Hi guys - apologies in advance for the long message. Have a situation where I took a colleague out on a dinner date (went out for coffee a few times before this) and it went great. Throughout the night she showed very good signs e. g.110% engaged, touching me, telling me stuff that were very personal to her and tried to ensure the date was extended several times when she thought I was about to try to say it was time to go. The date actually went from 7pm - 2am and we had a few drinks throughout the night. Towards the end of the night we had a "moment" and found each other holding each others gaze for 5-10 seconds and holding each others hands from across the table. When we got up to leave the last place we were at and I went over to call a cab for her outside, I asked her to take the first cab and she looked surprised and said "wait.. really" (perhaps because she thought I would have asked her to come to my place given how well the date went). She followed up with a text about a half an hour later saying how great of a time she had etc.

Now it's been a few days since our date but she has been a bit distant than she had been prior to our date - almost seems like she's playing hard to get e, g. takes long time to respond but with lengthy messages, mentioning other guys in texts etc. I also asked her if she had dinner plans this Saturday and she said "she might but not sure."

Here is my interpretation of the situation - perhaps she feels a little rejected that I didn't really make a move on her that night. She has seen me out at clubs before and being very aggressive with girls so believe she has the impression that I am sort of a player. Either that or she isn't really interested in me any more and being polite by responding to my messages given we are colleagues.

Guys - what do you make of this kind of situation. Why would a girl play hard to get after a great first date, with lots of chemistry, good signs etc.

Thoughts appreciated.

She's definitely into you. Girls do not stay on dates for 7 hrs if they're not into you.

She may have been waiting for an invite back to your place - and honestly it sounds like you could have closed if you did get her back there.

Did you kiss-close? You better have kissed her, dude... if you didn't - there's why she's cold. She doesn't think you're that into her.

I would ignore the fact she's being half unresponsive and non-committal, and I'd CALL her (don't text) saying "So it's Thursday and I'm planning my weekend. I think we should go out Saturday - let's do dinner and drinks and maybe something after"... You'll at least get a yes or a no on the phone. She won't dodge you.

It's up to you to push this forward. She won't do it. If you want to go out with her, get on it and ask her.

Sounds like you blew it. From what you wrote, definitely seems like she was wanting an invite back, actually probably expecting one.
If she's seen you out at clubs being aggressive with other women, she's probably wondering what the hell is wrong with her now. Women compare themselves to the other women they see a guy they're attracted to go after all the time. You might have given her a swift kick in the nuts

This is not unsalvagable, but like Charles said CALL her make plans with logistics that make it easy to close! If you get her out again you have to basically do what you didn't do the 1st time around or she'll go totally cold on you. She takes longer to reply, but There's length to her messages that's good don't think anything more than she's busy and can't reply right away.
Past is the past forget about it what you do next is what matters.

Call her

Set up the date exactly what Charles suggested.

Escalate and play your cards right.

Close.

Seems she is no longer interested. (This: "mentioning other guys in texts" especially is a VERY BAD sign) You were too passive at the end as others have mentioned and it cost you. A "great first date" doesn't mean a second date. Hell, I've gotten BLOW JOBS on first dates and then couldn't get a second date. The best way to ensure a second date is sex if you can get it. Sounds like you may have had an opportunity but you didn't go for it.

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Thanks for the input guys. Going to follow up with a call this weekend but don't want to seem too eager. This kind of goes against my "not giving a shit" thinking but I guess this is a bit of a different situation.

I want to hear how this goes!!

Ok update. I asked my colleague what she was up to Saturday night for dinner and says she "might have plans" but doesn't know if her "plans will happen." I'm thinking she is giving me an opening and wanted me to ask her out directly instead of asking if she has plans (for fear of looking unbusy) but I may be wrong. I simply just responded to give me a shout if her plans falls through and we should go out again. Didn't want to come off as needy. Thoughts???

Again this girl is my colleague and a pretty delicate situation so don't want to push too hard. She could just be flat out rejecting me for all I know but being polite as a co worker. Again any input appreciated

That's a vague ass invite, dude.

Ask her like I indicated above. I'm going to X place at X time. Come with.

If she says no - at least you've got your answer and can stop wasting time on her.

Yep will do in person tomorrow. Easier to see their true intention when in person. Thanks bro

Agreed with ' im going to x at x time' btw always have a second plan if she cant make it. This girl im talking to loves fishing. If she cant make time on Friday im going fishing. If you can show you're happy without them while happy with them and not be needy. They will see that.

Hey guys - I stuck to my gut on this one and didn't end up following up with her. I felt that she was trying to play hard to get and I just wasn't going to give her any attention so I completely ignored her this week. I bumped into her in the lobby of our building on the way to coffee and she was giving me the same IoIs that she'd previously been giving me and was basically asking for an invitation for her to grab coffee with me. Instead I said I abruptly stopped the conversation and said I had to go and took off. Today, she called my desk today and I ignored. She called again and I had my assistant pick up and told her to tell the HB that I didn't have time to talk to her. About 10 minutes later she came to my desk with another dude from the office I didn't know and said she wanted me to meet him and that's why she called me. The whole conversation she was flirting with the guy trying to get my attention/make me jealous. Throughout the conversation I acted as if she wasn't there. When the intro was done and the conversation ended, the guy from my office goes "don't let her bother you too much" with a grin (he is pretty close to the girl and moving out of the city next week so not a threat).

So looks as if I'm on offense here and time to make a move. Thoughts / suggestions on next steps?

If you have any plans of salvaging it at this stage you have to be extremely direct and alpha about it. You said she's seen you with other girls at the club being aggressive then you need to give her that. She's baiting you and the more you reject her the harder it's gunna be for you. It's time for a bold move on your part..

Agreed with the "i'm going to be at X at X time. come." Keep it simple; get her out.