So I've hooked up with this girl a couple times now - she's cute and 20 (I'm almost 29) and reasonably fun.


The only problem is that she's very fake - extremely guarded, comes off "bored". Like, everything is an act to her.

That... doesn't turn me on. Sure, initial attraction works at first, but after a while, if I feel a girl is just going through the motions, I'm bored. I don't want her to bare her soul to me, I'm fucking her, not marrying her, but being a little more "real" of a person would help.

She keeps freaking out being like, "I can't be the real me! Guys always get attached to me when I do that. It's happened a lot before."

Now, I don't want to date her, but I wouldn't mind her being a semi-frequent FWB who I can use for social proof.

But the sex, when she is being fake, is -boring-.

Add that onto the fact that she is super cuddly after sex, and playing "draw an animal" game on my chest, and asking me a billion questions about myself.

Am I reading it correctly that she's a scared 20 year old who doesn't want to get randomly attached? I know she sleeps with a lot of guys and recently got out of a two year relationship.

How do I make this situation more exciting?

Hey dude,

Yeah your read sounds about right. Obviously without more details that seems correct.

I read it as: She knows she gets attached easily. AFter long relationship wants to stay single and learn about her self and feel liberated and in control. She keeps herself guarded (as most women do who want to stay casual), but she's not good at it as she's new to all of this, so it's all uncalibrated from your perspective. She's cuddling and playing intimate games with you post-sex, which is the indicator of her easy attachment. Women who are used to casual sex avoid that type of intimacy for the most part because it leads to attachment.

I'd say her staying cold is more about protecting herself than a fear of you getting attached.

I wouldn't try to change her to be honest. I'd guess she sleeps with fewer guys that you are being led to believe (by her I presume?). If it bothers you, move on, but if you try to open her up and she gets attached which is very likely, then you'll feel like an asshat when you tell her you aren't interested that way. Just warning : )

_________________
Damien D
Head Coach - The School of Attraction
The School of Attraction

No, she's definitely been hooking up a lot lately.

I agree with you that she's trying to feel liberated - she's a very ardent feminist (head of the pro-choice org at the school I live near).

I'll try to be careful with her. It could also be that she's just worried I'll turn all beta (though I don't think that's just it), or a mixture of both of the above scenarios.