Ok guys help me with this one…

This weekend I went out for a dinner and a party (a friend’s bday), and there I got to meet a girl from my college class (hadn’t spoken with her before). So we’re talking and stuff, she’s totally seducing me and after a few drinks we’re already shamelessly making out.

When the night ended, I discovered we’re neighbors and I went back to her place. We talked a little more, and out of nowhere she’s on her panties and holding her bra.

Now, here’s something I gotta say: at this point I was no longer too drunk to realize she wasn’t really that good, really flat body and not really my type. So I started thinking, if I have sex with her, I’m gonna have a real problem in my hands (class would be super awkward).

So what happened is we didn’t have sex, I spent the night with her in bed (making out, talking about life, etc) and then in the morning I left.


Now, the problem: she’s been messaging me the following days, and I want to let her down (without being a total jerk). Today in class, I tried to talk with her about this (you know, the dreaded “Friendzone” speech) but as soon as she saw me walking towards her at the end of class, she started talking with this guy who was sitting next to her. I can only think of a couple of reasons why that happened: 1) she’s trying to get me jealous or 2) she knows what I want to talk about and doesn’t want to be a part of the conversation…

So, I guess what I’m asking here is some advice on how to let her down gently – she’s an awesome girl regardless, and I do want her as a friend. And until I talk to her about it I’m gonna have a guilty conscience.

Cheers!

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

Hey man,

This has happened to me many times, to a point where I always abstain from doing anything with a girl from my social circle. That being said, it can still happen and here is how to deal:

Firstly, act like it was the most natural thing ever and not something worth talking about. You wanting to go up to her after class to explain the “situation” is a great way to make her feel dumb and hate you forever .
Keep going on with life as before. If she mentions it, just smile and brush it off as something that can happen sometimes between friends . Girls are not dumb, they will understand if you see it as a fling (especially with alcohol in the mix), no need to explain! Just be cool.

Second, i’m sorry but you shouldn’t hook up with another girl in front of her until you see her with another guy first. This is to make sure she has no more unfounded hopes of being with you. Getting with someone else isn’t classy and will probably anger her, if only for that reason.

There you have it: the formula to keep her as a friend. The “no hookup” rule sucks, but hey, find girls outside your social circle!

White Panda
Tinder Advisor blog

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Thanks for the reply mate!


Actually, that's what I've been doing since I've posted this: just playing it cool, still talking to her... I guess if she doesn't mention it then I shouldn't either.

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"What we're doing is so wrong, and what you're wearing is so right (it's so tight!). But I've never felt better, so I'm going out to get her and I don't care what set of wheels I steal to get there."

Do you really think it has to be awkward if you have sex with her? I understand if you're not attracted to her, but you should have figured that out before you made out with her and slept in her bed, lol. Anything you do is going to be awkward from this point on, other than creating a FWB type situation.

You seam like a pretty stand up guy and like you really do care about her feelings, which is good to see.

You obviously don't want her to get hurt but at the same time you need to honest with yourself on how attracted you are to this girl.

I find being straight up and honest is the road I'm always happy I took.

I'm not saying rub her face in it, which I'm sure you wouldn't because you seam like a pretty good guy. But being real with her about your situation and saying the kinds of things you said about her in your post; that you really do like her and think she's an awesome person.

If she can't handle your honesty and decides to avoids you, problem solved. You don't want that someone who can't handle others being honest with them your life to begin with. (assuming that you were nice about it)

If she CAN handle it, the air is cleared and you can continue to treat her like a friend. You probably also scored some brownie points for sacking up and addressing the issue. At least you know this girl has her big girl pants on.

But I still wouldn't be hitting on girls in front of her like white panda said. Gotta be respectful and all.

I'm not a shining example of any of this, but it is something I strive for and when I do, I find people usually respond well to the honesty.

anyway good luck man

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http://fasttracksandlifehacks.com

Also Portugal the man is the tits

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http://fasttracksandlifehacks.com

There's only three things I'm 100% sure of with women: They are extremely sensative to rejection, they do not handle rejection well, and they aren't all that much different from guys in 90% of how they think (people are people, there are just multiple perspectives). With that in mind, trying to be Completely blunt is not recommended (been there, done that, fail). On the other hand being soft about it will just make her confused and angry. Either extreme gives you an enemy for life.

What's worked really well for me is actually to let the physical part happen in the moment, not push it any further than it naturally wants to go, let her feel safe and wanted for that time, and be warm towards her there after treating the history as if it's no big deal. But next time you hang out be a bit distant without being rude and she will ask what's up. Then time to balls up and be straight but polite about it. Things like "well to be honest I think we rushed into things a bit and I'd like to know you as a friend first before being physical" no girl I've ever met will be angry at that kind of statement. In fact they will likely respect you more.

After that formality just don't invite physicality and don't give her ioi's it will take her a few days/weeks but she will naturally move on, and dependent on how well you get along can prove to be a great friend that may talk well of you to her friends and expand your network positively.

If however she gets needy and clingy after, then cutting her off tactfully will not result in an enemy at that point, you just become a great guy that she tried for. The world will always return you what you give out. Respect = Respect.

Hope that helps.

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"Would it be wrong to join sexaholics anonymous to pick-up chicks?" "...yes, and stop eating that baby."

-Psych3r-