Hey all,

25 here, just got out of a long and rough relationship with a BPD girl (clinically diagnosed, whole 9 yards.) Needless to say I probably had my own faults that attracted her to me and kept me with her, but I'm trying to get myself back. My self esteem and inner game is fucked, didn't even make it to a day 2 after a coffee date with a new girl because I was nervous... I just need help right now. I'm at square one and I'll take the brutal honesty and advice if someone dishes it.

I'm willing to put in the work; I don't want to feel like this anymore or again and I don't want to keep putting myself in these situations. I want to get the girls I actually want. I'm not happy and want to take control of my life.

What I'm looking for:

1) A resource to help me work on strengthening my inner game and get my confidence back.
2) A resource to help me improve my small talk and jitters around new girls.

I feel like if I can better myself, get my head on straight, and stop feeling like shit I can move forward with the other material on this forum.. start going out etc. but any suggestions are welcome.

Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the toughest deals around. Splitting (love you one moment, want to kill you the next), elements of narcissism, very very stormy relationships, man I feel for you. I suspect my last ex has elements of BPD, and BP, the push pull dynamic will either scare someone off entirely or they become more ensnared/heavily entrenched in the attachment.

I'm still recovering from mine 5 months later. These can be extremely toxic relationships, to say the least.

That said I'd say a wise thing would be to get grounded again, possibly through meditation (look up mindfulness meditation or guided meditation online, find one that works for you). You likely got a lot of self doubt, not being able to navigating through this past relationship and leave likely on a dramatic note; it was never yours to fix as you're dealing with somebody with a mental disorder and you aren't her therapist.

To "stop feeling like shit" in and of itself is not a goal really. I think through some careful self reflection, goal planning (weekly, monthly, daily), perhaps some journaling of your thoughts (so long as you aren't ruminating), and meditation will help get you back on your feet again. While it's good to be social, you're obviously in protection mode right now and that is ok, it's where you're at and you're feeling this way at this point in time for a reason, so I wouldn't force against it too much. That said, keep social as much as you can before it becomes draining, but ALSO make time for yourself, and learn to connect to yourself again.

Thank you for the suggestions.