Ok, I have been following these threads for awhile now and learned a lot from it. Actually I find myself in a situation that leaves me no clue on what to think or do.
I met a girl at a club and approached her. I will cut that short since this is not the key issue here.
The first night:
She was rather uninterested or at least seemed like, but she gave me multiple IOI with her eyes unvoluntarily. I approached her friends, went on to her, chit chat, then rapport, lots of and good rapport.. we get closer, kissed, then kissed a lot, then rapport again, kissing, etc..
Her friends leave, we go to a bistro for food, then to another small club, heavy and constant makeout, I say: "we should go to your place". Thats what we do then and we have sex, not the best (was already 4am and both drunk and tired
but I think both of us enjoyed it, actually I am pretty sure. Sweet snuggle the next morning when we wake up (it was REALLY sweet and basically some kind of "I like you and I want to touch but I am not sure if I can surrender completely" from both of us. Hell that was the best of the whole night..), no talking though. Then a coffee, a cigarette, she asks about me and what I like, I tell her, she smiles at me all the time and when I left I asked her for her number.
The first night worked like a charm, technically, and I went through all the stages smoothly, IOI, attraction, rapport, seduction, extraction all along with smooth kino and escalation, there was nothing I would say was wrong. Basically extraction was no effort at all. From the moment I kissed her It took me practically no effort to seduce her, touch her, get her home, she was totally into me.
Phone game:
The following two weeks consisted of texting (all positive and nice, a bit teasing, banter and rapport) almost every day, a few phone calls (I called her). We have set up two meetings but none of them worked out, first she was with her friends, the second time she became ill (no fake, I know that). She was really sorry about that and told me that she had been looking forward to see me.
The third time we set up a coffee date friday afternoon, which was two weeks after the initial contact. When I asked her out she said she has something planned that day in the evening but afternoon would be ok. So I also made plans for the evening. Thursday no contact.
Friday, early afternoon, before I was able to call her, she texted something like: "Hey you, how are you doing? getting along with the move? When shall we meet? Around 5? Where are you then? Old or new place? Still got that cold, so be warned
"
Pretty positive and curious if you ask me. I responded: "Hey, lets meet at 4 (I have time until 7pm), I have to go to the new place anyway so we can meet at XY, ok?"
The first date:
We agree on 4:30pm. I'm there, shes there, we smile at each other when we approach and hug. We walk off to the cafe and we start chatting, how she is, what she did, etc..
And then she says "I have to leave at 5:50 for XY, I am at a dinner tonight".
At first I did not really care about that, because she already said she had something that evening, but I did not expect it to be so early.
We were at the cafe, the weather was bad and it started raining heavily so we went inside. All the time I did not lean in (we sat opposite each other, which is bad, I know), did not face her directly with my body and basically tried to be relaxed, looked at her and faced her when talking, looked in her eyes when listening, let her talk, tried to give her the feeling I understand her and how she feels, she asked a couple of questions about me which I do not remember.
Point is, she was rather disinterested towards negative when talking. She looked at me but also at the room, although she smiled at me briefly a couple of times when I was talking and I even made her laugh a few times.
Then she said she had to leave. We went back to her door which was around the corner and said good bye. Kiss left and right, no smile and she said "wir hören voneinander". something that is almost impossible to translate to english. It basically means "we will talk to each other on the phone" but in a more generic, undetermined and vague way. Almost like "we will call you" after a bad job interview.
Aftermath:
I felt bad after that and did not know what to think. I thought she was playing games and "hard to get" (shes beautiful and I can imagine that its like that), or she just is not sure about whatever. However, noone of us ever said anything about a relationship. I also do not want one actually.
I was really busy that sat/sun so I did not call or text her (neither did she) until monday afternoon, which was almost 3 days since the coffee. I have sent her a short "hey, XYZ,m hows your cold? Had a really tough weekend, moving finished, I will get myself a big reward that week". She did not respond and all of a sudden it really matters to me. It eats me up. I make up my mind on what was wrong, why was the date so shitty, was it my behaviour, my hair, what I was talking, etc..
In the beginning (when we met and the days afterwards) I was all about "shes nice, Id like to see her again, but nothing serious", but now I want her. I went through all situations in my mind like I really want to see if it works out.
I know it is just a crush but somehow it has really hit me, mostly because I do not know how she thinks about me and what is going on. From a logical point of view I want to know how to handle this situation, no matter if I really want her or not.
I am sure I made some stupid but show-stopping mistake. I figured that whatever it was must have happened in the first couple of minutes when we met, or even before. I have a few clear thoughts but I would like to know what you think about this and I do not want you to be biased with my possible conclusions.
best,
mm
CHAT