I met this chick on an online dating site about 5 weeks ago we hit it off and started chatting on what's app. The chat was very flirty and got sexual fast but it took quite a bit of chat to get her out to meet me. The initial date was about 2 weeks after we started chatting but I had to cancel due to forgetting I had prior arrangements that night. She was cool with that but due to her busy work schedule (or so she claimed) couldn’t meet for about another 10 days after that. I eventually did meet her and it seemed to go well. We sat had a couple of drinks, chatted, had a laugh and she wasn’t opposed to my kino or anything. Kissed closed before she left and all seemed good.

We went back to the flirty sexual chat on what's app and I tried to arrange another date, she dilly dallied a bit claimed she would have to check her rota at work etc and eventually got back to me and suggest a date over a week in advance. I agreed and we kept chatting on an off, the chat getting very sexual from her not just me. But a couple of days before the date she started claiming to be sick with a cold/flu but waited to the day of the date before cancelling. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and accepted it. This was a week ago and she's still claiming to be ill and off work but getting better. Iv kept up the pressure to arrange another meet up but she said she doesn’t want to make plans with me yet in case her illness doesn’t clear up but she's still keen to keep up the sexy chat and flirting going.

I have feeling when she does get round to arranging another date she will make it 10 days or so away again. I cant seem to get her to jump to my tune as she always has her shift work rota as an excuse and she claims this covers weekends as well. Iv kept the chat cocky/funny and flirty and tried things like so why don’t you just invite me over and prove it when she’s talking dirty etc but she's always got an excuse. I am starting to get the feeling I’m getting strung along! But the signals are very mixed from her like she said when cancelling “I’m going to have to cancel tonight...i am genuinely sorry was looking forward to seeing you again.” which suggests she is really interested.

Normally I wouldn’t even have pursued this long without getting somewhere but she is at least one point higher on the looks scale than I can usually get and a good bit younger than me so seems worth it. Plus I am sarging other women but not had much success with anyone else lately.

I guess what I am asking is if we arrange a date again and she makes it a week or so away in advance how should I handle it? And if she then cancels again what should I do?

Basically I want to tell her to step up and start living up to some of these promises she’s made ( sexual or otherwise) and actually put some effort into taking this further or I’m going to have to cut her loose. But how do I do that without seeming needy and fucking it up?

You are reading way too much into this. Listen dude. There's two possible scenarios.

1. She's fading you out.
2. She's sick.

That's it. Now it doesn't sound like she's fading you out. Usually communication will lessen and smileys and nicknames change or disappear and that hasn't happened.

Here's the thing you should do. Continue like you have so far. You've both cancelled a date so it's not like she's continually flaking on you. When she says she's ready for another date accept. Then if she cancels last minute with some vague reason you know she is flaking, but not cancelling a date until the same day and then saying she is sick might just be that she was looking forward to it and was hoping she'd get better in time.

Just wait. Make sure and then you'll have the peace of mind to say. "She wasn't that interested" or "She was really just sick" instead of sitting around wondering about it.

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No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Because i can.

Thanks man that's good advice and pretty much what I was going to do. I'm going to be a little less available via text though.

How do you think I should handle if eventually she does cancel last minute with some vague reason?

Well, that's up to you. I give everyone a chance if there's a reasonable excuse for cancelling however I play by baseball rules (which is ironic considering that no one in my country plays the sport) three strikes and you're out. If on three consecutive occasions she cancels, I'm not wasting my energy on her anymore. This is one of those things where you have to tuck away your heart and use your head, because there might be all sorts of feelings that make it reasonable to keep giving her chances, but it's just not worth it.

That being said, if she is persistent about seeing me again I might give in on the condition that it's at my place. This is how I turn flaking into sex and I have a couple of routines for this, but it might not help you since it's very dependent on how your interaction have been from the beginning. I game very sexually and flirty so my interactions with women seem to be very charged and thus I can get away with being a bit of a bad boy.

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No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Because i can.

I’m starting to think she is fading me out tbh The communication does seem to be less than it used to be and I get the feeling if I don’t start the interaction she wont. When we do talk it is still very flirty and the sexual stuff was started by her the last time. Its almost as if she loves the text chat and gets a thrill from it but does not really want to meet and take it forward

My text game is very sexual and flirty with women also and usually works but I think sometimes it can make them nervous about meeting.

Ok This is a standard newbie problem with online/tinder/text game...

Stop with the sexual talk. Seriously. Stop.

I know, there's those guys that post the screen shots of messages with naked chicks right?? Well, guess what? She's LESS LIKELY to sleep with him for sending those pics.

The idea of sexual tension lies in the tension. Putting into text what is going to happen stacks the pressure and reduces the sexual tension, so you get a girl who is stressed because she knows she is going to have to see you and your expectations are high because of the text thread. Now, in the moment, she was all about it...

But that moment has passed, so now she realizes you are a stranger and she could be putting herself in a compromising situation.

In order to give you advice, I would have to see the text thread. It's my experience that guys often misinterpret the messages girls send because the guy's emotions get involved. For instance, the chick says she has to watch her kid and the guy says "She blew me off." Not the case! So, post the thread for more feedback.

Also important, don't try to call her out or do a power play. You have no place to do that. She does not know you yet. You are nothing more than a dating profile and phone number. So, you pretty much only have 1 play: be light and playful.

Of course, this whole thing started to unravel because the date fell through in the first place, so you cannot call her out on a behavior you initiated. It makes you look hypocritical.

Again, post the thread for a more in depth and specific response.

Make sense?

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Chris
Dating Strategist
https://structureofdating.com/

Nope.

If you break sexual tension by texting sexually that's because you don't know what you're doing. The whole point of being sexual in texts to begin with is to build sexual tension.

Now. If you're a newbie then sure, you might end up in a situation where you've accidentally pumped up expectations for a meeting, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing, it's just the dating equivalence of playing high stakes poker. If you're good and win you get sex, if you don't she folds before you even get started or you blow out and lose your chance with that girl.

So in short, being overtly sexual in texts might hurt your game because you've inflated the expectations for a meeting unreasonably. However as long as you know that's your problem you can dial it back to a more appropriate level.

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No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens. ~Abraham Lincoln

Because i can.

Actually you have most of the correct answer here. The problem with getting overly sexual with girls on the phone or via text is you putting presumption and pressure on the forthcoming date. So while it is fun and titillating at the time to exchange genital picks and tell the girl in explicit terms the quality of your coital and cunnilingul skills it also makes the woman nervous of what she will have to actually do, feeling now obligated by her words, when she meets up with you in person whilst she doesn't know you from a hole in the wall. The best game is to have a delicate touch, ramp up the sexual tension a little then when she push it up further, dial it back. This is the proper push pull. So it is good to get the girl willing to text sexually but it's better to restrain her before it hurts your chances of ever meeting her. I find this to be true with both girl girls and sluts, at least until you bang them, then game on.

Thing is I am not really newbi at this Iv had sexual text conversations with chicks many times and its worked out and I ended up getting extremely hot sex out of it. I think whats happened with this chick is she kept trying to keep the power by dictating when the dates can be using her work schedule as a way to enforce it. I kept on exerting effort to try and get her to meet me which eventually started to come across as try hard and made her loose respect/attraction for me.

Shes went completely cold on me now anyway and I dont think there is any recovery from it. Ill try and post up some of the conversation as I the full thing has 4 weeks worth of chat in it and is to long pour through it all.

Well it sounds like your analysis is pretty accurate. I find the best thing to do when the chick trys to control the frame is pull back and let her chase otherwise risk her interest level going down from continued pushing. Of course unless you generated enough attraction before the point you tone it down it may be a lost cause.

Cringe Cringe Cringe Cringeeeee

This entire story is cringeworthy!

"She is at least a point higher on the scale..."

What the actual fuck? Stop keeping a ranking system. Women are not objects to be rated. Learn to love women and see them as human beings. You're going to shrug this off as if its something you already know but I assure you, you are doing this wrong. Changing the way you see women is more than enough to skyrocket your success.

"Havn't had much success lately"

So you're getting needy. What is success anyway? Define it. What do you mean by not having any success? What does success look like to you? When will you know you've reached this "success" you speak of?

"Basically I want to tell her to step up"

So tell her.

"start living up to some of these promises she’s made"

You don't understand women.

"without seeming needy"

But you are. You do not seem needy, you ARE needy. And that's where the problem is.

Look mate, most of your post is indicative of where you stand in general, not just with this particular girl. Now you're at a crossroads and you have to ask yourself a very important question: Do you just want to get with this girl, or do you actually want to improve yourself and actually progress?

Everything else is irrelevant until you figure out the answer to that question.

With love and respect.
Mack

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