Hey guys,

This is my first post, hopefully I've posted in the correct section.

Here's the deal:

-In October, I left my home country to undertake a 1 year Master degree in the UK.
-Second or third week into the program, I met a girl in my program who also left her home country (in EU).
-It's now Christmas break and I've now known her for a bit over 2 months and I've got to say, I'm crazy about her, she's everything I'm looking for. I think about her a lot, a hell of a lot.
-BUT, and there is a BIG BUT, she has a boyfriend who lives with her in the UK and who came over with her to study in the UK at another uni.

Just to give a bit more info about the whole situation:

-she rarely talks about her boyfriend, no one in our class has ever seen him and everytime she had an opportunity to invite him to parties/nights out, she never did. She's very discrete about him and never invited anyone to her flat when he was there. Once he left at Christmas to go home a few days before she did, she invited me over to her place 3 times in 5 days (note: other friends from her home country who came to visit her were there at the same time)

-Obviously, since she has a boyfriend, I've never made a "move". First of all, I think it would be a douchebag move to do so, and second, I've never been in this situation before, where the girl has a boyfriend.

Our relationship:

I'm pretty confident to say that after these 2 months, I'm the guy that has spent the most time with her and that knows her the best. We currently send each other snapchat photos on a daily basis of our home countries (mostly food, personal items, landmarks,...). We're very close, she almost shed a tear when we said goodbye before Christmas, she called me 4 days after we said goodbye because she wanted to "hear my voice" and "it had been so long since we last saw eachother". The tricky part here I'm guessing is to not fall in the friendzone.

I'd be glad to expand on anything so that you guys can have the full picture.

Here's the thing, I love this chick to bits, I've NEVER EVER felt this way with a girl before, I just don't know how to handle the situation.

On a side note, I was planning on calling her tomorrow.

I'm not sure what you want to do. It sounds like you want to go after the girl but don't want pull a douchebag move. As I see it you only have three options:

1. Steal her from the boyfriend
2. Wait for her to break up with the boyfriend
3. Fuck her and let her go home to her boyfriend

The only option that your "moral compass" will allow is option 2. The other 2 options will turn her into the girl that you wouldn't want to have a relationship with.

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I mean, don't get me wrong, I do have somewhat of a "moral compass" like I stated above in the sense that I wouldn't make a big move on her but I'm definitely up to influence the whole situation and make an impact, and hopefully have her break up with her boyfriend to come with me.

Do you guys have any advice on how to do this?

I'm gonna call her this afternoon, is there any way I can already have an impact? like saying something that might make her think over her situation, etc... ? of course nothing too direct

You want her, you need to get some alone time with her. Stop pretending that you want to be just friends with her and seduce her like she didn't have a boyfriend. Flirting and kino is your key to success. Don't mention her boyfriend from this point on. If she mentions it and uses it to tell you to back off, then back off and restart seducing her again at a slower pace. If she mentions it while flirting or showing affection, keep moving forward with your escalation.

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Damn, I do want her.

Over the past two months, I've had quite a few alone times with her, most notably:

-drinks and then dinner from 7pm to 11pm one night
-multiple walks home with her from campus, circa 25 min
- 3-4 lunches
- other minor stuff

Just got off a phone call with her, lasted 25 min, mostly talked about how we were doing, Christmas stuff, school stuff, plans for the next couple of days. Didn't flirt or anything. I did ask her if she had spoken to other classmates since the end of the semester and she responded "no I've only been talking to you"... Good sign I'm guessing.

The only notable piece of conversation is when I asked her when she was going back to the UK after the New Year, she said "why do you want to know when I'M going back?" (in a nice way, I could "hear" her smile).

We'll probably going to speak again in 2 days, I know it's easier to do in person but how can I start this flirt/seduce thing over the phone when she's thousands of miles away? Any tips? I want to do it a subtle way as she's with her family at the moment, it's Christmas, etc...

She is giving you every signal to flirt with her. You have to take advantage of it. Give her a reason of why you want to know when she'll be back. Let her know that you can hear her smile through the phone. Tie all of those questions and statements around her and you.

Those statements are a permission to pursue. She knows she can't come right out and say it because she's crafted an image for you and everyone else. Quit worrying about being a douchebag because if both of you are protecting an image, neither of you will do anything more than just be attracted to each other.

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I sure hope you're right.

One thing I should mention is that she's a very open person, for example she doesn't hesitate to hang out a lot with other guys of the class but all of them have girlfriends and she knows this so I dunno if it makes a difference. Most of her "closer" friends are guys, who I hang out with a lot as well. We're a tight group of 5-6 people.

Also, she has referred to me as a "friend" once or twice before, this is probably due to the fact that I've never made a single move so far on her and also because she has a boyfriend, hopefully she considered me as a "friend" because she couldn't do it any other way.... I hope it's because of this "crafted image" aspect of things you described above.

Problem is I don't really know how to start everything off next time I speak to her in 2-3 days on the phone... like I said I don't want to go balls out and tell her how I feel from the get go.

Any ideas?

You have two options:
1. Make no move and things remain the same
2. Make a move

I've been in similar situations, and the problem is that even if she DOES like you, there's a chance that she will still reject you.

If you're ok with the possibility, then if I were you I'd proceed a bit cautiously.

Your situation is EXTREMELY complicated because she lives with her boyfriend (although it's quite clear she has feelings for you). Getting out of a contract is difficult, and consider that if you do cause a breakup, suddenly there's the issues of who is going to be moving out and there being extra rent to cover.

1. NEVER EVER EVER straight up tell a woman you like her UNLESS she has said or clearly shown that she's interested in you as more than a friend. You will be tempted to spill your guts and tell her your true feelings - don't do it.

2. You want to SHOW your interest through kino - Get her out with you. Get her close to you - dancing is great because it allows her to be next to you. Find a reason to pull her into you, with her back to you. Nothing is more attractive than wrapping your arms around her. If she pulls away (although I doubt she will) tell her that she "looked cold" or something. Kiss her PLAYFULLY on the top of her head. Establish a playful touchy vibe with her. Judge how she feels by how she reacts to you. Then go from there.

That's actually great advice (2.). Will implement once I see in person in mid Jan.

Thanks a lot!

So here's my question: what can I do to influence things on the phone for the next couple of weeks until I see her back in the UK? Should I continue doing these every-two/three-day phone calls and talk about normal stuff like we've been doing for the past week or should I change something?

You have two options:
1. Make no move and things remain the same
2. Make a move

I've been in similar situations, and the problem is that even if she DOES like you, there's a chance that she will still reject you.

If you're ok with the possibility, then if I were you I'd proceed a bit cautiously.

Your situation is EXTREMELY complicated because she lives with her boyfriend (although it's quite clear she has feelings for you). Getting out of a contract is difficult, and consider that if you do cause a breakup, suddenly there's the issues of who is going to be moving out and there being extra rent to cover.

1. NEVER EVER EVER straight up tell a woman you like her UNLESS she has said or clearly shown that she's interested in you as more than a friend. You will be tempted to spill your guts and tell her your true feelings - don't do it.

2. You want to SHOW your interest through kino - Get her out with you. Get her close to you - dancing is great because it allows her to be next to you. Find a reason to pull her into you, with her back to you. Nothing is more attractive than wrapping your arms around her. If she pulls away (although I doubt she will) tell her that she "looked cold" or something. Kiss her PLAYFULLY on the top of her head. Establish a playful touchy vibe with her. Judge how she feels by how she reacts to you. Then go from there.[/quote]

That's actually great advice (2.). Will implement once I see in person in mid Jan.

Thanks a lot!

So here's my question: what can I do to influence things on the phone for the next couple of weeks until I see her back in the UK? Should I continue doing these every-two/three-day phone calls and talk about normal stuff like we've been doing for the past week or should I change something?[/quote]


In my opinion, you need to back off A LITTLE in your convo and contact. It may be a bit difficult to build up much sexual tension on the phone with someone who's not accostomed to it, but if you continue to just build comfort you may find yourself well and truly in the friend zone. Find something to occupy your time with, speak to her maybe once a day, and have a legit reason that you can't spend the whole day talking with her. Keep contact to let her know you're still interested BUT give her the gift of missing you just a bit, so that when she DOES see you, she'll want you so much more. If you can, and it comes naturally, add in a few sexual innuendos here and there, but do NOT overdo.

Funny enough, I was in a similar situation a few years back. I came to study a Master's in the UK, and met up with this slim Indian girl with huge eyes that screamed that she's always up to mischief, but the kind that you want to get involved with her. Anyway, she had a boyfriend who was also living in the UK studying, although he didn't live with her. Rarely mentioned him. Within a few months they had broken up, and she got with this *other* guy. I kicked myself back then, but at least I know better now.

Ok guys,

Last night at 3:30am she sent me 11 snapchats, 8 of which were videos of her evening at a concert/bar, each video was of a different song, she basically sent me a recap of the whole event. The other 3 snapchats were photos, she made handmade drawings of Christmas related stuff to wish me a Merry Christmas.

Now for the past 3 days, she sends me every morning when she wakes up a few snapchats, often of her alarm clock with the time of the day, and a photo of the skyline from her house, with comments like "slept 11 hours, feeling great" or "just woke up, amazing weather here, 18 C".

Also, today she's sending me photos of items that evoke our time spent together in the UK during the term. For example, today she sent me photo of some macaroon flavored tea she found in a store - I went with her and two of her friends to eat macaroons at a very nice place in London. She said she'd bring some of this tea back in London in January. She also sent me a photo of whisky she found in the store, she knows I love that stuff and am a huge fan.

She's also sending me lots of pictures of her Christmas tree, dinner, decorations, etc...¨

and a few hours ago she started sending me short voicemails on iphone saying "hi there"...

I mean, I'm not the most experienced dude when it comes to relationships and girls with boyfriends but this does seem like a LOT. It almost seems weird. She has a boyfriend, she's with her family on Christmas day and she's doing all this. What kind of chick sends a "friend" 11 snapchats of her evening at 3:30am and a few more snapchats every morning when she wakes up.

The advice to back off a little in our convo is smart, so that she "misses me" a little. But when she's doing this kind of stuff, should I just wait a bit before answering her or what? As you can see, a good chunk of the activity is coming from her side.

It seems to me that she's very (emotionally) interested. Again, answer her, but if you are GENUINELY busy with something (and you should be) then finish that first before getting back to her.

The thing to remember is, that emotional interest doesn't always translate into sexual interest, which is what you want AS WELL AS the emotional interest. Again, that's not something you'll be able to easily build at the very present moment, but you want to keep her fires stoked.

It sure looks like it, I mean I'd kill to be with her but the fact that she has a boyfriend that lives with her in the UK and she's doing this is so bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I'd kill to be with her but I'm a bit flabbergasted to be honest.

-All in all, today she sent me SPAM texts (iphone chat) at midday, 1pm, 4pm, 4:30pm, 8pm, 11pm and multiple during the evening, when she was out with friends having drinks for 3-4 hours.
-Voicemail at 5:40pm - first time ever.
-She also chatted me on FB asking me if I like this and this song and she sent me links to youtube videos.
-She sent me, I am not kidding you, about 18 snapchats today.

and while I'm writing this, she just sent me a text saying she just got home and she's going to bed, with "XX" at the end of her message.

I guess I just need to back off a bit and make her wait for some time before I answer all these messages. But I'm more and more convinced this is not what a chick does with someone that's just a "friend".

With regards to the sexual interest, she knows I take care of my body and do lots of sports/gym. I once took off my sweater a few weeks ago and she literally said "Balance78, I did not know you went to the gym that often... (I think I could spot some desire in the way she said it but who knows). I know sexual interest doesn't equate to only this but it's a good sign. She's a very touchy girl so it's hard to differentiate things.

We'll probably speak on the phone soon, do you guys suggest I do as usual, talk about normal stuff, or mention something specific that would make things progress?

Just like men, women get bored/unsatisfied with relationships ALL the time. Nothing to be flabberghasted about.
I hope you've answered since! There's a happy medium, and I am NOT telling you to totally ignore her. IF you are busy, finish what you're doing to respond, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with responding to SOME of the messages right away.
I would say, slip in a sexual innuendo/joke or two. Have you ever seen the office? Turn something innocent into something slightly sexual, and see how she reacts.

i hate scenarios like this. terrible catch-22. if you do nothing you lose her. if you steal her from her bf she's not worth having and will leave you the same way eventually. so you lose her either way.

the best kind of girl is the girl who remains loyal to her bf even in the repeated presence of a superior male. but because she's loyal it means you can't get her. such a damning truth.

you can proceed with the good advice you've been given but just know she'll be doing the same thing to the next good-looking guy down the line once she's been with you for a while. i'd personally get what i could then bolt but very difficult to do that when you're falling for someone as you are here.

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.