She is very attractive and had been flirting with me since I started working there almost 2 years ago. I don't date people at work so I never moved on her, but recently decided to go after her by sending her a work related email with baaaaarely a hint that I was interested. She got the hint and started to come by to flirt with me, ask me how old I am, etc. I reciprocated by going to her desk once in a while. Her interest level was high, lot's of IOI's, etc.

She blew hot and cold the whole time, just when I thought she was interested she would go cold, but as soon a she did, I would play aloof and she would come after me again within a few days, escalating her hints until I went after her again. This cycle went on until I got her number, texted her, flirted, though she got upset that I hadn't asked her out yet and that she was not interested in earning points to be invited out (it was a joke I had played with her, but she got upset obviously. Nonetheless she did enthusiastically agree to go out with me in two separate texts, but when I gave her the details of time and date, she waited until the next day to respond right when I usually get to work and just said I can't, nothing else (even though the date was not for 4 days).


I pulled back again and she once again started to show signs of interest by trying to get me to talk to her, etc, so I texted her a few days later asking no counter offer? She said no counter offer, I'm sorry. I was like, well, you can't say I didn't invite you out. She said, thanks anyways.

Maybe I gave up being challenging too soon or she changed her mind because I came across as a player (has happened before and she has a history or dating and marrying, then divorcing them so maybe she thought I was the same mistake) but then why try to get my attention again by trying to start conversations walking by, but walking away before I could answer, why give me her number for all this, and why was she so nervous as if she liked me when she first started talking to me, why was she jealous of me talking to other girls, etc. She showed all the signs of being interested, and blowing hot and cold/hard to get, and then bam, suddenly just flat out blown off. I think it is safe to say she is not playing hard to get anymore, unless she is really trying to test my commitment.

You started playing a game with her and she won the game and lost attraction. Thats basically what happen. I tend not to play games with women for this very reason. If i want you, I'm going to make it CLEAR. If I want to go out with you i'm not making you jump through any hoops. Lets meet up; I save all the hoop jumping for in person interaction because thats the only time it can be properly communicated.

So yeah man. Save the games for after you've developed a solid enough rapport with a girl first. Or just do like I do and don't play them at all.

I have no problem telling a girl how much I like them and why all the time, because I could give two shits about how they feel about how I feel. I'm simply expressing myself, something I enjoy doing.

For right now man; I would advise you to not contact her anymore. She'll come back around when she sees you lose interest in the fact that she's no longer interested. Because at this moment, she has your attention because she lost interest so whats the point of going out with a guy when you already have all of his attention?

Pull back..Completely. She may come back she may never, but continuing to push at this point won't bring you any closer to her.

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Funny thing is she got pissed that I was gaming her. She was still interested when I dropped the game and asked her out, in fact she got more nice and agreeable. Then when I jokingly tried to game again she got pissed but still agreed with a yes to going out, but telling me there is no reason for games (points). Makes me think she didn't lose interest because I gave up the challenge too soon. In fact, I did a few things that you would think would make her lose interest, but she kept getting more interested at each step.

Brief review of beginning of interaction leading up to this:

-Back and forth flirting at my desk and hers, walked around the block one time, flirting heavily, then next time I tried to talk to her/take her for a walk again, she said no I'm good thanks like she was biting my head off. I thought it was a blow off, so I pulled back.

-She went cold for a while and when I didn't engage her again she started engaging me again, escalating slowly until I went after her again, culminating in me getting her number, her getting mad at me initially because I was joking about her having to earn time out with me, which she got pissed off about, but I dropped it and asked her out, she agreed to go out, enthusiastically at that.

-She always texted back right away, but after she agreed to go out, I gave her the date and time (purposely asked her out for the activity without giving her date and time info first so as to make sure she was interested outside of scheduling conflicts) and for some reason after I gave her the date and time info a few minutes later, she went silent, she waited until the next morning when I got to work to send me a vague text just saying "I can't".

-After that, she went cold the day after agreeing to go out. Then I pulled back again and the same pattern repeated as when we first started talking/flirting, she escalated until we started talking again. Trying to engage me in conversation by walking by my desk and asking me how goes it, but not stopping, as if she was trying to get me to text her. I would see her checking me out just like when she went cold before, but she would try to look away before I noticed. She did the exact same thing last time she played cold.

-So I texted her three days later, asking her if she was going to keep playing tennis or make a counter offer. She pretended to not know what I was talking about in regards to tennis and was like, "Tennis"? then she said, no counter offer, I'm sorry.

-I was like, "Did something change?" " Well, you can't say I didn't invite you out." She just replies, thank anyways. Never answered my question as to what changed.

WTF? Part of me wants to think this is a blow off, but last time I thought she was blowing me off by declining to talk with me/walk with me, saying she wasn't interested, it turned out she was playing hard to get and came back after me to get me talking to her again, which is how I ended up getting her number and asking her out.


Is she trying to game me or really just not interested anymore? Last time I thought she was blowing me off, I even posted on this forum that it seemed like she was playing hard to get, blowing hot and cold, because just before she went cold everything was so great, she was giving some strong signs, and it was obvious she was secretly watching me for effect for a few days after she gave me the cold shoulder.

Its as if she is gaming me again, and if she is, it's working. I'm the one online trying to figure her out. It's like the scrambler Rob Judge and Bobby Rio use. She's hot one minute, moves me two steps forward, and just when I think I have her, goes cold, becomes cryptic, and secretly checks me out to see what effect it's having on me. Eventually after playing aloof for a while, she starts to escalate again until I engage again, and we move two more steps forward, etc. I guess one surefire way to tell if that's what she is doing is to wait a while again, play aloof, go no contact, maybe even talk to other girls there, and wait to see what she does.

If starts escalating again, I have my answer. If not, and there is not even a hint of jealousy, then I guess I know she is lost. I just won't know why.