I believe men and women are more similar in the dating scene than we would like to admit. The only difference between men and women is the roles we traditionally take up as hunter and prey. Men are supposed to be seen as the hunters and women the prey. Society dictates this because it takes a real man to be a hunter in our current social environment and women are the prey because they're seen as fragile and important in terms of copulation: They have the reward and shouldn't be so open to rewarding just anyone.

All psychological processes beyond these social constraints are pretty much on par. There are differences but they're not that big. Men and women vary a lot in personalities and certain types of men share the same types of personality traits as certain types of women. We're very diverse and gender doesn't really separate where you fit into in terms of what turns you on and off(Except physically). The key thing to realise is that men and women can be horny and seek sex. It you're horny and you find someone else who is horny you can get your freak on without much in the way of being too forward or too passive or dismissive. If you're not horny and the guy is it's going to intimidate you; you're going to feel somewhat pressured into a ONS because you can pick it up from him what he wants. You need to realise here that if a guy hits on you he might be looking at you in a non-horny manner. Maybe he is open to the option of sleeping with you that night but his perception of who you are is extremely important. He has this built up idea of what kind of a woman you are judging by his first impression and that's what he expects from you.

For arguments sake lets say he likes cute and shy women. He sees you and thinks you're cute and shy. That's his first impression of you(First impressions last). He approaches you with the idea that you're going to be shy, dance around the subject of being interested and he's expecting -- or rather wanting -- a cat and mouse interaction between you but it turns out you're a horny party girl basically telling him you want the ride. It's going to put him off no matter how attractive you are. By appearing as something you're not you've confused this guy and caught him off guard. He went in with specific expectations, expectations you didn't meet.

I'll give a personal example... I seen this girl last week. She looks cute, shy and nice overall. At the moment that i've decided I find her attractive i'm filling in the blanks about her in my mind based on her appearance, posture and tonality(Everything I can formulate from her by looking at her). Because she looks cute, shy and nice I come to the conclusion that she is that kind of person, she dresses the part so she should act it, naturally. I approached her with these ideas in my head of how she's shy and a nice girl, open and talk to her. She acts exactly as I anticipated, something that interests me more because i've already painted a picture of her leaving out minor details i'm filling in as I interact with her more(Where she's from, what she's into, what she likes, etc., etc.). Everything matches up with my idea of her based on how she presents herself. If she deviates from that i'm not going to be interested because it's almost a lie. It's like advertising an all American Mustang but finding out it's made in china. It's not what you expected so you're disappointed and having reservations about your interest in that particular product. The same basically applies to humans and not just on an attraction level but on a purely friendly and social level too.

Basically, we dress the way we do as an extension of who we are as a person. It's a form of advertisement(Don't buy into that feminist BS of "Just because I dress like a slut doesn't mean I want to have sex with you" <-- She wants the dick). We're selling ourselves to everyone else as an apple or an orange. Some people like apples, others like oranges, others don't mind. Most people do fall into one of the two categories, however. You're either an apple or an orange person and if you buy an apple you expect an apple otherwise you're going to be turned off.

The main problem is you're learning how to pick up this general form of a man or woman but you're giving very little thought to their personality. As with management and clinical practices you have to treat specific personalities differently; there is no one way to treat every single person. Assess exactly what it is you're looking for then learn how to seduce that personality first through physical presentation and second on an interpersonal basis.

I would suggest that if you're looking for sex you need to be sexy and dress sexy. Let every man know when he sees you that you're looking for sex by dressing the part. Simply play the role and act it out. It's up to you how to spot these different types of personalities in men and from there decide what best suits you(Or what you really want) then formulate yourself to be a mould to fit around the kind of men you want to be with. Basically understand exactly who you are and who you want to be with then take a look in the mirror and ask yourself if the way you dress and hold yourself is the kind of persona you should be projected for the men you want to seduce. If not then change it.

Your average to cute nice girl who wants to marry is going to face a very similar situation as your typical PUA. PUAs are trying to score women with a high SMV. Ironically, a fairly attractive nice guy is going to have an MMV that’s through the roof, and in a few years, it’ll be impossibly high: are you joking me? It’s uncommon enough for a woman to be this way in modern society. This puts me in a difficult spot as a woman with a higher drive, as we all know that sexual compatibility is one of the most important things in relationship. I most likely will have to marry younger. I’m open-minded, but you can see where I need to just be really good at flirting.

Let me tell you, there are some real mixed reviews when I hit on guys that are not even that much younger (4 or 5 years). First of all, half of the time, they will public shame you in a way that‘s hard to shake, and I’m not even talking about the wallflower gossip girls who will take advantage of this to bring down my MV. If you’re an attractive young woman, other women are always going to be watching for you to make a bad move, so that they can gain an edge in the game. Even though they have the beta-mindset, society often rewards the wallflower beta female. However, I get a lot of the young, amateur PUAs trying to seduce me, which may be a bad sign. :/

As far as RG’s seduction types go, I’m more of a charismatic, with leanings of star and natural. It’s a weird combination for a good girl, and it’s difficult to work with: I'm no siren. It’s true that people don’t know what they’re getting with me. I’ll get slut-shamed, and I’m the least slutty person I know. I’m an artistic-type, and something that I’ve learned in art is that if there’s a wonky-quality to what you do, you should either get rid of it or exaggerate it. I’m very unusual, and I can’t hide that about myself, so I think it should be exaggerated.

It’s like, I know my identity, but I don’t know how to present in such a way as to date guys and have options. I’ve always been made to feel that there was something wrong with my forthrightness. But I think it’s a unique quality. I also have a unique look, which probably isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if someone warms-up to me, I’m harder to forget. I have a lot of potential to make a lingering impression. It’s that actual first impression that’s so hard to get past.

Ha, GameSN, you sound like my dad. The thing is, nice girls are told to wear very boring potato-sacks, and this is supposed to make men want to wait for and marry them. In theory, all of the good boys will be looking for a dowdy wife, but that’s no fun, is it? I also won’t have the opportunity to dress quite as “slutty” in public, after I get married. I mean, Freud, everything ends up being about the D, but there’s also a lot of D-based political economics involved, so it’s not directly about the D. But it’s not as if the D has nothing at all to do with it, I agree with you there. Let me say this, I think you’d have not very good luck approaching a woman in sweats, better luck approaching a woman in a tight dress, and the best luck approaching a woman in a nice, pretty outfit. The first woman knows she looks gross, the second knows she has a powerful presence, and the third is waiting for a man to approach her and make her day. Is this true? So, if I’m out in a tight dress, it’s to increase my power to draw attention: it’s advertising. But, I generally try to be careful with the way I dress.

I’m very awkward with physical stuff, especially because I don’t want it to escalate. Maybe I should try the whole conservative arm-touching thing? Sometimes, there’s a way of standing right near a person so that they can feel your body heat.

That's all I got.

Goddamn that was a wall of text.
Anyway: You are in the wrong place for this sort of advice.

Go to a church. Or maybe a mosque. That's what they're for.
Btw, your issue with "scaring" men appears to more like "boring them".
The only way you may be freaking them out is reminding them of days long gone by. Like 2nd grade.
"I think you're cute! Teehee! Let's sit across the table and awkwardly stare at each other! I'M GOING TO EAT CRAYONS NOW!!!!"

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RSDTyler

It was in response to a wall of text.

I'll take your general advice, which is that I need to be more sexual when I talk to them, and somehow find a way to be more physical. I don't know like... how... but okay. I don't see a problem with my decisions, but there is a gap where I'm not looking for sex right away, but also don't want to be unexciting.

I wasn't socialized to be anything other than "cutesy," so there you go. I'm unfortunately damned to eternal cuteness.

Is that why you're using an anime for your avatar?

Observe your timing before approaching. Drop hints and feel it out first if the guy is interested in you.

In the end though why would you waste your time on a pussy who can't even approach you.

Your problem isn't that you aren't "acting" sexual enough. It's that you haven't embraced your own sexuality. You're uncomfortable with it. This is why you're uncomfortable with touching.

Are you uncomfortable with touching men, or do you even feel strange if women touch you(platonically)?

The mental state you're in right now, does not lend itself to dating. Especially not at a nightclub(which is pretty much for a ONS, not husband seeking).

I'm not telling you to fight how you feel. You feel the way you do, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. However, you can also ask yourself why these things make you feel this way, and start trying to find ways to change them.

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RSDTyler

Thanks for the feedback, guys. I think the basic message that I got, is that carriage is indicative of sexuality. That's a weird concept for me, because I think of sexuality and identity as being two separate things. I think I dress in a feminine way (I'm told that I dress well), but I think what you're getting at is that it's more advertisement. That might be a part of communication that I don't get or that I'm missing, and the way that I'm communicating might also be missed.

To answer one of your questions, I thought the anime picture epitomized people who write on forums, so there you go.

Now all I have to do is learn how to bag these 88 chicks in a day, but the emails will tell me how.

No, being human is an indicator of sexuality. Nearly everyone is a sexual being. And I believe you are, because you care way too much about men's physical appearance to sit here and tell me you're asexual.

Your problem isn't how you dress. Nor is it that you "want to get married". I'd ask seriously why you want to get married, if the only thing that separates your marriage from a regular platonic friendship is something you want to avoid.

If you truly are asexual(which I doubt) then you're not even looking for the right type of guy. You need an asexual partner. The rare asexual man usually aims for androgyny. Those are the guys you need to seek out, and you need to be up front with them that you have zero interest in sex, with the possible exception of reproduction.

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RSDTyler

Show him your Jigglypuffs, then see if he wants you to take his Diglet in your Meowth.

This is just profound. Just wow. I have my own reasons for not wanting sex before marriage (although afterwards, I'd make a really good wife), but I think you're more referring to just a general sense of shame or kind of shyness or feeling kind of uncomfortable around men. I think one can be outgoing, but still have that as an undercurrent. It might come from playing a more passive role, because that's what I'm "supposed to do." Women really have this need to feel unique, and I think a lot of the time we think that being more transparent is showing all of your cards.

@AshKetchumEastChampion: Is that your trick? I'll bet you caught 'em all!

I'm finding it hard to see where you stand and how you've gotten yourself so lost in where you are in attraction.

You're a virgin but you say you're being slut-shamed? How is that possible? The impression you're giving is that you're a massive cock tease. You go all in, give a guy all the signals then tell him "no"? Why are you on these forums asking about seduction, reading into pick up, how to be seduced and how to seduce men when you have zero intention of sleeping or, possibly, so much as going beyond kissing another person until marriage? There's no logical reason for you to pursue PU unless you simply want to gain attention from men and women for validation which insinuates you're a very insecure woman.

The fact is if people are slut-shaming you when you're not sleeping around you must be dressing as a slut and grabbing at guys desperately for attention. That's a major fault with you and definitely something you need to address. You need to draw your boundaries and act accordingly. If you don't want sex then don't grab at mens attention in night clubs or even try to. If you just want to kiss someone and leave it at that then go to a 15s disco party. You really have to look long and hard in the mirror and ask yourself: "Am I being cute or am I being slutty?" Everyone else seems to think you're a slut except you so ask yourself who is right. You need to reassess yourself, your understandings and face reality. Your perception of who you are seems to be incredibly bias, to the point of you seeing something completely different to what is reality.

Anyway, you've totally misinterpreted what I was saying. Simply put if you want attention from the right kind of person you need to advertise yourself for the kind of person you want. If you want sex you have to dress sexual which means tits perked up(Push up bra), tight dress and high heels(Lifts you ass, makes your legs look longer and sexier). Highlight your assets in order to draw the attention from men who want instant reward(One night stand). If you want to find a guy who'll be more inclined to look to you as girlfriend material you have to dress the part which is opposite of sexy. Just dress nice. Wear a nice dress, flats, do your hair up, don't wear too much make-up and focus on looking pretty as opposed to sexy. I seriously can not conceive how you would equate "cute" to wearing "boring potato-sacks." You really need to look into the whole concept of "cute."

My "wall of text" was essentially explaining the reasoning behind my advice.

Also, I studied Psychology and continue to pursue that field in my line of work. I think you should really perk your ears and listen as opposed to resting on what you've learned from Art. And on that note: Don't talk about something you don't understand. Freudian psychology is a lot more complex than "everything ends up being about the D."

I think you realize what you're doing right now isn't working. One area I agree with GameSN is not going out to clubs. I think he perhaps overstates dressing into a stereotype, however... very few men in a club are looking for a virgin wife.

I don't suggest marriage as a virgin, as you have no way to know if this person is sexually compatible with you. Plus your long celibate relationship changes when you have sex. And there's also the issue of not knowing how much of your desire to get married is out of love and commitment or just plain horniness. I can see merit in limiting dating and partners if you're wanting a lifelong marriage. But I think total inexperience falls into the category of ignorance. And that rarely equals bliss...

Anyway, you've had your whole life to decide sex needs to wait until after marriage, so I know you have reasons that make sense for you. What I do suggest you do differently is a change of venues. You will meet the right person for this sort of arrangement much faster through a social setting like a club or volunteering activity, than at a club(where I believe your odds are close to zero).

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RSDTyler

Well, I'm a pretty modest dresser, and I generally go social dancing, not clubbing. Maybe the whole "slut shaming" thing is more a problem of fear. I don't usually have the sympathy of the public, and women are jealous animals who will say anything. Depending on the situation, I've seen men try to take advantage of that, but it's not usually a problem.

I guess I'm pretty open when it comes to talking about sex. I think that's an important way to figure-out compatibility. I like guys who are more manly, less pretty-boy. It's still really uncommon for a virgin woman to breach the subject, and a lot of men seem turned-off by it. This might be due to their pussiness.

Well, being a virgin means that I'll have a few less indicators of sexual compatibility. But I'm always concerned that when a man goes hot and cold, it means that he'd have trouble performing. Then again, I run into a lot of this. Possibly, the fact that I'm less, "what's your favorite color?" and more direct about the topic leaves men going "wtf?" I'd say I know a mix of men who are virgins and some who aren't.

A man will take on a confused woman like yourself if he can feel like her leader, like he's the one who's come to straighten out her confused mind. However, being as confused as you are, and also as wilful, is not a combination you can pull off. Throw in the no BJ thing and you're dead in the water.

Your options:

1. Get some clarity about who you are and what you want and stop confusing the hell out of people
2. Become a very submissive "tell me what to do" type (unlikely I admit)
3. Learn to suck cock like you were raised from the very pits of hell.

Two out of three will do

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If something's not fun, it's not worth doing

Well, you're only getting one.