How to keep this girl



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 Post subject: How to keep this girl
PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:24 pm 
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I've been with my girlfriend coming up to a month now (we were seeing each other for roughly 3 months previously)

Short story is, i've fallen in love with her. Things are going great at the moment. She's what you'd typically class as the "alpha female" so we're more or less on mutual ground when it comes to leading, though I do tend to make a majority of the decisions about things. She told me the other day that she likes not having to made decisions because I make them for her.

It's my first "serious" relationship for about 4 years, the previous relationships I've had tend not to do so well after about 4 months (I usually get bored)

Any advice on how I can keep her? little things I can do etc.. to make sure everything runs smoothly.


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:55 pm 
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Well done on making most of the decisions, I'd even do more of that if I were you. I will quote "Manwhore" from another forum on how to keep a masculine vibe in the relationship:

"Here's a very solid and straightforward way of maintaining a strong masculine vibe in a relationship.. start leading by planning and executing little trips out. Whether they're a little trip to the country, or even just dinner to a restaurant. Plan it out, choose everything, get your woman ready and get her out. That will give you plenty of male polarity because women: take too long, are indecisive, need to be spanked and made to hurry up, lag and have to be directed."

Its also very very important to maintain your own system of positive emotions. In other words, keep all your friends and social life, all your hobbies (gym, sports, interests and what not...), your dreams, and your life purpose (if you have one). Thats probably the most important tip to keep a girlfriend. Make sure that your purpose doesnt become the girl, otherwise you're fucked.

Also try not to fight with her a lot. This advice seems a bit lame, but I will explain what I mean by that. If there is a disagreement or conflict with you and her, at first try to be unreactive and aloof. If that doesnt work, and she steps over your boundaries, then you need to make it clear to her that its not acceptable. But dont guiltrip, this one is quite important, as it weakens your frame a lot. Girls always know what you have done for them, you dont need to remind them of that. She should appreciate the things and effort you put in for her and the relationship, and if she doesnt, then dont remind her, and just take it as a hint that she is probably ungrateful by nature.

Try to compliment her often, but let it e genuine. Compliment the thins you actually like about her, or about what she did/does....

Try to see her 3/4 days a week. Some guys here might say thats a bit too much, but I think its fine, as long as you dont act needy.

Thats pretty much it. Again, I reiterate, dont get too comfortable, keep your personal drive and your own life if you want to keep her. Let me know if you have any more specific questions. Good luck!


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:29 am 
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Quote:
Well done on making most of the decisions, I'd even do more of that if I were you. I will quote "Manwhore" from another forum on how to keep a masculine vibe in the relationship:

"Here's a very solid and straightforward way of maintaining a strong masculine vibe in a relationship.. start leading by planning and executing little trips out. Whether they're a little trip to the country, or even just dinner to a restaurant. Plan it out, choose everything, get your woman ready and get her out. That will give you plenty of male polarity because women: take too long, are indecisive, need to be spanked and made to hurry up, lag and have to be directed."

Its also very very important to maintain your own system of positive emotions. In other words, keep all your friends and social life, all your hobbies (gym, sports, interests and what not...), your dreams, and your life purpose (if you have one). Thats probably the most important tip to keep a girlfriend. Make sure that your purpose doesnt become the girl, otherwise you're fucked.

In short, DO you. Don't cater to a woman; any sort of placating behavior comes across as needy and weakens the masculine frame. That said, when you do fuck up, apologize (be humble about it), own up to it by learning from the lesson and move on.

Also try not to fight with her a lot. This advice seems a bit lame, but I will explain what I mean by that. If there is a disagreement or conflict with you and her, at first try to be unreactive and aloof. If that doesnt work, and she steps over your boundaries, then you need to make it clear to her that its not acceptable. But dont guiltrip, this one is quite important, as it weakens your frame a lot. Girls always know what you have done for them, you dont need to remind them of that. She should appreciate the things and effort you put in for her and the relationship, and if she doesnt, then dont remind her, and just take it as a hint that she is probably ungrateful by nature.

That's a bit myopic to assume just because a woman doesn't SHOW appreciation, that she's probably "ungrateful by nature" - quite the jump from A to C. What if her way of expressing gratitude is different than what the OP is used to receiving, for example? Poor advice.

Try to compliment her often, but let it e genuine. Compliment the thins you actually like about her, or about what she did/does....

Compliments are OK when not used in an ends in themselves. People generally know when you're trying to get something FROM them via compliments, especially partners who are well familiar with your patterns. I'm not saying NOT to compliment, but it should always come out of a genuine energy, never contrived. Also, if you compliment a lot it just sets the person up to seek validation externally, which is not healthy at all.

Try to see her 3/4 days a week. Some guys here might say thats a bit too much, but I think its fine, as long as you dont act needy.

What if she values her autonomy and 3/4 days a week for her is 'smothering'? Seriously, where did you come up with this figure?! Spending all your time with your partner can in fact be seen as needy.

Thats pretty much it. Again, I reiterate, dont get too comfortable, keep your personal drive and your own life if you want to keep her. Let me know if you have any more specific questions. Good luck!
No offence but it sounds like you've never been in a LTR. Just saying'.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 4:01 am 
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When you become focused on KEEPING a girl, you've already lost. Just relax, and spend every day enjoying the relationship. Don't focus on KEEPING anyone, just on seeing if SHE makes YOU happy.

An analogy is see it as a job. If you're under qualified and got the position by luck, you're gonna be focused on KEEPING the job, acting like you're qualified and doing anything to make your boss happy, even sacrificing your own happiness.

However, if you ARE qualified, had multiple offers and chose the job you wanted to choose, then you're gonna be looking at whether the company is a good fit for you. If the job is boring or not what you want you have the options to leave and find another. So are you the under qualified employee, or the employee with options?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 4:17 am 
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I thought Doom-Bringers advice was excellent.

*(I've been in many LTR's and was married).


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 5:04 am 
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Quote:
I thought Doom-Bringers advice was excellent.

*(I've been in many LTR's and was married).
"Was" married. That advice is toxic I guess!

_________________
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http://wearemag.blogspot.com/
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 5:16 am 
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Quote:
Well done on making most of the decisions, I'd even do more of that if I were you. I will quote "Manwhore" from another forum on how to keep a masculine vibe in the relationship:

"Here's a very solid and straightforward way of maintaining a strong masculine vibe in a relationship.. start leading by planning and executing little trips out. Whether they're a little trip to the country, or even just dinner to a restaurant. Plan it out, choose everything, get your woman ready and get her out. That will give you plenty of male polarity because women: take too long, are indecisive, need to be spanked and made to hurry up, lag and have to be directed."

Its also very very important to maintain your own system of positive emotions. In other words, keep all your friends and social life, all your hobbies (gym, sports, interests and what not...), your dreams, and your life purpose (if you have one). Thats probably the most important tip to keep a girlfriend. Make sure that your purpose doesnt become the girl, otherwise you're fucked.

Also try not to fight with her a lot. This advice seems a bit lame, but I will explain what I mean by that. If there is a disagreement or conflict with you and her, at first try to be unreactive and aloof. If that doesnt work, and she steps over your boundaries, then you need to make it clear to her that its not acceptable. But dont guiltrip, this one is quite important, as it weakens your frame a lot. Girls always know what you have done for them, you dont need to remind them of that. She should appreciate the things and effort you put in for her and the relationship, and if she doesnt, then dont remind her, and just take it as a hint that she is probably ungrateful by nature.

Try to compliment her often, but let it e genuine. Compliment the thins you actually like about her, or about what she did/does....

Try to see her 3/4 days a week. Some guys here might say thats a bit too much, but I think its fine, as long as you dont act needy.

Thats pretty much it. Again, I reiterate, dont get too comfortable, keep your personal drive and your own life if you want to keep her. Let me know if you have any more specific questions. Good luck!

Like Cool Hand, I like Doom's advice here. My only problem is that while these are behaviors girls like in a partner, if you do them to keep someone you're gonna fail in implementing them, or she'll see it's not you. You have to be the guy that naturally is adventurous, naturally values their friends and time apart, and naturally has boundaries. This usually comes from being a strong man at your core BEFORE entering a relationship, as opposed to trying to be a strong man when you get a gf. For eg, if you're a homebody and decide you need to plan little trips, she'll be excited and happy, but will realize you don't genuinely like going out so you must be trying to please her = needy = turnoff.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 5:24 am 
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Quote:
Quote:
I thought Doom-Bringers advice was excellent.

*(I've been in many LTR's and was married).
"Was" married. That advice is toxic I guess!
LOL


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 1:15 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 13, 2013 6:17 pm
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Location: Toronto, Canada
Quote:
Quote:
I thought Doom-Bringers advice was excellent.

*(I've been in many LTR's and was married).
"Was" married. That advice is toxic I guess!

I've been married too... doesn't mean his advice is toxic. (though that is a very well-placed joke... I'll give you that one).

What if (as was the case with me) the bitch just simply cheated, or was an asshole and you couldn't live with her?


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 02, 2014 4:14 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
I thought Doom-Bringers advice was excellent.

*(I've been in many LTR's and was married).
"Was" married. That advice is toxic I guess!

I've been married too... doesn't mean his advice is toxic. (though that is a very well-placed joke... I'll give you that one).

What if (as was the case with me) the bitch just simply cheated, or was an asshole and you couldn't live with her?
It was a joke.

sort of. 8)

_________________
FREE Confidence Ebook:https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/487644

Motivation, Attitude and Growth! The MAG Blog
http://wearemag.blogspot.com/
@TheMAGblog


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 03, 2014 9:02 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2012 2:42 pm
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To the OP. Dude. You have no problem at all in your relationship right now. You make the majority of decisions in the relationship which is fine. You don't have to make all the decisions so don't feel bad if she comes up with plans about what to do.
I suggest you don't think about how to keep her but more like how to make the most of the time you spend together. Do things you like. Together. Try things you've not tried before but you always wanted to. This will create memories and bond and things to talk about and will keep the relationship fresh and will prevent you or her of getting bored of each other. Go out as much as you can. Hang out with your friends. Hang out with her friends.
With regards to how much time you should spend together. Well this is different for everyone. Some people like to be with each other every day and do everything together. Some people prefer less. Talk to her about it and make a compromise.
But once again. Forget the mindset of keeping her. Have the mindset of having fun :)


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