Quote:
Do you know WHO you are?
This is spot on.
To become truly confident in yourself, you need to figure out WHO YOU ARE! This was my biggest sticking point when I first begun as a PUA. I would always go with the 'fake it till you make it' mentality. I knew how to pose as a confident person thruough body language and how i spoke. Everything about me screamed confidence, except my inner voice.
I've read up on a lot of game, and I can relate to your 'devouring' of PUA stuff, as I did that too. At last I finally found the key to drag me out of this state. I had tried everything from a to z, I had tried building up confidence through approaching (it helped with my AA, but not how I felt about myself) and it all fell down to one thing. I didn't completley know who I was.
Sure, I knew my name, my hobbies and so on, but who was I?
I can't remember exactly who had the article/video on this that helped me realize it, but to figure out who you are, there's a few steps:
1. What are your good qualities and your bad ones. This will help you get some introspection and tell you the limits of what you can, and cannot do. Whatever you can't do, work on it. Remove those barriers.
2. What do you stand for? What do you think is right and wrong? Figure out what YOU think about different things. This is something you can do during each and every day! Whenever someone says something, don't agree with them to avoid a conflict if it's against what YOU think is right! You don't have to openly disagree with them, but if you're asked your oppinnion on the matter, speak your mind! (I had to do a lot of meditating on this point, because I was used to adapt others meanings, and it took a while to figure out what I actually stood for). Be true to yourself.
3. Start working out. This was a gamechanger for me. The iron never lies.
The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you're a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.
I used this to get to know myself in a new kind of manner. I know my limits, my capabilities, but still I push these limits little by little until I become but a shadow of my former self. This is no different from everything else. Every part of you can improve, improve it.
4. Identify the WHY of what you feel. Why do you feel like you need to be a people pleaser? Why do you need to prove yourself to everyone? Why do you worry what people think of you? A guess is that you need to please people and prove yourself to them, so that they will like you. This is a matter of self-respect. When you've done the above points and know who you are, find people who like YOU for who YOU are! If they don't like you for who you are, they're not the friends you want (or need). If you truly are a despicable person (which I really don't think you are), mean to everyone and generally just a pain in the ass, you need to change that. Work on the qualities YOU don't like about yourself, to become qualities that YOU like about yourself. Not to please everyone around you.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. There's a lot of other things you can do, but I recon this is a good start.
I'm not gonna lie. This is no easy task, and you have a long, rocky, uphill road infront of you. Trust me though, when you reach the top, it's all gonna be worth it. It's not gonna be enough, you're gonna want to keep reaching new heights, new goals and keep improving, but you'll have a real drive to do it for YOU.
Don't 'give it a try', commit to it, and ACCOMPLISH. This became a lengthy post, but as I said, I've been there. I know how you feel, and I know how you CAN feel about yourself when you start improving. I wish you the best of luck.
CHAT
but thats a lot of help right there thank you
