Going Out Alone - Step by Step Are Rules Desperately Needed

Hey guys,

So jeez, I took A couple months off to focus on career stuff, and holy shit, I had no clue how much that would set me back! I had no idea how rusty someone could get, or maybe it's just me, with just two months out of the field.

But then again, going out alone has always proven to be a tough sell for me, even though I try my damnedest to do it. Those who have followed my posts may have seen that I have heard anecdotes from lots of girls who say that they would instantly view a guy by himself at a night time venue as a loser, a creep, or someone who is just out there for one thing.

Guys, I know there are people on this forum who are really good at going out alone, in fact, I know a couple who only go out alone, and I think it's about time we start a thread or something about how to go about it step-by-step when you get to a nighttime venue alone.

Tonight I went out on the night of November 1, which this year of course was Halloween back up, i.e. girls were dressed in their sexy little outfits, but not all of them, and every girl was with a guy.

I get to the first venue, I walk around, I order a drink, and stay at the bar for a second while checking my phone, nobody is around, just dudes on both sides, I look behind me, it's three hot girls each with a dude, so I walk elsewhere in the bar I pass a few hot girls and they are in groups of five and six, outnumbering the girls. I don't initiate contact.

I come over to the shuffleboard's which is a great social thing I thought, and ask these guys, hey man any chance I can get in on this game when you guys are done, and this one guy says to me "sorry dude, we're here playing with people that we came here with"

I go back to the front of the bar where I started my tab, and some girl comes up in reaches under the bar to where her coat and purse were hanging, and comments on how she so surprised that nobody messed with her stuff. I introduced myself to her, she says her name it's nice to meet you. I said "well usually people shake hands, that's the polite thing to do, right?" She said "what?" "I'm supposed to show you my hands, what?"

I told her, no, I mean, when you meet someone new, you usually tell them your name and then you shake hands, she responded "umm, no that's okay, no thanks."

I talked to a few girls who still had on costumes from wherever, it was all very distant discussion, couldn't break the seal, almost like an airport conversation it didn't go anywhere beyond that quick "so what are you going as? Etc. etc."

I close out my tab and get the fuck out of there.

I go to another spot a little further down town where I know staff thinking that would help me, LOL. Yes, some girls where in costume, some girls weren't, everyone of them was spoken for, and the random extra girl with a group every time I try to approach or a girl with a boyfriend would come immediately up to immediately and say "hi, how are you doing?!!!"

So I sat, had a few beers, checked my cell phone, tried to text guys who said they would be out in the area but never wrote back, ever, leaving me out high and dry, and smoking a hookah, and looking around with loud dance music, hot girls although with guys, and that was all there was to it.

Last call hits, time to go home.

Guys, there has got to be some sort of a step-by-step process that you guys follow if you are successful with going out alone, what do you do? What is the first thing you do when you go into a venue? Let's say you go into a venue and it's all couples? What do you say? I used to use openers. But now it seems like they are all taken or they've been heard.

Or they're not really hitting. Mainly, I'm thinking it's just the girls, and or the culture that I need to adapt to but then again, you see these guys, who again, say "I go out alone all the time and that's the only way I roll"

I've got to wonder what towns these guys are in. I'm in DC and the DC suburbs right across the river, meaning Northern Virginia.

Is there any way anybody could provide a step-by-step of what you do as soon as you come in the door, would you walk about, who do you go to, who would you look for, what types of girls do you choose to escalate with, which ones do you cut loose, which cool dudes do you approach to shoot the shit with, and how do you move on from there?

This "going out alone" subject has been beaten to death so many times that it's even spawned an article on sites like city data.com, DC area, where guys ask if it's okay to go out "cool or fool?" (you can search for it)

It just seems to me, this successful going out alone thing is just a solid miss; and that basically you have to go into these venues with a hot girl already, and then, hell, the night is spoken for, am I wrong?

I would greatly appreciate any feed back on this as I think this is probably the most stringent issue that we face, whether it be day game, night venues, etc., although the being out alone thing kind of does transcend a lot of times of day and venues.

We would all appreciate any sort of even ad hoc or loosely strung together step-by-step procedure for going out alone, what to look for and how to go about it.

Desperately yours,

Rob

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

I can relate to the feeling of alienation it seemed like you experienced when going out at night I've been there in the past. This doesn't have to do with location etc. The guys who crush it during night alone game are the guys who are not looking to 'get' anything from anyone yet have a shit ton of positive energy to give away.

I'll leave someone else to relay their step by step process and all that.

The major solution here however depends on one word: State.

Think of it like this: What would your overall state be if you popped into a bar after sexing a HB8. You would be loose and free, you wouldn't give a fuck about what anyone thought, you would feel like you had so much energy to give away; you would be brimming with positive infectious energy.

One way to enter a venue with this energy is to game anywhere & everywhere before you hit the club. Think of it as daygame at night.

In any case, a lot of guys need a couple of "throwaway" sets to get in to the flow of the day/night. So by doing these sets anywhere but the venue you are planning to go to, it 1) will guarantee you are not feeling shy, awkward or having to do a throwaway set in the club 2) will make it so that when you arrive at the venue you are totally ready to loosely interact, engage and charm the panties off of some girl(s).
Just a quick analysis of this scenario - She opened you with a great situational opener. With the next girls, just roll with the conversation. Behave in a manner that you already know the girl. Tease her, be playful. Don't really need her name until she has proven to you to be someone worthwhile talking to. Exchanging names right up front and shaking hands is sort of formal and confirms a 'stranger' model.

Don't give up man, just a couple of little shifts (fixing state and engaging in playful convos) and you're there. The great thing is you're out there going for it. Over 99% of guys would never have the balls to do what you're doing.

So near the bar, go up to open 5 hot groups of girls in a row, get blown out, or "the hand", and that's supposed to give me the momentum to roll into a club??!

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

You will get the results you expect.
You are seeing women as a shield to be penetrated instead of a warm pillow to meld into.

I am referring to running game wherever you happen to be in the hour or so before going out in order to get into the correct state. The drugstore to grab breath mints, for instance.
I literally didn't know what was meant by this until I thought about it for a little bit. There is absolutely zero reason to EVER get this reaction if you are running calibrated game.

There are no magic pills. You need to improve your state.

And you have to have a positive attitude to succeed in this game.

Stop using Mystery Method. Do you understand how socially bizarre this type of thing is? Do you know how a normal person shakes hands? They stick their fucking hand out. This is a bunch of dominance bullshit, from people who don't even understand what that means. It also has an internal "neg" buried in it. Yay! Dominance+Neg=Attraction!!!!!!!

The thing is, when a girl walks over to you and starts talking to you, %90 of the time, she is already attracted to you. Stop doing weird things to try and "generate attraction". You can't do it for the most part, and to what extent you can, it's major things, not little micro things like this.
You are either hitting on girls way out of your league, or else you're doing something very wrong. I have been blown off with a hand gesture maybe a half dozen times in my entire life(though I have never spam approached). This is not a normal reaction from women.

_________________
RSDTyler

Out of my league? I thought we weren't suppose to believe in any of that. While I will say I don't naively believe that any one-legged midget can pick up the hottest girls if he has killer personality, there's no physical stuff going against me except I'm 5' 9 1/2", not really short but def not as tall as the dudes you see these girls hanging on. But I'm not *short*, fat, balding, or look old. No physical setbacks.

I don't know how "leagues" come into play here when this is supposed to about leagues don't exist.

I set the bar at 7, I'll mostly approach low 7's, if nothing else just for the momentum, but guys, some nights in three places, finding blow a an 8.5 or so can be tough.

The girl didn't come up to talk to me. She came up to check on her stuff hanging from
Hooks under the bar (coat/purse, etc) and only commented that she was surprised it was still there. She didn't open me; she wasn't even looking in my direction.

As far as the throwaway sets and "you get the results you expect", well I walked into the first place last night expecting *somebody* would be cool and receptive to talking; this wasn't runway model industry night. Didn't expect to get the backs turned to me like I did or the airport talk when I asked girls about their costumes.

How's that for expcetqtions drive the night.

Personally, If I approach 5 groups of 6's on the street before even getting to the bar, get blown out by every one, how do you think my momentum will be when I hit the venue?

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

People selling you stuff will tell you that. Because they want you to buy things. Be it products or bootcamps. If they tell you "Once you have basic social skills down, the two things that will most help get you women is a gym membership and good sexual escalation", that probably wouldn't net them a lot of sales.
They never do. I've had a handful of girls directly hit on me. They'll usually just come stand next to me. Often they just walk past me, and pause for a second. That's about the extent of a girl's "game". If a girl is hovering around you for a few seconds, it means she's interested most times. If she "thinks out loud" she's wanting to meet you or someone else nearby. That *is* how girls indicate they're interested.

Maybe she isn't into you. I don't know. But based on my experience, she probably was. Until you weirded her out with an odd "routine".

_________________
RSDTyler

Okay, so this is progress. I'm getting some dues and don'ts.

DO:

Pick out a few "throwaway" or " warmup" sets as they call them.

(Although there is still some ambiguity as to whether or not when you get the results you expect, that should apply in the actual venue itself. In that case, why don't you just skip the throwaway and/or warm-up sets and just go straight to the venue and"Get the results you expect"?)

DON'T:

Use Mystery Method; actually the routine was "introduce me to your friends, that's the polite thing to do."

SOME OBSERVATIONS:

"Leagues" do exist. You've got to have the money, height, physical build, social status, family status/history, or any combination of the above to really win over the girls who are "out of most guys leagues"

WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR:

Just give us a couple first few steps, dude. We can figure the rest out.

1. Okay, let's say you show your ID to the bouncer, he stamps your hand you walk in the door. There's some chick at the podium who's conversing with another chick, she doesn't give a shit about you because it's after 10 and she knows you're not trying to get a table by yourself; you're going to the bar. As you walk towards the bar you seeA curved couch in a U-shaped along a window overlooking the street full of guys and girls who are all clearly friends with each other all chatting with each other in the middle or a couple tables maybe drinks, very close by are a cushiony cube shaped chairs with dude sitting on the facing the group;you want to approach that and tell me how it goes?

I'd love to see you try. And report back.

2. So you go to the bar. You see well across the way probably a good 150 feet about three or four hot blonde chicks together talking chatting with each other; one may look up at you toward you, but she may well be looking at a hot dude behind you, or anything behind you.three dues are standing behind Sedlon chicks.as for the people nearby, all dudes. You were standing at the bar, there's a couple on one side, there is a cool dude on the other side who will shoot the shit with you about "yeah man, I'm here with my whole crew, we're just chilling."

3. You grab a drink and start walking around; although I have learned from Adam Lyons (and I will need you guys to tell me if this is bullshit) that this is something called "social suicide": never be seen walking around the bar, because people will soon take note. They will say to each other, "oh, look at that guy, he's walking around all by himself, and he's only walking up the girls, and he doesn't have any friends with him."

4. This is a sports bar-ish type place, so you go back to where the shuffleboard's are; there are two of them. You're trying to be social and simply have a good time, girls be damned, right? You ask one of the guys how they're doing tonight, being really cool. You ask what it'll take to get in on this game; the guy tells you "we only brought just enough people to play with."

5. You go to the pool tables, we're girls are looking about and cool dudes are standing around; you ask if you can get in on the game; you were told "yeah man, it's just me and my buds tonight, we got this table pretty much locked down, can't really squeeze anybody in, sorry dude"

6. You go back to the bar, disgusted, there is no snooty girl to your left you ask her if she's having a good night, she turns her back to you. Another girl and her group, you ask her what her costume minutes, she says, I don't know I just threw it together it's make up and stuff. Then quickly finds her way out of the conversation.

...and disgusted, you get your check and leave.

Can anyone beat the step-by-step instructions? I surely hope so if so, please, pleaaase post them.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Why are you going out alone?

Just wanted to chime in as I've had trouble with this scenario as well.

A few things that stand out to me in your post/s is that you mention "cool dudes" and really tall guys. Certainly, I know it's a possibility there are genuinely cool dudes and tall guys out there, but I believe being a cool dude is assuming everyone is a cool dude, therefore you belong. Tall guys, sure, there are a lot of guys taller than me, but I think it's also a state of mind. I remember back when I was a nobody at a place I used to work, and I felt really small compared to most of the people I worked with because they were taller than me. Eventually, I moved up in the company by leaps and bounds, and when I bumped into those same people again, they didn't seem so tall me.

One other thing, you said you stopped to look at your phone. I can't help but wonder if it was just that one time, or if you were doing that the whole night. I believe you should find another way to keep yourself entertained (I recall this being a bit of advice I was given when asking about going out and feeling like I belong) since checking your phone can seem pretty lame and needy when you're alone. Louis CK did a great analysis on why we check our phones on Conan.

Anyway, I know this sounds totally gay and people may wonder if you are by doing this, but I have found that this is helping me overcome my anxiety with meeting new people and mingling: start opening guys. I know you said you approached a few and they turned you away, but learn from that. Think of what you could have done better.
Who cares what they think? Chances are, most of the stuff these women claim they don't like about men are things they completely disregard when it's a guy they find attractive. "I don't care about looks and can't stand the macho type. I'm just looking for a guy with a sense of humor". Yeah, ok, then you see them with the captain of the football team.

This can be a horrible line or a great line, but I believe it depends on your frame. Did you really believe in that line or did you think all you had to do was say it and the chick would land in your lap? Look, we've all seen movies with bad acting. Was it the line that was bad or the actor's delivery? In my opinion, that line would work just fine for a charming guy or a confident guy. If you are neither at the time you deliver it, you'll just look like a jerk.

_________________
"You ain't accustomed of going through customs. You ain't been nowhere, huh?"

I rarely go out to bars or clubs alone. Almost never, actually.

One thing Mystery was right about, was making a group you go up to, comfortable with you talking to them. The whole "I need to get back to my friends" thing was in the right direction. A lot of groups want to meet new people, but what they do not want is some random loner jumping into the group and making things awkward all night.

The problem with how Mystery Method deals with it, is that he counters this with verbal statements. It's really best if you're subcommunicating that you're fun and not some dude who's looking for a group to tag along with.
Depends on the size of bar and a lot of other stuff. Yeah, if you're wandering around alone for a half hour, people will probably notice. Especially the people you're very close to when you're hitting on girls. Some people are hyper sensitive. Most people don't notice you, most of the time. That said, there is a limit to that. If the bar has 50 people in it, once you're approached 5 girls, probably just about everyone in the bar has seen you do it at least once.

I've had far and away better results when I meet a girl within an hour of arriving and stay with her all night. I don't really agree with the "approach more" concept. At least not for me. Most guys who spam approach don't seem to be as successful as those who don't, but there seem to be exceptions.
I think you need to stop going to bars for a bit, and get some friends to go out and do social things with. You seem to be giving off a vibe that is not appealing. I suspect part of it is that you feel like an outsider and that's exactly what you're projecting.

Not every group can be approached. But the reactions you're getting seem to be consistently brutal.

How has daygame gone for you?
Have you tried things like dance classes, toastmasters, book clubs, charity events, networking conventions, etc?

_________________
RSDTyler

Firstly, I never go out on my lonesome - There is always people kicking around able to go out even if they arent PUA's use them as an anchor point to wait on you while you fish for chicks.

Agree with getting one girl and sticking with her but this can also be a big of a bad apple if you dont kiss her quickly and dont escalate appropriately you may aswell move on and start again.

Done it down to a T on saturday night however was kissing her before we went into the club and we left the club with 45 mins.

_________________
You can fail all your life but still achieve more than those who did not try.

Is PUADave still on here? I know he says he exclusively goes out alone or if it's with people, he quickly breaks off from them and has phenomenal success. Any chance you guys know what he's doing?

Versalis:

Got it.

1. Yes, stay out of bars to meet girls, for now at least. A buddy of mine said the same thing last night, and, *although* he acknowledges some guys "really make bars work." (I've heard the view: "Where the fuck else are you gonna meet the girls??")

2. Dance Lessons: Yes, he suggested Tango lessons because his girlfriend does it; he used to with her. So this is two major recommendations for dance lessons I've gotten. Have to look into.

He stressed it's not "any dancing" I need to take lessons on: "fuck hip-hop dancing, I'd just be standing there, then just walk out, like 'that's not me'"; he said he's also just walked out of Salsa Dancing lessons.

He stressed Tango is a sexy dance; the man is supposed to approach women, who are waiting for invitations to dance, and the man won't be turned down (typically), the guy leads. Tango is actually called sexist by some because of that. So hey, if it's one of the last bastions of un-PC'ness, where a guy can have his dignity as a male, approach a woman, and be respected for it, hell, I'll take it! There apparently is a lot to learn though.

Versalis, I think you alluded to this a little, but I still think there is some sort of "value proposition" people are looking for that I simply don't have. I'm seeing this in a lot of places. It has applied to my time in bars, and I suspect I'd see it elsewhere. There's simply something I'm not bringing to the table that people are looking for.

3. Day Game. I've only seen it pulled off by a true conversationalist; not exactly "spam approaching" because interactions lasted 20 minutes each. So we're talking 8 on a weekday night. Every girl he approached would end up giggling and "Oh my God, I know!!"; he'd always get the number.

A non-community guy asked me if this day-gamer was a good looking guy (he is, no-homo, perhaps has something to do with it?). Non-community guy said he'd expect 7 out of 10 approaches from an average guy to get fuck-off's, at a MINIMUM!"

4. Networking Events; Absolutely fucking useless. For three years I've tried different ones and different groups, so I hope I know what I'm talking about.

If someone told you "guys are wising up now and joining all of the pottery/cooking/dancing, and yoga classes, due to the difficulty in bars.

Something has occurred to me: You'll see lots of attractive, nice girls during the weekdays.

These girls are not in bars. Yes, hot girls are in bars on a Saturday night, but not these girls. I've been doing this for years. They're just not there. They're somewhere, but not in bars.

I actually got turned down by a couple fairly new guy-friends mid-Sunday. They complain about the area being cliquey and hard to meet new friends in. The main guy texted me about Sat night and why I missed them (they said they'd be out but then disappeared)

"We're not really friends with you dude. We barely know you. We didn't ask you to come out and meet us there. And while we do want to break into these cliques, you seem to want to meet girls in these places we go to, when all we want to do is sit and chill and dance sometimes."

I answered back that they complain about cliques and exclusive groups, but they're doing the same thing to a dude. I got some laughs out of that when I told people. "Uhhh, isn't that how you break through the cliques and meet people?? You establish networks. You won't like everybody, but you meet all of their friends.

I honestly can't believe I had to explain that to someone.

Maybe the problem is them, I don't know. Someone who complains about cliques, then says, "We're not really friends with you dude." is clearly a dumb asshole..

but I can't help but wonder if I failed to bring something to the table.

** I "feel like an outsider, therefore convey that vibe?" They **made** me an outsider!

Versalis; I'm totally with you on the outsider thing though. People refer to the same circular-logic cycle with inner cities. Is it the crime/behavior that keeps them in that environment, or is it the environment that gives them no option except bad decisions?

The same is true here. I don't know if I've always been negative and felt like an outsider, and therefore I convey that and they treat me like an outsider...

....or if I started out and simply got unlucky and got a hard kick in the ass a few night-game nights in a row, then felt like an outsider, and the cycle started from there.

I've got to get my mind right before I try to get back into anything remotely social I think.

And Stenic1, about the guys milling about, and always being able to find someone, I can tell you for a fact that's not true in my situation.

_________________
Http://Dating-Musings.com

Dude, the way that guy talked to you, I wouldn't have bothered to even reply. There's no need to tell them something about themselves. I know it was probably in the heat of the moment, but that mess? Nah, you just need to move on. Here's a quote from Will Smith:

"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people, the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you and stay."

_________________
"You ain't accustomed of going through customs. You ain't been nowhere, huh?"

I've done modern jive and it's very enjoyable and just increases the amount of female interaction you have. It also will increase your confidence in your male role as a leader. I initially went into it with the PC mindset, trying to be all respectful, kind of like "I'm going to move you this way, is that okay?" But then one day I started thinking as I was dancing "your body's going to do what I want it to do", and as soon as I had that mindset, the women I was dancing with started to come alive, they absolutely loved it.

_________________
If something's not fun, it's not worth doing