Hi guys, im gonna try and keep it as brief as I can. I have been hanging out with a girl for almost 2 months now.We havent even had sex or done much fooling around at all. anytime we hang out we are out doing something and never have the chance. We are at the level where we do hug and kiss goodbye after we hang out but thats it.We hang out on average once a week usually just for a few hours.
I started to get a bad feeling when she missed my birthday a few weeks ago because of work. I have met her parents and a few of her friends already.
I shoulda played it off cool i guess but i couldnt help it, she knew I was mad about it. She said she would make it up she is just really busy. So i said okay ill cya later and walked away no hug no kiss. Within 15 minutes she texted asking me to go out the next day...funny how she was free all of a sudden.I dont know if it was sincere or out of pity now because she knew that I was mad at her.Either way it was some effort.
We went out had a great time talked all night hug and kiss goodbye.
I waited a few days and asked what her weekend was looking like she said she was working and doing school work.which was fine but she never attempted to ask for a different day or time. After the weekend I asked her for another day because I was free and she was busy once again and also didn't make a counter offer once again. I am seeing her briefly to workout but it seems that's the only time she will hang out and its hard for me to try and make a move and escalate things when i am getting mixed signals.She is very shy but still.
she does text back and ask questions to keep the conversation going once in awhile she will answer instantly but overall it takes her longer to respond now.She does work full tiime and go to school also she doesnt care for being on her phone much.
my question is what should i be doing to keep her interested and wanting to see me outside of the gym? i fear shes just gonna want to end it on good terms and be polite about it. We do text every single day i now don't respond for hours at a time or take as long as she does to reply or even wait till the morning. I dont just want to never respond and look like i am ignoring her.

Any help is appreciated!

Sounds to me like your coming across too needy but she may well be busy also.

Personally i would step back and not see her one week and try to flip the table so she will ask you to do something. Just say sorry im not feeling to good - you could come over to mine and chill if you like. Then escalate and fuck her... TBH shes probably pissed use havent fucked yet since most girls want sex the same or if not more than guys.

It does sound really friendly though a kiss and hug when saying good bye. YOU NEED TO ESCALATE MORE AND GET HER GOING.

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Good news and bad news.

The bad news is that this is pretty terrible. Sorry mate about the directness.

The good news, is you can do something about it.

First off, your behaving in a very normal way. Which is good cause it shows your normal, but you're probably going to get a very normal response from girls. That means that if you're decent looking, decently smart, not too weird in any specific way, your gonna get the girl one in a while. Other times she'll just treat you as a friend, other times you might get rejected.

What you want, is to be special. You want to stand out and be that cool guy.

Everything you've done so far hasn't been too strange, or too weird. But you're definately not suprising her. You're not being that guy who always get what he wants.

Few things you need to start doing
1) Lead
You don't lead anything. You rely on her. For assurance, to make plans, etc ... Make a plan and tell her "hey i'm kinda busy tomorrow, but friday lets go out. I really wanna see this <insert whatever you wanna do>. Don't need to be a jerk or some super alpha male. Just be a man with a clue. Who knows what he wants to some extent.

2) Stop being so Reactive
When she couldn't go for your birthday or whatever. I don't care what it was. Stop emotionally making her feel bad for it or whatever.

If she's a really good friend, than sure, if you feel hurt let her know. In fact, for some girls that I like, I would be able to get away with doing that too, and you might too. But as a general rule, you got to be less affected and reactive. And being super reactive to a girl who you are just in the early stages of starting some sort of romance, is a BIG NO NO. It signals all kinds of bad shit to the girl that you need to avoid.

Translation.

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When I get girls to go out I ask in this general format "wasssuup girlicious! (excitement) I've been craving sushi and I think I'm going out tomorrow at 6ish. Get some free time so we can roll (no chance to say no), there's this new sushi place I've been scoping out."

If she says no, or doesn't respond, use that to train yourself to NOT give a shit. when she comes back later and asks how sushi was, tell her it was the most awesome sushi ever and its your new hangout. Also tell her how (lie to her) you number closed this hot waitress and then f-closed her the next day (or are goiong to f-close within the hour and you can't talk right now). Lie to her if you have to.

If she says yes, then start making plans to play footsies (while making challenging eye-contact), shoulder bump (which is a full body contact) and all kinds of kino. Do research here and on youtube for kino tricks. Find every excuse in the world to drag the night out. You will find that as you pull away she will not let you leave. Then pounce.

Yeah dude, step back and don't be so needy.

You've no idea how small needy things can turn off a woman in a split second no matter how much she liked you. I had a sure thing only last week where I had a girl who was really into me. Her face would light up when we met, she'd get giddy when I kissed her and smile for hours after. She would text me all the time and grab my hand when we went for walks and she would rearrange her days in work around being able to meet up with me. She even admitted to talking to her friends about me and stalking me with her friends online.

I screwed it up by being needy one night when I was out with friends. Basically told her I wish she was there and thought it would have been nice to have her there that night but said i'd make the time the next day to see her. Know what happened? She turned around and shot me down. Haha.

Neediness even if you're drunk and it's a once off means you'll lose the girl.

hey guys great advice I agree with all of you on some level I really appreciate it!
I guess i never considered it needy because we have only hung out about 6 times in this 2 month span but we do talk every day so I am taking a step back. Today she never really tried to keep the convo going so I just never answered, sure enough i get home and i have a text saying how was your night?
i waited a bit and responded, then she never responded again haha...game is on i guess. thanks dude i think your advice is bang on... some things i left out are these 2 months have been me taking the lead telling her what we are doing or where we are going or saying i want to play some basketball today its nice out want to join?things like that and she has accepted them in the past... its just recently i wanted to make her show a little effort. Since i am a trainer in the gym i think i definitely come off as confident, i have status, i am always talking with other people and she sees that.She added me on social media after i started talking with her and then I messaged her... she was the one to give me her number so I know she is very interested it's just a matter of getting her out to escalate things. i am always busy doing things and things she likes as well! so i am just confused why she doesnt want to try harder to be a part of that? i feel like i am doing alot of the right things here, besides the emotional reaction about the party of course which i realize was a mistake now.. just hard to let it go at the time.

Have standards man..... I can tell from th story that you must not have options. Why would you be with someone you hug, haven't slept with and is that busy. Get some better options.

yeah you are right about that, i have/had other options but i've seen other trainers,employees and members get themselves in trouble when going out with multiple girls. i didn't want to get in that situation and pretty much stopped talking to them. I am gonna keep my options open now tho especially since i am from a different city. I have a bad case of oneitis tho i can see that now. I always wondered why i did so well when i had multiple girls on the go and i think its that i dont care attitude and i literally don't even care when i see one or the other so the whole coming off as needy thing is pretty much non existent.

Haha yeah I think you realy like this girl.

I don't think one-itis is a problem. Contrary to popular belief.

If you like one girl and that is all. That's fine.

The key is this. She can be the only one in your romantic life. But not in your entire life. Don't let her affect other parts of your life. Don't keep thinking about her or what to say in the next message. I totally get that. Just try to take it easy, pull yourself back and take a more macro view.

It can work out.

1) chill the fuck out and take a step back
2) be cool, charming and as confident as possible. But be yourself. Got to find that balance.
3) no more neediness or reactive behavior
3) at some point make some plans. And when you do, escalate escalate escalate.

Gd luck mate,
Translation

_________________
Musician, Gym Junkie, Entrepreneur, Dating Expert.

Navigating Social Relationships
http://datingcoachsingapore.com

We have an extensive body of knowledge.

We have the BEST MINDS you will ever find on social-interaction and relationships.

The truth is she's just not that interesting in you. Now that can change, but you have to look reality into the face first. Women make time for the things they want to make time for. I have a girl now that works 6 days a week for over 10 hours and she still manages to see me 3 times a week.

She sees you as a friend currently. You haven't made any advances that would cause her to think you want to be anything else. You're a friend that doesn't have much other people to kick it with so she feels sympathy for you. Sounds like a nice girl.

Now if you want to get her you need to stop what you're doing. Go a week without contacting her and then come back to this post.

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