As a grateful member to the PUA forums, I have decided to contribute my field report(s) at the end of each weekend. As usual, your advice and comments are always appreciated. For last week, please visit a-great-saturday-night-left-unfinished--vt16127.html

(Disclaimer: This is NOT a success story. It is simply the truth.)

One-Itis

She has been that one girl. She still is, and perhaps she always will be, that one girl. But my One-Itis arrived sooner in the weekend than I could've expected. I hadn't seen her in months, so we decided to make plans for Saturday night. What was not planned was our Friday nights. We unavoidably happened to cross paths and she swept me by surprise. She sent that familiar, yet inexplicable, tingle down through my spine. But even inexplicability can be recognized and reciprocated, though its never fully resolved. Indeed, the feelings are mutual, but we are both too afraid to concede to them again. Who knows what would happen.

The problem with One-Itis' is that there is no Game: no openers, no canned routines, and not a whole lot of negging involved. We are reduced to our simple-selves. The reason is that we know One-Itis became One-Itis by understanding our simple-self; she can see past our clever charades. She leaves us with the sensations of vulnerability, nervousness, edification, and frustration, all at the same time. It proves to be a tricky combination.

My simple-self saw her. My social-proof destroyed. My walls had crumbled once again. I had to leave.

Her phone calls arrived in multiple sessions only twenty minutes later. By that time, I had already moved to a new location and opened my next set: Two attractive women sent indicators of interest. Their flirtatious personalities insinuated that they were ready to send something more. Thus, it is a shame that One-Itis had infiltrated her lethal poison into my mind.

Surely, Saturday night came around. But it came at a large cost. It came at the cost of Saturday night, so I thought. There were no phone calls, no text messages, no such name as "One-Itis". She broke our plans without logic, rhyme or reason. I was burdened by the spell of my simple self: vulnerable, nervous, edified (I guess), and frustrated. I just wanted to be with her.

But eventually I decided that I wasn't going to sit around waiting. Four others and myself (one female pivot included) continued on with the agenda. The show must go on. And not before long into the show, we opened a set of three HB 8+ on the patio tables. All of them were interested, interesting, and fully engaged in a conversation of interest. Rapport came sooner than expected, and the night resulted in three number closes; three potential dates; and the possibility of three potential Saturday nights.

One-Itis never gets replaced. She wouldn't be One-Itis if she did. All we can do is live our lives and be honest to ourselves. I suppose we have to let fate decide what's left in the end. . .

Dude im there with ya man. I have aone-itis as well but dont let it stop you dude, deal with it and move on...maybe later itll happen but dont sit around wiating for it too. PU shows us no girl is out of reach...so dont stop for one girl

i feel like i just read an essay lol,
but i try to not let "her" get to me like that

_________________
Good luck, happy Sarging!

-Mister GQ

Very well written post. It was like a chapter out of a novel.

One-itus has been my game killer. It took me down the wrong path a half a dozen times last year. Rediculous.

Good job on the 3 number closes.

When I meet/hook up with random girls, I don't get those same kind of feelings I do for her. So for me, a true PUA is being able to get her. Just like you said, "PU shows us no girl is out of reach." The irony is that I have already had her so many times.
Lol, I apologize for that. I just thought it would be a fun idea to post my adventures the end of each weekend (unfortuantely, I don't go out much during the weekdays.)

Thanks, you made my morning! I try to convey it in novel-form because I am working on a novel right now. My goal is to bridge Pick-Up and Relationships together.

(P.S. I'll let you know what happens with the 3 number closes. Let me know if your in the area and I can throw one of 'em your way! )

The follow-up

She texted me Sunday night. The conversation went as follows:

Her: Do you hate me. . .

Me: No, y?

Her: Well, you just seemed pissed on the phone.

Me: I thought I was just tired.

Her: Haha, maybe.

Me: I'm not mad. But I am busy, so let me catch up with you in a little while.

. . .I never called. Perhaps I am an asshole, but I thought I would punish her for calling it off on Saturday.

haha ill laugh at mine if she calls me, in fact im soo over it im gonna sarge this girl i met last night and get a date and use the prop i was gonna use on my 1itis on her lol.

_________________
Good luck, happy Sarging!

-Mister GQ

Word dudes. I haven't posted in a while.

Not to hijack the thread or anything, but his post, along with many others, has got me thinking... am I abnormal? With me and my one-itis situation, not only is she my one-itis for very good reasons(side note- in my opinion anyway. it seems like you get a lot of flak here for having a oneitis, but in this case she was my girlfriend and I straight up loved her more than I could ever describe... so it's not like she's just some random girl I have an unreasonable attachment to.) BUT, there's also the fact that unfamiliar women almost..... disgust me. That's not how I mean it to sound.... it's hard to explain. The thought of having sex with anyone but my one-itis does not create a pleasant feeling. It's more a feeling of fear/repulsiveness than desire.

This is hard to describe, because now it sounds like I'm not attracted to other girls... I am definitely attracted to many, many women throughout the day, but when I meet them and it comes time to create a physical connection, I usually back off because I feel absolutely NOTHING for the girl and it just kind of doesn't do anything for me. When I do pull the trigger it is very unsatisfying and makes me want to do it even less the next time.

I know this isn't a psychology forum, but I feel like it's a good place to share thoughts and experience without shame, since we're all in this together. Let me know what you guys think, especially if you have been in a similiar place.

Don't worry about it. It's what I put it up for.
NO! You are not abnormal. The story was about my former girlfriend also, by the way, I know how you feel! Not to judge anybody, but I find it difficult for people to talk about their "One-Itis" if they never had a strong emotional connection with that person. I am not saying it doesn't happen, but I am certainly more skeptical when listening to it.
I don't think "disgust" is the word you're looking for. Nevertheless, I understand where your coming from. . . I'm not necessarily repulsed by the thought of it, but I know it doesn't leave you with a "positive" feeling all the time (if that makes any sense).

I don't think we ever really get over that person, but sometimes its just not the right time, or things are to hard to work out to be in a relationship with her. To be honest, sometimes I think my ultimate goal as a PUA is to get back with my One-Itis. . .I know she is worth it. If you feel the same way, then I will tell you to keep fighting for it; keep the line of communication open with her; and always be willing to give her a second chance. Time is far too precious to pass up the finer things in life.
The implication by this comment is that you value relationships, commitment. You view sex as a way to express your emotional/physical connection with her. Therefore, it is no surprise that a random girl is not going to fulfill such a desire.
Disagree. Attraction, Pick-Up, and Relationships are very much so based on psychology.

If you give me more details about your former relationship, I think I can really help you with it. Either PM me or write back here. Anyway, good luck and I look forward to your reply. . .

Wow. That's cool, thanks man. I was going to PM you, but I figure I can post it in public as long as I don't use her name. I will just refer to her as my one-itis. It's the respectful thing to do.

I'm not sure where to begin. Basically, before this particular relationship, I was kind of oblivious to a lot of things. All my girlfriends before her were just like... I don't know, for the sake of having a girlfriend, you know? I didn't really pay much attention to it, I just kind of like focused on myself and my endeavors. (which I still do, I just do it in an unhappy state now.)

Then she came along, and to be honest, it was more of the same at first. We were just fuck buddies, basically, in the beginning. We would actually go weeks without even talking. Then one day, she went on vacation with a friend of hers, who happened to be my friend's girlfriend. She wasn't too far away or anything, but we weren't able to hang out. After a few days of her being away, it just hit me. I said to myself "holy shit... I miss this girl... what's going on here???" and I ended up driving down with my friend to see them. I'm not sure what happened, she must have been feeling the same way, because we were instantly inseparable. We had never really cuddled much up until then, but on this day we may as well have been joined at the hip. Now that I think about it, it was really weird... I don't know how I didn't think it was weird at the time - it just felt so fucking natural. I remember getting in the backseat of the car with her and for some unspoken reason I just held her in my arms, whereas a week earlier such a thing would not have happened. We spent all night talking - my grandmother had recently passed away so that was a pretty big topic. We also had sex that night. Not that that was anything new at this point, though. However - it was the first time we had sex and I actually felt a strong caring bond with her. Thus it was the first time I realized that sex with someone you care about is SO much better.

From that day on, there was not a day that went by where we weren't together. We did everything together, our lives revolved around each other. It was so.... powerful. I'm so confused as to how this happened now that I think about it... looking back on it, I almost want to ask myself "did that really happen to me?" what the hell did we talk about all that time? What the hell did we do? It must have just felt so natural at the time.

Either way, fast forward a month or two, and we had the "we're committed to each other now" discussion. Soon thereafter we had the "for the past couple of weeks I have been holding back the urge to say "i love you"" chat... and so on, and so forth. Even at this point there was rarely a day that went by where we weren't together. I was on top of the mother fucking world. I was invincible - nothing could get to me. I could have the worst day ever and once I came home and held her in my arms all was well. I had never been happier.

This all took place during the summer, but now it was getting towards fall and she had to go back to school. It wasn't that bad - only about a 45 minute drive, but, it was still a serious hamper on our time together. We both agreed that we are important enough to each other to deal with it, though. And we did, for a while. We were still together every weekend and I tried to visit every other week or so. It was still awesome, the distance actually made it even more magical because, well, absence makes the heart grow fond.

One night she came online and sent me a message. It said something to the effect of - "hey, I just got out of bed to tell you how much I love you. goodnight" We had been kinda like having little stupid fights over the past week or so before that. I figured it was all cleared up though, and I stopped worrying about it. We went to a concert together the next night, and we had like one stupid fight. It was my fault - her friend(a female) was home from school that weekend and she wanted to hang out with her the next night. But was I a normal human and said that it was ok? nope. I was a needy dumbass and I bitched and complained about it... to the point where she even agreed that she would just cancel on her and hang out with me instead. What can I say, it was my pre-game days. I was stupid. I think this was the straw that broke the camels back as far as her breaking up with me goes.

The next night we were together for maybe like 2 hours, and, I suppose this is a good time to mention, we hadn't had sex in at LEAST two weeks. I don't remember how long exactly but it was a while. I suppose that should have been a warning sign. Regardless, I left her that night and that was really the last time we were ever together in a relationship status. The next morning I crashed my car (and caught a cold - pretty good week, huh?) and I called her. she didn't answer. She called me back and we talked for like 2 minutes. She didn't call me the next day. She didn't call me the day after. It was the first time in months upon months where we didn't talk without more than like a 8 hour gap of time in between. I was confused.

The following day, probably the worst day of my life (I guess I should be so lucky, that the worst day of my life was the day that my girlfriend broke up with me??), it happened. She said she thinks she wants to be on her own for a while. I fought and fought (now I know I was only making it worse) and it just didn't get anywhere. It got to the point where she didn't even want to talk to me anymore (and rightfully so. I couldn't even say "hi" to her without bursting out in tears.)

I guess that's it in a nutshell... that's like, the basis, without all the sappy stories that would make it clear why I was so in love with her. You can just take my word for it - I have never felt that strongly about someone or something ever in my life. I'm sure you know what I mean anyway, though. This whole story took place over about a year of time. Not that long, but it felt like a lifetime.

I have not been the same since. All my obliviousness in life was absolutely shattered(which I suppose isn't neccessarily a bad thing). I cannot recall a single day where I could honestly tell you I was happy. Not once. Just to give an example of how destroyed I was over this - earlier on when it first happened, I would literally lie in bed for 24 hours at a time. Usually face down. I would call out of work, I didn't want to eat... I think I lost like 20 pounds in a month.

There have been other girls since of course, but, like I said... they just don't do anything for me. I don't know if I'm just like paying too much attention, or what.. but the magic is completely gone. EXCEPT when I'm with my one-itis.

(Side note if it seems like I'm overly depressed about this - in about a years time I lost basically all of the important women in my life. My grandma passed away, my girlfriend broke up and stopped talking to me and thus I lost my connection with her mom (we were so close that it wasn't uncommon for her to kiss me goodnight on the forehead.) and my own mother died as well. pretty fucked up time of life.)

Somewhere along the line we started talking again, and I told myself I could just be her friend, but the moment I saw her, that thought was rather quickly destroyed. I don't think I could be more attracted to someone in my life. It's really weird, because she's not even my type physically - in fact, in all honesty, if I didn't know her, I would probably only rate her a 7 or 8. But since I do know her(and I know her better than probably 98% of the people in her life) I rate her a straight up 10. no, an 11 actually. She can make an hour seem like a second. She makes all my problems go away, at least temporarily. She's the only girl I personally know that I want to have sex with AND hold her afterwards. I don't cuddle with just anyone - only special girls.

Anyway, lately we have been hanging out a lot and we talk on the phone every night... but I feel like I'm starting to get caught in like an emotional affair or something. She always fishes for compliments from me and stuff like that. I don't give them to her, because as much as I want to make her feel good, I think it's a bad idea to start giving her compliments and whatnot before we have had sex again. It's a pretty shitty cycle because not only do I want to tell her that I think she is amazingly beautiful whenever she says she is "not attractive anymore" (true quote, sadly) but I don't so then I also feel like I'm just lying to her and ugghhhhhh it's just such a shitty cycle. I don't know how to get back to that level again. We still have really awesome conversations - I just connect with her on a whole different level than anybody else. I'm just not so sure the sexual attraction part is there for her.

Anyway, this is getting really long, so I guess I'll wrap it up.
I know what you mean. The whole reason I got into the game was to find out what I did wrong with her, and to be prepared for next time. I feel the same way as you - it has been a pretty long while since we broke up, but I would be lying if I said I didn't still feel just as strongly about her. Maybe that's creepy, I don't really care, I think it's legit and it's how I feel.

I suppose I just hope that one day she will recover from having the emotional IQ of a fucking monkey. Until then, I'm not exactly counting out other girls - but they aren't exactly impressing me either.

Let me know what you think man, I value your input a lot.

Hey, I just read your post. . . It is definitely going to take me some time to think about it and respond.

I will let you know my thoughts tomorrow. Sorry for the delay.

Best,

Jay

This is interesting, I read a book by a famous pick up artist who said that when he was really in love with a girl he would cuddle her. He wouldn't cuddle other girls. I find that really interesting, because as a woman, to me it sounds absurd, we would never think it would mean anything that big if the guy we're with cuddles us.
Please contribute more signs of how you act with the lady you really love vs just regular girls

Haha, ok, I will explain this to you as best I can. I know it sounds weird. I've had this feeling for as long as I can remember, even before getting into the whole pickup thing.

You know how christians(and other religions I'm sure?) want to wait till marriage to have sex? because it's a sacred and special thing and whatnot? Well, if I was religious, I would wait till marriage to cuddle.

When I'm holding a girl in my arms it's because I care for her, I want to make her feel safe and secure... it's like a really special bonding thing for me. I don't even want to cuddle with girls I don't particularly care about - it feels almost gross. Like what I imagine a religious person would feel if they had sex before marriage. Except my "marriage" is any loving/caring bond, permanent or not.

When I'm having sex with a girl, unless such a special bond exists, it's purely for physical pleasure... which is why it pales in comparison. It's not that I don't think of sex as something special, but when you are doing it with someone you don't even know or don't really give two shits about, then it's like a more pleasurable masturbation. Which is why I shy away from such things these days.

I don't know how I evolved from horny teenager that wanted to do anything that moved to the seemingly respectful old man that I have become, but it happened somewhere along the way. I guess it's a good thing in some ways?

As for other signs... well, it's mostly internal rather than external. The woman you really love will make you motivated, she makes you feel like you can do ANYTHING. You are invincible - nothing gets to you. She gives you a vigor for life. When she is feeling down, you feel her pain... and you want to do anything you can to make it better. She is the only girl you are willing to make sacrifices for. She occupies your thoughts and dreams. You write songs about her.

But most of all, when she is gone, you feel like I do.

I don't fully agree with the cuddling thing. . .I would cuddle with a girl after we hook up. I think it signals comfort and respect towards that person. If you don't want to cuddle with her afterward, than you probably shouldn't have messed around with her in the first place. The key is not to make a girl feel like a slut (buyer's remorse) after you fool around with her. . . Where you take it come from there is up to you.

For the women you love: You will have a tendency to do things that you otherwise wouldn't do. Basically, you do these things to spend time with that person, or else because you know they enjoy it. You love to see them happy so you go along with it. . .

Clowd, That is quite a story! Off-topic, but I want to commend you on your excellent writing abilities.

I do appreciate you giving me the details as it definitely helps me relate to your situation. On the whole, I think you are figuring out your former relationship pretty well. You seem to be very good at recognizing your own mistakes. The only thing I worry is that you might not be taking the best steps to fix them, if that makes any sense.

The only thing you left out here is how she feels about you. I know it's hard to speculate, but it would be a good to know what she is thinking as well. Nonetheless, I will give you my best input on your situation:
She was probably intrigued by the fact that you put yourself first, which is an attractive quality at the beginning of a relationship.
This is a HUGE mistake at the starting of a relationship. Most people who fall into this category wind up breaking up with their partner in the end. . .
This is your trigger, even though it is not your fault. I have this theory that relationships end for three reasons: a change of situation, too many problems to be resolved, and a change of feelings. A change of feelings is typically contingent on the first two broad categories. Your predicament falls into the first category, which inevitably leads to the second and third categories.

It seems to me that the two of you are at a different point in your lives. If she had any kind of doubts about the relationship, then the distance would give her time to figure out what she wants. Thus, it vindicates her from any kind of guilt about breaking up with you. Make sense?
Without sounding too cynical, I think I'm getting a one-sided story. Nonetheless, I do not doubt your love towards each other. But when women are in stressful situations they tend to have a series of mixed emotions. Then it makes perfect sense that she would tell you these kinds of things, even if it is right before she breaks up with you. I can't really articulate this very well, but you might just have to take my word for it.
Very stupid indeed. But still, this would not be the reason that she broke up with you. She was probably having doubts about the relationship. It certainly would make sense that this could tip her over the edge.
This is VERY big trend in a downward sloping relationship. Not the lack of sex, but the lack of sexual drive. Make sense?
Again, you are very good at picking up on your own mistakes. I think it is important to keep an open line of communication. Without sounding needy, simply ask her why she ended the relationship. At the worst case-scenario, you could use it as a learning experience for your future relationships.
As much as you can love someone, a relationship does not constitute the greater whole in life. You need to looks towards other aspects in your life that will bring you happiness. Such as playing a sport, or hanging out with the family. Make sense?
Makes perfect sense. Another question: Are you more attracted to her now that you can't have her? . . . it is typically the case.
Now is the time to reinvent yourself! Whatever kinds of mistakes you were making before, don't make them now. And you don't need to tell her this; she should be able to pick it up on her own. . .

Oh, and DO NOT ACT NEEDY!

What I'm going to tell you may be a bit strange, but take my word for it. If she has feelings for you (the prerequisite) and you act indifferent or apathetic towards her, then she will begin to seek your validation once again. In my humble opinion, her validation is the end goal as a Pick-Up Artist. With her validation, you have friendship, sex, and/or a relationship (not necessarily in that order). Do not take this out-of-context though. Don't be rude or mean to her, instead just show her that you can do fine without her. It drives women crazy! (i.e. tell her about how good of a "friend" she is. Don't give her anything to push up against. If she considers you a friend, then make it your priority to be more of a friend. Make sense? If it doesn't, then let me know and I can clarify some more. . .)

Let me know how things turn out. I wish you the best.