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Okay this morning I was getting breakfast and I put your theory to the test. I tried to chat it up with a girl standing in line with me at McDonalds when I was there to order breakfast and she did as I expected.... blew me off and didn't talk to me much. She gave me the "why the hell are you talking to me?" kind of vibe and it felt like she wanted to be left alone. It didn't help that she was checking instagram on her phone while I was trying to strike up a conversation with her and chat it up a little. I felt I was bothering her with the vibe she gave me so I stopped talking to her.
I bolded your problem. If you go into an interaction believing you will fail then 99% of the time you will. Your not even giving yourself a chance to succeed. I don't remember the exact statistics on it, but something like 90%+ of an interaction is a combination of nonverbal ques and tonality. If you think you will fail your subconscious and unconscious will work to ensure that you are right.
What you need to do first and foremost to change your success with cold approaches is to change your beliefs about cold approaches. Which luckily is pretty easy to do, it just takes a little time and effort.
First you need to question your belief that cold approaches don't work. Look in the field reports section here, or go to a popular hookup bar and see that there are in fact men who can do this... namely that it is possible. Once you've come to the realization that successfully cold approaching is possible then it's as simple as building confidence through building situational competence.
So then start talking to women while setting easy goals, go around and give women a genuine compliment, a genuine smile and leave... that's all. Your goal is to give them a compliment and that only. Move on from there as you understand that you can do that and it works out fine.
Simple and easy, if you do exactly as I wrote above and put in a few hours a week building your new belief that women can be talked to successfully from a cold approach, then you should be getting numbers and dates within a month and only going up from there.
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In the end.... here's my question. What is the best way to remedy my situation if approaching random girls doesn't work at all? If that doesn't work.... then where can I possibly meet friends who have time to introduce me to their female friends? The bar? Clubs? MMA classes?
If you choose not to do that then the older you get the harder it will be to find women as more and more of your social circle moves further away from the dating game.This generally leads to becoming more and more desperate and therefore less and less successful with the smaller and smaller amount of women available to you. I've seen this cycle end several times with guys who had decent success in their younger years eventually married to girls far below the quality they used to date, due to fear that they won't get any more opportunities in the future.
I'm not trying to build up or put down either path... just trying to explain some options you may not have fully considered.