Hey everyone,

So I’m a college student majoring in Anthropology and one of my assignments is to talk to a group of people with shared beliefs and behavioral practices (so like a religion or something) and I thought it would be interesting to talk to PUA’s ☺ Basically I want to talk to you all and get a first-hand account of what it means to be a PUA instead of just using second-hand media information (which is often negative) and hear from you guys what your thoughts and experiences are as PUA’s.
If you’re okay with it, I’d also like to ask you some questions about common criticisms (misconceptions?) of the PUA movement and actually hear your side of the story.
I don’t have any particular aim or angle I’m trying to push, (since I don’t have any first hand information or experience with PUA’s I think it would be wrong to start with an angle in mind) so really I’m just curious. I put some starter questions down here for inspiration but you don’t have to answer anything you’re uncomfortable answering or think is irrelevant.
1) What drew you to become a PUA?
2) How long have you been a PUA?
3) How big a part of your life is being a PUA?
4) Can there be gay men/lesbian women PUAs (or are these techniques just man>woman oriented)?
5) What do you think the biggest misconception is about being a PUA?
6) What do you think being a PUA is about at its core?
7) Do you think there is a general “type” of person drawn to being a PUA?
Is there a lot of variation between different famous PUA personalities or do they share a lot of beliefs/techniques/practices?

Again you don’t have to answer these questions exactly it’s just a vague guideline.

Thanks for your help! Anything you have to say is appreciated.

Well, it's a strong belief of mine that anyone who calls themselves a "PUA", aside from people marketing a product, really aren't. That being said, I'm more successful than I'd say about 60% (random ass guess) of the board, so I'll answer your questions.

As for your questions:

1) What drew you to become a PUA?

Oneitising (falling in deep, frequently unrequited obsession) on a woman who was a horrible human being and pretty much did whatever she could to abuse the power she had over me. I started searching for, "how to get a girl back", and I discovered PUA.

2) How long have you been a PUA?

Just shy of three years.

3) How big a part of your life is being a PUA?

That's hard to say. I did an intense year and a half with a buddy of mine where we went out almost every night. I lived and breathed it for a while. Now it depends on my mood - I certainly have access to a far higher quantity and quality of girls than I did in the past, and a reputation for dating a lot.

4) Can there be gay men/lesbian women PUAs (or are these techniques just man>woman oriented)?

A lot of this stuff is just normal social dynamics type stuff. There's a lot that is intended only for heterosexual men though. I'd certainly say knowledge of this stuff would be useful to gay men and women, but they would absolutely have different variations.

5) What do you think the biggest misconception is about being a PUA?

As far as I can tell, the public seems to think PUA == wearing funny clothes and negging girls. If you talk to a layman, in my experience, the first thing they talk about is negging.

6) What do you think being a PUA is about at its core?

Masculinity, strong frame and abundance. Learning how to understand female communication and motivation. Figuring out correct logistics and being able to read signs from a woman.

7) Do you think there is a general “type” of person drawn to being a PUA?

In my experience, it's mostly white men in their 20s or teens who have not had a ton of luck with women in the past. I think the demographics are getting a bit broader now - the stuff is so effective that any guy who is interested in dating girls has at least a passing knowledge of it.

Is there a lot of variation between different famous PUA personalities or do they share a lot of beliefs/techniques/practices?

No idea. I learned basics and just went in-field a lot, and updated my knowledge gradually over time. As far as I know they have different personalities and styles, but a lot of the core stuff is pretty solid. I doubt a single one would say strong frame and abundance are bad.


Any other questions?

1) What drew you to become a PUA?
A friend of mine and I would discuss women and attraction on a regular basis. One day he sent me a link to an article written by a PUA and I was intrigued.
2) How long have you been a PUA?
A few years
3) How big a part of your life is being a PUA?
I've adopted a few core beliefs on what a man should be in order to remain happy as a man. One of the byproducts regardless of women is confidence in myself and knowing what I stand for.
4) Can there be gay men/lesbian women PUAs (or are these techniques just man>woman oriented)?
Most of the community focus on women and is socially and scientifically specific to attract women and IMO men have specific roles in attraction and women have specific roles. So while lesbian and bisexual women can use these techniques, women and women are attracted for different reasons than men and women. As for gay men, I don't think it applies.
5) What do you think the biggest misconception is about being a PUA?
That men trick women into being attracted to them.
6) What do you think being a PUA is about at its core?
Communicating with the women that a man is attracted to and getting her to see him as a sexual being and not just a guy friend.
7) Do you think there is a general “type” of person drawn to being a PUA?
No. I think most men at some point may be drawn in and read articles at some point because there is so much information out there (bad and good). I think disbelief that it can actually work for them, they have issues they must conquer for it to work, or socially conditioned to believe that it's not moral to follow through.
8.) Is there a lot of variation between different famous PUA personalities or do they share a lot of beliefs/techniques/practices
There are usually variations of beliefs, techniques, and practices but the core is always the same...Attract then seduce.

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Some PUA can apply to gay situations. My best buddy and wingman is gay and he in a better place emotionally now since i explained hetero game to him. There are still gender roles in gay circles, so you still have the dominant masculine (aka. "tops" or predators) and the submissive effeminate roles (aka. "bottoms" or prey) like my buddy.

That's all really helpful thanks a lot!

If it's okay my next few questions are related to some of the more negative stuff the media usually likes to present when talking about PUA's. Sorry if these all come across as completely antagonistic, they're just the most common complaints/criticisms I've come across when reading about PUA work, and I'd like to hear how PUA's feel about them.

1) Do you think that PUA's are usually looking for serious relationships (either in general or with a particular person) or more for success when pursuing one night stands?
1b) For PUA's looking for one night stands, do you think there's validity to the idea that it's about "conning" a woman into sleeping with you if she otherwise wouldn't have? Or about having a set social framework to give you the confidence to approach a woman you might not otherwise have the confidence to approach? Or something else?

2) Do you think PUA techniques "other-ize" women? A lot of media resources spin it to make it seem as though aspiring PUA's don't see women as just regular people, but more as "targets" that they should try to psychologically manipulate or "win"- do you think there's any truth to that?
2b) Do you think PUA's techniques are incompatible with the idea of respecting a woman's wishes? For example, "not taking no for an answer" or kino escalation, when a woman is just not interested?
2c) For example, if you saw a platonic girl friend being hit on by a PUA would you want to "warn" her?

3) Has being a PUA changed how you interact with women? If so, to what extent? This can include non-sexual settings
3b) What were your relationships like with women before PUA? Again, including non-romantic/non-sexual ones

4) Have you ever had a girl (or known of a girl) to feel negatively after being successfully picked up by a PUA? For example, have you met any girls who have slept with a PUA and then felt used/conned afterwards?

5) Do you think PUA techniques help or hinder in terms of long-term, serious relationships where both members are equal partners in the relationship?

Again, sorry, and thanks for your help.

1) Do you think that PUA's are usually looking for serious relationships (either in general or with a particular person) or more for success when pursuing one night stands?

Depends on the individual. Probably both, considering most people like a mixture. Endless one night stands are boring, relationships sometimes get boring. A lot of stuff is aimed at college guys, where hook-up culture is rampant and EVERYBODY is doing short, no commitment relationships/hook-ups.

1b) For PUA's looking for one night stands, do you think there's validity to the idea that it's about "conning" a woman into sleeping with you if she otherwise wouldn't have? Or about having a set social framework to give you the confidence to approach a woman you might not otherwise have the confidence to approach? Or something else?

How would you "con" a woman into sleeping with you? I haven't seen any mainstream stuff that readily advocates lying about being a billionaire or anything like that (and I doubt that'd work in most cases either) - so please give a little more depth on what you mean by, "con"?

There is definitively an encouragement to approach, even if you're nervous or uncomfortable, in fact that's one of the aspects that helps a practitioner grow. When you notice attractive women paying you more attention than they ever have in your life, gaining additional confidence is a given.

2) Do you think PUA techniques "other-ize" women? A lot of media resources spin it to make it seem as though aspiring PUA's don't see women as just regular people, but more as "targets" that they should try to psychologically manipulate or "win"- do you think there's any truth to that?

People otherize people. Women in bars and clubs are certainly, "otherizing" the men. This is simply how people work. Do you think a woman, when a shy guy approaches and she says, "Sorry, nope." and walks away is taking into account the guy as a fully actualized individual? Come on now, we're all shallow, and this is just how dating works. So yes, women are otherized, as are all humans, depending on the context. If I walk into a bar and see a hot girl in a tight dress, no, my immediate thoughts aren't on her personality, and oh, how we might be lifelong compatible soulmates. And she doesn't want me to think that either.

2b) Do you think PUA's techniques are incompatible with the idea of respecting a woman's wishes? For example, "not taking no for an answer" or kino escalation, when a woman is just not interested?

Your job, as a heterosexual man in our society, is to move the interaction forward. Things don't, "just happen" - they are made to happen, typically by the man, when it comes to dating. This means that we have to make approaches that will be unwanted, we have to make touches that will be unwanted, we have to try to make kisses and attempts for sex that are unwanted. It's also our job to recognize when the girl is saying, "No, please stop this, I don't want this" - PUA also teaches this, or at least it comes with experience in-field. There's no way to have wanted approaches/touches without the potential for unwanted ones. How does a guy know if a girl will let kiss him kiss her or not unless he tries? Asking is romantic suicide.

In addition, women will frequently test your resolve by seeing how determined you are - I've had a woman tell me, "I don't know if we should be doing this...", and not a half hour later going crazy about how amazing I am for what I did. Sex is a fluid dance, and you have to be able to read your partner. Nobody wants to force someone to do something they don't want.

2c) For example, if you saw a platonic girl friend being hit on by a PUA would you want to "warn" her?

Warn her about what? A flirty guy that she's getting along with? A good PUA should be indistinguishable from a natural. You seem to think there's some implied "trickery" inherent to PUA. There is not.

3) Has being a PUA changed how you interact with women? If so, to what extent? This can include non-sexual settings

Absolutely. I understand how to communicate with them, flirt with them, etc. I never have a problem having a date - I went out with two cuter than average girls yesterday, and I got texts from at least four girls today, like one of which I've responded to. And this is with a fairly busy schedule.

This is in contrast to pre-PUA where I was constantly sad over girls liking me and then not liking me, barely getting laid, and having to date/screw girls I wouldn't touch with a pole now.

I have a strong masculine frame and I know how to deal with and direct women. It makes the situation much happier for everyone involved.

3b) What were your relationships like with women before PUA? Again, including non-romantic/non-sexual ones

Terrible and infrequent. Barely ever laid. Lots of money spent trying to impress with little results.

4) Have you ever had a girl (or known of a girl) to feel negatively after being successfully picked up by a PUA? For example, have you met any girls who have slept with a PUA and then felt used/conned afterwards?

Again, you use this word, "conned" - I don't know how this would even be used. I have had two girls ask me if I was a "PUA" during/after sleeping with me, but they did not seem bothered. Both of them have been quite adamant since then about meeting up and having plans.

5) Do you think PUA techniques help or hinder in terms of long-term, serious relationships where both members are equal partners in the relationship?

I don't really think relationships work as an equal partnership, so I'd say hinder, but in a good way. I think they lead to more of a "man as leader" model, which seems to generally be what both men and women seem to want on average.

1) What drew you to become a PUA?

I'm black dude and picking up women was just something that all the young hip kids did before any of us heard of the term PUA. My dad was player, his dad was a player and so on. I grew up in NYC. Younger kids watched the pimps run down the street after women and would see the women fall in love and sell their bodies for these guys. So we figured if they can get them to sell themselves, we could at least get laid. I can remember watching my dad pull his car over and pick up women from the passenger window when I was 4 years old. He did that daily up until his second marriage when I was 12. So I naturally just did what my dad did. He wasn't a pick up artist, he was just a confident good looking mail that women loved.

2) How long have you been a PUA?

I've been approaching women at the mall with my buddies since I was about 12-13 years old. So about 13 years. Theres no real beginning; I was always trying to get with women. I don't really rock the title; I was just glad to see there was a community of guys online that shared the same interest.

3) How big a part of your life is being a PUA?

Its just part of the lifestyle. I don't go out looking for women anymore; I just approach them on my daily travels. Managing all the chicks is definitely the toughest part. Its easy to forget to call some of them or reply to their text.

4) Can there be gay men/lesbian women PUAs (or are these techniques just man>woman oriented)?

Of course they can. Thats like saying can their be a door to door salesman thats gay. Gay man approaches a gay man; why wouldn't they entertain it if their interested.

5) What do you think the biggest misconception is about being a PUA?

That you have to NEG (knock and attractive girl off her pedestal) or that you have to apply any tactic or routine period. Supreme confidence will win you more women than any calculated steps ever could. Like I said.. I was, my dad was, and my grandpa was doing this shit long before anyone read or wrote a book on it.

6) What do you think being a PUA is about at its core?

Just being a confident male that acts on his little voices within him daring him to be courageous - daring him to be great.

7) Do you think there is a general “type” of person drawn to being a PUA?

I've coach guys all of types; from UFC fighters to wall street stock brokers. Its always different. But the guys that pay for the material are usually going to be guys who can afford to. That speaks for itself.

Is there a lot of variation between different famous PUA personalities or do they share a lot of beliefs/techniques/practices?

The core belief is the same. Its just assuming a girl is attracted to you and acting on that assumption. Lets say if God defended from heaven tonight and told you " Starting tomorrow, no woman will ever reject you again. Every woman will accept you into their hearts no matter what " How much differently would you behave toward women? You would be saying the most outrageous stuff because there was no way they could reject you. You would experiment like crazy. And thats how you must behave to be successful at this. Behave like you believe rejection is impossible. Women will pick up on that and be inclined to like you because you're so sure of yourself. Who are they to tell you you're not awesome? Once you believe it, its truth.

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You seem to be concentrating a lot on this "conning" or "trickery" aspect that you assign to PUA.

I think it would be instructive to deconstruct that idea so that you have a better understanding of what's going on when people talk about that.

A lot of PUA material recommends, "faking it until you make it" - in fact, that's absolutely a necessary part of it. This is true with everything humans do - pilots log practice flight hours, nurses go to nursing school, programmers code hello world programs to learn the basics. Politicians practice speeches and talking to people. Law students have mock court, and teachers have student teaching.

These people aren't "conning" anyone, they're learning. If a guy acts all blindly confident because he is doing some routine or feeling better about his interactions with women because he understands them more, and he starts dating a girl, and then he loses that confidence because, holy shit, he has no actual idea how to deal with the girl once he's got her, the girl may feel remorse because the guy isn't, "what he seemed to be" and leave him. That doesn't mean he conned the girl - he probably quite liked her, and once he's done this a bit more, he'll grow into the personality and it will naturally become a part of him (if he puts in the necessary work).

This is why a lot of newbie PUAs will pick up a girl and do great for a little bit, but gradually go weak and lose her.

Most PUA materials don't advocate actively lying to the girl - if anything, they advocate for extreme honesty and straight-forward expectations of how things will play out.

I think this is where a lot of the "trickery" and "conning" stuff comes from - girl dating is pretty much, "be yourself, look pretty and sit there and a guy will come along", and guy dating isn't anything like that. The guy that sits around and waits for his perfect girl is the guy that masturbates. I think a lot of girls can't even conceptualize the concept of "getting better" at dating, because it's such an alien concept to them.

1) Do you think that PUA's are usually looking for serious relationships (either in general or with a particular person) or more for success when pursuing one night stands?
Some are some are not. You can't lump every guy into one category.
1b) For PUA's looking for one night stands, do you think there's validity to the idea that it's about "conning" a woman into sleeping with you if she otherwise wouldn't have? Or about having a set social framework to give you the confidence to approach a woman you might not otherwise have the confidence to approach? Or something else?
If you really are a PUA that you realize there is no need to con women into a one night stand or even con them in general.
2) Do you think PUA techniques "other-ize" women? A lot of media resources spin it to make it seem as though aspiring PUA's don't see women as just regular people, but more as "targets" that they should try to psychologically manipulate or "win"- do you think there's any truth to that?
I believe that most men traditionally put attractive women in an elevated status, they view them as a prize. That carries over into his self esteem, how he approaches relationships and how he is treated in one. There is a term called "inner game" that revolves around a man's own self worth and puts men on an even playing field. Attractive women can say all the time that they will go on to the next guy...they sings songs about it. Why shouldn't attractive men hold that same attitude when women can "other-ize" men?

2b) Do you think PUA's techniques are incompatible with the idea of respecting a woman's wishes? For example, "not taking no for an answer" or kino escalation, when a woman is just not interested?
PUA doesn't disrespect a woman's wishes. If a woman is clearly not interested we move on and don't worry about it.
2c) For example, if you saw a platonic girl friend being hit on by a PUA would you want to "warn" her?
If she were being hit on by a PUA at some point she'd know, she'd know so there would be no reason to warn her. Any decisions that she made would be her own decisions.
3) Has being a PUA changed how you interact with women? If so, to what extent? This can include non-sexual settings
My will doesn't bend in order to try to get the girl. I'm me and I'm comfortable with it.
3b) What were your relationships like with women before PUA? Again, including non-romantic/non-sexual ones
I had a lot of women friends that weren't attracted to me that I was attracted to. Most of my friends were women that I was hoping would eventually realize that I was a great guy for her/them. However, they did realize I was a great guy and good relationship material but just not for them.
4) Have you ever had a girl (or known of a girl) to feel negatively after being successfully picked up by a PUA? For example, have you met any girls who have slept with a PUA and then felt used/conned afterwards?
Yes and I have been with a few of them. What it comes down to is that they are living in the moment and they are actually upset because they may not have acted in such a way that they were raised, their friends approved of, or how a lady in our society should behave. In fact, she may have acted in a way of women that she herself has frowned upon.
5) Do you think PUA techniques help or hinder in terms of long-term, serious relationships where both members are equal partners in the relationship?
This for me is a loaded question because of gender roles in healthy relationships. I'm a man and I expect to treated like a man. I will treat her as a woman and be respectful of her as a woman. If you do research on women, you'll see one of the things that a woman wants is a leader(a man who can take charge) and for him to be the leader in the relationship. If the man is a leader in the relationship, how can things actually be equal?

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So the general theme here seems to be that being a PUA is more about internal confidence than any particular techniques? As in, you can learn all the "tricks of the trade" that you want but if you don't exude confidence (or have the ability to act like you) then it's meaningless? And the "techniques" themselves are more about communicating sexual interest clearly to the women?
So really being a PUA is about being confident enough to express sexual interest in a woman?

You guys are all great btw this is really helpful

(Also if you have any questions for me that's cool too)

I mean, there are certain behaviors and techniques that are helpful - tease, don't talk about your feelings seriously (i.e. be a rock) for the most part, don't put all of your effort into any one girl unless you two are committed and that's what you want, etc, etc, but a lot of it does revolve around confidence, being clear with intentions, etc.

A lot of it is just understanding the differences between men and women. Women, when it comes to sexual attraction, aren't men with vaginas.

What I think you're talking about with, "technique" is what we would call "canned" material - that's the old school stuff that isn't as much in vogue anymore. Nowadays the big emphasis is on "natural game" and becoming a better man. You shouldn't be following a script, it should be an automatic part of your behavior that you have internalized.

That's really interesting. Do you think those certain techniques are applicable to most women? I see how being confident and flirty would help generally, but are there some women who just don't respond? Or are the women who aren't responsive the ones who just aren't interested anyway?
What do you think are some of the differences when it comes to attraction?
I can see how if you're a really attractive woman a lot of it can be just sitting around waiting for men to approach you, but I'm not sure how well that works for average looking or conventionally unattractive women.

Would you say there are any certain beliefs and/or practices most PUA's have in common?

The A in PUA stands for artist. Not everyone likes the same artist in any artform.

Are you actually asking if average or unattractive women are immune to being picked up? Wow. Unless you know something that I don't know, average/unattractive women are still women. They want the same things in life that attractive women want.

PUA's debate the best ways of doing things all of the time, but at the end of the day only the results count. If you make it from point A to point B, the path doesn't really matter.

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No, I was responding to an earlier comment, and one I hear quite frequently, that dating for girls is just sitting there and looking pretty. Usually guys tend to bat above their average, or at least try to, so for many many girls dating involves active participation.

So you as a woman, when you speak of men trying to bat above their average are you speaking of how the man looks? If you are speaking of looks, how important are looks to you when it comes to the big picture of a man?

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