After having typed this huge essay once before, I had to log in again before posting and the post deleted, I have work in 6 hours but here we go again

I find it very difficult to make this post, the thought of anyone finding out or seeing this haunts me beyond belief. However I know it's necessary for me to progress to the next level when it comes to women, and myself too, having nobody else to discuss this with, this forum is the perfect place!

I'm 20 years old and I'm still a virgin, I've never had any experience with girls before other than kissing girls on a night out, I've only kissed maybe 12 girls and I've never managed to take it any further, I understand this is without a doubt down to me and I want to take the steps required to make that happen.

I'd describe myself as very funny, being able to make a crowd of people laugh a lot of the time, which I enjoy doing, I'm extremely ambitious and have a big drive to be what I deem successful, I'd say I'm very good looking and a lot of women say also, getting attention from a lot of 7+, however never having any game whatsoever leads to me ruining my opportunity the majority of the time, just to mention my text game is beyond a joke too, I have no clue what I'm doing, my attempt at flirting just looks creepy I always feel so awkward trying to do so.

Since I was around 12 I had a fear of confrontation that I'm in recent years trying to address, since I think it's a big issue for me and will help me overcome a lot of my demons. I believe this is the reason why I struggle with female interaction also, at least with girls I'm interested in.

I wanted to post mainly for advice on an opportunity that's arisen and I don't think I want to watch another opportunity float away like the rest. There's this girl that I met at a party, she'd been following me beforehand on Instagram and she came over, she introduced herself and asked if it was me she followed, after around 30 seconds of small talk I told her I was going inside to find a friend and that I'd come find her later on, I never went to find her, She's easily one of the best looking girls I've seen, great body and she seems relatively intelligent, not your average girl.

I followed her on Twitter the next day to potentially send her some kind of message, to my surprise she followed me back instantly, of course i didn't bother to message her due to the fear of rejection, or being rejected at a later date.. assuming things went smoothly to start off with. I shot myself in the foot, I've done that quite a lot throughout my life.

That was around six months ago and just recently a friend told me that she'd said that she quite fancied me. I instantly saw this as an opportunity and left me already feeling nervous, I shouldn't though, literally nothing has happened, but this is normal for me and a lot of others as I'm beginning to understand. This the main reason behind the post, where can I go from here, what are my options? I think before I do anything it's important for me to feel a lot more comfortable and confident talking to women, I was hoping this could come through advice on what to say without sounding too over the top.

I couldn't see myself using a lot of the openers, I appreciate how they work but I can't shake the fact that it's not me, I need to learn to feel confident talking to girls over text and in person in my own way, I'm a funny person with great people skills, I just need to learn to be this way with anyone I feel the need to impress, women or men.

Another thing is my jealousy, something I hate, and I can't seem to help it, even when I know there's nothing to be jealous about, it's ridiculous. For example I've seen two of my good friends (Not the one that informed me) tweeting at this girl after my friend told me she liked me, just as guys would do to any decent looking girl, just after a bit of attention or conversation, nothing flirty. But this has completely killed my confidence on the matter, the biggest worry is now, what if one of them is talking to her already? They're both very good looking and have both slept with 20+ women, so it's highly likely in my eyes.

I've always been the one in the group the jokes are directed at, as I said before it's only recently I've been trying to address this, I used to do nothing, try to ignore and laugh it off, then I started to overreact which obviously didn't work, I was so confused why it was happening, especially coming from my twin brother sometimes also, I was always putting the blame on myself thus affecting my self-esteem. so I feel the need to protect myself sometimes and I guess this is why I feel the way I do on this matter, it's been a lot better since I've started learning to be calmly assertive, but I've still got a way to go before I'm able to act as I wish the majority of the time, without any hesitation.

I don't have time to proof read this since I deleted the last one, so apologies if this makes no sense whatsoever! I'll make sure to save a draft this time.

Many thanks for taking the time to hear me out, it means a lot and I'm looking forward to hearing your responses, I think I'll find them extremely beneficial, it feels great to get a lot of this off of my chest.

Honestly... For the sake of actually getting much more input(I'm sure there'll be one or two forum users who will read the whole wall of text) could you add a tl;dr version?

The reason being is the fact that a lot of the advice we give out we end up repeating over and over again. Most like to help and share their insight but when we read an essay over a simple matter complete with narrative it turns us off completely. If the tl;dr version is interesting enough and a different stroke to the majority of what people here give advice about then we'll most likely read the entire thing. If the tl;dr version is the same as most other advice given out we can cut through the fluff and tell you exactly what you need to hear.

Not trying to be an ass but long ass essays are seldom worth the time to read unless it's a serious problem out of the ordinary in which case you should open with "This chick did X and acted like a complete psycho over Y! What do I do?"

Without reading the essay you wrote I could tell you exactly what to do: Grow some balls, man up and work on your inner game(Read: Work on your self confidence and self-esteem).

Having skimmed through your post I can safely say "Grow some balls, man up, ask the girl out and work on your inner game."

Honestly, sounds like your post is intended for a psychoanalyst. You're bringing up childhood experiences and trying to analyse this yourself in your very own post. Look up "Talking Cure." Talk to someone(Sure, simply venting can help but talking to someone who is unbias and unrelated to you is the sure way to go) and you'll feel better and more secure in your stance on the matter.

I get what you're saying completely and I'll work on a smaller version, I understand it's an essay but I felt I needed to explain my whole situation, since it's all relevant to the main issue at hand. I agree also that I need to grow some balls, and for the past 1-2 years I've been extremely focsed on self-improvement, going to the gym, I'm looking to start boxing (Hoping that's going to help with my confrontation issue).

I seek advice because I hit a brick wall, I've done a reasonable amount of research within the PUA community and currently halfway through The Game. This post was only made for the specific situation, I would be more than happy to ride it out and wait until I eventually feel strong enough to go out and be the person that I would like to be.

I'm also thinking about seeing a Councillor just to talk things over with, preferably one that intergrates NLP to improve results. Thanks for the response anyways dude, I'll get working on that smaller version after work tomorrow!

Hi venz,

First of all, don't worry about the virgin thing, it's nothing to be embarrassed about, a lot of people are virgins during college, I think a lot of tension happens because when you GO to college as a virgin, you're hyper-aware of the fact that you are and it makes you tense up during romantic situations because you feel like there's a lot of pressure on you. So first of all, chiiiilllllll. As you say you're a funny, ambitious, and attractive guy, and girls like guys for a lot less, so don't worry, you'll have lots of opportunities. It's nice that you're looking to attract this one particular girl as well. So here's my advice:
1) You've flirted with each other, and you've been TOLD that she's attracted to you. You have a huge head start here, so a lot of the pressure is off right off the bat.

2) Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm assuming you guys know each other fairly well? As in you've seen each other around and chatted and not just once or twice? If this is the case, she has a vague bearing on your personality, so don't try to adopt any PUA mannerisms or techniques, because she likes you as you are; don't change. Also, if you see each other fairly regularly you can keep building your relationship while you work up the courage to ask her out, so that's a positive.

3) Next time you see each other, have a conversation, make some jokes, get to know each other, don't worry about being flirty or "escalating kino" or anything. If she seems to be enjoying your company, you can either ask her out for dinner/coffee, or if you don't think you're there yet text her for the next day or so, before then asking her out. As a girl, if I'm interested in a guy and we have a great convo at a party or something, I'm excited if I get a text from him the next day asking to hang out. It's flattering, and she only won't be receptive to it if she's not interested in you.

4) I think a lot of this "shooting yourself in the foot" business is just stress, you're terrified that you'll mess up, put a lot of pressure on yourself, and then, guess what? Mess up. The thing to bear in mind is that she LIKES you, so you don't need to "try" anything, just talk to her like an ordinary person.

**If you ask her out for dinner, then she'll get the picture that you like her, and that means you can just talk to her like a normal person without having to make it clear through flirting that you're interested.**
Honestly, the guys who've been the most successful with me have been the ones who talk to me like I'm a normal person who they enjoy being around.

Hope this helps! Message me if you have any more questions if you like.

make sure you do some kind of flirting the whole idea behind flirting isnt just for her to realise your purpose its also for you. if she flirts back then she saying hey I like you

pls do not say I like you to the girl whatever you do. use flirtation to get a feel for her investment

flirtation is not only an ego boost for both sides, but it keeps things flowing naturally without oddities.

you cant just treat her normal you need both

Hi Chelsea, thanks for the message and advice! We've actually only met the one time, which is the time I spoke about at the party, since then I haven't seen her, it's just been through the occasional tweet on one of my posts or vice versa. I would like to start talking with her but I lack the confidence big time, even though I'm sure she's interested. I need to brush up on my game but I don't want to follow anything too strictly, I need to learn to be myself with a hint of the game, filling in the parts I'm missing (No challenge etc.)

I find it very awkward approaching a girl online having only met her once, like what on earth do you say? Once I get talking I need to make sure I don't make the same mistakes as last time, I can't help but feel that I will slowly be lured back into that mindset after chatting for a while. I've set up a tinder account to practice talking to girls online, the way I would like to talk to them, comfortably, confidently, being able to tease and joke without the worry of 'have i taken it too far?'.

I understand a lot of this comes down to me growing a pair, as Games put it earlier. But my defence mechanism always kicks in, trying to protect myself, I just don't feel comfortable at all talking to women I'm interested in and I worry that this will be yet another wasted opportunity due to my lack of experience when socialising and talking with girls.

Any help and advice is hugely appreciated, the measure's I'm taking to improve my life are definitely working and I can't wait to start boxing, I think it's going to do me a world of good. Many thanks again

Well a move that works if you're sure she's interested is to just ask her out directly It probably sounds too bold but if she likes you, she wants to see you, so if you do something as little as favourite a tweet of hers or something, then message her and say "Hey so this probably sounds completely out of the blue, but would you like to get dinner sometime?" she'll probably be down. It's super scary because duh, you like her, but you just need five seconds of crazy courage to ask.

[[/quote]but you just need five seconds of crazy courage to ask.[/quote]

Lol pretty sure this is from the film 'we bought a zoo' ?

Anyways dude - Reading between the lines you seem like a pretty confident guy when your mates are around and can have a joke and a laugh and like the attention. But you are genuinely scared of girls your putting them on a pedestal as if they are some sort of precious being at the end of the day - We need them to reproduce and they need us to reproduce thats why humans have thrived, that and the fact we find sex enjoyable and fun. I would advise initiating any conversation with any girls possible. EG in class 'hey im just wondering what you got for this answer? how did you get that answer? i got this?'

Basically familiarize yourself with more and more woman then start to initiate flirting.

_________________
You can fail all your life but still achieve more than those who did not try.

I have good news for you.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21, and guess what? The year after, I banged over a dozen girls and made out with a lot more. I was seeing some girls who were 9 and 10s.

Once you get going, your game will get a lot better really fast.

Lol I actually read your whole text wall, very interesting.

Ima start off by sayin your only a few changes away from losing your virginity, congratulations.
Unfurtunately we arent all born with a manual on how to be a man, pity.

The girl you described, liked you. Next time dont be afraid to talk more with the woman, and follow up. As the man, it is your duty to initiate the conversations , get her number, and set up dates and stuff and hang out. The good news is all that is very simple. All a streight forward process, you dont have to be good at "game" to do any of that.

Let me be the first to tell you most of the beliefs around "game" is pretty obvious shit you need to do, be confident, well groomed, flirt, lead, close, be a fun vibe. Everything else is a bunch of confusing bullshit you dont need , negs, dhv, push pull, magic tricks, bullshit, that all happens in natural interactions. Focus more on being a real man that goes for what he wants.

You seem to have your lifestyle well put together. Now what you have to do is take the initiative and follow thru with the women you meet. YOU need to do it, initiate contact, make things happen, dont sit around expecting things will
Fall in your lap.

Jealousy is normal, but in your case irrelevant, you lost your opportunity, now your friends are after it, big deal, you did this to yourself, move on dont let it happen again. Go for the girl next time. Id still go for this girl if I were you just to see what would happen. Even though you may lose the battle, you wont lose the war. And remember girls ar3 infinity, onitis is never good, theres always more girls, find them, meet them.

You being the main target of jokes? Time to get yourself new friends, you shouldnt feel uncomfortable, its your life, make it enjoyable. Or just pay close attention, if they are just playin then play back, if they seem to be malicious, cut em off, you dont need that. Own your fucking life, enjoy it. Cut off all negativity, it will only hold you back. The right people will come, and you have a choice in that matter. Stop living as if you were a piece of tumbleweed floating around in the dessert, own your life.

If you found at least some value in this , send me a PM I'd like to SPAM with you for a couple of minutes to see if we can sort this out befor you go to a counselor.

_________________
Watch me infield-Daygame- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgRD7iY ... 7niIVvQTeA

-8+ Years In the PUA Community.

-Chat with me on SPAM for free Q&A
SPAM: Laz1Love

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~TheSingleLifeMiami~

Guys stop entertaining the irrelevant details

here's the problem, you want to get better with women...but you don't want to "change"

You want to take baby steps on everything....not good.

You want to be good at talking to women? go out and talk to a shit load of girls.
You want to be able to ask a girl out? ask out 100 girls...

I'm sure this girl is great but if you arent going to fuck her I'm sure your friend will. And not to mention the miles of cock she has most likely received at the age of 20.

You cant be half a gangster

this whole "i just need a little bit" "ill babystep" "Ill wait" is very infuriating
just like everything else, you have to work hard to get some game bro, no way around

Thanks for all of the responses, especially thanks to a few of you who went the extra mile to help me out in my current situation. I'm not looking for an easy solution and I'm definitely willing to change, I was just looking for some sensible advice from guys that are more experienced in the field, since it's awkward asking friends since I can't really go into depth, I figured this was the next best place.

I appreciate it's not all related to girls, so maybe this would have been better suited to a different forum, nevertheless I've received some great advice and I'm very thankful for that.

You're trying to treat the symptom and not the illness