Hey guys, i've been posting more frequently now a days because school has just started and i'm having more interactions then i had done during break. This somewhat of a rant but i'm sure other people can relate and hopefully help me feel at ease.

I constantly take heavy hits with my rapport with people because they know me as this "cocky/always have something to say" kinda guy
because i don't feel i can ever be BRENDAN therefore i'm sure subconsciously communicate to them that i'm hiding something. This is only because before i started college i started getting involved with this community and learned all types of PUA personality traits and tried to incorperate them.

I've been trying to implement traits such as ..teasing...cocky/funny...pushpull...hoop theory...body language..negging...DHV...qualification...keeping frame of conversation...and trying to keep things interesting.

The conflict is that...i don't always want to be fucking talking and having to control the conversation so it doesn't reach a lull. And although people say "girls love to talk"...it sure doesn't fucking seem like it.
It's fucking work trying to hold a conversation with someone who doesn't have much to say...which seems to be the majority. If someone hints at "oh i love blah blah" ...ill try on that topic...but even then they usually go silent within a few seconds -minutes.

Teasing is SOMETIMES fun if the other person has brains and can come back with a retort....but most with go "ehehe...-silent-".

Negging defiantly works with building attraction...but now when i have certain girls i chill with every other day or so...i'm at the point where i want to get to know them and have them open to me so they can witness i have something to offer with their own conflicts. What seems to happen is as soon as i tone down my "your nothing special to me" attitude...i can feel interest drop.. which can be brought back via more more cocky/funny...but as i just stated, it feels fake if i have to make them feel inferior only so i look more superior to maintain their attention.

Interesting topics...for example: Sitting in a car with 4 ppl...other 3 guys are just saying "oh u believe what that asshole did" .."yeah man" ..."can u believe it.." .."what a fag.." for like 10 min(the story doesn't matter) so i drift off and start to think "man i can sleep like a baby in cars"

So then i ask "yo...can you guys pass out in cars or not a chance?"

- i got a response only it was with friends so they wont be like "fucking weirdo". But even knowing that...there was a sense of "....wtf where'd that come from/who cares?"

That is basically my personality...i'll look around the room ...see a trash can and maybe think of a scene from a movie/story/question i guess because i feel that if we are talking about ANYTHING, it has a chance to steer towards a more deep conversation...but just allows you to learn more about the person(even little things..or "none interesting")

My conflict is: I really don't think of shit like "oh lets do a secret mission involved in fighting in world war two and every shopping cart we pass we have to duck and dodge to avoid being spotted. (idk..just made that up now). I can be happy with thinking of a word...and just talk about it. Obviously it will lead to other topics and what not...but as long conversation is going . But then there's times where i just don't feel like talking and just want to day dream on my own, or if two people are debating which rapper is "harder then the other"..i really don't care or have any preference...so i just don't involve myself.

I've had a lot more experience with the first few stages where i'd neg...attract...comfort slightly(which sometimes feels fake to me)..smartass cocky funny remarks. But as i stated, beyond that...i really DON'T like to have to keep my guard up and neg/cocky funny...i just want to look the person in the eyes and just TALK without any manuvering(however u spell it) and "game" theory.

I feel like just saying "ok...forget cocky/funny...always in a good mood..always have shit to do...DHV...negging person you first met me as......that is not really me" because i can't truly relax (even though my body language i will appear to be relaxed) because i'm conscious on keeping my value up and not be someone who says " i'm tired...lets watch a movie". As this isn't seen as "exciting"...granted these are girls that i actually consider cool and would like to be friends with...not a constant tension in the air of "you can't have me". Usually if a friend asked me...this TV is too heavy for me..can you bring it up from my room to hers...defiantly do it.

But now with PUA mindset...i'm thinking...hmm...is this is a shit...should i make her qualify why i should do anything for her...do i have to think up a hoop for her first...then comply with her request. Shit is too complicated haha.

Seriously i'm so happy i found this community because it helped me realize i deserve to take up space and hold my head high and tend to be a lot more accepting of who i am. Body language is the only thing that i can feel "RIGHT" about doing. I'm usually full of smart ass remarks because that has been my personality all along.

BUT the whole philosophy of DHV/qualification/hoop the theory makes me feel fake because i personally don't feel the need to prove myself superior constantly ....if i had a shitty/boring ass weekend...i wanna say "i had a really shitty/boring weekend"....not "omg! fucking fantastic > lead into story".

It makes sense you can't and shouldn't walk up a stranger act like they should already know your existing status and that you're not ant idiot which is where negging/dhv/cocky attitude works...but seriously....doing that shit with every interaction is making me feel like a robot.

What do you guys think about how you can still have ALPHA/pua status with the i'm the prize attitude...but also have a "meaningful" connection. Thanks for reading !

interesting...I understand what you're saying. Well, instead of trying to fake it, try and live it. Find other PUA type guys to chill with. Go do interesting things, go out, meet new people. Go skydiving. Anything, just start living a more exciting life and the whole PUA attitude will mesh in much easier.

I get you buddy - it strikes me you might be getting a touch caught up with the tools of pick up and neglecting your inner game - the only real reference to it in your post was as quoted above. Personally I have a somewhat lax approach to the 'tools' - I like to practice with them but I'm generally just happy being (and knowing) that I am a worthy guy.

If you truly believe that you are 'the man' you won't feel so trapped by the tools. Cos here's the thing - if you're talking to a pretty lady and you're doing all the talking, in my opinion, you're working TOO hard for it. Some pretty girls really don't have anything interesting to say, and if that's the case there's really only one reason that I'd be prepared to put in all the effort that you mention...
The tools are great but if they are not in sync with your inner game then you will feel fake when using them. Recognize this in yourself, and you can make a proactive choice either to wallow in feeling shitty / crappy or to do something to make yourself feel better so that your inner game improves and the tools come more naturally.