I’m a n00b but I think I have discovered something already!

I had a weird experience last week which I think gave me an insight into the female psych. Bear with me as I want to set the context.

H is a girl I know from uni. We are friends. I have known her for 2 years now. Though I don't see her much these days. I hadn't seen her since end of November. I’m not really attracted to her. She is pretty but she is very bossy so that kinda turns me off. But other than that I have nothing bad to say against her. My friend reckons she is into me but I don't really know. I don't get an obvious IOIs.

Anyway I organise to meet up with her for a “catch-up” dinner in the city. She rang me at work at lunch and said “Lets meet at say 7.30, but text me and tell me where to meet. My battery is running flat so don't ring me.”

Now I was hungry and didn't want to have dinner at 7.30. So I sent her a text at about 6pm saying “Meet me at X at 7pm”. At 7pm I go to the place to wait for her. It's piss raining and a bit cold and I’m standing out of the rain under the entrance to a building. And I wait and wait. At 7.10pm I send her a text saying “Where are you?”. No reply. I wait until 7.30. By this time I am really pissed off.

One thing that I hate, with a passion, is waiting. So I was full of rage. So I sent her a text that said “Im sick of waiting I’m going home. Thanks alot!” And I stormed back to my place which is only 10 mins away. Then about 10 mins after that I get a phone call from her. She is all shy and apologetic (you know meek and mild) “Where are you? what …“ I reply ”Where the hell where you!“ I was tempted to say ”where the FUCK where you“ but I decided to tone it down. She asked if we could still meet and I said ok. She could tell I was really pissed.

So I met her. Didn't hug her like I would normally. I was really short with her. Didn't look at her while we walked to the restaurant. Didn't say much. I was really angry and I wanted her to see it. She could and she didn't like it. She was talking trying to get my attention and I just ignored her.

“Dante, what's wrong. I’m sorry. You havent even hugged me yet.” It was weird her complaining that I hadn't hugged her yet. She isnt very affectionate (see below).

So we argue a bit the whole way. Not yelling. I’m just flat/dead pan and obviously fuming from the ears.

Me: “I texted you like you asked and you left me in the rain!”
Her: “but I said I wanted to meet at 7.30”
Me: “Yeah but you said TEXT ME. So I did.”
Her: “Oh sorry I was talking to my mum. But I said I wanted to meet at 7.30…”

You can see that she is bossy. She didn't want to give me a full-blown apology. That's the way she is.

So all through our short dinner I wasn't that responsive. She kept trying to get me into the conversation. Normally she just talks over the top of me. This time, which fascinated me, she asked direct questions to me (“Hows work? blah blah). Normally she is a bit more interested in herself than me.

I paid for the meal (being the gentleman that I am) and walked her back to the train station - again I’m not responsive and she is meekly complaining about me being pissed off. She tries different ways of shaking my anger but poking fun at me (”your acting like a little girl“) but then changing to apologetic (”oh I havent seen you for ages and your angry at me“) It was really funny to watch her change moods and squirm. I have never tried anything like this before.

Here is when it goes weird and I get my light-bulb moment.

Firstly, H is not a very affectionate girl. The most affection I get out of her is a hug when I havent seen her for awhile. She is a pretty tough girl. Me, I pretty relaxed. My general disposition is that I don't really give a fuck (which I’m guessing is not a good way to be around girls - you have to be assertive). So it was the first time H has seen me mad and I was pretty mad.

So we are about to part and she reached up and puts her arm around my shoulder to pull me down and gives me a wet kiss on the cheek. That has never happened before! And she never does that with anyone else. And she was all “I will call you on Sunday? You are free on Sunday? I will come and see you on Sunday and see your new place? ok” That was all in one sentence with no breaks for me to reply.

Your saying “big deal she gave you a peak on the cheek”. That's not what I’m driving at. She has never done that before and nothing has changed in our relationship. I hadn't seen her since november. It was all because I showed my emotions to her. This emotion being my anger. She saw that I had passion (hatred of being left waiting).

It was if she liked it. The whole kiss thing wasn't about apologising. Because she wouldn't do that - still hasn't. I think it was an IOI which came out of no where.

Women always talk about how they like passionate guys like artists and writers. And maybe this is an example of that. Anger is a form of passion. And I was also assertive. I didn't let her squirm out of it. I didn't forgive her. I was the one in control.

Maybe you guys already know this. But it was new to me. What's your theory?

I personally would suggest that you don't read into it too much. Of course girls want to make sure you are ok, and they should be treating you, and worrying about you. Basically, don't revert to the old self where she looks down at you as a friend. She probably wants to see if she can break that backbone she just saw today, by being all nice and kissy. Call the shots from now on, don't look up to her, and don't go back to how you were before.

Yes, women are attracted to a willingness to emote, and a man that refuses to accept ill SPAM. However, you don't wanna go overboard with it and be pissy all of the time either. Really what I see as happened was the way that you reacted put her in the role of the pursuer, and she felt the need to try a little harder to get you back. The thing to remember, though, is that using anger to reinforce this tactic is not going to be effective in the long run. It may get some pecks on the cheek, but she won't take you to bed just to make you quit being bitchy.

Hey guys!

I couldn't agree more with what you have said.

I know that being pissed off at a chick isn’t going to get her to like me. Any way my angry probably isn’t that scary. lol.

I’m not going to use it as a tactic. I just thought her reaction was so strange and insightful. You guys are right - what it did was put me in control (made me the alpha male) and made her the pursuer. As you said - I call the shots now - but not with anger. Before I would have just been all AFC about it. “Oh thats ok. Don't worry about being late. I’m a loser and would wait through a hurricane for you.”

I agree with Mr. Fantastic. Just dont go over board with emotes- it may indicate that you are showing too much interest(a DLV) or being too involved emotionally. But what you did on the date was sought of a "freeze out"(great) which in turns had her chasing you;thus the unusual affection on her part.

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Firstly, Chicks dig EMOTIONS. What you did was give her something to work off of and put her in the role of the pursuer. She obviously "likes" you, but you'll have to do a bit more ground work in order to bust out the snootch!

Secondly, you have to start calling the shots with her and directly tell her what you want her to do.(If she does what you want, reward her just like a puppy. And If she doesn't, discipline her! Or to put it another way, give her the best possible gift you ever could, give her the gift of missing you!) By doing this, she will realize that you mean business and that you are no pushover! She will try and manipulate you into doing what she wants you to do, but you must stand strong and with conviction! It is obvious that she was attempting to do so, and I'll quote you,
She did this so that you couldn't rebuff the notion that you may have possibly had other plans! Come on man! If it was me, I'd be "busy" on Sunday and tell her ass that if she wanted some of my time (which she had already wasted having me wait on her) that she was going to have to make it up to me at a later date of my choosing! and that if she didn't want to do that , I'd just have to possibly rethink our interactions and decide whether or not if I really wanted to be with her!

As far as paying for her dinner WTF (What the fuck?!?!?!)?, Why in the hell would you reward someone for doing the exact opposite of what you wanted them to do? She obviously didn't want to make you a high priority then, so why should she be made one now? No, my friend, (do not allow the "pussy trap" to claim a new victim) you should tell her that she will have one opportunity to make this right and if she doesn't want to, then you are moving on.

Thirdly, and I'll quote you:
No, you don't. At least not all the time. HOWEVER, when a female attempts some superflouous bullshit, it is MANDATORY that you call her on it IMMEDIATELY. You can then resume from a position of mutual respect, and if she attempts B.S. again,Neg, rinse and repeat!

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Make the "Ho say no", remember fellas, a "ho" without any instruction is headed for self destruction!

Let them haters do their job, and you work their women like a job!

Don't talk so much, you'll make people hate you!

ok diciplin her by not talking to her and when a female attempts some superflouous bullshit, it is[/color] MANDATORY that you call her on it IMMEDIATELY. meaning???? say what are you tring to do neg o the i see what you did thier

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loving afrodite, revengeful hera, musing muses, heroin of my libido, drug of my life, slave i once was, but master i shall be.