I've been having language exchange sessions with a girl who seems to love talking about herself. She seems to enjoy every second of it so I let her go on and on, not really doing much talking myself aside from occassional questions to allow her to do more. She seems to really enjoy the time she spends with me. She responds to my messages straight away, she invited me to celebrate with her after her exam this weekend and already invited me to her birthday in April.

The problem is I'm not sure if the attraction is there. We joke around that she keeps hitting on me with French accent and she plays along with it. We were joking about how she was writing me love letters when she handed me essays to correct. But tonight when we said bye I asked her to to kiss me on the cheek. She did it but I felt that she was a bit uncomfortable. I then joked once again that I hope she won't lose her French accent because she'll be listening to a British lady on CD all day tomorrow while practising for her IELTS and she wouldn't be able to hit on me anymore and for the first time she didn't play along with the joke and said, "No... I'm not that bad"

What can I do to build/test for attraction before she LJBFs me?

What is the goal here?

You said you aren't sure if the attraction is there, yet you want to find out how she feels about you in that regard?

Also, was she upset about you talking about her accent?

Trying to get a bit more clarity here.

No, she wasn't upset about her accent. She's actually Polish so we both find it very interesting that she has a French accent when she speaks English. I think her uncomfortable reaction to kissing me on the cheek was just because she didn't think about me that way, but I am not sure.

So my goal is to make sure that she is attracted to me first before I attempt to escalate things. But I don't know how to DHV when she dominates the conversation.

Start to fake nodding off when she's dragging on. She'll start to get the hint, maybe even playfully hit you. That's when you have your break in the convo to take over.

_________________
"You ain't accustomed of going through customs. You ain't been nowhere, huh?"

You could argue that the uncomfortable nature of the kiss was a manifestation of some nervousness. Possibly stemming from sexual tension, possibly from just not knowing what to feel. Similarly, women tend to overcompensate nervousness by talking a lot (which explains her dominance in convo).

If she didnt think about you that way, I doubt she'd go for the cheek kiss anyways.

Either way, start by listing up some IOIs and see what you got:

- She smiles a lot
- She says your name a lot
- She mimics your behavior (leans forward when you do, drinks at a similar pace)
- She touches your arm/leg when you talk

I'll go out on a limb and say that I think she's into you. Language exchange is fine and all, but when you find a person of the opposite sex to do this with....that means the objective isn't as pure as we might think. But this is good, she probably made a decision based on some sort of attraction (like your picture). Is this how language exchange is conducted where you are?

If all or any of the above is true, she's just waiting for something to happen. And if you came to this board with the inkling that there might be something going on, I'd assume there is.

Have you guys done anything outside of the exchange? Have you hung out privately?

If not, do that. You saying "hey there's this awesome coffee place, you want to go?" won't be a deal breaker anyways so just get her out to where YOU are the dominant one in terms of knowledge or conversation. Bring her into your realm where you get to shine a little bit. The reason for this is it gives her another dimension of YOU, thus providing some more DHV and in turn more attraction. A well-rounded man is pretty sexy to a woman.

I know I threw a bunch of stuff in there, but the overall point is that she's probably into you already, so now just add some more fuel to her flame by showing some different sides of yourself.

Good luck man

Thanks guys, especially RiRi for the detailed reply.

I saw her again tonight and here's an update:

Out of all the IOIs Riri listed, the only one she really does is smile. She smiles A LOT but I think she does that with everyone. She's just a naturally happy person.

I'm not sure if she chose me to be her language exchange partner based on attraction. I contacted her first when she posted on a language exchange Facebook group and we realised that she was my student for two days (I'm an English teacher), so it could have been due to that coincidence rather than any attraction, although I am not sure.

In response to whether we've done anything outside of language exchange. She suggested that we celebrate on Saturday after her exam but in the end she was too exhausted so she asked me if I could do Sunday or Monday instead but I was busy. And she also talked about inviting me to her bday party in April so I'm taking both of those as potential IOIs.

Comfort is definitely there. She doesn't stop smiling and talking when we're together. I'm just not sure about attraction. I have tried to escalate kino, touching her on her legs when she says something funny or her hands once and she did not seem uncomfortable with either. I didn't feel like I got enough IOIs so I was reluctant to escalate more, as I've misinterpreted signals from Polish girls recently and blew things by escalating too fast.

I gave her chocolate for women's day and she was overjoyed, telling me that she's too lazy to cook so she's going to just eat that instead of eating properly. So I'm thinking sending her a message like this, "Stop eating just chocolate lazy girl! That's it, I'm taking you out for dinner on Saturday to make sure you eat properly." What do you think?

I really have a good feeling about her so my objective with this girl is more to play it safe without getting in the friend zone than to screw her as fast as possible and find another if it fails.

No shame in taking your time. Just make sure you don't get too comfortable and slide yourself in the friend zone.
I know your adapting your phrasing to meet her limited language ability so I'm not too worried about the wording you use here. BUT, I think a more direct approach is more masculine than going out of your FIND A REASON to take her out.

It's been some time now and its time to get a firm grasp on how this will progress, so try to be a bit more direct and see how she responds.

How about:

"Chocolate is good, a french course meal is better. Saturday night?"
I'm a believer in having a safe plan riddled with plan Bs and outs...but life doesn't really work like that right? You can still respect her and keep your foot on the accelerator...meaning the objective doesnt necessarily have to be sex in order for your to be clear with your intentions.

Look, I understand that its probably slim pickings for you (hence going after a student) so every opportunity is one to cherish. However, like all good things, there needs to be some risk. The risk also serves as a alpha-checkpoint for you because her knowing you went on a limb can be pretty attractive.

Regardless of how exactly you do it, I think she has an idea already of what she wants out of this. And I'd say she's interested, just a bit removed because of the cliche situation that is teacher-student. But its time to make it clear...more so that you can make a decision on focusing on her, or moving on and not wasting your time.

Good luck man.

So I sent the text that Riri suggested and I got a "That's really nice of you, but unfortunately I'm really busy on Saturday." as a response, to which I just replied with a simple "No problem. Have a nice weekend."

Here is what's going on in my head now: She didn't suggest another day so I'm taking it as an I'm not interested. I've already shown that I was interested so the ball is in her court now. If she is interested she will contact me. If she doesn't, I'm not going to contact her for at least a week, even to organise language exchange. After a while, I might ping her every now and then just to remind her of my existence and maybe if we have a particularly good conversation I might push for a date again, but I'm not counting on it.

What do you think? Good plan or am I giving up too fast?

Good assessment other than the "remind her of my existence" part. How weak does THAT sound?

Just be cool and run into her when you run into her, if she's not into you now, she won't be when you give her a reminder. Trust the process and if it doesnt work out, keep yourself busy with something else.

OR, just confess that you cant stop thinking about her and want to be with her. This way you wont have to care about whether she was being shy or whether there was miscommunication or not.

Personally, I'd let it go and entertain myself elsewhere....but if i was in a rural area of a country with not many other options, I may take the leap and hope for the best.

Good luck man.

I've had another think about it and thought that maybe there's no reason to stop language exchange. I would lose value if I kept pursuing her, but language exchange is something we’ve been setting up regularly, not so that I could pick her up, but for the purpose of exchanging our languages (which I am genuinely interested in doing). I feel that if I stopped with the language exchanges altogether it would give her the impression that I was only using it as an excuse to get with her, rather than actually being interested in exchanging languages, and through the process of getting to know her I got attracted to her enough to ask her out to dinner.

What I think I should do now is keep going with the exchanges, and showing her that I’m unphased by her not coming to dinner and just continue on as if nothing happened. She will have her shields up now so I have to show her that I’m not really interested anymore.

I thought of two ways I could do this:

1) I could post up pics of myself having fun with other girls on fb or hint at some that I’m seeing, but I’m not sure if that would end up creating a player image that would make things worse. I did cold contact her on fb after all so I don’t want her to think that I’m just trying with every girl.

2) We did frame it so that she was trying to hit on me with her French accent. Since she has been dominating the conversation most of the time with stories about herself, next time we meet I could say something like, “Ok, enough is enough. You have a sweet voice and everything, but you really need to stop trying to impress me with your stories. We never get any work done.” And then really proceed to focus on our language exchange discussing grammar or something. Then when she starts talking about herself again (which she will, she can’t help it), I can just frame it so that I really do want to learn and she’s the one who keeps distracting me and trying to win me over. After her interrupting the language exchange several times I could then say, “Ok, tonight we focus on language. I’d be happy to listen to you but we’d have to meet another day.” And then go for setting a date.

The only problem is, if I didn't do enough to attract her to come out the first time, I don't know what I could change to make her want to come out the second time. What do you think?

Totally fine...as long as she feels the same way to a certain extent.
Is she ever interested in whether you have a girlfriend or not? Does she ask about your friends?

This is under the assumption that she responds to DHV in a certain way, is this gleaned from your experience with her? Or just a shot in the dark hoping it might get her hooked?
Again, not sure if you are getting these ideas based on your understanding of her personality, or as just random ideas. I could see this going in both directions, but it completely depends on her personality and/or your delivery. I'd say most times the girl will be surprised in a negative way in terms of tone. Although, I'm not sure that because you put your foot down that it gives you anymore authority or helps you be perceived as more of an alpha-male.
That's the thing. You have plenty of ideas and theories (which is great), but none that feel as if they are grounded in understanding/research. That tells me that you are scrambling after the first encounter (date request). The reality is that you lost the ball on this one, because its in her court...after you gave it to her. This leaves you the only option of WAITING. Waiting is not good and what you generally want to avoid...BUT if its balls out and you an accept that it may not work, then thats life. Move on.

At least, that should be the mentality behind it.

Right now you are on the wrong end of this...so either be ultra patient and be ready for disappointment, or move on and hopefully be pleasantly surprised later.

I would game as many other women as possible, if only to repair your damaged inner game. Hopefully this leads to her seeing you in a new light.

Good luck.