Alright, so early this year I met this girl at a gym (we'll call her Jenna). She seemed very into me (eye contact, positive body language, even going a foot behind me to do her own exercise while I'm benching!). It got off great and I asked her out to a restaurant for lunch. She accepted and we went out, had a nice talk (2hours at least) and I got her number as well. But there was one thing, she had a boyfriend. It didn't trouble me at the time though. If she's hanging out with me then there's obviously SOME interest, right?

Jenna and I start going out almost every week, just her and I. It came apparent that we are very much alike (personality, athletics, other interests, etc). We started texting often. A month after we met she left the country for an overseas trip (still communicating though) and came back two weeks later. Not too long after that her boyfriend breaks up with her. Oh well. We still keep going out, usually to a restaurant and or walk, for a few hours. I obviously had some interest in her but I didn't want to go in too soon, but at the same time I didn't want to hide my emotions either. I had a decision to make.

At the end of one of our "dates" (and approximately 3-4 weeks after her breakup) I let loose and told her that I'm the type of guy that doesn't hide what he feels and said I like her, obviously, and wanted to to go on an actual "date." Her response wasn't exactly a yes nor a no. She basically stated the reason she wouldn't is because she's still into her ex and wouldn't "love me as much as him and it wouldn't be fair." I accepted, but was sad. It doesn't end there though! We still continued to go out.

We continued to go out on dates, just Jenna and I and it would usually end with a hug after I walked her to her car. I even traveled to one of her track meets to show some sign of care and support. I think she appreciated it. Fast forward a few weeks and after a few more dates she went back home (she's in college). That was late April and we haven't seen each other since. But we have still been communicating. She even mentioned how she was "just thinking about me the other night" and "miss our dates" not too long ago.

I'll be seeing her again next month once Im back from doing business. My question is where do I stand in this? It seems like we're REALLY good friends but it hasn't exactly moved to the next level yet. I think a lot of it has to do with her feelings towards her ex. I'm hoping the time away will help straighten her mind.

Also, how could I take it to the next level with her?

There's a lot of detail I may have missed so I could add it if needed, but this is the best way I could summarize my situation. Help me out fellas!

Tonnes of comfort, no seduction. Typical friend zone crap.

If you were bolder (and she probably gave you plenty of chances) you'd likely be fucking the crap outta here bf/gf.

Her talk of loving her ex more is a bunch of fluff; learn to seduce/build attraction rather than give little hugs here and there seriously man I'm not shocked at all how this played out nor will anyone else on this board be.

Did you guys have sex together? If no, that's the reason.

There wasn't any seduction like N2 said. She's just comfortable going out with you to have fun and she's using the other guy as an excuse for you to stay in the friendzone. Either go out as friends from now on or try doing a bit kino on her and find out if it's really going to work or not. You have to risk it to know.

PS: Don't act like you're way invested than her. You demonstrated a lot of weak behaviors when you were "sad" after she said no to you, and this signals weak behavior. Just act casual and do you thing.

I see what you guys are saying.

So, be a bit more aggressive and flirtatious rather than be the typical "friend?" Is there any advice you can give me in order to do this? I'm not a shy guy at all. I have confidence and Im willing to throw all the cards on the table but actually knowing what to say in order to accomplish this is what I need to work on.

We already talk about getting together once we're both back. It would've been a while since we last saw each other so it's the perfect opportunity to step things up a notch.

Thanks.

Edit: Also, what about texting? Just leave things casual with texts and save the extra stuff for when we're actually together in person?

Not shy? Come on buddy. If you were more confident you'd have made a move by now rather then wait till all the stars are in alignment, or some other 'sign' from the universe.

No sexual escalation? Girls hate that sh*t like the plague. If they liked the guy initially not making a move is as unattractive as finding out the girl you liked has a hairy back. Please, it's time to get real. Girls get horned out more by behaviors than anything else and if you're exhibiting traits of a weak/indecisive/uncertain man you're guaranteed a lot of frustrated cause you'll almost always be friended (though some girls out for just a fck will blatantly make a move to get you going).

I'll admit, I was a bit cautious in the beginning because I have (in the past) came on a bit too strong and it usually backfired on me.

Now I feel like Im able to start on a clean slate with her. We haven't seen each other for a while and there's a lot of catching up to do. I know she does have some feelings towards me but I would just like some help in exhibiting some of these "behaviors" that you speak of? I'm sure I could pull it off in the hours upon hours we spend together. In essence, ways to move out of the friendzone and actually have a chance at turning it into a relationship without it being too hasty nor too slow.

I haven't been able to make any moves within the past few months because we haven't seen each other face to face. It would be awkward trying to do it via text or over a phone (I feel). I want to start making them when we do start seeing each other again, which will be very soon (next month).

We have been communicating a lot however, and much of the time its she that initiates the conversation, not me.

Firstly you totally contradicted yourself. You said to her you're an upfront guy and don't hide things but you took months to tell this girl you liked her and actually wanted to go on a date with her. That just comes across as weak and she now knows with all certainty that the reason you asked her out in the first place was to fuck her(She knew but she had no confirmation which changes the playing field).

Secondly you bitched out when she fed you some shit test bs about being hooked on her ex. You don't accept it! You try and convince her and convey that you two shouldn't care for the outcome in order to take the pressure off. A simple "I'm not talking about falling in love with me. I'm talking about going on a date and enjoying the night." Keep that kind of passive persuasion up and she'll agree. If you have a blast and enjoy yourselves you can go kiss her and set the standard from there on on your next meetings. If it fizzled out you could stay friends.

You're so far in the friend zone now and you're acting the complete opposite of what a PUA should act like. She gives token resistance -> You pussy out and "accept it" -> You get rejected by yourself -> You going to give her more and more attention.

How this should have played out is as follows: She gives token resistance -> You stick your ground and convince her to have a fun and enjoyable night with you -> You go on a date and run whatever game you have.

Right now you shouldn't be acting like the caring and emotional crutch kind of guy. It's good that she said she was thinking of you as this is her seeking you out for a bit of validation so what you do now is essentially pull back and be distant. After pulling back and she starts craving your attention you have a "busy week" and then ask her out on a date again but this time don't give into her token resistance unless she specifically says "No, i'm sorry. I just don't see you as that kind of guy in my life."

I'm starting to see where I went wrong and how I can improve this.

I have tried to be distant and it's actually what made her say how she was "thinking about me" and essentially miss me. I'll usually go a few days of absolutely no contact and all the sudden she'll message me, pretty much asking what Im up to. I'm off doing important job related stuff and she knows this. It may be a positive and shows that I have bigger priorities in life.

I know we'll be going on more "dates" in the not too distant future when we're both back to living 5 minutes away from each other. The time away may actually be for the better. It gives me a chance to come off differently and more upfront then before, essentially become a "new" person. I would love to try right it now but were about 2000 miles apart so that simply cannot happen in this point in time.

I'll take your advice and be more upfront and stand my ground. I don't want to continue if it goes nowhere but I feel like there's still some potential that it could lead to something more.

What are some ways of seduction that I could use if we were to get together again? Is there any step by step list to it or does it all come naturally (which is the way I assume it is). I'm good at meeting people and getting to know them but this is the one area that I critically need help in, and it's probably why I'm stuck where I am right now with this.

Keep in mind, up until she left we did go on a few more dates after I asked her out. It's not like that was the last time we did anything and she didn't cut off contact with me, which is what a lot of girls would've done in that situation because then they see that all Im after for is a relationship that she's not interested in.

Are you sleeping with anyone else?

The biggest issue is that you basically took a girl you had zero sexual contact with and had a "define the relationship" talk. You're like "I like you and want to date you!". God no.
You're already hanging out with this girl alone. What you basically did was tell her "I want a girlfriend. Please be my girlfriend." Any girl worth having is going to say no to this proposition.

You should have moved much much faster. But once you decided to step it up, you do that with sexuality. Not with expressing your feelings.

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RSDTyler