Hi,

I´ve caught myself having romantic thoughts with my ex! (although the "rational me" knows getting back together wouldn´t work!)

The relationship ended a year ago. Getting back together wouldn´t work, because of our different goals and views.

Unfortunatly I can´t stop seeing her because we have a little daughter and I visit my daughter at her place.

Don´t get me wrong. I love my daughter but it´s painful to see my ex girlfriend, listen to her voice, go to her place and spend time there, etc...

There are a lot of memories "anchored" to that neighbourhood, building, kitchen..

Sometimes I manage to focus on positive things but sometimes the break up pain returns

What´s your take on this?

Thank you!

Hey man this is just my opinion, I hope it helps. I was in a relationship too that went bad and I find myself still thinking about her and even in my dreams she pops up. I can sympathize with you. This woman may always be in your life because you have a daughter, so you have to realize this: emotional pain is like a physical cut, if you keep digging in it, it won't heal. Your giving power to these thoughts, a building, a kitchen or whatever is just an object until you provide a bad meaning to it. Realize, those memories as things hat helped you change.

First, withdraw yourself as a man. Jesus being a good example, whether you believe in him or not he did something that can help you. He was human like everyone else. His cousin John the Baptist was executed, when he found out he withdrew himself from his already growing and successful ministry to focus, pray and clear his mind at the top of a mountain. That's what you need to do. Take time alone to heal. Something that also helps is a new girl or realizing a dream you can actualize and create. Use this as inspiration to create a better life for you and your daughter. She's gonna' need you to be a man. Fight with your inner demons, destroy them and come back from the mountain victorious.

You have to take control of your mind, love can heal is and hurt us. Plato said, "Love is a serious mental disease" imo, it's because love can have a bad effect on your mind to where voices and sights can cause you pain. But it will only happen if you give it permission realize that it's all in your head, rationalize things. "It's just a building, it's just a voice." Focus inward before you change the outward.

_________________
"Be the flame, not the moth." - Casanova

My journal confessions-of-a-seducer-journey-to-gre ... 84193.html Online/Offline, Texting & Reports.

Thank you for your valuable inputs.

After the break up I took some time for myself to heal and she got really angry because I didn´t visit my daughter for a month

Her appartment is the place we used to spend the weekends together. Since I visit my daughter there, memories pop up in my head.

Most people tell me to visit my daughter often and I enjoy seeing her but mostly feel sad after seeing my ex. She actually ignores me most of the time. May be that´s her way to protect herself.

Who broke off the relationship? It depends on what she's mad at. She might think your trying to avoid your daughter or she may be mad that she's not with you or about what happen. Lots of things. Either way, you have take control and master your mind, body and spirit. There's no quick fix just realizations of power. Control yourself. It's HARD bit in time you'll heal.

_________________
"Be the flame, not the moth." - Casanova

My journal confessions-of-a-seducer-journey-to-gre ... 84193.html Online/Offline, Texting & Reports.

There's a solution probably much easier than all of those - just tell her.

Assuming she's not one of those mood swings filled crazy people and you can talk to her just say "It's getting hard me to move on from these things because I keep having to come back here and revisit things that should be in the past. I would like to see our daughter though, is it possible to make arrangements more accommodating to my circumstances?"

Well. My little daughter is not used to spending time without her mother but that might be a solution.

My ex hasn´t been really friendly in the last months. She only talked to ask for a lot more child maintenance although she already has a much higher income than I

She broke up many times and we got back together... The last time I broke off the relationship for good reasons.

Loc-

I feel your pain. I went through a divorce with children and girlfriends who I really cared about. My ex broker up with me and I broke up with gf's. The pain can be incredible. Just want to let you know...I've been there and 'it will probably get better.' I wonder from your statements if your not going through the grief process. Your starting to be attracted to her. And your healing. Give it sometime. You might go through an attraction phase and then on the other side go through I don't want to be with her phase. It takes time. Be good to yourself. If you have any further questions. PM. Good luck

Thank you.

It´s crazy that this wound hasn´t completely healed after more than one year.
I often think about my daughter and my ex. We've been through many things together like the pregnancy and the time after that.

She seems to be a different person now talking to me as if I was a stranger.

I´ve met some girls and been to parties but I really need to leave those memories behind.

Get yourself another girl friend, simple as that!