Hey everyone. Long time lurker, but finally joined. Sorry if this is a newbie question, but it seems complicated to me...

I moved to NY a few months ago and there's this girl I've been working with. Been talking to her whenever she's there about random stuff. I've built a little rapport over shared interests, but most likely no comfort. I'm pretty sure my game was terrible as well.

Now for the mistakes I gave my info first and got the number from her later (after a little bit). Asked to hang out once almost every week since the end of Sept. (Not being pushy but still asking) and worst of all, before building that comfort. Didn't mean to do that, but the flakes kind of led one into the other (always busy with work and home life, but there's always next week). She'll go to lunch when she's free, but never more than that. Usually I would take that as a hint, but since she does actually work very hard, I took it at face value. Now, I'm not so sure.

A few days ago, she blew me off about something that was pretty big and I've stopped engaging as much as I used to. The obligatory hello, if that, but no more and no more texts. This might not work out because there are times I might have to hang with her and a new male friend who happens to know her.

No one-itis going on here. I'm interested but not full-blown hooked. I'm approaching it as more of a game and a learning experience. And I just hate to lose I'd be willing to try anything...

So there it is. Any tips or should I just call this one over?

Time to throw in the towel. Spending months of being rejected is nearly impossible to recover from.

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actually since beginning of October. So weeks, not months

Seriously, though, thanks for your input...

Here's what seems to have happened, IMO. You took her phone number without being seen as the potential of being a sexual partner and started primarily in the friend zone. Let's say you asked her out four times and got a no each time which made you even more unattractive. Climbing out of the friendzone is difficult but possible when done correctly. But you're in the unattractive zone and you have to get back to the friendzone and the moment you try to move forward from that, she'll see you as unattractive again.

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Yep, move on to other girls.

Wow, no hope for this one? I was kind of expecting someone to have a cool, balls to the wall plan or something...

I have an idea or 2, but would still love to hear other's opinions on it

If you move on to other girls she will most likely notice and will probably come around in some way or another. So the suggestion to move on to other girls has the added benefit of possibly spiking her interest as well.

I get that. I've even noticed that I get a social boost with a woman after talking to a different woman, even if she doesn't know about the other one. Must be a confidence thing.

Anyone else?

You were starting to get into or were fully in state. If you run game in the streets or the clubs or wherever, some of the best "pickups" you'll ever experience is after being a bit rusty early, building momentum and then just being on fire. Once in the groove, the girls just feel your energy so hard and they are drawn in to it.

Reinitiating with this girl in the present state of the 'relationship' would be a hail mary pass vs. the core underlying confidence of having her natural intuition want to potentially chase from the fact that you took it upon yourself to get out in to the world and get around more women. She will literally smell them on you even if you're not sexing them yet.

Anyway all the best to you dude.

Maybe someone else has a different approach to this sitch for ya.

Jackzero is correct your in the unattractive needy friendzone.

Firstly your going to have to get into the standard friendzone - 1 way i would advise doing this is if there is say another hot girl in your work place start flirting with her and making your presence known. This will show your potential target you are just friendly.

2 - you definitely shot yourself in the foot by being needy so i think your going to have to address that straight up to get anywhere - for example - 'look i know your busy with things etc and i apologise for coming across needy' (normally you shouldnt do this but your fucked anyways so you may aswell.)

3 - Initiate conversation more with her - dont text her anymore! for example friday morning 'Hey hows things not spoke to you in a while upto much this weekend' More than likely she will reply pretty bland or dry towards you. You then reply with a shit load of plans ' awww yeah me and a few boys are going out tonight and then im out tomorrow night aswell ! going to be dying with a hangover so ill have to get the hangover food in on sunday and a few movies'

4 - dont initiate anything with her after this - keep flirting with other woman in the work place come across funny and a good laugh. If she initiates with you say your talking to someone and she joins in shoot her down, aww your a bore at the weekends or something like that.

5 - MOST IMPORTANTLY GAME OTHER WOMAN AS ALL THIS MAY NOT WORK !

Goodluck dude. your going to need it.

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You can fail all your life but still achieve more than those who did not try.

Wow, harsh news, but I'll take it. Thanks.

Still open to new ideas, though...

Most of these guys aren't being harsh or rude. These are lessons we all learn when we are new at this. I continue to make the comparison when guys make threads like this one. Pickup isn't about getting the girl no matter what. It's more like poker, making the most of good opportunities and reducing the resources wasted in bad situations.

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These hos ain't loyal

Plus, once you've got a few other lays under your belt and know you can do it again, all of a sudden you will find yourself caring a whole lot less...

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I get that. I wasn't complaining, I guess I just used a poor choice of words. I do appreciate it. I'd love to hear your input on this...
I don't really care now. I'm just interested in seeing if it can be done and in hearing ideas about how it can be done.

Haven't you seen that dane cook stand up? Every man loves a good heist

Give us what your ideas are. Maybe we can help tweak it or stop you from doing something silly. Hell, you maybe able to help other guys that put themselves in this position.

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