Hi all. I'm just getting over an eleven year relationship (eight years of which was a marriage.) It seems like a lot has changed since I was last looking to date, and honestly I feel like I need the PUA edge to get me back in the game.

I'll be posting my field reports in this journal, and I'd love to get critiques from everyone on my progress or lack thereof. In each field report, I'll write out what my goals were prior to going out, and the results. I'm going to start off small (eg working on approaches) and slowly work my way up. Let me know if you think I'm stuck in a phase too long! I tend to be methodical about things, and that backfires on me sometimes.

I'll post more about myself in upcoming posts, such as my current situation, what I've got going for me, against me, and also what I hope to accomplish. For now, here are my plans and goals for tonight.

Day 1. Sarging at the rink.
I'm going to practice sarging while I practice skating.

Why, you ask? Because I've been skating for six years and really enjoy it. I figure that my skills on the ice might be a DHV in certain cases, such as when a cute girl is holding on to the wall afraid to let go.

Another possible DHV that can come of this is that a lot of people know me there, so I'll have some social proof. Also, in the past I've been approached by people asking me if I'm a coach. (I'm not.) I was married then, so I never pursued anything, but now I can actually capitalize on that.

Some possible approaches.

Here're a few ideas on openers for tonight.

1) Helping a girl get off the wall and skating on her own. ---> DHV, Kino. (I'm not too focused on Kino right now, more on opening, but hey, if I can escalate, why not?)

2) Striking up a conversation with someone who doesn't know how to skate but is doing pretty well. EG "Hey, you're good at this. I can tell you've skated before."

Goals for tonight.

Ok, I'm starting off light. I figure I'll have some pretty strong approach anxiety, since I'm naturally a little more anxious than most. (More on that later.)

Goal 1: Make eye contact with everyone on the ice, or at least attempt eye contact with everyone. (Some people look down constantly while skating, and I can't control that.) This will be a big challenge for me because I have ADD, and eye contact is difficult for me.

Goal 2: Initiate three interactions with people I don't know. This can't be a simple "hi." I have to at least have a small conversation. I also won't count conversations with people who have to talk to me, like employees, although I may use that to help me get warmed up.

In coming posts, I'll provide more details about me and my current situation, so you all have an idea of my logistical issues. And of course, I'll post my results tonight.

Thanks for taking the time to read this far! Game on.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

Results of Day 1.

Well, things were a bit harder than I expected.

I got to the rink and was in a good mood. I joked around with the girl HB6 at the counter, and it was pretty spontaneous and situational, which is a nice plus.
Me: Hey, I never noticed you had a tattoo.
Her: I have two. (Shows me tattoos on her back.)
Me: I have two also. (I first show her one of my tattoos and talk briefly about it.)
Me: And this one... (I show her a blank spot on my bicep...) which is a submarine. But it's underwater right now.

That one had a nice response. She was still cracking up when I walked away.

I got on the ice and took a quick look around. There was only one person I knew, another adult skater. I went and said hi. She is very asocial, so I left it at that. I started a few warm-up laps around the rink and set about trying to accomplish my two goals for the night.

Goal 1, making eye contact, proved to be a bit difficult. There were several things I did not think about. For example, everyone is skating in the same direction, so it's not like anyone is coming towards you most of the time. I tried to get clever and skate backwards to make eye contact, but the session was so busy that it was hard for me to look at people and look out for small children darting around behind me. I also noticed that everyone is really focused on the activity, since it is pretty hard to just not fall when you are standing on the ice. :p

Goal 2, opening three people I didn't know, was also difficult. I managed to open the only other figure skater there, whom I had never met. However, she was definitely underage, so it was just a brief chat about skating. I did not open anyone else.

I tried all sorts of mental tricks to try to get myself to do it, but I didn't. I could write all sorts of excuses here for why I didn't, but I'd only be lying to you and me, dear reader... The fact of the matter is that I got too much in my head and just didn't do it.

Results:
Goal 1: Some eye contact made, but this was not a well thought out goal.
Goal 2: 1/3 new people approached.

Some introspection:
Wow, I'm really shocked and disappointed at myself. I've always thought of myself as a social person, so I thought goal 2 would be easy to achieve... There were numerous times when I could have opened someone. For example, at one point a girl slipped and fell on the ice. She was slightly behind me, but I could have skated back around and helped her up. That would have been a great opener!

One thing that threw me off was that the demographics seemed to be split into two groups, teens and adult couples. Now, I'm not going to sit around and open teens, fine, but I could easily have spoken to the couples. At one point, I saw a guy taking a picture of his girlfriend (wife?) I thought I could go up to him and offer to take a picture with both of them in it. I've done this before, when I was married, and there was nothing weird about it. Usually, people then ask me how I learned to skate so well, etc. It leads into a nice conversation.

So, why was I balking now? The only thing that was different today is that I went in with the mindset of opening people. Was it the different mindset that cause me to stress out? Arggghhhh!

I'd love to get some of your feedback on this!

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

You're balking because of approach anxiety. Basically have to force yourself to open the first set or two of the day, and to not care if the approach goes sloppily, so that you can get into the groove.

Good old approach anxiety... I forgot how crippling it could be. I think I got too comfortable and complacent in my eleven year LTR. :p

Thanks Oceanx, I'll try again today. I'm going to the gym after work, so we'll see how that goes.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

So, yesterday was a bit rockier start than I thought it would be. I've always thought of myself as a social person, so I was overconfident and didn't account for approach anxiety the way I should have. Looking back, I missed lots of opportunities to open. I even realized it as they occurred, but I was not mentally prepared for the reality of approach anxiety. Lesson learned!

I got some good advice from Oceanx. First, it doesn't matter what you say, it's how you say it. He also gave me some good openers to use. For example, if a girl falls near me, I'll help her up (kino) and say: "Hey, I think the beginner rink is over there." (Cocky funny.) Then, I can transition to something like: "Are you new at this? Here, take my hand, I won't let you fall." Pure gold! Thanks Oceanx!

I also got some good advice from Black Phantom. He breaks down the approach into three possibilities.
1) Ask a question.
2) Make a comment.
3) Say hi.

This simplifies things for me. Tonight, I'm going to use this as my goal. Instead of worrying about how the conversation will proceed prior to approaching, I will simply approach using one of the above (question, comment, or hi.) I'm not going to worry about anything other than approaching tonight. Back to basics!

So, tonight I'll be going to the gym. I work out on campus, so I have two target rich environments: the university and the gym. A friend of mine, who is also a personal trainer, will be training me. I'm sure if I give him a head's up, he'll be willing to wing for me.

Goal for tonight: Open ten people I don't know with either a comment, question, or just saying hi. The interaction does not need to go further than that tonight.

Wish me luck!

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

Despite difficulties, I was able to achieve the goal. The weather was so bad it felt like I was in the middle of a monsoon. Luckily, I keep an umbrella in the car. I was able to knock out three approaches on the way to the gym while walking from the parking lot. Two were simple comments (eg "Careful, it's flooded up ahead.) The third was a short conversation. Two paths converged and brought me next to a big duded walking in my direction.

Me: "Another beautiful day in paradise, huh?"
Him: "Huh? (I think I caught him off guard by speaking to him. Lol.) Oh, yeah. Sure is."
Me: "That's what I love about this city. One second, the weather's great, the next it's like a friggin hurricane."

Ok, so it wasn't Shakespeare, but it was an approach.

I got another four inside the gym. Mostly just hi, are you using this bench, and that type of thing. I actually got a nice big smile from an HB7 when I asked how she was, which was nice. Maybe when I've worked my way up, I'll be able to not only open but fully close a girl like that.

I only had seven by the time my friend and I left the gym. It was late and the campus was pretty deserted. Trust me, I looked!

One girl walked out of the library as we were walking by the door. We must've startled her because she actually stopped suddenly and took a step back. I gave her a nice disarming smile and told her: "Don't worry, we don't bite." She smiled and appeared at ease. I feel bad about (accidentally) scaring her, since I know that women have to be a lot more worried about stuff than we do.

Anyhow, I decided that I wasn't going to fail a second night in a row, so I stopped at McDonald's. I was able to open two more people. Then, a homeless lady that I knew from before actually opened me up. I don't care! I'm counting it! One day, gorgeous women will (hopefully) be opening me, and that'll count right???

So yes, by a stretch of the imagination I'll give myself a pass for tonight.

Tomorrow is a very full workday, and it will end late, so no gaming for me. However, we are having staff from another facility (but the same organization) come over for a training, so I will try to meet three new people tomorrow just to keep my flow going.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

I'd like to keep track of statistics to keep track of my progress. Here's what I'm thinking of monitoring.
Stats:
Date I joined the community: 7/28/14
Girls asked out: 0
Rejections: 0
Number closes: 0
Kiss closes: 0
Full closes: 0

So, obviously, these are stats starting from 7/28/14 only.

On another note, I thought about my spontaneous tattoo opener from the other day.
I realized that this could be recycled on other women. So that's one opener down pat. I also like one that I read somewhere:
"So, are you nice?"
If she say's she's mean, say:
"Too bad for you. Because I eat mean girls for breakfast."

I'm starting a running list of potential openers. I'd like to have about ten that I can spout off in my sleep, that way when a potential approach comes up out of the blue, I won't have to think about what to say. Of course, if I can go situational, I'll do that every time!

Another thing to think about: Some of my openers might be received really well. Do I want to just let them fizzle because I'm only practicing openers right now? Of course not. So, I've got this to transition out and into a # close:
"Well listen, I could just talk to you all day, but we've both got things to do. Let me get your number and we'll keep this going later, ok?"

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

keep up

Thanks aspic, I'm going to try to improve those stats.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

Day 3.

This morning, I woke up and felt cocky, so I decided to go out in the field to meet some new people. Since I was feeling confident, I decided to set the bar a tiny bit higher than last time. My goal was to open twelve new people today.

I decided to keep it simple, so a "hi" or "how are you would be enough." However, I also wanted to push myself a bit and try to keep conversations going if I could.

As a bonus goal, I wanted to try out the "Are you nice?" opener. I really wish I remembered where I had read it so I could give proper credit.

Anyhow, the opener as I had read it only had an answer for when the girl says she's mean, so I brainstormed a bit and came up with these if she says she is nice:
Me: "So, are you mean or nice?"
Her: "I'm nice."
My possible answers:
- Oh, what a shame. I think mean girls have more fun. Don't you?
- Huh! I don't think so. Do you always fib to strangers?
- That's good. They say that mean people suck. Of course, they also say nice people swallow.
- Too nice, I see. Didn't your mother teach you not to talk to strangers? (After her answer, I can introduce myself: "Well, my name's Sam. See, now we're not strangers anymore.")

Too cheesy? I tried to incorporate light negs in there.

So, today's goals:
Goal 1: Open twelve people.
Optional goal: Open someone with the "Are you nice?" opener.

Results.

I was able to open a few more than twelve people, but I ran into an unforseen issue. More on that in a second. I didn't achieve the optional goal. I just didn't feel that the right time to use it came up. And yes, I do realize I'm making an excuse.

I realize that what matters for now is that I continue to achieve my goals, but I was frustrated by something that happened today. I was heading to the rink and realized that I hadn't really eaten enough for what I had planned today, which was to skate a few hours and then go to the gym for an hour. So, no worries. I stopped at the next establishment of fine junk food. (Don't hate. I was in a hurry!)

I walk in, and the place is completely empty, other than staff. The girl behind the counter is a cute HB7.
Me: "Wow." Look around exaggeratedly. "You guys are really busy, huh?"
Sadly, that was much earlier today, and now I don't remember the conversation that well. But I can tell you that she laughed and we proceeded to have a nice exchange. I was getting some IOI's from her, or at least I think they were IOI's. She was making eye contact, leaning forward, and laughing at my humor. I have terrible humor, so I know at least that one's a huge IOI.

You know those toys that you wind up, and they zip around for a minute? Then, they'll die down as suddenly as they started? Well, that's what happened to me? I was doing great, and out of nowhere: crippling shyness. It must've confused the hell out of this poor girl... I know I confused myself...

So ya, I ate my chicken wraps and then I got out of there. As a small redemption, out in the parking lot an HB8 was walking towards the place, and I did greet her. She seemed surprised and avoided eye contact, but at least she answered.

I'll spare you the details about the other encounters because they were inconsequential, although I did end up having a great conversation with an employee at the gym who ended up being pretty interesting.

Things to improve from today:
1- It was nice to open someone spontaneously, but when I ran out of steam (for lack of a better term,) I should have just gone for the "Are you nice?" routine. I want to remember this, so that it can be a simple reflex: if I wind down in a conversation, just switch to that.

2- Don't wait for 'the right time' to use the nice opener. Just do it!

I realize that there are probably a zillion better openers, but there's a method to my madness. Let me digress for a second. Years ago, I used to do Judo and I noticed this. The beginners would go into a tournament without a plan. They would just react to their opponent. The black belts would practice one move for weeks before the tournament. Then, they would pretty much only use that move during the fight. The point was to make that one takedown so fluid and perfect that it was almost impossible to counter it.

So, to relate that back to what I'm doing here, I'd like to have a few "moves" that I can use smoothly and without having to think about it. So some of these posts might get a little repetitive, since right now I only have the tattoo opener and the nice opener. But bear with me, I'll add more little by little.

I'd like to be able to transition to try to get some number closes soon, so I also have this little scenario thought up. I'm calling it the 1-2-3 for now.

Me: "Are you nice or mean?" (1)
(Brief conversation based on the previously posted answer. If the conversation transitions naturally, great. If not, I go into this next one.)
Me: "So, what do you do when you're not (skating, working out, drinking, bothering random strangers, or whatever the current activity/situation is.)" (2)
(Brief conversation about that.)
Me: "Well listen, I could talk to you all day, but we've both got things to do. Let me have your number and we'll keep this going later." (3)

So, 1 is the opener, 2 is the transition, and 3 is the number close. At least this way, if I run out of things to say, all I have to remember is to transition from 1 to 2, or 2 to 3. That's the hope, anyhow.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

Don't forget to give her info about yourself in the pickup.

Thanks Oceanx. I don't want to be the annoying guy that just asks a million questions. I have a few things I can tell her about myself that will DHV at the same time.

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

Day 4.

I've been invited to an art exhibit tonight. This will be an excellent chance for me to practice opening sets and pushing my interactions a bit further than usual.

Pros: The great thing is that conversation is expected here, so approach anxiety should be lessened. As well, situational openers will be easier, since we'll be surrounded by art to comment on. I'll also know a few people here, so I will have some social proof to start with.

Since this should be a reduced-stress environment, I'd like to try a different goal today.

Goal 1: Approach 50% of the room. I don't know how big or small this exhibit will be, so I don't want to set a goal I can't achieve.

The point to this goal is to try to develop social proof at this event. I'll get there right when it opens so that I can start opening while there still isn't a crowd.

Cons: My attention deficit disorder sometimes throws me off in crowds. Also, I have an extremely crappy wardrobe due to recent drastic weight loss, so I won't be dressed to impressed. Unfortunately, I can't afford to buy clothes at the moment.

Still, the positives far outweigh the negatives for tonight. So, feeling confident, here's an optional goal.

Goal 2 (optional:) Get one number close.

Wish me luck!

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html

Really good job. Keep it up

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I recommend this e-book to learn how to get a girlfriend

Thanks Falboe! Approaches are definitely feeling a bit easier now, so persistence does help!

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My learning journal: from-chump-to-champ-my-learning-journal-vt182116.html