So I chatted with a cute girl in Starbucks today, we made friends, I grabbed her number and told her I wanted to invite her out for a drink. She seemed a bit surprised, but gave me her number and her first and last name.

I texted her telling her nice to meet her a couple hours after, and she responds with:

"Nice meeting you too!

By the way, it may sound silly, but I have a boyfriend and I thought you were also just a friendly person wanting to be friends.. right??"


Now, this is a cute girl, but I'm not about to try to break her out of a happy relationship if she's in one. My reading of this text, however, is that she is potentially open to "upgrade", but is comfortable at the moment and doesn't want to jeopardize her current situation with a strange man until she has vetted him.

Just my reading of the situation - maybe she's truly and utterly devoted to him however though.

My response was going to be something along the lines of:

"What?! I thought we were going to be married tomorrow!

Haha, you're silly, I just like meeting new people."


That would pretty much deal with on both angles - if she's down for more than friends, great. If she isn't, I've expanded my social circle with a cute girl.

What do you guys think of my analysis/text response? Good?

this is good
this makes you look like a pussy.

Id advise keeping your texts funny with a strong frame

I like the 1st one, 2nd one sounds a wee bit beta in my opinion.

Here's a situation I had last weekend might help you out a bit. Some friends and I were walking in the club district when he runs into 2 girls he knows the one was a total KO so I make it my goal to get her I played everything perfectly she punched me in the arm and was like you're a player. I ramped up my escalation then at the end of the night I went to get her # she wanted to give it to me, but she was dating a guy not in a relationship, but she likes him he really likes her. So I was like I think you're a cool girl I had fun hanging out with you, but if you like this guy don't do something to jepordize it. If you have a good thing going I don't wanna see you throw it away. She kissed me on the cheek we parted ways. I was talking to another girl she walked by stuck her tounge out at me. Now she's been asking my buddy about me like crazy.

That's how I handled it not sure if any of that applies to your situation, but if you can take anything from it all the better. Good luck!!

I was going to send it as one text.

Maybe, "What?! I thought we were going to get married tomorrow.

Haha. You're silly"

I'm just trying to make it seem like I'll allow her little vetting process.

Who gives a shit, escalate see how long she says that for. If she insists then respect and move on.

Haha, think I fucked this one up.

I texted her about how we were going to get married tomorrow, all was well and good.


I'm out bar hopping with my buddy, and I run into her AGAIN. This time with her boyfriend and her other female friend.

The boyfriend, to his credit, befriends me (in a, I'm going to deal with you as a rival, not as a friend way) and gets me drunk. Respect. He knew what was up, and he diffused that situation to his benefit.

She was at Starbucks with her girlfriend yesterday, but I hadn't sat near them, and I decided not to walk up and say hi. If I see her at Starbucks I'll make conversation and occasionally text her funny things, but it seems like she may be better for social circle rather than going directly for fucking.

Lol you did fine man..

The conversation doesn't matter so much as what matters when you actually hang out with the girl.

If you told a girl " Alright.. so lets be friends" and then you seduced her when you hung out with her; would the agreeing to be "friends" make any difference.

There is no need to fake a girl out of liking her boyfriend; or make it so I want to take his place. I'll just hang out with her and she'll stop liking her boyfriend because she recognizes how much cooler I am.

Actions always speak louder than words Pike

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Yes, and I actually hung out with the girl and got plastered in front of her and her boyfriend.

That's a good thing... how?

When a girl goes out of her way to tell you she has a boyfriend that means "I'm not attracted to you". I meet girls with boyfriends all the time. They do their level best to never, ever mention his existence in front of me. It may slip out by accident at some point, but if a girl is into you, she will make a conscious effort to not talk about him. That's how she explores upgrading. She gave you her number because she's looking for a new male buddy.

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RSDTyler

It isn't. I was explaining to Eddie, who seems to think everything is cool, that no, in fact, it was fucked. I consider the situation done - at this point it's just a good illustration of being "had", and respect for superior game.
She didn't mention it as I asked for her number. It came out several hours later during texting. It came off as, "I feel guilty about the interaction I am allowing to proceed, and want to ensure that while I'm exploring my options, I'm not nuking my current relationship".

Frequently I'll see girls who actually do have boyfriends in reality (and this one does, seeing as I literally physically met him a day later) reassure themselves that the interaction is kosher and that the guy is "not a threat" even when there's attraction - thus allowing them to hang out in private interactions with a guy.

I once had a girl tell me she had a boyfriend (she did), text me for quite a bit, meet up twice, and we started making out and fucked in my car on the second time.

Not always, in fact most of the time this isn't the case.

A girl giving you her number most of the time indicates one thing.

SHE WANTS MORE ATTENTION.

She will 100% friendzone you if you give her the chance. The 1% that slip thru and get into your bed are most likely doing it because

A) She wants to piss off her boyfriend who has been demonstrating interest in other girls.
B) She's a cheating slut.
C) Just isn't that interested in her boyfriend anymore.

Either way, why PUA's go after girls in relationships is beyond me. Girls who are single are so much easier to pull, can pretty much go for the shag the night you meet her not days of texting games and reading her and such.

What a waste of time.

Yes, I'm aware. That's what makes it so very plain. Again: Yes, I agree that what you state here is perfectly normal. These two situations are different.

I've had girls deliberately tell me they have boyfriends and then sleep with me - WAY later. As in days at a minimum, usually more like weeks. When she told me she had a boyfriend, it was because she was not planning to sleep with me, and pretty much ruled me out. Things are fluid, and girls are fickle. But when she tells you about her boyfriend, before expressing physical her interest in you, that's a bad, bad sign. The only time I'm fine with a boyfriend being mentioned is in the sense of "I have a BF... we need to be discreet."
I've had plenty of girls tell me they have a boyfriend about a half minute after kissing me. That's totally fine. At that point, she's into you. She's just wanting to make sure that hooking up with you isn't going to cause problems.

However, using a boyfriend as an objection is always a bad sign. Things can work out despite that, but it is never a good sign.

Now I have had a girl mention her boyfriend around her friends with me there, and treat me differently when her friends are around than when we're alone. That's completely fine. The issue here is this was 1-1 communication with only you. Guilt had nothing to do with it. Her entire point was telling you to back off and she isn't interested in you. Yes, that can change, but it's unlikely.

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RSDTyler

That's true as well. I've often pointed out that phone numbers are worthless, as girls give them out like candy. The attention spike is indeed a big part of it. The funny thing is, a lot of girls actually love when you text stalk them. My friends are constantly bragging(though pretending they're distressed) about how this guy wants them SOOO bad he just keeps texting over and over.
Now this is where I'll respectfully disagree. I literally don't give a shit what her relationship status is. We're either interested in each other or we're not. If I'm interested in her, and she's into me, I don't care about her relationships with other men. I care about what's between me and her. She could be a lesbian, single, dating, engaged or married, and the hell if I care.

I've known girls who were %100 unattached who weren't interested in me, and married women who were. The second group is going to work, while the former group will not.

I would agree with you, that the odds of a recently married woman being into you is lower than a woman who just started dating some guy. But by the time I've spent enough time with her to find this stuff out, I already know where I stand with her, and her external relationships are meaningless.

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RSDTyler

I'll have to do more testing about the specific statement you're making Versalis.

I rarely get, "I have a boyfriend" except for random club rejections. Never in the context of number exchange (except for the one I eventually hooked up with, this girl, and another girl whose boyfriend was literally also in the bar), so I really don't have a heuristic in my head for "girls that mention a boyfriend before physical intimacy but hand out their number".

As I've said, my interpretation was, "I am not entirely pleased, but not entirely displeased with my boyfriend, and I want to see if you are a superior candidate in a non-threatening way", but I'm open to the interpretation of it being, "I am not currently attracted to you/wanting to leave my relationship, however you may be suitable in the future" and/or "I just want attention from hot boys".

Sadly I can't test that hypothesis here, but if the situation arises again I'll see what I find out.

I also wonder if there's some cultural thing here too - she was not from America (South Korean).