitude that the worst thing that will happen is you wont hook up with that one person. Move on. Plus the more you just do it the easier it gets. good luck


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 15, 2015 8:59 pm 
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I agree, everyone feels AA, but you can minimize it, especially if you have some negative associations to women from your past. One technique is using NLP submodalities, where you can visualize women in general (whatever that looks like to you in your imagination), and then change over some parts of how you represent them in your imagination. An example is that you can change the picture so it's less frightening (add some playful or rock music for example), see her/them saying some really attractive things to you that would make you confident, etc. In this way, you'll still deal with some AA, but it will be brought back to its base level, if you've had any other shit added to it by your past.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 5:22 am 
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I agree, everyone feels AA, but you can minimize it, especially if you have some negative associations to women from your past. One technique is using NLP submodalities, where you can visualize women in general (whatever that looks like to you in your imagination), and then change over some parts of how you represent them in your imagination. An example is that you can change the picture so it's less frightening (add some playful or rock music for example), see her/them saying some really attractive things to you that would make you confident, etc. In this way, you'll still deal with some AA, but it will be brought back to its base level, if you've had any other shit added to it by your past.
^awesome stuff, in addition think that they get all dressed up to LOOK GOOD SO THEY GET APPROACHED, they want to be opened and to meet a guy who can satisfy them mentally, physically and spiritually. They're waiting for you man, get in there.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 9:57 am 
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How in the world does anyone get past AA though. Like ive apporached a few before and its gone well but those were a spur of the moment kind of thing.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 11:28 am 
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How in the world does anyone get past AA though. Like ive apporached a few before and its gone well but those were a spur of the moment kind of thing.
How do you progress in the gym?

Repetition, reps, reps, reps

I won't sugar coat it for you:

If you are not willing to get rejected a 1000's and 1000's of times from girls, then Pickup is not for you.

I have approached 10,000+ girls and been rejected off the majority, but I also have been laid from pretty girls, the rewards out weigh the risks.

Entrepeneurs also fail a lot, but they also succeed with persistence, this is universally true for everything in life, money, gym, women, but the best things in life do NOT come easy.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 5:17 pm 
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I don't. And never have to any serious extent.

But I've never done spam approaching.

By the time I actually say something to a girl, I'm already %90 sure she's interested.

Best way to not have AA? Pre-open.
Another good read is a near rejection proof approach guide.
What I read as a teenager that I thought was very helpful was "Undercover Sex Signals" by Leil Lowndes. It did a good job of explaining body language and the early flirting dance(terrible, terrible dating advice though). Not %100 sure how well it holds up versus community stuff as it's been almost 15 years since I read it. I remember the last half was complete trash. But the first half was pretty eye opening at the time.

Granted, this means you don't chat up every pretty girl you see(though you do get close to many and attempt eye contact, etc).

Even just noticing how receptive the girl is in general is pretty powerful. I remember someone(I think Jon Sinn) doing some pretty detailed report on this.
He said his blowout rate for girls who were actively smiling when he opened them was almost zero. And that something like 3/4 of the girls who ended up showing up on dates had open body language(before he said a word or they even noticed him). And that girls who were bored looking was his best instant date target, but they often didn't lead to lays. Meanwhile his flakiest numbers were from girls who were intently doing something, being shopping or just walking quickly.

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Last edited by Versalis on Sun Jan 18, 2015 5:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 17, 2015 7:06 pm 
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How in the world does anyone get past AA though. Like ive apporached a few before and its gone well but those were a spur of the moment kind of thing.
It amazes me how many times I have answered this question on this forum already, and people still don't get it. I suppose I need to start a new thread about it and do everything I can to make it "sticky"?

You get over AA the day you quit pickup, and start talking to people just because you are an open and social person without an agenda, without a goal, just enjoying talking to new people. That's how I do it, and that's why I'm never rejected. The only kind of "rejection" I get is the reaction "oh dude, I'm so socially awkward that I don't even now how to answer your question, please let me crawl back under my stone here" - all expressed with a single facial expression. And I get to make out with girls every time.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 12:59 am 
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Thanks heaps guys. It just has to be integrated into your personality and submerged into the subconscious that its normal and attractive? Or am i on the wrong path here?

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 3:47 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
How in the world does anyone get past AA though. Like ive apporached a few before and its gone well but those were a spur of the moment kind of thing.
How do you progress in the gym?

Repetition, reps, reps, reps

I won't sugar coat it for you:

If you are not willing to get rejected a 1000's and 1000's of times from girls, then Pickup is not for you.

I have approached 10,000+ girls and been rejected off the majority, but I also have been laid from pretty girls, the rewards out weigh the risks.

Entrepeneurs also fail a lot, but they also succeed with persistence, this is universally true for everything in life, money, gym, women, but the best things in life do NOT come easy.
i agree with this 100%

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 22, 2015 1:26 am 
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Thanks heaps guys. It just has to be integrated into your personality and submerged into the subconscious that its normal and attractive? Or am i on the wrong path here?
You're on the right path, but making it too technical. It's like when you do martial arts or firearms training, you don't sit there and think about how you're going to pull the slack from the trigger, when you're going to breathe, and how you're going to get sight alignment....you just practice...A LOT.

Same thing here. If you overthink this, you're going to fuck yourself up...have way too many thoughts going at once and be all jammed up and the real part of you that's spontaneous won't be able to do anything. You will not feel like you're ready...and that's totally normal. Remember the first time you learned to backup a car? Did you feel you were ready to do it? Probably not, and it probably felt pretty damn strange the first few times, but after you kept doing it, you began to get the hang of it, got a little more confidence, and it began to feel natural...now, you do it without even thinking about it I would suppose. This is the same thing, you just have to approach women, open them with some line, interact with them in a conversation, and wing it and react as spontaneously as you can. Start with little chunks, and just try to improve 1% every day, this will compound itself and you'll be getting better before you know it. Little things are what make you skillful, not trying to learn everything about pickup before you even go out.

So, bottom line, work on yourself (NLP, affirmations, etc.) and then act as if you are confident, and as if you know what you're doing, and go up to women and start talking to them...it's simple but scary. If you fight your fear though, you'll learn it was all in your own mind the whole time.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 9:53 pm 
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Quote:
Thanks heaps guys. It just has to be integrated into your personality and submerged into the subconscious that its normal and attractive? Or am i on the wrong path here?
You're on the right path, but making it too technical. It's like when you do martial arts or firearms training, you don't sit there and think about how you're going to pull the slack from the trigger, when you're going to breathe, and how you're going to get sight alignment....you just practice...A LOT.

Same thing here. If you overthink this, you're going to fuck yourself up...have way too many thoughts going at once and be all jammed up and the real part of you that's spontaneous won't be able to do anything. You will not feel like you're ready...and that's totally normal. Remember the first time you learned to backup a car? Did you feel you were ready to do it? Probably not, and it probably felt pretty damn strange the first few times, but after you kept doing it, you began to get the hang of it, got a little more confidence, and it began to feel natural...now, you do it without even thinking about it I would suppose. This is the same thing, you just have to approach women, open them with some line, interact with them in a conversation, and wing it and react as spontaneously as you can. Start with little chunks, and just try to improve 1% every day, this will compound itself and you'll be getting better before you know it. Little things are what make you skillful, not trying to learn everything about pickup before you even go out.

So, bottom line, work on yourself (NLP, affirmations, etc.) and then act as if you are confident, and as if you know what you're doing, and go up to women and start talking to them...it's simple but scary. If you fight your fear though, you'll learn it was all in your own mind the whole time.

Thanks a hell of a lot man. Happy sarging.

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