She asked to borrow money..



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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:18 pm 
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Heres the deal..

This girl and I are in the early stages of dating. I am quite sure that I will cut her off.
I made out several times, took her out on several dates -- which I paid for myself, although she did offer.
I am usually the only one to initiate contact with her rather it be phone/text
So one night we hang out with a mutual friend -- I did some kino, and I could not get a good read on her interest level. She seemed so standoff-ish, it was like pulling teeth just to get a kiss from her. (Mixed Signals)

So I decided to go cold on her to test her and to remain a challenge to see her interest in me..
After 1 day of no contact, she finally initiates txt, she tells me "Hey" "I have a favor to ask"
She wanted me to pay for an event for her and her friend, and she would pay me back in a month
I immediately decline, because I never f-closed, and I'm not her BF
She's responds with by saying "Of course" "No problem"
I left it there and have not been in contact with her for 2 days thus far

Sad part I was really feeling this girl..but I'm can't waste time with trash
Not sure how I should handle this one to see her motives..

Should I cut her off?


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:40 pm 
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Cut her off.

If she's really interested, she'll chase. If she just wants to use you, she won't initiate any contact from thereon.

Girls asking for favors is usually a compliance test to frame the traditional courtship principle of damsel-in-distress and knight-in-shining-armor gender role dichotomy. Of course, several girls just want to use guys.

In case she contacts you, don't put yourself in the knight-in-shining-armor frame.

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Last edited by Monsignor Crisanto on Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 2:41 pm 
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I'm interested in the replies to this


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 6:34 pm 
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Mixed signals and asking for a monetary favour.

Nope. Bye.

My gut tells me to stay away from this one. Question is what is yours telling you?

Surely she has fam, friends, etc who'd be willing to lend her the $$. But no, she likely knows of your investment in her so she figures you'd be the most comfortable option to ask of the favour.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 26, 2014 9:04 pm 
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Well heres the deal, I am quite successful
I am probably the most interesting guy she's met, because I am different
I admit I was somewhat over-invested because I really liked her, now I just don't give a fck about her because she asked me for money directly, when she's not even my GF.

We share the same social circle, so I am sure I will see her at a party
I will not let her stop me from living my life, I will still have fun. I will just act like nothing happened and won't let her effect me in anyway. I don't plan to contact her, freeze out has already begun. I just have to switch the roles and just might friend zone her. No more dinner dates -- by the way I took her out 3 times and I have paid and she has offered all times.

I will keep you guys updated, but yeah I plan to kick her to the curb, she tried me as a sucker.
Why reward when she doesn't deserve..

My interest level in her is at an all time low. I'm not getting any cookie out of her anyway, and I am not the the guy to chase her and act needy...

Ditched..


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 27, 2014 4:21 am 
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onto the next one.

My girlfriend of over 3 years doesn't ask me for shit like that.

Not saying I don't do things for her out of my own will.... but she never EXPECTS anything or asks for something.

If she's asking you for money for a fucking concert when she's not even dating you then she has some character flaws and responsibility problems. She asked you for money for something she WANTS not even something she NEEDS. She could've at least had the decency to invite you if she's gonna ask you to pay for it. Definitely can't take this further than fucking her.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:42 am 
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hmmm... i would'nt cut her off but you dont have to feel obligated to talk to her.

Women's emotions are arbitrary, chances are she will want to come back and talk to you.

Than you may try to make your move on her... for free.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 1:14 pm 
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Quote:
Cut her off.

If she's really interested, she'll chase. If she just wants to use you, she won't initiate any contact from thereon.

Girls asking for favors is usually a compliance test to frame the traditional courtship principle of damsel-in-distress and knight-in-shining-armor gender role dichotomy. Of course, several girls just want to use guys.

In case she contacts you, don't put yourself in the knight-in-shining-armor frame.

^^ THIS.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 3:26 pm 
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Quote:
Heres the deal..

This girl and I are in the early stages of dating. I am quite sure that I will cut her off.
I made out several times, took her out on several dates -- which I paid for myself, although she did offer.
I am usually the only one to initiate contact with her rather it be phone/text
So one night we hang out with a mutual friend -- I did some kino, and I could not get a good read on her interest level. She seemed so standoff-ish, it was like pulling teeth just to get a kiss from her. (Mixed Signals)

So I decided to go cold on her to test her and to remain a challenge to see her interest in me..
After 1 day of no contact, she finally initiates txt, she tells me "Hey" "I have a favor to ask"
She wanted me to pay for an event for her and her friend, and she would pay me back in a month
I immediately decline, because I never f-closed, and I'm not her BF
She's responds with by saying "Of course" "No problem"
I left it there and have not been in contact with her for 2 days thus far

Sad part I was really feeling this girl..but I'm can't waste time with trash
Not sure how I should handle this one to see her motives..

Should I cut her off?


no why cut her off? she ask you for money? no,

next time? no again,

Till the frame of no bothering you with money and favor is established,

cont. gaming her and fuck her...

I don't see the problem...

Women ask me for money, i just ignore, as long as you do not fall into provider frame you are fine. The problem is you made the her asking you to borrow money, a big deal, now she may feel ashamed...

her: can i borrow money for __________________?

You: Would love to help you and i would give it to you, but i don't feel comfortable at this point doing that, and even if i was i do not want to mix friendship and dating with money, nothing good comes out of that... Then as nothing happen cont. talking about SOMETHING ELSE, without making things awkward.

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:37 pm 
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her: can i borrow money for __________________?

You: Would love to help you and i would give it to you, but i don't feel comfortable at this point doing that, and even if i was i do not want to mix friendship and dating with money, nothing good comes out of that... Then as nothing happen cont. talking about SOMETHING ELSE, without making things awkward.

I get what you're saying skills360 - but that discussion seems like it would be more uncomfortable than just saying no, IMHO.

Maybe I'm just more straight forward.

The reason I believe OP should cut her off is that he says in his post he's already sick of her and is going to cut her off anyway... Seems like a golden opportunity, as she tries to use him for $$.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 4:53 pm 
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Well update...

So far she has not started contact with me since her request..5 days..
To which I responded to with sorry but no....excuse..etc. She responded nicely when I turned it down
Since then I have felt no reason to contact her, I don't see the point of it..it doesn't put me in a good position
Maybe I won't/will cut her, but I will stop the provider role for sure. At this point its up to her, I've been doing 100% of the chasing its time to see if she can reciprocate. I was planning to do this all along before the request, but the request made things a lot more awkward. I'm sure I will see her soon because we share one social circle, so it will be interesting. I'm usually the one who always calls/text so I bet she's thinking of something..


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:38 pm 
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Quote:
Well heres the deal, I am quite successful
I am probably the most interesting guy she's met, because I am different
I admit I was somewhat over-invested because I really liked her, now I just don't give a fck about her because she asked me for money directly, when she's not even my GF.

We share the same social circle, so I am sure I will see her at a party
I will not let her stop me from living my life, I will still have fun. I will just act like nothing happened and won't let her effect me in anyway. I don't plan to contact her, freeze out has already begun. I just have to switch the roles and just might friend zone her. No more dinner dates -- by the way I took her out 3 times and I have paid and she has offered all times.

I will keep you guys updated, but yeah I plan to kick her to the curb, she tried me as a sucker.
Why reward when she doesn't deserve..

My interest level in her is at an all time low. I'm not getting any cookie out of her anyway, and I am not the the guy to chase her and act needy...

Ditched..

Hey dude,

A lot was covered above so I'll let some of the other guys handle this one, but I just wanted to make a point to you that "friend zoning" a girl only works if you actually intend to friend zone her. If this is some plot to friend zone her in order to create some attraction you can forget it. There has to be a genuine intention behind that actions you take with women.

As far as asking for money; she only did so because she was able to pick up on your level of investment in her. She knew she had you. Women don't just go taking risk like that. She knew she could disrespect you by asking you for money and you would STILL be into her after that. Its the only reason she did it.

You're far too invested into this situation with a girl you've only been out with a few times for things to pan out. You're giving her power over you and I truthfully don't understand it. You're a successful man that is probably both intelligent and good looking. What the fuck is she other than good looking? How is it that you've elevated her so much just for being pretty and accepting your free meals. Are you kidding?

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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:23 pm 
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Building upon Eddie's post, don't let this golden opportunity to learn about yourself slip through your fingers.

What I mean by this is look at your Self, particularly any 'holes' in it and plug them. So for example, wanting somebody you're attracted to to like you is perfectly fine, but if you are entertaining the idea of doing so at your own expense then there is something deeper (within yourself) that you're not addressing.

Most times it's about the guy being attracted to the girl to the point where he is willing to do things against his better judgment, more particularly against who he is (or aspires to be) as a person. 9/10 the guy doesn't have a strong sense of self, he's not connected to himself and tries doing this through other people, namely women. You came here with your post knowing something was 'wrong' or not sitting right with this situation. Your intuition/gut is working perfectly fine. Learning more how to trust it (without having to seek the confirmation of friends and/or members of a PUA forum) is key in building that connection to yourself.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:32 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Well heres the deal, I am quite successful
I am probably the most interesting guy she's met, because I am different
I admit I was somewhat over-invested because I really liked her, now I just don't give a fck about her because she asked me for money directly, when she's not even my GF.

We share the same social circle, so I am sure I will see her at a party
I will not let her stop me from living my life, I will still have fun. I will just act like nothing happened and won't let her effect me in anyway. I don't plan to contact her, freeze out has already begun. I just have to switch the roles and just might friend zone her. No more dinner dates -- by the way I took her out 3 times and I have paid and she has offered all times.

I will keep you guys updated, but yeah I plan to kick her to the curb, she tried me as a sucker.
Why reward when she doesn't deserve..

My interest level in her is at an all time low. I'm not getting any cookie out of her anyway, and I am not the the guy to chase her and act needy...

Ditched..

Hey dude,

A lot was covered above so I'll let some of the other guys handle this one, but I just wanted to make a point to you that "friend zoning" a girl only works if you actually intend to friend zone her. If this is some plot to friend zone her in order to create some attraction you can forget it. There has to be a genuine intention behind that actions you take with women.

As far as asking for money; she only did so because she was able to pick up on your level of investment in her. She knew she had you. Women don't just go taking risk like that. She knew she could disrespect you by asking you for money and you would STILL be into her after that. Its the only reason she did it.

You're far too invested into this situation with a girl you've only been out with a few times for things to pan out. You're giving her power over you and I truthfully don't understand it. You're a successful man that is probably both intelligent and good looking. What the fuck is she other than good looking? How is it that you've elevated her so much just for being pretty and accepting your free meals. Are you kidding?
If the OP is anything like me, (I'm described as handsome, successful etc..) none of that will matter as though these things maybe true, but the brain's wiring is bottom up (limbic system to higher cortex functioning) this is why rationalizations in themselves aren't enough to cause a shift in one's behavior, or at least have any lasting effect. Connecting to the core emotion(s) and building awareness around those will usually (over time) get the job done by allowing the prefrontal cortex and higher regions of the brain to kick in and not be hijacked by the limbic system. Kinda why when you see a friend or in this case a poster struggle with a situation that seems so 'common sense' to deal with yet they still go ahead and do the opposite, they are being hijacked by lower, more primal parts of the brain (acting through fight, flight, or fear and the parasympathetic nervous system takes too long to put the brakes on the process).


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 29, 2014 6:36 pm 
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I appreciate all the responses..
PUA has opened up my eyes in so many ways dealing with women. I take this a big learning tool in general. The issue is I over-invested in a stock I did not know where it was heading, when there was no apparent reason so..I was the prize all along. Also there absolutely nothing wrong in my sense of self I respect myself, if I didn't I would have been the loser to accept her request

Thanks guys

How should I take things moving forward? It seems easy, move on and if she comes back play a different frame and under-invest.


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