Hi lads,

I'm pretty sure this is in a way generic question and most men have been in similar-like situation. Nevertheless I have to ask, I simply have to.

First off, let me tell you my story...

I fell for my best female friend and I fell hard (I always had those tendencies, I always was the good friend/brother to gals and the "nice guy" women loved but wouldn't want to date if I was the last man on planet).

I met this girl around 5 years ago, in university. And we started writing each other quite frequenty (not much of seeing each other). We became in few months very good friends, we had just almost everything in common. I really felt like I've met someone special and, of course, I started having feelings for her! One day I told her, she didn't feel the same. I totally cut her off, I just couldn't be around her, it was way too painful. After four month we decided that we will meet and she told me that she misses me deeply and we actually got together. We both were virgins at that time and we didn't actually have sex. After three weeks she broke up with me, she told me that she sees me more like her brother.

I was totally devastated. We met after that few times but I just couldn't stand being in her presence and being just a friend. We didnt talk for maybe a year after that.

I had few relationships in between. She oficially dated one or two guys but she never denied herself sex with other men when she was single (campus lifestyle...).

We actually started talking to each other maybe year and half ago when she broke up with a boyfriend (1y relationship) and she felt probably lonely and knew that I was always here for her. We slowly started being best friends again. One day we went out for a drink and after that I kissed her. We saw each other in few days and we ended up at her place, I totally wasn't expecting this (and didn't want this to be a one night stand) so I said to her that we won't have sex tonight (so we didn't). We sort of started dating after that but there was lot of tension, we saw each other few times but never slept together. It was very painful "relationship" for me. And very soon (again 3 weeks, lol) she wrote me, that she wants to be just friends. I tried to persuade her, but it led nowhere. We wrote each other occasionally, but I was dying inside and couldn't take it no more. I was very needy and dependent, definitely not man-like. She also started seeing someone (or some guys, I don't know).

I wrote to her that I can't stand this no more and that she either "choses me or loses me".

I was a mess so I started psychotherapy and taking antidepressants (which hepled me to some degree, I'm not contemplating suicide anymore). But I'm still totaly fucked up emotionally and self-confidence vise. And not able to mind my own life&shit.

She recently broke up with another dude and wrote me that she misses me, thinks of me, but can't be with me because she's afraid if we broke up again she will lose me for good (and our friendship).

I love her, resent her and can't get over (or through to) her.

I care about her most deeply, I realize she's not mrs. perfect, but I have no idea how to attract her again/be friends/move on/...

Any ideas, guys? I hope I posted this in the right section. Best of luck.

I seriously had to Google search to make sure I hadn't read this exact thread before (and that's not meant to be offensive, there are a lot of guys who post here with similar stories... Told best friend they loved them, best friend friend-zoned them, depression ensued, etc.)

IMO you need 3 things:

1) You need to get away from this girl. Immediately. You are way too close to this, still, after all this time, and that 'friendship' she cherishes so much isn't at the same level for you... You'll never be on the same level, and you need to accept that and move on. Accept that this one it botched and you will not be with this girl. You were fine before she was in your life. You'll be fine without her in your life, also.

2) If a chick can bring you to depression and suicidal thoughts you need to work on yourself after #1, above... if not before... Be happy with you and be comfortable with who you are as a person. You literally do not need her or any other woman to live and be happy... Think of women like surround sound: It's nice to have around, but the speaker you already have on your TV will do just fine... You need to get to a place where you legitimately believe this - because it's true.

3) Accept that this is one girl. There are literally billions around. I get that she's 'special' to you, and 'the one' - but she's not. She's just not. We have all been where you are - we've all been attached at the hip to someone who broke our hearts... You move on and deal with it and you will realize (once you start dating others and sleeping with others) that there really are a LOT of awesome girls out there (a lot of asshole-bitches too) - take this one off the pedestal and accept that you can't win them all.



And also -- for you and anyone else reading this who may be in a similar situation:

Drill this into your head for the future: NEVER TELL A GIRL YOU LIKE THEM, OR ARE IN LOVE WITH THEM. Ever. Period. Ever. End of story.

Chicks aren't logical. They're emotional. As soon as you tell them, you're done. It changes the dynamic, and they can't hang around you like a friend anymore while you actually run game on her and close her more subtly. 9 times out of 10 you get friend-zoned immediately and you cease to be a sexual option to her.

That is where you screwed this one up. You know for the future.

Good luck, OP.

Agreed with dropping this girl. Drop back in and text her once you've met more girls. A woman cannot be blamed in the least for freaking when the guy they thought had no feelings for her suddenly bares his soul to her.

From now on when you see a girl you like, let her know IMMEDIATELY through your actions not so much your words that you are NOT a candidate to be her shopping partner.

She got definitely scared because I was just extremely needy and cared just too much about her (she was the only thing on my mind). I understand that I unconsciously put enormous presurre on her. She must have felt trapped. This all definitely played a role.

He had romantic relationship together (twice actually), we "just" didn't have sex. So I'm pretty sue she knew I had feeling for her.

No sex = No relationship.

You need to have hundreds of experiences with women if you want to be successful. I've been rejected literally thousands of times but I have slept with 10x times more women than any guy I know.

The more you fail, the more you succeed. Go on YouTube and watch the Michael Jordan Failure Nike commercial. Gets me every time.

Well, I could take her to coffee or something and then try to take her home. But I'm not sure it would work out and I know I'm still WAY TOO MUCH ATTACHED to her.

But if I wait, let the woulds heal, work on myself, my own life and career (which might take years) we can possibly have "fresh start" but she may also find someone she will be happy with and that will be the end.

Any other thoughts?

So was it that you just didn't "like" the advice that everyone here collectively gave you, or that it wasn't what you wanted to hear? 3 commenters... We've all been here a while too... 3 of the same opinion...

Hmm.

Trust me, I would give my left leg not to let this one go, but seems like I've been friendzoned. So if I stick around and make up I would be her best friend again (which is not ultimately what I'm looking for).

Hey whats up Raider.

A lot of the situations are often easier said than done. Guys can easily tell you that you need to do this or that, but what people struggle with is the execution.

I can breakdown this situation down to its core for you and help you understand how to get through this.

I take care of this in consultation. I think its something that will serve you a great deal.

Consultations are done via SPAM instant messenger.

Think about it and let me know if you're interested.

Peace & Love

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