Hi guys. Can you give me some advice please. Ok so I seem to have secured a date for Tuesday but it sounds a bit dodgy. She is about four hours away from me, so im going to get a train to see her. She wants me to take her bowling, I don't really like it for a date idea but whatever. Its the only day that she can get off form work. I have been speaking to her online, but I haven't gotten her number yet. I asked her a couple of months ago but she said that she doesent want me to be pesturing her all the time. Now I don't feel confident enough that she will give me her number if I tell her to give me it again. How should I tell her, and what should my delivery be?
Im only looking at this as a one date encounter, and to try to have a good time.

Your question is about how to get her number. But what I see as a real issue here is you haven't created
any attraction with her, and when she tested you with saying, "I don't want you pestering me all the time"
you failed it by backing down.

So one of the first things is she framed the whole interaction into "I am the queen. You are pursuing
me and I'm trying to back away from it. O and I won't give you my number because you're a pest."

If you want to get her to not only give you her number, but also be attracted to you and want to see
you and meet you, is to flip the table and change that frame.

So when she said "I don't want you pestering me", you could have said, "That's OK. I would
only call you 10x a day because you're the only girl in the world and I have nothing else to do..."

Then she would get what you mean, and that she's not the only girl in the world.

So here is some stuff that you can do specifically:

- Stop pursuing her and acting like you're going to marry her. Start pushing her away a bit
by talking to her about a girl that you're interested in. Show her that she's not the only one.

- Start accusing her of "again" trying to get in touch with you, even if you wrote her first.

- Interpret her every behavior as if she's trying to pick you up. If she asks you how you feel
today, say, "That's a bad pick up line, if you wanted to start talking to me you could have just
said so..."

And when it comes to asking her for her number, this is what I want you to say to her,

"Let's exchange numbers so we can be in touch. Just promise me you won't call me like 10x
a day...I'm busy."

And for the love of God, don't give yourself that easily.

Remember, Giving yourself completely = Kill attraction.

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Thanks for your advice. I delivered it exactly how you wrote it when asking for her number and then she was like "hahaha, do you really think im going to do that?".....I replied "absolutely. If we are going to meet then its absolutely essential. Ever heard of catfish" ....then she didnt know what it was, I explained it to her and she replied..."ok I have to buy a sim card because I have no phone."
Even though she had a phone symbol next to her name, i couldnt be bothered to go back and forth with her so I stopped talking. Im not going to meet her now, have I made the right decision? She sounds suspicious, or maybe I will travel all that way and she flakes.

Who doesn't have a fucking phone?

And seriously man - are you this hard up that you're taking a train 4 hrs to go bowling with a girl who doesn't want you pestering her all the time?

My advice - which you won't take... cause you need to learn the hard way... is to find someone LOCAL... who actually doesn't mind talking to you once in a while... and who doesn't make up excuses.

She has a phone. Everyone does.

Yes I am. I have tried with some girls in my area, and because they know I live nearby they are more difficult to get to know, and they end up flaking and pissing me off. I get pissed off just thinking about it.

Well if she laughed at you, maybe it's better for you to move on to the next girl.

Look at the things I wrote together with what you should say to her.

"Don't be giving yourself completely, as you will kill attraction."

You gave yourself completely and you killed it. Nothing you say at this point will work.

Meeting girls and going out with them is not that hard, if only you:

A) Don't give yourself completely and kill attraction
B) You are at least OK or decent guy who has a life besides just pursuing a girl

This journey of becoming a lover is exciting, but it takes time. You need to "get" it when it comes
to understanding attraction and what women are attracted to. And you don't do that overnight.

We all started in a similar place where you are now. But if you want to advance, you have to let
this girl go and start working on yourself. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts in this.

Do it right and in couple of months you can completely change your life around. A good start is
to work on your ability to just approach women and start conversations with them.

After that, you can move on how to have and hold a conversation without her being bored or
freaked out, then on how to show her that you like her and ask her out...etc.

You might want to start by joining the test group I'm putting together for a new Approach Anxiety Cure
technique, that helps you eliminate your fear of approaching girl, so you can start talking to them.

The details in my signature.

Hope to see you embrace the journey and not just seek a quick-fix to a long term problem.

Good luck!

_________________
Test out my new Approach Anxiety technique, that eliminates your AA
in UNDER an hour (2022 updated)

You can try it here Here: New AA Cure

Thanks for your insight, but how do I give myself completely? Its the mistake I make ten times out of ten and I haven't figured out yet how to stop doing it. I didn't really do this before, but I noticed in the last three years, I speak with more directness and urgency and it scares them off.

She sent me a message to ask for my number, and said that she doesent want me to get my hopes built up, that she is bored and that she just wants some fun. What should I do? I didn't reply back.

Shocking - she has a phone after all.

She's clearly in the driver's seat here because you're letting her. She's got you paying for a train to go see her to take her out, and now she's telling you not to get your hopes up?

You're cool with this?

I am not trying to be condescending here but do you actually not see how wrong all of this is and that this is going nowhere good?

You're making it WAY too easy for her because you'll do anything to please her... Now she's even putting conditions on your visit, and giving you her number.

An appropriate response to her would be "Well forget it then. Good luck to you."

Not joking. It's the best thing you can possibly do for yourself right now.

It'll either make her think you've got higher standards and aren't that invested in her, or it'll save you train-fare, the cost of bowling, as well as a lot of time, effort and heartache.

Thanks for your advice. The only problem is how do I react, when she then turns it on me and says that im being a flake and that Im the one messing her about and that I had no intentions of meeting her tomorrow?
Another detail I left out..... she is married, however since we have spoken she has gone on about how her husband has a low sex drive, she keeps trying to frame the promise of sex, but I was just looking to go on an internet date because its always been something that I have been intrigued by, im not looking for sex.
Back on topic, how do I answer her when she starts to turn it back on me that im flaking?

Left out a bit of a major detail there.

What the...

Run.
Do that and ignore her.

Move on to women who will invest.

She sent me a message telling me to fuck off, that she took today off, that she made plans and that im impotent, im all talk and have no respect at all and then she blocked me. I feel a bit bad now.

This woman wasn't worth your time to start with. Move on. There are 3.5 billion female humans on this blue dot we're all hurling through space on.

I knew she was going to turn it back on me. I don't know how to react to it when women react that way. I feel bad.

yeah, don't all rush in at once with your answers.