New to forum, hello everyone. I have a question I would like an opinion on regarding the parents of the girl your sleeping with. My last two relationships (1 year each) have both went south after the parents have thrown in their two cents once it starts to get serious. I will preface that I am in my early 30's and have a good job, house and car so being a bum is not the reason. My question is how do you deal with parents who are co-dependent on their daughters to the point they sabotage the relationship to keep their daughter closer to them?

If you are trying to be serious with them, then have the parents like you. Befriend them and build comfort with them to show them you are not a creep or "bad influence".

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Absolutely this.

You almost have to treat her parents, siblings and close friends and family members as sub-relationships.

You aren't around her 24 hrs a day... and when you aren't, her family and friends are.

If they like you and say nice things about you, it's like having a fleet of your own personal cheerleaders who fill in for you while you're sleeping or taking a shit.

... I don't actually think I answered your question.

I think - to a point - no father is going to like the idea of any guy fucking their daughter... So keep that in mind, and be as respectful as possible.

I've been where you are. I have a good education, good job, nice car, etc... I look normal, I have my own house, I'm independent and I take care of myself.... Guess what? Doesn't matter if all they see is you fucking their daughter whenever they look at you.

Be direct, honest and treat her well. If she's happy, they're happy, in a lot of cases.

I've personally always had better luck with mothers. Get to know them and show them you're an actual person with interests, hobbies and a life. Do the dishes after sitting down to dinner... Pick up the check once in a while at the restaurant if you all go out. Go over and shovel the driveway if there's a snowstorm... cut their grass if they go on vacation.

Once they know more about you and see you're not a criminal or an asshole, they come around a bit (can take some time though)... Until they see you this way, you're just the guy fucking their daughter.

EDIT: Kids... kids are awesome for building confidence in you. If your girl has younger siblings, nephews or nieces - focus on the kids. Go spend 3 fucking hours playing soccer with them or whatever. You won't be around and not a single person in that house is going to say "what an asshole, out entertaining the children we love for hours on end".

EDIT 2: Sorry for the edits (I have done this shit with the parents MANY times...) - what I've described above (particularly around doing favors and paying for dinner) is not for just any girl... It's for relationship material only - where you're interested in making it work... That shit would be a little much for just any random date whose parents you met once or twice.

If you have questions or want more info/ideas, shoot me a PM.

So if its not your ability to provide security and protection what is it? What is the common theme among the parents who don't like you? Surely everyone isn't experiencing this. I don't.

Add a few more details.. What is it that their telling the girl about you?

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In regards to what the parents problem is with me. My theory is since both became head over heals in love with me and their parents saw me as a threat based on their co-dependency for their daughters. 2nd girls dad co-dependent on her because she watches over one of the homes he owns and she does a lot for him everyday and 1st girls Mom being co-dependent on her daughter because she lived at home and her mothers marriage with father was dysfunctional and she was her rock to help her through the tough times.

I have read a lot on the subject of belief systems and all my resources state that belief systems are strongly rooted and only come uprooted when the person (these two girls) realize a mental mindset change needs to take place. In both cases they are with their daughters instilling belief systems about me based on their own selfish agenda because they want their relationship with their daughters to stay the same and not effect their lives. Since they are trust figures in their lives which have more weight than what I say, my power of persuasion is way less. Going forward I'm just trying to figure out if its a red flag for my future significant other to be close to their mom or dad or if their is a proper way of breaking apart this co dependency because I am pretty certain that is the root of the problem. I want to make known for girl one (I almost married she accepted a ring, booked the church, and everything) I went to her house, helped them all the time with stuff, did all that the above suggested. Girl two her dad didn't like me from the start and never even gave me a chance. Said to her and I quote "he's too confident to be with you, you need someone nicer" I never met this guy and I know the daughter wasn't talking crap because she was having sex with me all the time every week for 9 months straight.

I realize the above is a lot to read but the situation is complex and I feel it is necessary to fully understand the problem

I suspect something is missing... What were the relationships like and why did they end? How old were the girls? Any fights?

How old were these girls?

The most obvious thing is already mentioned. Win over the family. But if the parents are just dead set on being pricks there isn't much you could do. But IMO this isn't that common. Especially with girls in mid to late twenties and beyond.

If he's in his early 30s it sounds to me like he's hitting on their teenage daughters. Get someone your own age you fucking creep.

I would give you some tips on how to befriend the parents but they wouldn't do you any good. Think about it this way: if these girls turned on you for the mere reason that their parents didn't approve you, then it wasn't true love and the "serious" relationship would have crashed sooner or later.

If the girl really likes you, she'll rebel for you if need be.

My advice is, if you're looking for something serious, then run no game on the parents. Just be yourself. If they don't approve you and the girl loses interest because of it, it's because it was never true in the first place.