Hey everyone. This might be a little long so please bear with me, but I really need your help. So i met this HB through Tinder about a month and a half ago. I'm 35 and HB is 26. We both got out of serious relationships (me 8 years and HB 4 years) about 3 months ago. Feelings for my ex completely dried up a couple of years ago and we became more friends than lovers/partners then in a romantic relationship. So even though I broke up with her 3 months ago, I'm at a point where I'm ready to move on. As I was saying, I met HB on Tinder, and we had our first date in person a few days later at a bar/lounge. From my perspective the date went really well, or at least so I thought. Great conversation, some light kino (first date in 8 years so i'm rusty). At the end of the date as we were waiting for her taxi, i asked her "can i kiss you?" to which she replied "I don't kiss on the first date." Very AFC move, I know. We hugged and said goodbye and this point i thought it was game over and that I completely misread the connection I thought we had during the date. I get a text from her a few minutes later in which she apologized for not kissing me and how she thought a first kiss shouldn't be in passing. She mentioned that she had a really good time and thought i was great. She also mentioned how we should hang out again soon.

The next day I text her saying that I wanted to see her and that we should hang out soon again. She proposed the weekend and I agreed. So the weekend comes and I get a text saying that she has a couple of friends coming from out of town and if we could reschedule. I texted her back "message me when you're free."

On Monday I get a text from HB about making plans. She then mentions that since she just got out of a relationship and that all of this is new to her (at that point, it was 2 months for her), that she would be a "lot more comfortable if we built up a friendship first before we kiss." I replied saying that since I had also just gotten out of a relationship and I wanted to take things really slow as well.

So on Wed she invites me to her place. We chatted for a few hours, and she mentioned how she was still getting over her ex. I didn't press her on the issue, but, why the heck then is she on Tinder if she's still getting over her ex? She makes dinner and that was that. Just hugged each other goodbye.

Over the next couple of days, we sent each other random funny texts here and there, as well as her sending me selfies. On Friday i get a text from her asking me if i wanted to join her and her friends who were already at a bar. I agreed. About an hour later i get another text from her saying that her an her friends were getting really tired and might call it a night. I suggested to her that we go back to her place, hang out there and I'd sleep on the couch. She agreed. About another hour later, after rushing home from University to meet her, I texted her that I was ready to meet up. She never replied. At this point I decided that I would freeze her out.

She texts me the next morning though apologizing that she ended up having a late night. Over the course of the weekend she sends me random texts here and there. She visited her parents and she told me how she told them about me and how she thought I was awesome.

Later in the week she calls me up to go out for a drink, which I denied because I had too much school work to do. I suggested meeting the following night but she said she had tentative plans with her friends. I told her to ditch them and hang out with me. The next night, she texts me saying she couldn't get out of hanging out with her friends. So at this point, I'm thinking that if she was really interested in me, she would have ditched her friends. I decide again to stop texting her.

About a week and half later I receive a text from her asking to hang out. We make plans to hang out a few days later, but she cancels again a few hours before the date. Again, I stop texting her.

She texts me again a few days later saying she feels bad about cancelling that she owes me a drink. Says she hopes i didn't get the wrong impression because she think's i'm great. I reply only with "you don't owe me anything." Again she asks me to hang out and I tell her to message me when she's free.

The weekend passes, she messages me and we make plans to hang out a couple of days later. She mentions how she's really excited to see me. At this point it's been about a month since I last saw her. The date goes really well. Again great conversation, and this time much more kino on both our ends. She dishing out tons of compliments. At one point though about halfway through the date she mentions how her and her ex broke up a few times over the course of their relationship but it was always her doing the breaking up. This latest time however, it was her ex that broke up with her and she says that the first time she's ever been dumped. Hearing this, I'm thinking she's still hung up on her ex and that I won't even bother trying to kiss her. At the end of the date, we take a taxi to drop me off at my place first before taking her to her place. I tell her to get out of the cab so I can give her a proper hug. So we hug and I kiss her on the cheek, and as i start to pull away she says "a kiss on the lips," and we kiss for about a minute or two. She gets back in the cab, texts me about 20 min later saying how "that was really hot" and how it turned her on.

Next day she's texting me about future date ideas. We make plans to hang out a few days later. The night before the date she messages me saying she really excited to see me again. The day of the date, she messages me about an hour before we were supposed to meet saying how she's feeling really tired and grumpy and if we could reschedule for the next day. I tell her to just come out and that i would cheer her up. She suggests coming over to her place which i agree. We hang out at her place, watching tv. Eventually we cuddle, and then start making out with a little groping. This goes on for about an hour before she mentions that she needs to get to bed for work the next morning.

So this last hangout was this past monday, and I messaged her today asking her to hang out on the weekend. She usually replies to my texts within the most an hour but she hasn't replied to this one and I sent this to her around lunch today. So somethings definitely up. She's either still stuck on her ex or there are other guys or women she's dating (she's bi). Or maybe she just not that much into me like I thought she was. I'm not going to message her back and wait and see if she texts me back. I don't know what to do at this point. If she eventually texts me back, what do I do? Any insight into the HB and situation would be greatly appreciated. Also I want to say that I'm not looking to just have sex with her. I've fallen really hard for her over the last month, so every time she flaked on me it really hurt. I've also been on a couple other dates over the last month to try to get over her but I just can't. There's just something about her, a connection I feel, that I just have not been getting with the other women I've dated or chatted with on Tinder. This sounds terrible, but I'm just not interested in other women anymore. This girl is the one I want, or at least the one I want to keep dating to see if there really is a connection and I'm not delusional. Anyway... help!!!! What do I do??? Thanks everyone.

This is mainly pschyological and serves the purpose of re-affirmation. Break ups can be emotionally straining. When me and my gf broke up, I started using Tinder the next day.

- It's a simple pain killing method. Your mind is on your ex and it can hurt, so by using Tinder you see all these matches which tells you; "Wow, this guy/girl finds me attractive! Awesome!" Its a positive reinforcement and a much needed one in such a period.

By the sounds of it alot of this is AFC stuff ! Your giving her all the power - 'Let me know when your free'
You should say I'm free then and im taking you out ! your getting too hung up on her ex- She shouldnt even be thinking about him when shes with you ! You should whisk her mind away to crazy places.

You should jst not talk to her until she contacts you...
Also be more of a man if your in her place alone it doesnt matter if shes just 'broke up' You could have fucked her. She even told you kissing you turned her on. She has comfort by asking you into her home therefore you should have at least tried more than a little groping.

For now give her space remember your a man in high demand ! dont always give her what she wants. I would also flake on her the night before or say your not feeling the best lets reschedule.

Currently shes holding all the cards and you have to change that.

Hope this criticism is helpful dude. And a pretty accurate post from you lets us guys help you out more.

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Wow these two motherfuckers Wildcard and Stenic are on a roll in various threads on this forum. Listen to them OP.

Thanks for the reply's. A detail I forgot to mention and that I just remembered, is that on the date where we kissed for the first time at the end of the night, she mentioned, while talking about the breakup with her ex, that she's a serial dater. Again, I didn't press her on this. I'm no longer on Tinder, but after our first couple of dates, and over the course of the next month, I noticed that she was on there a lot (your matches tell you when they were last on). So she was obviously dating other men or women from the time I met her. I'm even going to assume that maybe she cancelled on me all those times because she had other dates pop up. So she's obviously playing the field. Do you think, after not hearing from her for a couple of weeks, and her recontacting me, that she had this epiphany where she realized she's not going to find better then me? On the date where we first kissed, which was the first date after not hearing from her in a couple of weeks, she said she was really excited to see me. After the first kiss, she also texted me that she loves the way i kiss and she was hoping to explore more with me. She continually tells me how awesome she thinks I am and how she had so much fun. And now she's freezing me out by not texting me back? What can she be thinking?

As a post above mentioned, I have to agree that she holds all the power right now. She says she's a feminist and she is definitely someone that has problems with authority. I did decline an invite to hang out with her once, but other than that I've agreed to all other hang outs. I know I should flake on her every now and then, but every time I think of doing it I'm afraid she'll lose interest, but that's just the AFC part of me thinking that. I guess to give a girl what they want, you have to unfortunately play this game in the beginning.

I know I really should be dating other women. I'm a good looking guy so that's not problem, but I'm just not into it. As I mentioned, I've really fallen for this girl. Another side note-- when I was with her at her place, while we were making out, we kept stopping every few minutes, and she implied at one point that she didn't want to have sex. At least that's how I perceived it. But she did mention how she had a raging boner and how she would be "moving her lips" (whatever that meant) after I was gone.

Anyway... thanks again. I appreciate the help.

A serial dater and a feminist ??? you sure picked a good one here ! lol Just keep freezing her out bro i know its hard to begin with but if shes worth your time she'll come back ! DONT BE A SECOND OPTION !

She definitely wanted fucked also.

_________________
You can fail all your life but still achieve more than those who did not try.

[/quote] A serial dater and a feminist ??? you sure picked a good one here ! lol Just keep freezing her out bro i know its hard to begin with but if shes worth your time she'll come back ! DONT BE A SECOND OPTION !

She definitely wanted fucked also.[/quote]



Lol. Actually her being a feminist is a quality I find attractive. She's not a radical feminist, but a feminist nonetheless.

Question... when and if she ever texts me back, is it not a wise thing to say something along the lines of "I don't want to be your second option," or "Come back to me when you're ready to date?" Or is that too AFC?

So it's been about a month since I sent my last text to which she hasn't responded (I asked her to hang out and got no reply). I've pretty much nexted her (not 100 percent), but today is her birthday. What do you think of me sending her a text saying happy birthday? Big no no?

If it were me I'd send it, nothing to lose.